What do you expect from such simple creatures? Wedding plans take care of themselves. Your last name stays put. Tux rental $100 - a wedding dress $5000. The garage is all yours. Chocolate is just another snack. You never get pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Heck you can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is “just too icky”. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't pinch, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its natural color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck – or maybe nothing at all.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives - on December 24 - in 25 minutes.
No wonder Men Are Just Happier People.
But maybe it’s valuable to consider other differences between women and men:
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though the bill is only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When Laura, Kate and Sarah get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item because he needs it.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need - but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
A woman will average 337 items and a man could not identify more than 20 of them.
ARGUMENTS
A woman always has the last word in any argument.
A man knows that anything he says after accepting defeat is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
APPEARANCE
Men wake up looking as they did when they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
A woman knows all about her children. Each birthdate, dentist appointment days and times, their romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Now for all you happier and better adjusted chaps here’s your
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no point to two people remembering the same thing!
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is “just too icky”. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't pinch, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its natural color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck – or maybe nothing at all.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives - on December 24 - in 25 minutes.
No wonder Men Are Just Happier People.
But maybe it’s valuable to consider other differences between women and men:
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though the bill is only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When Laura, Kate and Sarah get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item because he needs it.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need - but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
A woman will average 337 items and a man could not identify more than 20 of them.
ARGUMENTS
A woman always has the last word in any argument.
A man knows that anything he says after accepting defeat is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
APPEARANCE
Men wake up looking as they did when they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
A woman knows all about her children. Each birthdate, dentist appointment days and times, their romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Now for all you happier and better adjusted chaps here’s your
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no point to two people remembering the same thing!
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