Christ_empowered
Member
me, yet again.
OK. Overall, The Lord has moved, and (thankfully) is moving in all aspects of my life. I am increasingly thankful (that alone is a miracle).
I was pumping gas today, and some women a couple pumps over were talking about me "having warrants" and how "men couldn't handle him," etc. Small town stuff. Basically, long story short...I was, once upon a time, a flamboyantly gay, sickly, prideful teenager with an IQ of about 120. My parents had been working class when I was born, by that point that were in "respectable" territory. I was destroyed by sin, satan, self, death, and the world fairly quickly. I "get it," now; its like Verna will say now and then, "Satan has a field day weaklings." Thing is...
....at this point, I'll soon turn 33 years old, God willing. I was fully expected to be dead by 23 from any number of causes. The Lord saved me (miracle!) 4 1/2 years ago. I am now: masculine, healthy, taller, far less prideful and consumed with self-love, and my IQ estimate is apparently a bit higher now. I don't think IQ really means all that much, unless you're very high or very low, but...people with severe brain damage from psychiatric "treatment" don't generally have IQs as high as mine. I certainly didn't, until The Lord moved in my life.
OK. Thankfully, this time, I handled it fairly well. I had to buy something else, so I went in, overheard them talking, paid cash, came back out, and pumped gas. Ugh. At least at this point people are keeping their voices down a little bit...that's considerably better than the way things were around here for while there. At one point, I was shopping in Aldi, and some redneck-y dude stood off the side and made sexual comments and said "Dr.() says HE AINT A MAN NO MORE!," etc. No lie, this is the South, and this is apparently how "passed around f@ggots are treated." Oh, that and I clearly made doctors angry when I filed a medical board complaint against a shrink who got me hooked on benzodiazepines as a teenager.
OK. So, Verna put a nugget in my mind today: "Satan will have a field day with your life for as long as you'll let him." I realize now I certainly had problems, I needed compassion, I needed guidance, but...like every other sinner, I needed Jesus. What I got was total destruction thru my own sins and psychiatry. And now...
well, I do now think God's work in my life could be filed under "miracle," but...hey, guess what? When a despised, stigmatized, brain damaged, deviant flamer gets saved and made (remarkably, increasingly) whole, one should --not-- expect a parade or any sort of affirmation from the world in general, especially this community. At this point, people routinely yell all kinds of nasty stuff at me in the neighborhood and laugh about stuff, saying things that are definitely not true. And yet...
God is good! I realize now that I was very, very much in and of the world, a weakling like no other, utterly destroyed and limping along (and that only by God's grace and mercy). Right now, I'm living with my kind, generous, long suffering, loving parents...and The Lord has willed a reconciliation. That was --not-- going to happen by any worldly means. For a while there, my mother was openly hostile, and she'd make comments under her breath about my weight and getting me put into a state hospital. Ouch.
By God's grace, I am a New Creation in Christ Jesus, at all levels. My cousin sent me an email once in which he wrote to get my eyes fixed on Christ, and Him crucified. I've prayed for that, and The Lord is making it happen for me. Clearly, I'm very much a work-in-progress, very much in need of daily guidance, forgiveness, grace, mercy, all sorts of thing....I'm also much more dependent on my parents than I'd like to be, but...hey, I was fully expected to be dead by 23 years old. I missed out on a lot because of sin, satan, self, death and the world, and its only God's love and mercy that saw me thru to getting saved and forgiven, and its The Sweetness of The Lord that has changed me and my life ever since.
OK. I guess this is a bit of a ramble, something of a rant, maybe a tad of a...reflection, maybe? You don't really "get better" from anything with heavy psychiatric "treatment;" you just shut up, which I'm beginning to think was really the point, the whole time. Now, I'm healthy and smart enough and....transformed, from in the inside out, thank God!
I do ask that those of you who pray for my family and me keep on praying. I do --not-- understand what's going on with people around here, or why there's talk now and then of prison and warrants, etc. In my case, when I ended up in legal trouble, my parents got me a lawyer. I am blessed...I got saved on bond, and I ended up with a (serious) misdemeanor. I've been released from probation early, so...at this point, I'm not --as-- frightened when stuff like this comes my way, but its still...disconcerting, of course.
Thanks for your ongoing prayers, replies, support, etc.
OK. Overall, The Lord has moved, and (thankfully) is moving in all aspects of my life. I am increasingly thankful (that alone is a miracle).
I was pumping gas today, and some women a couple pumps over were talking about me "having warrants" and how "men couldn't handle him," etc. Small town stuff. Basically, long story short...I was, once upon a time, a flamboyantly gay, sickly, prideful teenager with an IQ of about 120. My parents had been working class when I was born, by that point that were in "respectable" territory. I was destroyed by sin, satan, self, death, and the world fairly quickly. I "get it," now; its like Verna will say now and then, "Satan has a field day weaklings." Thing is...
....at this point, I'll soon turn 33 years old, God willing. I was fully expected to be dead by 23 from any number of causes. The Lord saved me (miracle!) 4 1/2 years ago. I am now: masculine, healthy, taller, far less prideful and consumed with self-love, and my IQ estimate is apparently a bit higher now. I don't think IQ really means all that much, unless you're very high or very low, but...people with severe brain damage from psychiatric "treatment" don't generally have IQs as high as mine. I certainly didn't, until The Lord moved in my life.
OK. Thankfully, this time, I handled it fairly well. I had to buy something else, so I went in, overheard them talking, paid cash, came back out, and pumped gas. Ugh. At least at this point people are keeping their voices down a little bit...that's considerably better than the way things were around here for while there. At one point, I was shopping in Aldi, and some redneck-y dude stood off the side and made sexual comments and said "Dr.() says HE AINT A MAN NO MORE!," etc. No lie, this is the South, and this is apparently how "passed around f@ggots are treated." Oh, that and I clearly made doctors angry when I filed a medical board complaint against a shrink who got me hooked on benzodiazepines as a teenager.
OK. So, Verna put a nugget in my mind today: "Satan will have a field day with your life for as long as you'll let him." I realize now I certainly had problems, I needed compassion, I needed guidance, but...like every other sinner, I needed Jesus. What I got was total destruction thru my own sins and psychiatry. And now...
well, I do now think God's work in my life could be filed under "miracle," but...hey, guess what? When a despised, stigmatized, brain damaged, deviant flamer gets saved and made (remarkably, increasingly) whole, one should --not-- expect a parade or any sort of affirmation from the world in general, especially this community. At this point, people routinely yell all kinds of nasty stuff at me in the neighborhood and laugh about stuff, saying things that are definitely not true. And yet...
God is good! I realize now that I was very, very much in and of the world, a weakling like no other, utterly destroyed and limping along (and that only by God's grace and mercy). Right now, I'm living with my kind, generous, long suffering, loving parents...and The Lord has willed a reconciliation. That was --not-- going to happen by any worldly means. For a while there, my mother was openly hostile, and she'd make comments under her breath about my weight and getting me put into a state hospital. Ouch.
By God's grace, I am a New Creation in Christ Jesus, at all levels. My cousin sent me an email once in which he wrote to get my eyes fixed on Christ, and Him crucified. I've prayed for that, and The Lord is making it happen for me. Clearly, I'm very much a work-in-progress, very much in need of daily guidance, forgiveness, grace, mercy, all sorts of thing....I'm also much more dependent on my parents than I'd like to be, but...hey, I was fully expected to be dead by 23 years old. I missed out on a lot because of sin, satan, self, death and the world, and its only God's love and mercy that saw me thru to getting saved and forgiven, and its The Sweetness of The Lord that has changed me and my life ever since.
OK. I guess this is a bit of a ramble, something of a rant, maybe a tad of a...reflection, maybe? You don't really "get better" from anything with heavy psychiatric "treatment;" you just shut up, which I'm beginning to think was really the point, the whole time. Now, I'm healthy and smart enough and....transformed, from in the inside out, thank God!
I do ask that those of you who pray for my family and me keep on praying. I do --not-- understand what's going on with people around here, or why there's talk now and then of prison and warrants, etc. In my case, when I ended up in legal trouble, my parents got me a lawyer. I am blessed...I got saved on bond, and I ended up with a (serious) misdemeanor. I've been released from probation early, so...at this point, I'm not --as-- frightened when stuff like this comes my way, but its still...disconcerting, of course.
Thanks for your ongoing prayers, replies, support, etc.
I shall certainly hold you and yours in my prayers.
You'll be amazed at what they have to say in private about you after that one. And, you could help God's work in saving souls.