Christ_empowered
Member
I'm 33. I receive disability for "severe mental illness" (either Bipolar I or some kind moody Schizophrenia, it seems). I live with my parents.
About 5 years ago, my mama had bonded me out of jail. An angry ex-shrink wanted me in prison, for sending emails protesting my "treatment," etc. The medical board had already been involved. I was on bond, living in a small apartment my parents had bought for me in a nearby small city. At age 28, I was facing a felony, had health problems, and had worse than wasted my life.
Nobody loves you like your mother. That's true. My mother had the time, money, and (by some miracle), the inclination, to get me a good lawyer. That's how I was able to bond out...w/o the lawyer, I would have been sent off to jail, no questions asked.
OK. So, I was in the little apartment, and I felt a pull...I said my own version of a Sinner's Prayer, cried, and...yeah. A -good- decision, for once...I mean, to whatever extent one can say that I (or anyone...) really makes a decision for Christ, that is.
I moved in to my parents home shortly thereafter. Things in the neighborhood were heating up, I wasn't welcome there, and the lawyer managed to keep the case out of court/negotiations for nearly 1 year. When I first moved back home, things were...tense. Especially with mama.
But...God changes people, changes lives...why not me, why not my life? I ended up getting a severe/serious misdemeanor, instead of the felony I was charged with initially. Long story...unprofessional conduct from the shrinks, substandard treatment, too much treatment (yes, yes...heavy electroshock, lol),plus...in a lot of places, "mental defect" won't land you in a state hospital (those are mostly closed), but it can score you a plea bargain, based on "mitigating factors." So, I went from stalking to 1st degree harassment, got a suspended sentence and probation. I completed 3/5 years probation before they let me off, early, based on "compliance credits," with minimal fanfare. I didn't even get written notice that I'd been released early from probation until the lawyer's paralegal requested a form letter.
So...yeah...5 years ago, I was -done-. "Over the hill flamer," etc. No way to have any kind of life, and I'd wasted my life, already. And now?
Forgiveness is...crucial. Washed and made clean. "Seek ye first The Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." For me, "all these things" now includes: a new personality, good health, I'm -not- a flamer, family reconciliation, and some much needed maturation, plus growing faith in and love for Christ. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
I do have some...questions...about life, "stuff" in general, etc. Again; a lot of this is part of a much needed growing up process. I was regarded as a "weakling" and a "loser" in middle school and HS, so...I didn't grow up on schedule. Happens. What could have been the "school to prison pipeline" ended up being the "school to psych ward pipeline," largely because....well...God has blessed my parents with more status and resources. Take it from me...poor people are regarded as deviants, junkies, criminals; people from "good families" are "severely mentally ill" and "in need of treatment," especially when there's a lawyer involved. I do sometimes wonder if "Bipolar I" even exists, or if...I should just be thankful that at least I can receive disability, get the misdemeanor, and reconcile w/ my parents. "Play the hand you're dealt." Mental illness may very well just be...I don't know...if not a myth, a big lie, then a construct, definitely...something socially created, to keep society running smoothly, but...hey; "don't bite the construct that feeds you," right?
God is good! I do sometimes wonder where He's going with my life. My IQ estimate is higher now. The mental health people call it "recovery," because that's the current buzz word...."recovery"...but I think of it as a clear sign that The Lord has smiled upon me, blessed me, so I no longer feel maimed and mutilated, by my own sins and things that were done to me.
My parents are so kind to me now. We just had dinner together, actually. God has made a way for us to be a family, at long last, and I'm thankful.
OK. All this...only 5 years into my Walk with The Lord. I'm far from perfect, like any other Born Again Christian, but...I no longer have the weight of my own sins and things that were done to me written all over me.
Well...that's about it, from me, for now. Thanks for reading.
About 5 years ago, my mama had bonded me out of jail. An angry ex-shrink wanted me in prison, for sending emails protesting my "treatment," etc. The medical board had already been involved. I was on bond, living in a small apartment my parents had bought for me in a nearby small city. At age 28, I was facing a felony, had health problems, and had worse than wasted my life.
Nobody loves you like your mother. That's true. My mother had the time, money, and (by some miracle), the inclination, to get me a good lawyer. That's how I was able to bond out...w/o the lawyer, I would have been sent off to jail, no questions asked.
OK. So, I was in the little apartment, and I felt a pull...I said my own version of a Sinner's Prayer, cried, and...yeah. A -good- decision, for once...I mean, to whatever extent one can say that I (or anyone...) really makes a decision for Christ, that is.
I moved in to my parents home shortly thereafter. Things in the neighborhood were heating up, I wasn't welcome there, and the lawyer managed to keep the case out of court/negotiations for nearly 1 year. When I first moved back home, things were...tense. Especially with mama.
But...God changes people, changes lives...why not me, why not my life? I ended up getting a severe/serious misdemeanor, instead of the felony I was charged with initially. Long story...unprofessional conduct from the shrinks, substandard treatment, too much treatment (yes, yes...heavy electroshock, lol),plus...in a lot of places, "mental defect" won't land you in a state hospital (those are mostly closed), but it can score you a plea bargain, based on "mitigating factors." So, I went from stalking to 1st degree harassment, got a suspended sentence and probation. I completed 3/5 years probation before they let me off, early, based on "compliance credits," with minimal fanfare. I didn't even get written notice that I'd been released early from probation until the lawyer's paralegal requested a form letter.
So...yeah...5 years ago, I was -done-. "Over the hill flamer," etc. No way to have any kind of life, and I'd wasted my life, already. And now?
Forgiveness is...crucial. Washed and made clean. "Seek ye first The Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." For me, "all these things" now includes: a new personality, good health, I'm -not- a flamer, family reconciliation, and some much needed maturation, plus growing faith in and love for Christ. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
I do have some...questions...about life, "stuff" in general, etc. Again; a lot of this is part of a much needed growing up process. I was regarded as a "weakling" and a "loser" in middle school and HS, so...I didn't grow up on schedule. Happens. What could have been the "school to prison pipeline" ended up being the "school to psych ward pipeline," largely because....well...God has blessed my parents with more status and resources. Take it from me...poor people are regarded as deviants, junkies, criminals; people from "good families" are "severely mentally ill" and "in need of treatment," especially when there's a lawyer involved. I do sometimes wonder if "Bipolar I" even exists, or if...I should just be thankful that at least I can receive disability, get the misdemeanor, and reconcile w/ my parents. "Play the hand you're dealt." Mental illness may very well just be...I don't know...if not a myth, a big lie, then a construct, definitely...something socially created, to keep society running smoothly, but...hey; "don't bite the construct that feeds you," right?
God is good! I do sometimes wonder where He's going with my life. My IQ estimate is higher now. The mental health people call it "recovery," because that's the current buzz word...."recovery"...but I think of it as a clear sign that The Lord has smiled upon me, blessed me, so I no longer feel maimed and mutilated, by my own sins and things that were done to me.
My parents are so kind to me now. We just had dinner together, actually. God has made a way for us to be a family, at long last, and I'm thankful.
OK. All this...only 5 years into my Walk with The Lord. I'm far from perfect, like any other Born Again Christian, but...I no longer have the weight of my own sins and things that were done to me written all over me.
Well...that's about it, from me, for now. Thanks for reading.
