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A short story

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rian c

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Once there was a woman, her name was mary. She became pregnate one day and when her parents asked her who the father was she swore she was a virgin. She was constantly harrassed around town and everyone she knew called her a whore. She fled to a small town, a farmers village and bore the baby. Knowing she could not take care of the baby she fled. Three men took the baby and found it a new home. Two gentle southern baptist people. The fathers name was Joseph. He and his wife raised the boy as best they could. He never cried as a baby he was almost perfect. And as he grew into a man he started to dream. Not the kind of dreams you or i have, They were extrodinary dreams. On a cold night early into october he was going to bed, he had almost started to sleep it seemed not even a minute or two when he started to dream for the first time. When i mean for the first time, i mean actually dream. His dream was very vivid it was almost like it was real. When he awoke he remembered all that the dream entailed, and it scared him. For if this dream was the truth, it would change everything. It would shock the world. It was pitch black darkness a voice asked him " Will you be with me brother? We can do amazing things!" He replied "No, father is who i am with." Then the voice replied " If you are with me i will make sure you have anything and everything you want! So what do you say?" And he replied this time " No, i am with my father god." Then the voice pleaded " But we could rule the world! We could be gods to everyone on earth. Dont you want to be a god?" And then he replied " No, my father has warned me about you. I will not be tempted by you satan, for i beleive in my god the father and the holy spirit and i will never succumb to you." Then in a flash the darkness turned to light and he was standing in front of a man dressed in nothing but white. The man looked familiar like he had met him before long ago. To his right were thousands and thousands of people all dressed in white. The boy then asked the man who he was and the man replied. "Brother, have you forgotten me so? I baptised you once to cleanse you of your sins and i will do it again to cleanse the sins of the world you had to endure on that cross" The man then baptised the boy and when the boy came from the water he woke and was whole again. But he seemed different. And things started happening. Weird things, he couldnt explain and felt he couldnt tell anyone. Scars all over his back on his wrists and legs and what seemed like a puncture wound in his side started to appear. And every night he gained the scars in his dreams, as he started to remember. He knew what was happening. He was remembering who he was, what he was. He was becoming Jesus Christ.
 
Paragraphs would be nice.

Since your only 20, I won't comment on what I think of the story.
 
Once there was a woman, her name was mary. She became pregnate one day and when her parents asked her who the father was she swore she was a virgin. She was constantly harrassed around town and everyone she knew called her a whore. She fled to a small town, a farmers village and bore the baby. Knowing she could not take care of the baby she fled. Three men took the baby and found it a new home. Two gentle southern baptist people. The fathers name was Joseph. He and his wife raised the boy as best they could. He never cried as a baby he was almost perfect. And as he grew into a man he started to dream. Not the kind of dreams you or i have, They were extrodinary dreams. On a cold night early into october he was going to bed, he had almost started to sleep it seemed not even a minute or two when he started to dream for the first time. When i mean for the first time, i mean actually dream. His dream was very vivid it was almost like it was real. When he awoke he remembered all that the dream entailed, and it scared him. For if this dream was the truth, it would change everything. It would shock the world. It was pitch black darkness a voice asked him " Will you be with me brother? We can do amazing things!" He replied "No, father is who i am with." Then the voice replied " If you are with me i will make sure you have anything and everything you want! So what do you say?" And he replied this time " No, i am with my father god." Then the voice pleaded " But we could rule the world! We could be gods to everyone on earth. Dont you want to be a god?" And then he replied " No, my father has warned me about you. I will not be tempted by you satan, for i beleive in my god the father and the holy spirit and i will never succumb to you." Then in a flash the darkness turned to light and he was standing in front of a man dressed in nothing but white. The man looked familiar like he had met him before long ago. To his right were thousands and thousands of people all dressed in white. The boy then asked the man who he was and the man replied. "Brother, have you forgotten me so? I baptised you once to cleanse you of your sins and i will do it again to cleanse the sins of the world you had to endure on that cross" The man then baptised the boy and when the boy came from the water he woke and was whole again. But he seemed different. And things started happening. Weird things, he couldnt explain and felt he couldnt tell anyone. Scars all over his back on his wrists and legs and what seemed like a puncture wound in his side started to appear. And every night he gained the scars in his dreams, as he started to remember. He knew what was happening. He was remembering who he was, what he was. He was becoming Jesus Christ.

This story seems a far cry from what I read in my Bible.
 
This story seems a far cry from what I read in my Bible.
Seems to me he has made an attempt to write a fictional story loosely based on the history of Jesus' life... extremely loosely based. However if this is the case, and considering that this is a Christian forum not a fantasy forum, I think he should have explained this to us. As for the writing itself, I would recommend starting with some classes in basic English grammar and writing skills if he is considering becoming a fiction author.
 
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