im beginning to realize that a lot of the "problems" I had (have?) with Mental Health, Inc. extend to the medical establishment, as a whole, and probably reflect a lot of larger social and economic factors. having said that...
fraud is rampant in mental health, inc. my own experience is that...if it wasn't for now "well-to-do" parents, I'd be in prison, real poverty, or maybe...just maybe...chililin out in what's left of the state hospital, sippin' on Thorazine punch, etc. ugh.
but, hey...its the 21st century. "recovery model"=less use of hospitals. now, if my parents weren't behind me, weren't more "genteel," hadn't gotten me a lawyer, etc., I -might- be living in poverty, being pumped full of Haldol via long acting injection. but...
as is, I get disability, pick up 2 psych drugs from the local pharmacy, breeze into the clinic every now and then, and...
ugh. As a Christian, I can see God making good of sins and mistakes from my past, including pursuing "treatment" on a voluntary, outpatient basis as a teenager. Ooops. I thought they "helped" people. and now...
when I'm in the waiting room of the clinic, I stick out like a sore thumb. reasonably well-dressed, bright eyed, healthy. I guess this is part of genuine "recovery..." one sees the world for what it really is. I look around, see lots of poor and struggling people people doped to the gills, lied to, led down a dead end street...
and that's pretty much "treatment for mental illness," for the vast majority of "patients," anyway. me? I"m sick of all of it. I had 1 compassionate, professional counselor...he pretty much told me....ideally, one gets their act together, gets out of mental health, inc., and on with life. but how, when one is labeled with everything and "kept in line," etc.? ugh.
my life as "mental patient" is surprisingly comfortable, safe, quiet, even idyllic, at times. God is good! My parents are kind to me. I just...well, I'm now stuck with the stigma of "Schizophrenia," maybe "Bipolar I," and there's really no escaping it, not right now. I guess I could move, when and if I can find a way to support myself at a high enough level to stay out of Mental Health, Inc's clutches. We shall see....
I have more or less lost faith in most of the medical establishment. it was just psychiatry, now im thinking....ugh. good thing The Lord has willed to make me remarkably healthy and all, because...I don't much care for most MDs. it is what it is...