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Anyone got any advice??

Should I keep him, or let him go

  • Wait, be patient and see what happens

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]Hey everyone! I have a question for you all, and maybe you can help me. I am engaged to be married, and my fiance is having doubts. He has called things off, and I haven't heard from him in a week. He is very famous to have spells like these...where he avoids me and when things go bad, he breaks things off. This makes the third time, and I am about to the end of my rope. I love him with all my heart, but, dealing with this is driving me insane. I have been reading in the book of Job, and I try to be strong like Job was...but then things with my family just go bizzerk. Me and My parents aren't on the best of speaking terms due to an arguement we had last week. My mom is going through menopause, and she's driving us all insane. Thats what caused our arguement. Pretty much, I am on the point of an emotional breakdown if something don't happen soon. I keep praying for guidance and strength, but as the days go by, I seem to get less and less hope of us having a future together. I mailed him a letter, because I didnt think he'd talk to me on the phone, and I knew he wouldn't open an email from me....so I sent him a letter in a business envelope all typed up without a return address, hoping that he will open it, and at least read the letter. We've been together for almost 2 years....and been engaged since October 28th, 2003. Can someone help me....with some advice on if I should just move on or what?
Any help is appreciated! You can email me, reply to this post, or IM me on Yahoo or AIM. My SN on Yahoo and AIM is Tidalgirl1 and my email is Tidalgirl1@yahoo.com
Thanks so much!
-Marianna =)[/color][/size]
Nov 3, 2002
This probably isn't what you what to hear. But if you think you can't take his disappearing now and you are just engaged, just think how upsetting it will be when you are married :o Usally the first year of marriage is the roughest. How do you think you are going to take it when your husband disappears because he has to take out the trash or mow the lawn or pay a bill. And he runs and hide for a week or more? :-? He doesn't sound like he is muture enought to get married.

You say you have prayed for guidance and strenght but you are losing hope of having a future together. Well that might be the answer to your prayer. Keep in mind God knows the best way you should go, let Him lead.

One question, Is your fiance saved?


Let me add to what Drake said and say that the only way that his actions would be excusable is if he has some psychological disorder like bi-polar disorder, clinical depression, or severe anxiety attacks. But the vast majority of people, and I mean vast, don't have any of those. So be careful about making excuses...

I can't imagine now talking to my fiancé for a week just out of the blue. I love her too much to do that to her. Shoot, I need to hear her voice just about every day just to keep me from missing her really bad.



Sounds to me like he has mental health problems.

Better to break it off now before you get married.

Jack Lewis

Don't let the worldly myth of "falling in love" cause you to commit to a bad marriage. Some times loving someone (as opposed to feeling in love) means doing hard things like setting strong boundaries. If he can't respect you enough to not shut you out like that, then he's not ready to marry you.

More than likely he does this because he knows you'll be waiting patiently for him when he decides to end his tantrum. Make him wait (make yourself unavailable to him like he's done to you), and if and when you finally allow him to contact you (a week or so after he comes back from his tantrum) lay down the law, and don't let him make you compromise. If he can't treat you with the respect you deserve, as painful as it may be, end it, and get on with your life.

Heidi Mighty Mo

I went through a rather similar experience and suffered much emotional abuse under that guy. He made me believe I would never be loved by anyone else so I felt he was all I had. I realize now it is a popular tool used by a very insecure guy to ensure his girl will do whatever he wants. Well, I put up with it for 2 years then God gave me the strength to stand up to him and get out of that horrible, painful relationship.

Thank God I didn't end up married to that jerk, what a horrible life that would have been!

O yeah, and don't fall for the old routine where he comes back bearing roses and other material gifts to win you but never a true apology for his hurtful words and deeds!

Like Jack said, if you conintue to "wait" on him, he will continue to do that to you. Bob would set up dates with me then be hours late coming for me, if he even showed up. I finally stopped waiting and went and did what I wanted...that pretty much was the end,
Mar 18, 2003
Hi Marianna,

I just noticed you're from Elkin. I'm in W-S. :biggrin

I voted to move on. My hubby and I split up for a short time during our first year of marriage because of my constant "running away from my problems and fears". It's not a good thing. I caused my husband a lot of pain.

Move on with life. If he truly loves you, then he'll change. Maybe once he realizes that you CAN move on, he'll change his tune.

But the fact that he's avoiding you....NO WAY. He'd be out of the picture REAL QUICK!

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
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