christian and non christian

[msInspired]

there's this non christian guy who is in love with me and i finally fell for him coz he cared too much for me. the case now is that i miss him so much and wants to tell him how much i love him but i cant or else it'll b harder for him to let go. i told him v cant b together bcoz of our differences in faith. and it's v difficult for both of us.

he doesn seem to understand why we cannot tolerate each other. i told him i cannot compromise on my beliefs.

help me to help him understand. any advice on this situation??

 

[OnFireForChrist]

Oh, geez, that's tough. I'm sorry. I'm not sure if I can help you as to specifics. Is he religious at all, even though he's not Christian?

 

[Alabaster]

You crossed the line when you weren't forthcoming about your first love, Jesus, in the first place, my dear. You compromised and now it's hard.

Tell him you did the wrong thing, apologize for hurting him, and move on. God will bless you for doing the right thing for Him. He will bring you someone to love you as He wills it.

 

[j_hunt_12]

I'm going to be an outlier here coming from kind of the other side of the situation because I was not much of a Christian before I met my GF but now I've been changing a lot. I'm just going to ask you a few questions.

Is he completely not a Christian? Believe it or not most people do at least associate themselves with Christianity even if they are not a church-going Christian. They will many times try to seek Christ if they truly love you and are willing to change for you (the problem is people will try to trick you here so you really have to be careful). If he is completely against Christianity, even though I personally would not say it is a problem under some circumstances, the Bible is very clear with a few verses that this is not OK and it is just something you are going to have to live with. Being a Christian is not always fun.

Is he a moral person? Sometimes I see good Christian girls get more corrupted by their supposed "Christian" boyfriends more than other guys who are actually just moral at heart, because the sad fact is that many Christians fall to just as bad as depths of immorality as do non-Christians. And many Christian women end up marrying moral non-Christians or moral lukewarm Christians.

Anyways, whatever you decide to do, be very careful because us men do lie sometimes, Christian or not. I'd say the most important thing is to not give up YOUR morals for the sake of a guy if that means forgeting him, so be it.

Now for some practical advise: try distancing yourself from him in the sense that you are attracted to him. DO NOT DATE HIM or anything yet, but be good friends with him. Start inviting him to go to church with you and make it very clear to him what you believe. Take him to youth groups instead of going out to dinner with him or something. By doing this you will get a better perspective about who he really is and if he will be willing to change. It will also be some time to get to know him better in a good environment away from temptations of any sort. You will have a better picture of what to do after this. My GF did this with me before we dated and I actually found I enjoyed going to church with her... who knows... peace

 

[msInspired]

by OnFireForChrist on Sat Apr 12, 2008 1:40 pm

Oh, geez, that's tough. I'm sorry. I'm not sure if I can help you as to specifics. Is he religious at all, even though he's not Christian?

nope. he's not all religious. he'a buddhist in fact.

 

[msInspired]

You crossed the line when you weren't forthcoming about your first love, Jesus, in the first place, my dear. You compromised and now it's hard.

Tell him you did the wrong thing, apologize for hurting him, and move on. God will bless you for doing the right thing for Him. He will bring you someone to love you as He wills it.

i did apologized and told him all that. but it hurt so much in this period of ' moving on'. sometimes i feel tired and wearied for doing the right thing. i noe i mz not compromised and stand firm on wat i believe. but its easier said than done.

 

[msInspired]

I'm going to be an outlier here coming from kind of the other side of the situation because I was not much of a Christian before I met my GF but now I've been changing a lot. I'm just going to ask you a few questions.

Is he completely not a Christian? Believe it or not most people do at least associate themselves with Christianity even if they are not a church-going Christian. They will many times try to seek Christ if they truly love you and are willing to change for you (the problem is people will try to trick you here so you really have to be careful). If he is completely against Christianity, even though I personally would not say it is a problem under some circumstances, the Bible is very clear with a few verses that this is not OK and it is just something you are going to have to live with. Being a Christian is not always fun.

Is he a moral person? Sometimes I see good Christian girls get more corrupted by their supposed "Christian" boyfriends more than other guys who are actually just moral at heart, because the sad fact is that many Christians fall to just as bad as depths of immorality as do non-Christians. And many Christian women end up marrying moral non-Christians or moral lukewarm Christians.

Anyways, whatever you decide to do, be very careful because us men do lie sometimes, Christian or not. I'd say the most important thing is to not give up YOUR morals for the sake of a guy if that means forgeting him, so be it.

Now for some practical advise: try distancing yourself from him in the sense that you are attracted to him. DO NOT DATE HIM or anything yet, but be good friends with him. Start inviting him to go to church with you and make it very clear to him what you believe. Take him to youth groups instead of going out to dinner with him or something. By doing this you will get a better perspective about who he really is and if he will be willing to change. It will also be some time to get to know him better in a good environment away from temptations of any sort. You will have a better picture of what to do after this. My GF did this with me before we dated and I actually found I enjoyed going to church with her... who knows... peace

yes. he's completely not a xtian. buddhist for a matter of fact. n he's a moral person.
im trying to maintain the distant right now and its wuite torturous. i noe it is necessary in order for both of us to let go. and he's well aware of our religous differences but he insists that he can compromise and it'll work out. i've told himi dun wana start something and noe at the back of my mind it'll lead to no where coz i will nvr b able to end up with a non xtian husband.so y waste one's time.and he's v sure i wil not convert to b with me. and there's no point for me to convert bcoz he'll b doing it for me and not bcoz of his personal encounter with God. can u see its leading us to no where. all i can do is pray for his salvation and moveon and wishing the best for him. meantime, im jz heartbroken trying to get over all this.

 

[j_hunt_12]

Well that is your decision. I'm trying to think back to some of the reasons my church did try to justify marriage outside of the faith for very specific cases back when I was a kid: at least for our church, being moral was the main issue and while it is likely that being with a non-Christian will lead to immortality it does not automatically make you a non-Christian. It is just like that verse in the Bible that says "it is more likely for a camel to enter through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to go to heaven." Would you actually give up all your wealth because you are going to hell (and yes, until you go abroad you will realize that all Westerners are extremely rich)? No, but you stay aware of the danger and you try to avoid falling. You know Buddism is not neccesarily a religion either. It is actually, for most people, just a set of rules to live by. Some people may follow some practices of Buddism but actually be Christians as far as faith goes. Unlike Christianity, Buddism is very accepting of other religions and allows space although the rules of Buddism are very complex and shady. Before you completely give up on love with someone that seems like a perfectly decent person you should MAKE SURE you have the facts. You don't want to regret anything later down the road. This works for both ways though.

But if you are sure in this, then the only thing you can do is move on and forget about it. Give him a clear message that you are serious about your religion and it just will not work, and say you are sorry for misleading him which was definitely the wrong thing to do.

 

[msInspired]

Well that is your decision. I'm trying to think back to some of the reasons my church did try to justify marriage outside of the faith for very specific cases back when I was a kid: at least for our church, being moral was the main issue and while it is likely that being with a non-Christian will lead to immortality it does not automatically make you a non-Christian. It is just like that verse in the Bible that says "it is more likely for a camel to enter through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to go to heaven." Would you actually give up all your wealth because you are going to hell (and yes, until you go abroad you will realize that all Westerners are extremely rich)? No, but you stay aware of the danger and you try to avoid falling. You know Buddism is not neccesarily a religion either. It is actually, for most people, just a set of rules to live by. Some people may follow some practices of Buddism but actually be Christians as far as faith goes. Unlike Christianity, Buddism is very accepting of other religions and allows space although the rules of Buddism are very complex and shady. Before you completely give up on love with someone that seems like a perfectly decent person you should MAKE SURE you have the facts. You don't want to regret anything later down the road. This works for both ways though.

But if you are sure in this, then the only thing you can do is move on and fogrget about it. Give him a clear message that you are serious about your religion and it just will not work, and say you are sorry for misleading him which was definitely the wrong thing to do.

what do u mean by ''make sure i have the facts''.?? and yes, i believe, buddhism is merely a set of rules he follows bcoz his family is practising it.

and what do u mean by, ur church trying to justify marriage outside of the faith??

 

[j_hunt_12]

Justifying the act? That is the critic in me... haha. The point is, in my church at least, whether people liked it or not many women and men were married to non-believers. This didn't mean they were bad Christians or were going to hell, nor did it mean they should divorce. Most had good marriages with good people where the main problem was one spouse believing the other was not saved therefore they were sad for there spouses. They discussed this often.

Facts? Just make sure he is %100 not Christian, if it is merely a set of rules he follows that doesn't mean he can't be a Christian it just might mean if he does come to Christianity, he will follow both the Bible and worship god, BUT also follow a few other moral rules by intelligent philosophers of the past (Buddha). For instance, I wash my hands, feet and face before praying which is actually a Islamic tradition, but I always find it to increase the sanctity of prayer so I do it as well most of the time. It does NOT mean I am a muslim or believe in anything from the Koran. He said you both could work this out? probably not. But just make sure you listens to what he says first. But like I've said, most likely he will not budge, so you should just let him go if that is what you really want.

And if he does convert, why does it matter if he is doing it primarily for you? I returned to Christianity for my GF. I did not make the decision completely by my will and probably would not have done it without her (not yet at least), but it has been a restart to relationship with God and we are both living much happier lives now. She is in charge of the religious aspects of our relationship so to speak and is very patient with my liberal views of the world. I've realized that I am much happier like this and have started to take the religion much more seriously because I enjoy my life with her now as a Christian. I enjoy going to church with her and enjoy how well our relationship works as Christians and the support God will give to couples that believe. I still would call myself a liberal-minded Christian not fit for many denominations, but I fit well into hers, Orthodoxy, as far as a guide for my life-style choice and beliefs.

Random question: how old are you and your Buddist?

 

[Alabaster]

Well that is your decision. I'm trying to think back to some of the reasons my church did try to justify marriage outside of the faith for very specific cases back when I was a kid: at least for our church, being moral was the main issue and while it is likely that being with a non-Christian will lead to immortality it does not automatically make you a non-Christian.

That would make your church a compromising church.

It is just like that verse in the Bible that says "it is more likely for a camel to enter through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to go to heaven." Would you actually give up all your wealth because you are going to hell (and yes, until you go abroad you will realize that all Westerners are extremely rich)? No, but you stay aware of the danger and you try to avoid falling.

No, the pertinent scripture is 2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

You know Buddism is not neccesarily a religion either. It is actually, for most people, just a set of rules to live by. Some people may follow some practices of Buddism but actually be Christians as far as faith goes. Unlike Christianity, Buddism is very accepting of other religions and allows space although the rules of Buddism are very complex and shady. Before you completely give up on love with someone that seems like a perfectly decent person you should MAKE SURE you have the facts. You don't want to regret anything later down the road. This works for both ways though.

Buddhism is a philosphy of demons. So-called "Christians" who embrace it are also compromisers and ineffective in the Body of Christ.

But if you are sure in this, then the only thing you can do is move on and forget about it. Give him a clear message that you are serious about your religion and it just will not work, and say you are sorry for misleading him which was definitely the wrong thing to do.

Yes.

 

[j_hunt_12]

ooo... alabaster... I've never seen a Bible verse that specifically says Buddism was created by the Devil. It is a different religion and therefore wrong, but practices have come through that are not in any way bad. Many people do stuff like yoga, meditation, etc. and think they are Buddists because of it but are not at all. By practices I mean stuff you do that does not have anything to do with religion. If he is truly a Buddist that is a different story, but most people (in the U.S. and West) are not. What denomination are you anyways? My denomination WAS Presbyterian and we tried to be at least somewhat open about many issues. My GF is Orthodox... who tries to stay away from most issues... haha. And what denomination was the OP? How old are you also? random curiosity...

The point with the "Camel in the eye of the needle" is that churches have many issues that are very debated. If not you could argue that anyone making over $50000/year would go to hell. Marriage outside the faith is one of these issues. Different denominations react differently to different verses.

But I will agree. To the OP, Buddism is something to stay away from as a good Christian, because it IS a religion as well. I never "converted" for my GF. I merely returned to a faith I lost as a teenager. If I had any actual beliefs of other faiths it would make the situation MUCH different.

 

[Alabaster]

ooo... alabaster... I've never seen a Bible verse that specifically says Buddism was created by the Devil. It is a different religion and therefore wrong, but practices have come through that are not in any way bad. Many people do stuff like yoga, meditation, etc. and think they are Buddists because of it but are not at all. By practices I mean stuff you do that does not have anything to do with religion. If he is truly a Buddist that is a different story, but most people (in the U.S. and West) are not. What denomination are you anyways? My denomination WAS Presbyterian and we tried to be at least somewhat open about many issues. My GF is Orthodox... who tries to stay away from most issues... haha. And what denomination was the OP? How old are you also? random curiosity...

I am non-denominational--it matters not--but serving Jesus Christ leaves NO ROOM in life for "philosophies of men".

I simply read the Word and obey it! What complicates peoples' lives is what?

COMPROMISE!

Colossians 2:8
Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.

The point with the "Camel in the eye of the needle" is that churches have many issues that are very debated. If not you could argue that anyone making over $50000/year would go to hell. Marriage outside the faith is one of these issues. Different denominations react differently to different verses.

That is false. The truth is the truth the world over. The problem with your take on things is that you have embraced the watered-down, compromised version...or so it appears. Do us all a favour and do not teach it.

But I will agree. To the OP, Buddism is something to stay away from as a good Christian, because it IS a religion as well. I never "converted" for my GF. I merely returned to a faith I lost as a teenager. If I had any actual beliefs of other faiths it would make the situation MUCH different.

Yes, so why defend it?

 

[j_hunt_12]

Some of Buddism is nonsense but some of it is actually good and moral and phychologically based. No Human philosophies-- Hippocrite maybe... Democracy? Not supported so much in the Bible and if you tell me you disagree with Democracy I'll shut up right now. You should stop thinking beyond the very simple and racist bounds of the western churches and start thinking for yourself. It will definitely help your relationship with God. You probably follow so many human philosophies that you are not even thinking of. Greek and Roman Philosophy have had HUGE effects on our society as a whole and I'm sure you fall under many. Westerners are just more accepting of western philosophy and more afraid of eastern philosophy, so uneducated ministers have put fear into us... and you. And I haven't been "captured"by Buddism. I merely studied it out of interest and respect some aspects of it. I hate arrogence. I would not date a pure Buddist even because I disagree with the RELIGIOUS aspects of it, but whatever... Like I said, most people are not real Buddists.

That is false. The truth is the truth the world over. The problem with your take on things is that you have embraced the watered-down, compromised version...or so it appears. Do us all a favour and do not teach it." You really didn't argue my point here. Most likely you are rich.

You can pretend and lie to yourself that you don't ever comprimise what the Bible says but you do. Unfortunately the Bible wasn't so clear as to not have arguments. If it was perfectly clear then there would be no need for church arguments and different denominations. HOw old are you again?

Again one thing we do agree on is that you should not date a pure Buddist. So I repeat the advise I've said many times.

 

[Alabaster]

Some of Buddism is nonsense but some of it is actually good and moral and phychologically based. No Human philosophies-- Hippocrite maybe... Democracy? Not supported so much in the Bible and if you tell me you disagree with Democracy I'll shut up right now. You should stop thinking beyond the very simple and racist bounds of the western churches and start thinking for yourself.

Thanks, but God gave me a good mind to think for myself.

Buddhism (even the so-called "good "parts!) cannot compare to the knowledge of God! What is good, anyway? Only God is good! He warns us about vain philosphies of men and I adhere to that warning.

It will definitely help your relationship with God.

No it won't!

You probably follow so many human philosophies that you are not even thinking of. Greek and Roman Philosophy have had HUGE effects on our society as a whole and I'm sure you fall under many. Westerners are just more accepting of western philosophy and more afraid of eastern philosophy, so uneducated ministers have put fear into us... and you. And I haven't been "captured"by Buddism. I merely studied it out of interest and respect some aspects of it. I hate arrogence.

Uneducated ministers? Who are you? Ministers are servants of God, and most are highly educated! I have no fear, man, so you are barking up the wrong tree. I respect my God and what He tells me in His Word. If you want to dabble in things He disdains, go right ahead, but my reward is sure.

Arrogance? You need to look in the mirror. Buddhism gets respect, but God's Word doesn't?

I would not date a pure Buddist even because I disagree with the RELIGIOUS aspects of it, but whatever... Like I said, most people are not real Buddists.

Yeah, they are pretend Buddhists.

"That is false. The truth is the truth the world over. The problem with your take on things is that you have embraced the watered-down, compromised version...or so it appears. Do us all a favour and do not teach it." You really didn't argue my point here. Most likely you are rich.

What does that mean???

You can pretend and lie to yourself that you don't ever comprimise what the Bible says but you do. Unfortunately the Bible wasn't so clear as to not have arguments. If it was perfectly clear then there would be no need for church arguments and different denominations. HOw old are you again?

The Word of God is clear. It becomes even more clear the longer you walk with God and the deeper you go in relationship with Jesus. It's called spiritual growth, maturity in Christ.

Again one thing we do agree on is that you should not date a pure Buddist. So I repeat the advise I've said many times.

Christians are to only become inviolved with other Christians, and not even that---they must be equally yoked, which means they need to be at the same stage of spiritual maturity and commitment to God in Christ Jesus. Tall order, but for success, it is imperative.

 

[j_hunt_12]

First of all you really are missing all my points and not addressing any of them so this is my last post. You didn't even understnad my point about the eye of the camel and rich people... But here:

"Buddhism (even the so-called "good "parts!) cannot compare to the knowledge of God" Agreed. I'm warned to but have not ever fallen because I respect other religions (even if they are wrong)..

""It will definitely help your relationship with God.""
"No it won't!"


And the smartest preacher I ever knew and most moral once told me if you want to be a real Christian you should study other religions, because how else can you truly tell if Christianity is the correct one. He encouraged me to study and make the decision myself. He respected others but ultimately believed in his religion fully and without question.

"Uneducated ministers? Who are you? Ministers are servants of God, and most are highly educated! I have no fear, man, so you are barking up the wrong tree. I respect my God and what He tells me in His Word. If you want to dabble in things He disdains, go right ahead, but my reward is sure.""

You missed the whole other part of what I was saying and went strait to the bad ministers part. And to that. When I was 13 years old my minister was caught looking at porn on the church computer. Don't blame me for not trusting every word every minister says. I only listen to very intelligent open minded ministers now that I can trust as people, not just because they are ministers. And that is very few nowadays... especially in the U.S.

""Yeah, they are pretend Buddhists."" Yep agreed. And I think it is silly also.

""What does that mean???"" The point is most all Christians comprimise. Read through my posts again and you should get the point. I already explained it.

""The Word of God is clear. It becomes even more clear the longer you walk with God and the deeper you go in relationship with Jesus. It's called spiritual growth, maturity in Christ.""

I'm glad you are secure and solid in your faith.

""Christians are to only become inviolved with other Christians, and not even that---they must be equally yoked, which means they need to be at the same stage of spiritual maturity and commitment to God in Christ Jesus. Tall order, but for success, it is imperative.""

It is very good advise, but I've seen plenty of perfectly good marriages where there are two very different denominations and ideas of Christianity (rarely cross-religion though). It is complicated but it is only when very devout and non-open people marry more liberal believers that there is problems... When both couples are open-minded to some extent the marriage usually works. And the Yoke could be more to do with values and morals than specific beliefs. How do you know that "yoke" means anything about stages in your belief anyways? You can make out that Christians should definitely be with Christians by this verse, but it says nothing like what you just said with your own words. I read "unequally yoked with NON BELIEVERS", and believers are generally put on the same scale. That's all. Anyways last post here... peace and it was fun

 

[Alabaster]

And the smartest preacher I ever knew and most moral once told me if you want to be a real Christian you should study other religions, because how else can you truly tell if Christianity is the correct one. He encouraged me to study and make the decision myself. He respected others but ultimately believed in his religion fully and without question.

That is not a smart preacher.

How else can you truly tell if Christianity is the correct one?

You meet Jesus the Christ! The Messiah, the Promised One! Once you have Him, there is no more seeking!

If you want to be a REAL Christian, you need to give your heart to Jesus Christ and follow after Him in obedience to His Word. Period! Walking with God is not a religion. It is a relationship.

 

[j_hunt_12]

Well I wasn't going to post again but you insulted a VERY good preacher and a smart, godly, and VERY good person. And yes, you ignored all my points again but that is why I'm leaving after this. So here, at the time I was talking with this preacher I was not a Christian at all, he knew I was smart and very strong in my atheist beliefs so he simply told me. "I know it is hard for you, but you should read up on religions. I have my beliefs and believe them strongly, so you just search and when you find something come to me. I just want to make sure that you hear what I believe because it has brought me happiness and meaning and I think you could learn from it too. I respect all religions but this is mine and I will do everything I can so that you will at least give it a chance." He was Orthodox and the only pastor I have ever respected. And most pastors actually do study other religions... duh? They do it to avoid arrogance and so they can argue that their religion truly is THE religion, they just fear having other people do it because it might lead the weak-minded astray. Yeah my pastor was a real idiot.... sarcasm.

Then there was that other preacher who got caught looking at porn. His was a much more "devout Christian" by all definitions he would never research another religion... hahahahaha

 

[Alabaster]

Once one knows Jesus, there is nothing else one NEEDS to study. We have the truth in Him, and the Word of God is all we need.

 

[j_hunt_12]

I finally broke my laziness and found the verse about why this is a controversial topic among churches... to the OP... observe this chapter, as well as, the aforementioned one by alabaster for some more info on the topic... NIV:

1 Corinthians 7

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

According to this chapter, marriage in general IS immoral by nature although acceptable by God as a better of two options.... And a believer MAY sanctify his or her unbelieving spouse...

But I'm not saying it is right. You should read more on the subject and decide for yourself, but I wanted to show you both sides of this issue.