Christ_empowered
Member
ok. so, I often have the "mental patient blues," lol. Guess what? I could easily be dead, in real poverty, in jail, in prison, maybe in what's left of the state hospital. I'm "in treatment," as a voluntary outpatient. My parents have been blessed with more resources, higher status, and we've reconciled. I even get disability.
I still have some growing up to do. Happens. Better late than never, of course. And...God is never early, never late; He's always on time.
I saw the shrink today, and it went well. Its a community/public mental health clinic. He comes in over a hi-def webcam from another part of the state, and then he gets my prescriptions over to my pharmacy thru the magic of The Internet, lol. But, seriously...
that went well. 2 psych drugs daily, 1 rarely as needed. Boom. Life goes on. Speaking of which...tomorrow, I'll be out of town, with my (long suffering, loving, cancer free) mama. God is good! In my late teens, I Ripped her heart to shreds. Boom. No going back, sorry, kiddo. 5 years ago, The Lord saved me, thru and thru. And now...
all 3 of us are healthy, I"m different inside and out, and...yeah. 5 years of a Walk with The Lord in freedom, when I could be locked up somewhere horrible, etc....that alone is a huge blessing. Now, I can't go back to being who I was at 17 or so, when I messed up -royally-, but The Lord has made good of it. You must die to be Born Again, afterall.
At 17, I was short, homely, 120 IQ, precocious, thought I was --IT-- and more. Was I "severely NPD" ? I kinda doubt it, lol. I think I was just easily destroyed, that's all. I'm now 33, decent height, not homely, 130ish IQ (who said electroshock was horrible?!?!), and...ugh. God is good! Its funny, because a lot of things I think I wanted back then...I've been blessed with, now, on the right side of The Cross. Having the higher IQ estimate is great, because it makes me feel....redeemed, basically. I'm not really missing anything, not now, and only thank to Christ. I guess I could have worked in a factory back then, or gone to tech school and pursued something, but...whoa. got in over my head, destroyed, done. And now...
its one of those "beauty for ashes" situations, and not just for me, but for my (loving, long suffering, nearly destroyed...) parents, too. I write better, I have a new "personality" (big thing: no "personality disorder," except for being somewhat reclusive), I'm healthy, etc., and all that stuff my parents poured into me that I worse than wasted...God has blessed all 3 of us. They're doing well, mama's retired, they're healthy, I'm different inside and out, and...yeah. life goes on.
I sometimes wish I could live w/o the occassional mess in my mind. oh well. there's this 60s, 70s counterculture, antipsychiatry concept that "Schizophrenia" isn't a disease, per se; its disintegration, an opportunity for rebirth. Yeah, now that I've -lived- it, I don't buy that, either, -but-...
I will say my "affliction" is turning out to be my current thorn in the flesh, and God has gone above and beyond for my parents and me, despite...me being mentally ill to the point that I really, probably, truly, cannot keep up in a work environment. Part "illness," part stigma, part..."just the way the world works." Oh well.
But...yeah. God is good! I even have CFnet, Verna, Miranda the girl dog continues to charm my parents and me, nearly 14 years into her time with us, and...
life isn't a soap opera, thank goodness. its not high drama, cliff hangers, etc.; its quiet, prosaic, hum drum moments that move, 1 into another, build on each other, etc. No more drama, no more chaos; "our God is a God of order, not confusion." "severely mentally ill" or not, I'm not crazy (LOL), like I was in years past, and that...is a miracle, too.
OK. Thanks. God is good!
I still have some growing up to do. Happens. Better late than never, of course. And...God is never early, never late; He's always on time.
I saw the shrink today, and it went well. Its a community/public mental health clinic. He comes in over a hi-def webcam from another part of the state, and then he gets my prescriptions over to my pharmacy thru the magic of The Internet, lol. But, seriously...
that went well. 2 psych drugs daily, 1 rarely as needed. Boom. Life goes on. Speaking of which...tomorrow, I'll be out of town, with my (long suffering, loving, cancer free) mama. God is good! In my late teens, I Ripped her heart to shreds. Boom. No going back, sorry, kiddo. 5 years ago, The Lord saved me, thru and thru. And now...
all 3 of us are healthy, I"m different inside and out, and...yeah. 5 years of a Walk with The Lord in freedom, when I could be locked up somewhere horrible, etc....that alone is a huge blessing. Now, I can't go back to being who I was at 17 or so, when I messed up -royally-, but The Lord has made good of it. You must die to be Born Again, afterall.
At 17, I was short, homely, 120 IQ, precocious, thought I was --IT-- and more. Was I "severely NPD" ? I kinda doubt it, lol. I think I was just easily destroyed, that's all. I'm now 33, decent height, not homely, 130ish IQ (who said electroshock was horrible?!?!), and...ugh. God is good! Its funny, because a lot of things I think I wanted back then...I've been blessed with, now, on the right side of The Cross. Having the higher IQ estimate is great, because it makes me feel....redeemed, basically. I'm not really missing anything, not now, and only thank to Christ. I guess I could have worked in a factory back then, or gone to tech school and pursued something, but...whoa. got in over my head, destroyed, done. And now...
its one of those "beauty for ashes" situations, and not just for me, but for my (loving, long suffering, nearly destroyed...) parents, too. I write better, I have a new "personality" (big thing: no "personality disorder," except for being somewhat reclusive), I'm healthy, etc., and all that stuff my parents poured into me that I worse than wasted...God has blessed all 3 of us. They're doing well, mama's retired, they're healthy, I'm different inside and out, and...yeah. life goes on.
I sometimes wish I could live w/o the occassional mess in my mind. oh well. there's this 60s, 70s counterculture, antipsychiatry concept that "Schizophrenia" isn't a disease, per se; its disintegration, an opportunity for rebirth. Yeah, now that I've -lived- it, I don't buy that, either, -but-...
I will say my "affliction" is turning out to be my current thorn in the flesh, and God has gone above and beyond for my parents and me, despite...me being mentally ill to the point that I really, probably, truly, cannot keep up in a work environment. Part "illness," part stigma, part..."just the way the world works." Oh well.
But...yeah. God is good! I even have CFnet, Verna, Miranda the girl dog continues to charm my parents and me, nearly 14 years into her time with us, and...
life isn't a soap opera, thank goodness. its not high drama, cliff hangers, etc.; its quiet, prosaic, hum drum moments that move, 1 into another, build on each other, etc. No more drama, no more chaos; "our God is a God of order, not confusion." "severely mentally ill" or not, I'm not crazy (LOL), like I was in years past, and that...is a miracle, too.
OK. Thanks. God is good!
