Dating Advice--Poor Self Esteem

[Navigator]

I have a girlfriend currently and she has been great. I think of her all the time, she's beautiful, and most importantly she loves Jesus. I'm having an issue though, and I'm really struggling with my self esteem within the relationship. I feel like I haven't been leading the relationship particularly well. Not intentionally; I am trying so hard to make her feel like I am loving her and always want her to know I care. But there are issues that keep coming up that I just can't figure out. She "tells" me what I can do to fix them, but telling me and it happening are different. A lot of them, I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing wrong. I don't know, this is a very much like a vent more than anything. I just feel like my self esteem is EXTREMELY low within the relationship. She will occassionally thank me for being Jesus for her, as a whole, and in specific situations. But then an issue comes up that is linked to one of the bigger issues, and I basically feel like I have done nothing beneficial to shape our relationship. I know this isn't true, but when the person who I am in relationship with says that....it kills me. I would never call my girlfriend a mean person; she is genuinely feeling hurt by what is going on...BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'm trying to listen, I'm trying to change, but I just seem to do nothing right. This isn't even a post that I expect very much, but almost needed to get it out there and see what people thought. Thanks.

 

[farouk]

I have a girlfriend currently and she has been great. I think of her all the time, she's beautiful, and most importantly she loves Jesus. I'm having an issue though, and I'm really struggling with my self esteem within the relationship. I feel like I haven't been leading the relationship particularly well. Not intentionally; I am trying so hard to make her feel like I am loving her and always want her to know I care. But there are issues that keep coming up that I just can't figure out. She "tells" me what I can do to fix them, but telling me and it happening are different. A lot of them, I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing wrong. I don't know, this is a very much like a vent more than anything. I just feel like my self esteem is EXTREMELY low within the relationship. She will occassionally thank me for being Jesus for her, as a whole, and in specific situations. But then an issue comes up that is linked to one of the bigger issues, and I basically feel like I have done nothing beneficial to shape our relationship. I know this isn't true, but when the person who I am in relationship with says that....it kills me. I would never call my girlfriend a mean person; she is genuinely feeling hurt by what is going on...BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'm trying to listen, I'm trying to change, but I just seem to do nothing right. This isn't even a post that I expect very much, but almost needed to get it out there and see what people thought. Thanks.

Navigator:

Okay so let me take the bull by the horns, so to speak.

If you really like this Christian young lady, you need to keep praying together and reading the Scriptures together. Rather than being introspective about you. Make the both of you the focus, not you. To use a well worn phrase, if she has a navel barbell pierced in, she might have an excuse for navel-gazing, but not you, for you to gazing at yours!

We also need to keep looking to the Lord 'looking unto Jesus' (Hebrews 12.2), rather than being introspective.

Okay, so sometimes it's better to be direct, right?

Don't worry and keep trusting!

Blessings.

 

[RachelKeeth]

Navigator:

Okay so let me take the bull by the horns, so to speak.

If you really like this Christian young lady, you need to keep praying together and reading the Scriptures together. Rather than being introspective about you. Make the both of you the focus, not you. To use a well worn phrase, if she has a navel barbell pierced in, she might have an excuse for navel-gazing, but not you, for you to gaze at yours!

We also need to keep looking to the Lord 'looking unto Jesus' (Hebrews 12.2), rather than being introspective.

Okay, so sometimes it's better to be direct, right?

Don't worry and keep trusting!

Blessings.

Hmm... I disagree with what I think you are saying. It is important in relationships to share when someone is hurting us and it is important for us to look at ourselves so we can learn to grow more like Christ.

Navigator, I am sorry this is such a hard time for you. I have had times where I kept messing up in the same ways and it would hurt my family but I just kept messing up, and it was hard when they told me though I was so sorry for hurting them. I think it is really important for both you and her to make sure that you both praise each other a lot on the good things. There are times when things need to be brought up, but if it is something small it should be let go of and forgiven.

"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother." Mathew 18:15 ESV

I do not envy guys needing to lead in a relationship so I feel for you. Maybe if you choose to share a little more of the type of problems we could offer more specific advice? I am just not sure what advice to give because I don't know the situation. I have not read this book but I just read about it on Amazon and it looks really good, maybe some books like this may help you some? I have not read this either but I read another book by the authors and really liked it.