Sometimes the urge to despair in my faithlessness and unbelief overwhelms my logic and how I believe the truth.. I cry out to Jesus and say, "What have I done with my life??! I've ruined my Christian life! I've lost the race!" I tend to think I am in perdition, that I'm lost without hope. So I cry, "Jesus, please let me know if I have any hope or not!" Usually this state of mind does not assume I'm struggling in any sin(s). It can, but it's not true that every time this despair happens that I'm trying to keep a sin secret. Usually despair hits me when I'm perceiving God a certain way. I have actually asked God permission to pray to him and be able to call him my Father. That's how out of reality I get. Usually God answers, not when I think I really am sinking and need an answer, but gradually I find myself trusting him again out of the blue. I can then thank Jesus for showing his love for me by his work on the cross, and thank the Father for sending Jesus. Sometimes it just takes time and I'm alright again.