Christ_empowered
Member
...and Him, Crucified. I"m not -there- yet, but I'm far closer than I was, by God's grace.
I had to go to a 3rd line convenience store today. car was low on gas, I needed mah Camels. I got over-charged on the Camels, hard glares from the clerk and other customers. in and out, of course.
i was...who i was...and i am not, now, by the grace of God. some of the taunting continues. to say i had "too much psychiatric treatment" in years past would be a vast under-statement. I 'did drugs,' right? Yeah...well...most of my fun pills came from "good psychiatrists," etc. They prescribed drugs long known to be addictive, then when I got hooked, they said it was because a personality disorder or...who knows, honestly. im not super bitter, not now...i get disability, i have my parents, im healthy, etc....but i am...wary, of all things Mental Health, Inc. you know? I mean...a shrink who gives a teenager the max legal dose of adderall and then calls me a "junkie," etc...not good. factor in insurance fraud and operations, shock, etc...not good, either.
but that was then. now? Now I get to be...someone completely, totally different, inside and out. that's something psychiatry cannot do, more than likely doesn't even aim to do.
I don't know where to go or what to do. GUIDANCE...I need that, don't I? Not to be too hard on myself. I"ve been blessed beyond measure, and I'm increasingly thankful. A bit of confusion never hurt anybody.
I don't have NPD or ODD or ADD or ADHD and, honestly, I don't know if those things are real, anyway. I have "Bipolar I" because my parents "have money." If it was just me, I'd be "hopelessly Schizophrenic" or "too NPD to be in society!" or...I dunno. And yet...I"m blessed to receive disability, blessed for low price, modern drugs, blessed for the bit of -space- and leeway that my "Bipolar I" provides.
OK. Eyes fixed on Christ, and Him Crucified. Lately, I think I"m not floating as much. hard to explain. one can have a decent iQ and all that and still float, I promise you. By God's grace, that's less and less the case with me...alive, awake, alert, enthusastic.
God is good! I have so much to be thankful for, and I'm waking up to it all, and...whoa.
I guess I needed to vent and ramble a lil bit, plus...prayer is always a good thing. Thanks.
I had to go to a 3rd line convenience store today. car was low on gas, I needed mah Camels. I got over-charged on the Camels, hard glares from the clerk and other customers. in and out, of course.
i was...who i was...and i am not, now, by the grace of God. some of the taunting continues. to say i had "too much psychiatric treatment" in years past would be a vast under-statement. I 'did drugs,' right? Yeah...well...most of my fun pills came from "good psychiatrists," etc. They prescribed drugs long known to be addictive, then when I got hooked, they said it was because a personality disorder or...who knows, honestly. im not super bitter, not now...i get disability, i have my parents, im healthy, etc....but i am...wary, of all things Mental Health, Inc. you know? I mean...a shrink who gives a teenager the max legal dose of adderall and then calls me a "junkie," etc...not good. factor in insurance fraud and operations, shock, etc...not good, either.
but that was then. now? Now I get to be...someone completely, totally different, inside and out. that's something psychiatry cannot do, more than likely doesn't even aim to do.
I don't know where to go or what to do. GUIDANCE...I need that, don't I? Not to be too hard on myself. I"ve been blessed beyond measure, and I'm increasingly thankful. A bit of confusion never hurt anybody.
I don't have NPD or ODD or ADD or ADHD and, honestly, I don't know if those things are real, anyway. I have "Bipolar I" because my parents "have money." If it was just me, I'd be "hopelessly Schizophrenic" or "too NPD to be in society!" or...I dunno. And yet...I"m blessed to receive disability, blessed for low price, modern drugs, blessed for the bit of -space- and leeway that my "Bipolar I" provides.
OK. Eyes fixed on Christ, and Him Crucified. Lately, I think I"m not floating as much. hard to explain. one can have a decent iQ and all that and still float, I promise you. By God's grace, that's less and less the case with me...alive, awake, alert, enthusastic.
God is good! I have so much to be thankful for, and I'm waking up to it all, and...whoa.
I guess I needed to vent and ramble a lil bit, plus...prayer is always a good thing. Thanks.