Fearful For My Soul

Discussion in 'The Foyer' started by Scared, Jan 12, 2016.

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  1. Scared

    Scared Guest

    Hello,

    I was raised by a Christian family. As a child and young adult, I always believed in Jesus. As I matured from childhood into adulthood, I ended up a bit on the wild side, pursuing my own pleasures in life, instead of God's. Fast forward a few years, I now have two wonderful children and have finally got myself and the both of them (it was always just the 3 of us, no father's involvement) into a good church.

    This lasted for a few years. I am not sure how it happened, actually I have a very good guess now that I am honest with myself, but doubt began to creep into my life. The more I would attempt to force the doubt out, it seemed the stronger it would get. It got so strong that it felt like a living, breathing monster trying to smother the life out of me. That's the only way I can explain it. It literally felt like my heart was being torn into. I would be in a near panic because I simply could not shake my ever growing doubt in God. Imagine losing your faith, the faith that you are desperately clinging to. The ordeal was not pleasant, needless to say.

    Obviously, I failed. Now that I can objectively look back on it, I can see why I lost faith in God. I handed myself over to the devil on a silver platter through the sin that was still in my life. Little things that I just wasn't willing to give up, things that I would justify to myself. Frankly, I put things such as smoking cigs before God when I knew that I should have disciplined myself. Instead, I ended up guilty of idolatry in choosing that before God.

    Now, I know the "why." More time passed, and I doubted God for a very long time. Actually, I was caught between my doubt in God and being mad at God for any number of things that we, as sinful human beings, are responsible for ourselves. Tell me how I can doubt the existence of God and still be ticked at Him. It's ridiculous.

    I am now 40 years old and both of my children are grown. I have found myself desperate to become a follower of Christ. I would have added an "again" to the previous sentence, but I am so confused. Was I a real follower of Christ if I left Him in the long run? I thought I was then. It is enough to make you want to pull your hair out in utter confusion.

    I've asked forgiveness, been reading the Bible, been praying, and have been trying my best to avoid the sinful things I had made habits of before. I fear that that simply will not be enough though. There are teachings and verses in the Bible that scare me to death.

    Hebrews 6:4-6 seems to be saying that it is impossible for someone like me to be renewed again unto repentance. So, am I forever lost even though I am desperate for God?

    2 Peter 2:20-22 seems to be saying that I would have been better off had I not ever heard of Christ to begin with?

    Luke 9:62 seems to be saying that backsliders are not fit for Heaven? Is it then impossible to reconcile with God?

    There are numerous times the "chosen" and "elect" are mentioned in the New Testament. This makes me worry about not being one of the chosen. What if God has not chosen me for salvation? Am I damned to Hell because God has not chosen me to be one who is able to receive and keep salvation?

    So, so confused.
     
  2. Eugene

    Eugene Staff Member Moderator

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    Dear Scared, with your hunger for God, He is still working with you. Those that turned back did so after hearing all the word of God the Holy Spirit did witness to them, seeing the miracles, and it is said they tasted; they lacked nothing to know God was He Who was dealing with them, and yet they chose to not receive Jesus and turned instead back to their own way of life.
    A child of God can indeed do everything wrong, and yet it is God Who keeps us, and now as you come it is His work in you doing so. I wrote the following pamphlet I hope you'll read that will give you the basics of your salvation, and the security we have in Christ. May God bless it to your peace and renewed walk with Him that loves us so much He died for us.
    In Jesus' name. :wave2
    Salvation with Security – 1, 2, 3
    http://www.christianforums.net/Fell...ds/salvation-with-security-parts-1-2-3.52236/
    .
     
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  3. wondering

    wondering Member

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    Hi Scared,

    As I was reading your post I thought of how difficult it is for me to sleep some nights.

    I'm a certain age and it gets more difficult to sleep tight.
    So I'd toss and turn and try really hard to fall back asleep after being awake in the middle of the night for a few hours.

    Till one day I got an idea. I bought a TV set and put it in my bedroom. When I'd wake up, I'd turn it on and put something I might usually watch: The news, a nice movie, a religious program.

    Wow. It worked! I'd be back asleep after about 30 minutes!

    Seems like when I stopped WORRYING about sleeping, that's when I slept!

    The three scriptures you bring up are scriptures I always use for Christians who think you can't lose your salvation.
    You're not one of them. You WANT to be with God. So I'd say you're already with Him and you can stop worrying about being with Him.

    Someone once told me: If you're searching for God, you've already found Him.
    It would be a sorry state of affairs if we couldn't regret having left our Lord!
    He's always waiting for us with open arms. What is forgiveness all about anyway?

    Welcome home, Scared.
    God loves you.

    Wondering
     
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  4. Wrg1405

    Wrg1405 Member

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    Hi Scared,

    I would like to say it seems to me that you are desperate to to have the relationship with God that you felt you and have lost your faith/relationship with him and yet your still ticked off at him.

    I think the fact that you are worried about your salvation suggests that actually saved, I think your focus is wrong and you are listening to lies and are in a spiritual battle. Hopefully the following will help. I'm here if you want to talk further but here are my thoughts.

    Believe me I know exactly how that feels. I even got to the stage where I was saying to God, take me tonight then I will know what is what (and I'm married with 4 kids but never doubted that he would take care of them) I had written myself off and felt God had written me off.

    The fact I am posting now must mean that God has worked in me.

    I got the focus wrong. The focus was on my sin and FYI there are a lot of people who think smoking is not a sin that God would reject you for, Charles Spurgeon smoked and yet he is called the prince of preachers.

    My focus was that because of the sin in my life God was saying to me "if you don't stop sinning you are out, if you stop sinning your in" I might as well have been a yo-yo in the hands of God and that's how I felt.

    I like you often focused on the 3 verses you mention above. I have to be honest in Christian circles they are contentious and will cause a great deal pain and insecurity. There are a lot more that would refute the negative interpretations.

    So what helped me? It was a period of about a week when I came before God and admitted where I was. I was honest. During this week God released me with refuting bible verses.

    Romans 5:1-2

    Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

    John 6:29

    Jesus answered and said to them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent.”

    John 8:10-11

    When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?”
    She said, “No one, Lord.”And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” (Note no condemnation before being asked not to sin)

    Romans 8:1
    So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.

    So to me I realised that because of my faith/belief in Jesus which is all that God has asked me to do I can come before him with no condemnation as God no longer condemns me.

    What about when I sin?

    Read the following passages

    Hebrews 8: 5-18
    Matthew 18: 12-14
    Psalm 103, the whole chapter
    John 17 the whole chapter.

    I could give a whole load more.
    Think about it, if God knew we could stop sinning why send Jesus to pay for our sin? Before Jesus left the earth he promised us the Holy Spirit. He called him our helper. What will help us with?

    He helps us to be more like Jesus, he reminds us that our sins our forgiven, he reminds us that God so much loves that Jesus died for us. He reminds us that Jesus is interceding for us. He reminds us that GOD WILL COMPLETE THE GOOD WORK HE STARTED IN US THAT HE IS THE AUTHOR AND PERFECTOR OF OUR FAITH.

    Satan is the accuser who will mess with your mind, the Holy Spirit is the convincer that will release your mind. Focus on the promises of God, he will never leave you, he will never forsake you, you are the apple of his eye you are his precious child.
     
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  5. Jim Parker

    Jim Parker Member

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    Read the parable of the prodigal son. Luke 15:11-24 It's about you. Take note of verse 24

    1Jo 1:9 (NKJV) If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

    Rom 10:13 (NKJV) For “whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved.”

    Mat 18:12-14 (NKJV) “What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine and go to the mountains to seek the one that is straying? And if he should find it, assuredly, I say to you, he rejoices more over that sheep than over the ninety-nine that did not go astray. Even so it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.

    Welcome home, little lamb! :sohappy:hug

    iakov the fool
    :boing
     
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  6. grams

    grams Member

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    Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins
     
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  7. Wrg1405

    Wrg1405 Member

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    What can you feel?
     
  8. for_his_glory

    for_his_glory Member

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    I thank many of us have had our moments of doubt, anger and frustration, but know that God will never leave us nor forsake us when we hunger for His mercy and grace. Here is my testimony and I pray it helps you. God loves you and I love you and will keep you in my prayers.


    MY TESTIMONY

    May 18th 1997


    I am lost, confused and scared. Will I ever fit in anywhere in this life? I'm hurting, but who cares. I'm lonely and all alone within myself. I've been so used and abused. Where and when will it be my turn! Where are the open arms to hold me and hug me, to tell me I do matter in this life! Where is the voice to calm my tears of pain? I give and give, but nothing gives back in return. I'm mad and angry for what has been taken away from me! How do I go on? I search for God to answer my needs, but never get an answer.


    I am a voice that cries out in the wilderness. Will no one listen! Will no one care! I feel like I am invisible at times and when I pray I feel my prayers are falling on deaf ears. I know God loves me. He has rescued me from death and destruction. He has rescued me from wanting to commit suicide. I have never opened my feelings with anyone except God. I have purged and purged until I cannot cry anymore. God has forgiven and forgot my past, how do I! I've been told I am strong and can handle my situations, guess what, I am not strong and I can't handle it anymore! Please God help me!


    I am now ready to open up. I can't deal with the pain anymore. I want to let loose and completely die to myself and live for God. I'm asking for total deliverance of all the holds Satan has on me. I'm tired of fighting this on my own. I'm tired of Satan laughing at me and making me feel like nothing and always coming against me. Jesus, save me from my torment! You have called me into service and I am not ready. Lord God please perform a complete deliverance in me. Make my feet straight for what you are calling me to do. Show me how to do your will. Lord you know my heart and you know what I feel I need to do. Open that door and prepare me away.


    This is the answer God gave me. When you cry out to him, he will hear you and speak to your heart. You might not like the answer he gives you, but if you really listen it is always the right answer.


    11 Kings 5:10, 11

    But Naaman was wroth and went away and said, Behold, I thought he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God and strike his hand over the place and recover the leper.


    God was showing me in the above scripture the beginning of relying solely on him and not what man could do for me. I was going from church to church trying to fit in with the people. I was trying to find answers and help for myself through the recognition of man. All that got me was more disappointment and frustration. When I learned to give myself totally over to the Lord and rely on him alone and his word is when my life completely changed for the better. Now I serve God with a glad heart and praise him for all his wonderful blessings.
     
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  9. Wrg1405

    Wrg1405 Member

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    Amen and thank you Jesus. Thank you that when we seek YOU we will find you. In fact thank you that you seek us and you bring us back when we wander off that path. You are so great.
     
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  10. grams

    grams Member

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    We are all sinners.......... And GOD know this ! We just keep God in our prayers and

    try to keep you know who away ! and out of our thoughts....... The more we think on GOD and what

    He would say to us the better off we are ..... Keep HIM in your heart and thoughts as much as possible..
     
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  11. Wrg1405

    Wrg1405 Member

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    How true, how very true
     
  12. wondering

    wondering Member

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    Scared,
    Where are you?
    We'd like to hear from you!

    Wondering
     
  13. Godsoldier

    Godsoldier Guest

    Hi scared
    What you feel is called " the great controversy" we all have a battle to fight, you are not alone. Since Eden, the devil is after us, but thank God, the Great God is working with us. The devil wants you to think you can't be redeemed anymore so, he can win. Don't listen to the devil God's loving arms are wide open for you. I know one day you will find peace in Jesus name!
     
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  14. Gospel Fellowships

    Gospel Fellowships Member

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    If you are seeking God and Jesus is precious to you then you are in a good place. Do not think of being elect or not but see your sins and wickedness before God and fling yourself to Christ and His Cross, that is your only hope. He can save you and you can receive the Holy Spirit of promise.
     
  15. No one

    No one Guest

     
  16. Wrg1405

    Wrg1405 Member

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    Are you still struggling?
     
  17. Kidron

    Kidron Member

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    Actually, I was caught between my doubt in God and being mad at God for any number of things that we, as sinful human beings, are responsible for ourselves. Tell me how I can doubt the existence of God and still be ticked at Him. It's ridiculous.

    Doubt is often the seed of evolving faith.
    Listen, God is s big boy.
    He doesn't fall off the throne if we doubt, if we are angry at Him, or if we turn our backs for a while.
    God became one of US, and by doing so, He learned how it feels to be one of US.
    This is why He is so tender with us, so understanding of us, and so happy to help.
    Life is hard, its a bed of thorns often, and God experienced this, as Jesus.
    So He understands completely how you feel.




    I am now 40 years old and both of my children are grown. I have found myself desperate to become a follower of Christ. I would have added an "again" to the previous sentence, but I am so confused. Was I a real follower of Christ if I left Him in the long run? I thought I was then. It is enough to make you want to pull your hair out in utter confusion.


    Have you never read the parable taught by Jesus of the Prodigal Son?
    This is a person who knew the father, left the Father and spent all their money and ended up in a mess of poverty, then wanted to return, was scared and upset yet went back home only to find the Father running to meet him, to embrace him and to give him a beautiful Robe of welcome home and cry with this son, as the Father was so overjoyed to have the son back.
    This is God and you., He is your Father, still., and He's waiting always for you to come home.
    Thats what Fathers do.



    I've asked forgiveness, been reading the Bible, been praying, and have been trying my best to avoid the sinful things I had made habits of before. I fear that that simply will not be enough though. There are teachings and verses in the Bible that scare me to death.


    Listen carefully.
    There is a devil, and he uses our mind and our thoughts as his chalk board.
    And He wants you to never go back home to God.....So, he will try to put thoughts of condemnation and guilt, of self hatred, of doubt and fear, to keep you chained so that you cant find your way back.
    One of the main ways the Devil will hurt someone who is trying to go back home to the Father, is he will lead you to certain scriptures in the Bible that he will use to try to create overwhelming ideas that you are hopelessly lost.
    But you are not.
    The Book of Hebrews is the Devils #1 tool to do this, so, im asking you, pleading really, to stay out of that book.
    Do NOT read it.
    Read the Gospel of John, and meditate in there.......as you will find peace there.



    There are numerous times the "chosen" and "elect" are mentioned in the New Testament. This makes me worry about not being one of the chosen. What if God has not chosen me for salvation? Am I damned to Hell because God has not chosen me to be one who is able to receive and keep salvation?


    Let me explain this...
    God knows the beginning from the end and the middle.
    This means that He has already seen it all.......from the beginning of time to when time winds up.
    He knows everything about everything, and knows everything that will happen.
    BUT, this is not the same as causing it to all happen........understand?
    For example, there are couples getting married today all over the world, and God knew before those people were born, that yesterday, that was going to happen to them all.
    This is known as "foreknowledge", which simply means, God knows what will happen before it happens.
    So, as i said, this knowing is only that, its not causing it to happen.
    So, the way the bible refers to the people that God knew would be saved, is to call them "chosen" and "elect".
    These are just bible terms for people that God knew before they were born, would become Christians.
    He didnt cause them to become believers, but He knew they would, and the bible names them all sorts of things...
    Saints, The Body of Christ, The Church", the elect, the chosen, the brethren, the temple of God"""... and on and on.
    Its just the bible's interesting terminology for the born again Believer like you.


    Scared.... the answer for you, is to realize that God never left you, and never will.
    He was right there all the time, and remains forever.
    So, what is the best way to serve God?
    Very simple........Just love Him back......JUST ....LOVE.... HIM ....BACK.
    Go to bed tonight and just tell Him you love Him.....then tomorrow do the same......and for all your life.
    This is what makes God happy....= for us to Love Him back.




    God bless,


    K
    <><

     
  18. Kane Ali

    Kane Ali Guest

    Good morning humbled soul. It was such a pleasure for me to read your post and share in your truth. I greatly appreciate your honesty. I truly tell you that in your fear, you have made known your true desire to please God amidst all the wicked influences around you. Let us first remember what God's predominant quality is. God is first and foremost Love 1John 4:8. God loved us so much that He gave us Jesus, a perfect reflection of Himself, as a model to follow. Do not be discouraged, for Jesus came for not righteous ones, but sinners Matt. 9:13. Not in the sense that we are all sinners and he came for us all, but in the sense that he came to save those who recognize their imperfection and sinful nature and have a desire to be saved. Therefore, Jesus indeed comes for you personally.
    Sometimes, Beloved, the Bible can be confusing in its meaning, for God's word is designed to appeal to the heart. Therefore we must pray for Holy Spirit before and after we read the Bible and literally beg for understanding. You'll be surprised when the true meaning manifests. For example, you mentioned the verses in 2Pet. Be mindful to read the entire context for better understanding. The Apostle Peter was talking to the religious leaders who came to know the truth about Jesus and God's Kingdom and then began to teach something perverted and self serving to others. they deliberately twisted the Word of truth, following in the footsteps of their father, Satan John 8:44. Thus this scripture does not apply to you, though it is designed for us to learn from.
    Also, you mentioned John 9 regarding back sliders. This was an illustration similar to the dangers of looking for the things behind if you want to follow God's instruction. One can not look behind and live for God at the same time. This is what happened to Lot's wife as she looked behind at Sodom and Gomorrah and was turned into a pillar of salt Gen 19:26. Yet let us take a deeper look into the meaning of Jesus' illustration. In those times, plowing the fields was very understandable to Jews as this was a primary part of their culture. When you plow a field, you must keep looking forward in order to get the straightest plowing path possible. If you look behind, your path would not be straight but crooked. the more you look back the more ineffective your plow would become. Thus, looking forward is the only way to truly see where you are going as you follow the light of God. One who longs for the former things will be stumbled. Yet even when we stumble, God's hand is there like a loving father to help us up and get back on course. Remember, God is Love.
    Finally, you mentioned Hebrews 6. In order to understand this, one must study the Bible earnestly and diligently. This verse is only meant for ones who have been chosen to rule with Jesus as kings and priest over the earth Rev. 20:6, Rev 5:10. This does not include everyone, for if everyone were a king or a priest, who would be the subjects of that kingdom? Again, this is not an easy notion to understand, yet what I write today is truth.
    Be comforted Beloved, for Jesus assures us there is only but one sin where there is no forgiveness; one who sins against the Holy Spirit Matt 12:31. Therefore, your soul is ripe to be forgiven. Continue seeking truth and it will be.
    Till next, spread love freely as you have received it at no cost.

     
  19. Winnie

    Winnie Member

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    Curious to know how you are doing.
     
  20. dirtfarmer

    dirtfarmer Member

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    hello Scared, dirtfarmer here

    In Job 1 we see Satan wanting to sift Job like sand, but before he can he has to get God's permission. God had put an hedge around Job, as I believe he does to all believers. If God has a hedge around us there are only two ways that Satan can get to us to test us. Either God permits it or we have stepped out side of the hedge. To be outside of the hedge that God has around those of faith is to not live by faith. According to Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is the substance of things hope for , the evidence of thing not seen." So, to live by faith is not what we do to be pleasing to God, but who rely on for our righteousness. We are told that Jesus is our righteousness, what he has accomplished for us.

    Satan as a roaring Lion seeketh whom he may devour. The lion roars only if they are in their own territory. So when we hear Satan roaring it is a sign that we are in his territory and have stepped over the hedge that God has around us.

    The testings of God is never to commit a sin or not, because God doesn't test us with sins. That is the devil want to sift us as sand. God allows troubles to come our way to see if we will trust him or if we try to works those troubles out on our own. When we wait on the Lord and allow him to have his perfecting work (troubles), he always receives the praise and glory and He will make it to be good for us. God can turn those not so pleasant things in our life in our lives to his glory if we wait on him and don't try to run ahead or try to help him. Abraham tried to help God but he god Ishmael in stead of Isaac.
     

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