Forgiving Adultery

Discussion in 'Parenting & Marriage' started by wajajejllc, Sep 20, 2017.

  1. for_his_glory

    for_his_glory Member

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    Yes, your wife has to ask God for forgiveness and as winter said maybe the guy did not know she was married. My ex use to cheat on me all the time and it had nothing to do with our marriage as it was shortly after we were married, but that of his own lust. I forgave him, but the trust was broken and never gained again as he continued in this act with other women and I eventually left him as even though he kept asking for forgiveness it never stopped.
     
  2. Mike

    Mike Member

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    I'm so sorry for your pain. You were right to say no one can understand what you're going thru. Even if they have been the victim of unfaithfulness, every situation is personal. I can only imagine.

    I definitely believe it would only cause you further pain and hate in your heart if you had a name to attach to this. For your own sake and hers, do not feed that urge. Do whatever you can to let that go. Easy to say. Hard to do. But your strength won't help you. Press into God for that.

    I want to stress something else more positive. If you can let God heal your wound, if she can forgive herself, and if you can honestly reconcile, the life lesson you will give your children will be priceless. The depth of details you agree to share with them one day has got to be mutual, but that you persevered through terrible hardship and came through it intact will be something they will draw from for the rest of their lives. Forget about the infidelity. The fact that you were separated for whatever reason alone and pulled through will be enough.

    "Evil will not destroy this family. Evil will not win."
     
  3. wajajejllc

    wajajejllc Member

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    So I am very discouraged. My wife did apologize for her adultery and said she no longer has contact with the man. A man she said was 10yrs younger that she had known for 10yrs. We have been married for 18. Why? Lust of the flesh? She stated she only committed adultery one time. She stated we would never get back together. We have 8 children total with 5 minor children at home. I don't understand all this and am so discouraged. Why doesn't God heal all this? He healed in an instant in the Bible. I love her and miss my family, my children. I can't even go to my own house without her permission because of how she feels about me.
     
  4. for_his_glory

    for_his_glory Member

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    It's to fresh to deal with all the pain and agony and just have it disappear as it does take time and you will heal, as well I know. The only advice I can give you since she does not want to resolve anything is to at least set up visitations and try to be in the kids lives as much as you can. You just have to take this burden and give it over to God and allow the healing process begin. It does take time to heal as it took me a long time before I found that place of happiness again and I couldn't have found it if not for God. I will keep you in my prayers and just press into God for all understanding.
     
  5. wajajejllc

    wajajejllc Member

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    Covet your prayers. I hurt so much inside.
     
  6. for_his_glory

    for_his_glory Member

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    It's a hard thing you are trying to endure right now and sometimes it's the "why" that eats at us. Maybe in time your wife will come back to you, but then again maybe not, but if she does there will always be a trust issue possibly. I pray you find that peace you so desperately need to move on with your life.

    During this time of your healing process think on these six things that you need to learn from all of this you are going through as I believe it will help you draw closer to God and give you His peace.

    1. Patience as we rely and trust in God's timing
    2. Perseverance through trials that we remain in Gods will
    3. To humble ourselves before Him
    4. To spend quiet time with God so He can speak to us
    5. Build up our faith in the Lord
    6. For a testimony and witness to help others
     
  7. Traveling teacher

    Traveling teacher Member

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    Will pray.....

    Brother there is a lot to unpack here....
    From what I understand yall separated in february of this year....
    She committed adultery to a man 2 months later she had known for 10 years......
    You have 5 kids at home and she doesnt want to get back to gether!!!!

    Forgiveness is a process...takes time and reconciliation...

    These questions need to be answered as it is difficult to give answers without!!!!!
    1. Are you both Christians and for how long??
    2. Are you involved in a local church???....how long??????
    3. Why did you separate in february????
    4. If she has repented why does she not want to get back together???
     
  8. wajajejllc

    wajajejllc Member

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  9. wajajejllc

    wajajejllc Member

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    Update. My wife and I are still separated. Conversations have been cordial. We are to meet with a mediator this week.
     
  10. Shine the Light

    Shine the Light Member

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    I will pray for God to prepare both of your hearts for the mediation. Here is a friendly reminder -

    Psalm 51:10-12,17

    10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

    11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.

    12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit


    17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
     
  11. for_his_glory

    for_his_glory Member

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    Thank you for the update and praying for both of you.
     
  12. ezra

    ezra Member

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    this is something you and your wife will have to work out. do either attend church?
     
  13. Count Duckula

    Count Duckula Member

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    Leviticus 20:10 KJV
    And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

    Forgiveness and law and order are two different matters. If I commit a murder, with God as far as my eternal soul is concerned, I could be ok. That doesn't excuse me to being subject to the law of the land whether it is life in prison or the death penalty.
     
  14. Count Duckula

    Count Duckula Member

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    Matthew 19:0 KJV

    And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

    Your free. She has put you into a permanently compromised position.
     
  15. Garion

    Garion Member

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    18+ yrs being married would make her at least 36 wouldn't it (that's if you are in the US).

    That kinda rules out ignorance don't you think?

    If this situation that she caused is causing you torment I would cut her loose that's what I did.

    I've seen couples who still fight over that 40 yrs on, I imagine that the reason being that they couldn't get over it.

    If any situation causes me unhappiness I leave it behind and start over.
     
  16. Mike

    Mike Member

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    Hi Garion. I'm unfamiliar with your views. Are you a Christian? I ask because this sounds like a rather flippant view of the sanctity of marriage. This will make sense if you aren't. It won't if you are. Thank you, sir.
     
  17. Garion

    Garion Member

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    As you know there are many different kinds Christian many different belief.

    I think that I can appreciate where you comin from though, I think that it catholic belief to not divorce under any circumstance, I ain't catholic.
     
  18. Mike

    Mike Member

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    I'm not Catholic, but I don't believe we should walk away from a marriage on the basis that we are unhappy. I don't think I've ever heard of any biblical church support this. There is not a marriage that would last if everyone scrapped them when they were unhappy. You fight through this and pray for restoration.

    I'm not one to ever heap shame on believers who have divorced, but my wife and I are marriage mentors at our church. We advise being faithful to marriage vows until everything has been tried, unless adultery has corrupted the bed. Your wording made it sound like marriage vows are disposable.
     

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