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Guest, Join Papa Zoom today for some uplifting biblical encouragement! --> Daily Verses
Frequency of intimacy in marriage
- Thread starter Julia
- Start date
handy
Member
Hi Julia, welcome to the forum!
Which, for those of us who've been around for awhile, isn't as anonymous as you might think! ;)
I'm not going to get specific about my husband and I, but I think in a general way, the amount of time for each couple is ideally: However much it takes to meet both partner's needs and doesn't put undue pressure on either one.
Most couples have different concepts of how much is "enough". There are some people for whom daily is important. Others think that once a month is enough. What healthy couples do is to compromise with each other, keeping in mind what the Bible says about the fact that as a wife, my body is for my husband's enjoyment and as my husband, his body is for my enjoyment.
If one person is feeling neglected or if one person is feeling used, then some good communication needs to take place.
Brother Lawrence
Member
Well, now that we are both getting older, and since I have recently had back surgery, we can only do it once a day.
Brother Lawrence
Member
I am assuming you two have no health issues.
Well, I am not going to say it's easy - my wife and I have had two years of unadulterated hell, between health problems and job issues. It took work, a counselor, and a pile of money to get here.
Danus
Member
Depends on what you mean by intimacy. I would never say this around my poker buddies, but I have learned over the years that intimacy could actually be just hanging out sitting close on the couch and watching a movie.
My wife and I are in the business of kid farming and sharing the adventure of life together. We sometimes throw down and set our selves on fire and all, but there is something to be said for the little pleasures and joys of just living in the sight of God.
If your bothered about not having enough sex then try working up to it in little ways, and try to remember there is such a thing as too much of a good thing when it comes to all out personal pleasure. Ever try a week of foreplay? ... little notes, gifts and stuff you do just for the other? better than a week of sex. sorry for being so forward.
My wife and I are in the business of kid farming and sharing the adventure of life together. We sometimes throw down and set our selves on fire and all, but there is something to be said for the little pleasures and joys of just living in the sight of God.
If your bothered about not having enough sex then try working up to it in little ways, and try to remember there is such a thing as too much of a good thing when it comes to all out personal pleasure. Ever try a week of foreplay? ... little notes, gifts and stuff you do just for the other? better than a week of sex. sorry for being so forward.
Nathan Alterton
Member
I don't know if this is what the OP was going for, but I know that many men are dissatisfied with the frequency of intercourse in their marriage. I believe that many wives truly don't understand the physical need nearly all men have sexual intimacy or how we feel when it is not available anywhere near enough.
I know this because of the highly negative reaction most women have upon learning the honest truth about men's sexual nature. Unfortunately, it's also an issue that virtually all husbands have a near total inability to talk openly about with their wives. If you're a man and you love your wife, but feel frustrated by things like the frequency of sexual intercourse (and despite what some men feel like they must say, snuggling and intimate conversation do NOT meet the needs of most men) it really helps to have a stranger tell you wife how you feel.
I don't mean finding some guy on the street to talk with your wife, but finding a book, or a lecture, or a teacher who knows men and can clearly explain them to women. A thinker I love, Dennis Prager, has a great series of lectures on men's sexual nature which are completely eye openning to the vast majority of women. I'm planning on having my daughter listen to them before she begins dating (I also plan on having my sons listen to them, just so they better understand themselves). If you have this problem, listen to the lectures then give them to your wife with a note asking her to listen all the way through and then come ask you questions. I can't guaruntee it will help you in this arena, but it's worked wonders for many couples. (link to Male Sexuality)
Oh, another great resource, if your wife doesn't want to listen to a man talk about male sexuality, is Alison Armstrong. She talks about the same stuff Prager does, but from a woman's perspective. Both she and Dennis are great on this topic.
I know this because of the highly negative reaction most women have upon learning the honest truth about men's sexual nature. Unfortunately, it's also an issue that virtually all husbands have a near total inability to talk openly about with their wives. If you're a man and you love your wife, but feel frustrated by things like the frequency of sexual intercourse (and despite what some men feel like they must say, snuggling and intimate conversation do NOT meet the needs of most men) it really helps to have a stranger tell you wife how you feel.
I don't mean finding some guy on the street to talk with your wife, but finding a book, or a lecture, or a teacher who knows men and can clearly explain them to women. A thinker I love, Dennis Prager, has a great series of lectures on men's sexual nature which are completely eye openning to the vast majority of women. I'm planning on having my daughter listen to them before she begins dating (I also plan on having my sons listen to them, just so they better understand themselves). If you have this problem, listen to the lectures then give them to your wife with a note asking her to listen all the way through and then come ask you questions. I can't guaruntee it will help you in this arena, but it's worked wonders for many couples. (link to Male Sexuality)
Oh, another great resource, if your wife doesn't want to listen to a man talk about male sexuality, is Alison Armstrong. She talks about the same stuff Prager does, but from a woman's perspective. Both she and Dennis are great on this topic.
Nathan Alterton
Member
Oh, a direct and honest response to the original post is: It varies.
We're very busy, between my job (overseeing highway construction) and her's (raising and homeschooling our seven children) we go some weeks without any "intimate time" and some weeks with a lot. I imagine that's the case for many married couples.
P.S. Given the number of our children and their ages (9, 7, 6, 5, 3, 2, and 5 monthes), when things get too busy I always think of Henry Fonda's openning lines in the hilarious movie, Your's, Mine, and Ours (a true story about a widow with eight children meeting and marrying a widower with ten children): "Truthfully, I think they blamed me for neglecting their mother all those years. But there seemed to me that there was enough physical evidence I hadn't neglected her completely!"
We're very busy, between my job (overseeing highway construction) and her's (raising and homeschooling our seven children) we go some weeks without any "intimate time" and some weeks with a lot. I imagine that's the case for many married couples.
P.S. Given the number of our children and their ages (9, 7, 6, 5, 3, 2, and 5 monthes), when things get too busy I always think of Henry Fonda's openning lines in the hilarious movie, Your's, Mine, and Ours (a true story about a widow with eight children meeting and marrying a widower with ten children): "Truthfully, I think they blamed me for neglecting their mother all those years. But there seemed to me that there was enough physical evidence I hadn't neglected her completely!"
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Nikki
Member
Maybe once a month. I have health problems (endometriosis, ovarian cysts and now a prolapsed bladder). I would prefer it if I was never touched again. I feel like a failure of a wife. My husband has been so good about things, but I know it bothers him. I can tell when he tries to initiate it and I turn him down. This has been going on for YEARS. My bladder just started to prolapse a couple months ago and I am now getting serious about taking care of things once and for all. I have to go for some tests this month and the doctors and I will "discuss options". I'm not discussing anything. I want a hysterectomy and my bladder fixed. No ifs, ands or buts. If my doctors won't do it, then I'll go to another and then another and then another. 8+ years of pain and surgeries....I'm DONE. I want my life back.
Sorry....I just rambled.
Sorry....I just rambled.
mariamaria
Member
About once ever 4-5 weeks. All my fault I might add because I just never seem to be in the mood and I mean never..You gotta feel sorry for my hubby!
mariamaria
Member
would love to but it's lockedNikki and Mariamaria, I'm starting a thread in the Ladies Forum for a more open discussion about what you've shared... Perhaps you can look in on it.
I'd discuss it here but...(too many men around.)
Mike
Member
would love to but it's locked
You have to request access from your profile page. It's on the left side - "Groups".
Pizzaguy
Member
And YOU gotta hope no other lady does. ;)
(Not being snotty - but please keep communicating wth him, at least.
Pizzaguy
Member
In my recent marriage, and we were both 50 years old, I know it was over 12 times a month.
I guess our "goal" was to keep up with the crowd that was living together but not married!!!
mariamaria
Member
I've done that
mariamaria
Member
we very openly talk about it and he's very understanding although my fear is that he'll get fed up with the situationAnd YOU gotta hope no other lady does. ;)
(Not being snotty - but please keep communicating wth him, at least.
mariamaria
Member
No problem...Thanks for letting me inI am at fault, sorry
andyboylester
Member
Hmm... well, since the birth of our youngest daughter, ten months ago, we've managed it...(drum roll)...err twice.
Mainly due to tiredness on my wifes part as baby is a poor sleeper and often ends up in our bed at night (great form of contraception that one is
).
Well, I get frustrated, but I find I don't want to discuss it with her in case I come across as pressuring her into anything. It does create difficulty for me as far as trying to keep my thought-life pure. Porn is a very real temptation.
I suppose I could do with a bit of prayer, if anyone felt like it.
Mainly due to tiredness on my wifes part as baby is a poor sleeper and often ends up in our bed at night (great form of contraception that one is
).Well, I get frustrated, but I find I don't want to discuss it with her in case I come across as pressuring her into anything. It does create difficulty for me as far as trying to keep my thought-life pure. Porn is a very real temptation.
I suppose I could do with a bit of prayer, if anyone felt like it.