[__ Prayer __] gay, gay, gay

[Christ_empowered]

yes, its me...again...

I --was-- a homely flamer. --sigh-- looking back, maybe I had nutritional problems? That might explain some of the gender weirdness...and other stuff... anyway...

...now, I'm not homely. I'm also --gasp-- not a flamer. I am, however, still --not-- heterosexual. At this point, I can tell I'm (still) non-heterosexual by my affect on other people. I have a softness, so there's an affect on women. I'm much more masculine now, and that seems to make dealing with men...interesting...

I dunno. I'm not upset about not liking the ladies, nor do I expect to be accommodated in that sense. I understand that homosexual practice--sodomy, especially as the core of one's identity, as in the gay community--is a no go. Its just...

...well, I don't know what to make of it, now. Looking back, I see that gay relationships don't go anywhere all that great. On a good day, things fizzle out, so the dudes are seeing other people while maintaining a steady "partner." I don't know what its like for the ladies, but...monogamy is the exception to the rule in the gay world, and most relationships are relatively short-lived.

Maybe that's why its declared an "abomination" ? Something about the 2 gender set up...doesn't leave much wiggle room for same sex unions, it seems.

But...OK...there's "gay" and then there's "queer." I don't mesh well with gay dudes, but I am (apparently...) queer. I'm taller now, not homely...but I am also prettier than most heterosexual dudes, for some reason (I think its the high cheek bones I'm sporting these days, LOL).

Ugh. I think I'm pondering this because I'd like to go to church, but...the more conservative churches will want to do something about all this, and the more "progressive" churches will probably wanna talk about me getting a "life partner" or....something...

...and I really just wanna be in church, get my soul fed, and get on with life. Not everybody gets married, you know? Paul wasn't married. In The NT, widows of a certain age are encouraged to stay celibate. It is what it is, I guess.

"Queer" is...to be something of The Other. I read this essay once, long time ago, by Simone de Beauvoir (probably misspelled, LOL)...anyway, she said that homosexuals contain an element of the feminine within them/us, and her theory (seems to have been rooted in her take on psychoanalysis...) was that this presence of the other within homosexuals=more creativity, and also...more craziness. Ugh.

That stuck with me. I --had-- a 120 IQ, I was a flamer, blah blah blah. Now, I apparently have a higher IQ estimate, I'm not a flamer, but...

...I'm here, I'm queer. Guess I better get used to it, LOL.

Kinda ranting and rambling, yet again, but also...I just want a space in which I can --be-- and not be expected to turn straight or partner up, or...basically, I'm kinda frustrated by being Queer in Christian Places.

And...I'm finished. For now. Thanks.

 

[Eugene]

Ugh. I think I'm pondering this because I'd like to go to church, but...the more conservative churches will want to do something about all this, and the more "progressive" churches will probably wanna talk about me getting a "life partner" or....something...

Have you ever considered that in life you're not going to please others more than likely until you're pleased with you? There's much information about your past others don't need to know, can't handle, and at best becomes a matter of toleration to those not judging righteously. Paul did live unmarried as you say, but he could tolerate the fire, and I believe that to be of lust, but in
1Co 7:8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
1Co 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
In your present tense you've no option, because if you do find a tolerant or progressive church that would promote a relationship that is against nature (Rom 1:26); don't just walk away, RUN.

 

[Christ_empowered]

yeah...I kinda have overloaded this forum...sorry about that, Eugene.

 

[LovethroughDove]

I don't know if you've heard me talk about my gay cousin I'm good friends with? Anything you say, I put it up against what he is going through right now and you are always spot on. Meaning, he has been with his partner for over 10 years. They have built somewhat of a life together, but he ALWAYS lacks something from the relationship. They are not monogamous and I'm not surprised that it isn't working out how he pictures it.

I just want to let you know that I appreciate your candid assessment of what you went/go through.

 

[Kidron]

CE,


I knew a unique gay person in the mid 90s, and i would have endless discussions with him about his "gayness".
There is nothing he enjoyed talking about more, as far as i could tell.
(We worked for the same company for a while, and that is how i got to know him).
And like all devout homosexuals, he was always trying to talk about it......in fact loved to try to shock you with it (if you were straight), and try to get you to react.
Homosexuals always like to entertain themselves this way.
Yet, He could quote entire chapters of 1st John.
I asked "Gary" once......."if you knew that right now God could change your desires from gay to straight, wouldn't you want Him to do this"..
He replied absolutely with assurance..... "NO NO NO "> that he would not want to be changed.
He loved it., and wanted more. And this is because he was addicted to gay bar bathroom sex, the quickie sodomite hookups found anywhere and everywhere. He was truly chained to the constant craving he had to always be trying to find the next sex partner.
I feel that Gary is typical of the mind, heart condition, and severe lust problem, that you find that exists deep within the typical Lesbian or Homosexual male.
I personally feel that nearly all homosexuals, practicing, have a seared conscience.
I remember an FM radio song, "Constant craving", that was a big hit for a lesbian singer (KD Lang) a few decades ago, as her lyrics expertly described within this song her typical daily hunt., that is the gay lifestyle.....this "constant craving".
Its the same one that the soon to be cremated sodomites in Genesis 19:5 expressed to Lot when they wanted to "know" the angels he had with him.
That was their "constant craving" for "new flesh", that all practicing homosexuals are completely preoccupied with, 24/7.
I believe that the homosexual's "constant craving" is directly related to their seared conscience

So, i recognize you and your particular urges and why you write threads like this one, and im really glad that you are honest about yourself, and with yourself, and i truly hope that you find soon that you are no longer captivated ever again by these urges..
My friend Gary didnt want to change back to normal, but i feel that you are a different mind and a new creation, and as you continue to renew your mind i believe you'll eventually be able to escape the former and never look back......and never want to.


<K><

 

[Runner]

yeah...I kinda have overloaded this forum...sorry about that, Eugene.

If you have "overloaded" the forum (which I don't think anyone thinks for a moment you have), at least you've overloaded it with posts that are genuinely interesting and honest.

It's unfortunate (or at least I believe it is) how large "sexuality" looms in Christian thinking. I guarantee you that if everyone here were required to honestly post his or her sexual peccadillos and fantasies, no one would emerge unscathed. There would be a lot of red faces and a lot of "OH. MY GOD, IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A CHRISTIAN SITE???" reactions. I think we all have "the Other" within ourselves to one degree or another - not necessarily in the sense of homosexual inclinations, but certainly in the sense of aspects of ourselves, often sexual, that seem to be part and parcel of who we are but that even we find disturbing or repulsive and constantly fight to control.

One of my theories has always been that Christian leaders so often spectacularly self-destruct in headline-making ways precisely because they refuse to acknowledge and deal with the Other in themselves, thinking that the Other is, if not actually demonic, at least unworthy of a Christian leader. So when the Other finally escapes from the box in which it's been confined, it does so in a spectacularly embarrassing way. Better (IMO) to honestly acknowledge and accept the Other as part of oneself - which, as you realize, doesn't mean letting the Other have its way.

The only requirement for total honesty is between you and God. In any church setting, I certainly wouldn't feel any obligation to reveal anything whatsoever about your Other or anything else that might result in discomfort. "I really just wanna be in church, get my soul fed, and get on with life" is all they need to know.

personally feel that nearly all homosexuals, practicing, have a seared conscience.
I remember an FM radio song, "Constant craving", that was a big hit for a lesbian singer (KD Lang) a few decades ago, as her lyrics expertly described within this song her typical daily hunt., that is the gay lifestyle.....this "constant craving".
Its the same one that the soon to be cremated sodomites in Genesis 19:5 expressed to Lot when they wanted to "know" the angels he had with him.
That was their "constant craving" for "new flesh", that all practicing homosexuals are completely preoccupied with, 24/7.
I believe that the homosexual's "constant craving" is directly related to their seared conscience

Plenty of heterosexuals, including heterosexual Christians, do or at least should have seared consciences and are caught up in the same "constant craving" game. A committed marital relationship really does put sexuality in a different light and bring an added dimension to it. Homosexuals are indeed notoriously promiscuous, but rampant promiscuity is by no means confined to the homosexual community. Even a pornography addiction expresses itself as a constant craving for "new flesh."

 

[Eugene]

yeah...I kinda have overloaded this forum...sorry about that, Eugene.

No problem.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks for the replies, prayers, etc.