[__ Prayer __] get through it

[Christ_empowered]

OK. so, the taunting continues, at times. "God's work in this world is -always- met with opposition." I read that in a book once.

I -was- ugly. I'm not now. I -was- sick, at all levels. I'm remarkably healthy now, and I'm even making strides in my "recovery from psychosis," by God's grace. I -was- a flamer. I'm not heterosexual, but I am more masculine now.

Such were some of you, but you were washed and made clean...

true of any Christian, especially true of me. My old psych records are filled with an alphabet soup of labels and falsehoods (this only matters because my parents got me a good lawyer...without him, I'd maybe be in a state hospital...). Truth? I was a mixed up, messed up, wretched human being...

...and Jesus saved me! (is saving me, I pray will save me...).

Ugh. I get down about it. The Lord has transformed me so, so much, and I -am- increasingly thankful. Just think...homely, short "flamer" is transformed after a worse than wasted life. Yes! God is good!

The taunts get rough, but I see now that its just a part of life. "Mental patients" generally don't matter to people. I'm blessed...my parents are higher status now, plus I get disability, so I live w/ them. I'm comfortable, safe, healthy, well-dressed, well taken care of...and I need that, trust me.

I've been praying that The Lord will take my past from my mind and forgive me for looking back so much. By His grace, I'm moving forward, one step at a time.

I'm very much a work-in-progress, of course. I need to lose weight and work out, which is actually possible now, because The Lord has willed to make healthy. I need to build a social life, which is challenging, but not impossible.

Ugh. my parents love me, and they're kind to me. That's...huge! I'm increasingly capable of being kind to them, too. We get along well. I see now that a lot of The Lord's work in my life is for them, too. For example...I had reasonably thick hair, and then I dyed it waaay too much, plus other factors...I destroyed most of my follicles. Seriously. When that happens, you do -not- get regrowth ("scarring alopecia"). Sad times :-(

So...now....my hair is ridiculously thick, wavy, and healthy. For whatever reason, it apparently looks like a high dollar dye job (for obvious reasons, I have a 0 peroxide policy now, LOL). Now and then, I'll catch my mother looking over at me...especially when the light hits my hair...and she looks so much...happier...

OK. For those of you who take the time to read these--thank you!!!. I realize now that a lot of you keep my family and me up in prayer, anyway, and I'm thankful. God is good!

I guess I'm posting here because...ugh. God is good! People...not so much. A lot of what I'm dealing with, now, is 0 compared to what -could- be happening, or what -could- have happened, had God not seen fit to spare me. I get that, now. I didn't, for a long time.

I think I'm maturing in Christ, and in general. The world is rough on people, especially when you mess up...and I started low status AND I messed up, royally. Ouch. But...

...through it all, God spared me, then I came to believe upon Jesus. Just a bit less than 5 years in, I've been transformed, inside and out. Verna tells me, now and then, "Jesus looks past our flaws and see our needs," and I'm beginning to see that...per usual...she's right.

Thanks.

 

[Eugene]

"Jesus looks past our flaws and see our needs,"

Your need is the very thing that draws you to God, and keeps you in the attitude to receive of Him.
Narcissism you were delivered of is the self appropriation of all you had, and were akin to the Laodiceans in Rev 3:17 being lukewarm and having need of nothing. They didn't know that they were wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked.

 

[Christ_empowered]

good Scripture, Eugene. I hadn't thought of that, and now...wow. You're spot on.

Fully putting aside what is behind will require more work of God in my heart+life. I see now that I've -still- been trying to "do" Christianity in the flesh, so...ugh. Not a good thing, clearly.

Thanks again.

 

[Pegasus]

good Scripture, Eugene. I hadn't thought of that, and now...wow. You're spot on.

Fully putting aside what is behind will require more work of God in my heart+life. I see now that I've -still- been trying to "do" Christianity in the flesh, so...ugh. Not a good thing, clearly.

Thanks again.

Hang in there Bro. Christ loves you. That alone is such comfort!

God Bless!

 

[Christ_empowered]

me, yet again. God is good! Truth is...I wasn't "college material" when I set out for college, age 17. Ideally, I shouldn't have graduated HS early, either (smart, but not brilliant, etc.). And now...

...The Lord has taken a wretched human being, with a worse than wasted life, and...I get the sense I've been redeemed. I'm healthy now, not ugly, smarter, etc. My parents and I have reconciled, which -is- a miracle. I have a new way of being, I'm less childish and immature, and...

...well, now I do not have NPD, but I live in a small, southern town, so I deal with the fall out from my sins of yesteryear. Not nearly as bad as it could be, of course. Oh, and...for whatever reason...I now have bona fide (but...thankfully...treatable...) "mental health problems," so...there's that, too.

I thought about it, and...well, "severe mental illness" is never a party, but at least the way The Lord has moved in my life...I get disability, my parents take good care of me, and I have some much needed "breathing room" in which to figure out where to go from here, as a New Creation in Christ Jesus.

If my parents had not gotten me a lawyer, I'd be locked up somewhere. If we hadn't reconciled, I'd probably be living in -real- poverty. Lack of stuff is only part of the problem...I'm stigmatized, too, so lack of stuff+stigma=NO FUN. Thankfully...

...The Lord has moved mightily in my life! "Severe mental illness" is...not fun, but mine is manageable, with a newer "atypical" tranquilizer, counseling now and then, no big thing I guess. Thing about that is...

...I see now that very few people receive the quality of care I receive. I mean, I don't think I'm coddled or anything...counseling every 8 weeks, shrink every 4 months...but a lot of Mental Health, Inc. seems almost designed to keep people down, keep people "sick," etc. I don't pretend to know what that's about. I know some at the clinic have a problem with me, as evidenced by the under the breath comments, eye rolls, etc. Oh well. I'm apparently "uppity" and/or "nothing special" and/or "always trying to be special," so on and so forth.

Thanks for the ongoing prayers, support, replies, etc. You know...totally off topic here, but here goes...for a lot of reasons, I lean (very) left on many things. Part upbringing, part my own experiences, part just...how I view the world, right now. Having said that--and this is not to make this political or anything, just something I've observed--a lot of times, "conservatives" have been more compassionate towards me, on a 1-on-1 basis, than the most "progressive" people. I'll more than likely never vote GOP (ever...), but I know many of you did/do, Verna did, and...yeah. Just...interesting, to me. I guess our bond in Christ is the -big- thing, thank goodness.

OK. Time to refill mah coffee mug. Thanks again.