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Jack Spratt

Jack Spratt

Member
My wife and I have a difference of opinion on a certain subject. We have been married for 22 years today and almost all of them have been rocky.
The subject is dealing with "love languages". I say that words are cheap if someone asks you to say them compared to you saying them from your heart. It can also be paralleled by saying a gift given by choice is far more of a gift than if someone tells you to get it for you.

One of my wife's love languages is "words of affirmation". She was feeling unloved and told me to tell her some things that make me attracted to her. I told her that "words are cheap" unless they come from the heart and are not just asked of someone. She was offended and said the words are not cheap to her. They are one of her love languages. I argued that.. if I say the words on my own accord they will really mean something but to just ask me to say something to appease her would make them cheap.

What do others think?
 
Sorry jack i happen to sorta agree with both of you.. As a wife of 50 years ...... The actions of you saying nice things might make for a great change....
 
Jack Spratt said:
My wife and I have a difference of opinion on a certain subject. We have been married for 22 years today and almost all of them have been rocky.
The subject is dealing with "love languages". I say that words are cheap if someone asks you to say them compared to you saying them from your heart. It can also be paralleled by saying a gift given by choice is far more of a gift than if someone tells you to get it for you.

One of my wife's love languages is "words of affirmation". She was feeling unloved and told me to tell her some things that make me attracted to her. I told her that "words are cheap" unless they come from the heart and are not just asked of someone. She was offended and said the words are not cheap to her. They are one of her love languages. I argued that.. if I say the words on my own accord they will really mean something but to just ask me to say something to appease her would make them cheap.

What do others think?
Click to expand...
Oh my friend women need to hear those words that make her feel special as your wife.You love your wife?Then tell her you love her.What is holding you back?If someone puts a gun to your head and told you that you had to tell your wife that you love her then that is not from the heart and it is not love....right?I think you are right.No one has to want to be forced to tell someone how special they are to them.You need to do it honestly because you feel it.Take her out to dinner.Buy her something special and bring it home.You have to keep the marriage going and that means keeping your communication towards each other going.That goes both ways.Don't let your marriage go stagnate.That can be dangerous in a marriage.

http://club31women.com/2014/01/free-printable-20-little-things-make-big-difference-marriage/
 
Last edited:
Jack Spratt said:
I argued that.. if I say the words on my own accord they will really mean something but to just ask me to say something to appease her would make them cheap.

What do others think?
Click to expand...

Stop being such a man and tell your wife how beautiful she is.
.
 
I have been married twice.I tried.I have always wanted to be married to someone for a lifetime like my parents. :sad
 
TOG said:
I think it's illegal to marry your parents.

The TOG​
Click to expand...
:lol

I have been married twice.I tried.I have always wanted to be married to someone for a lifetime like my parents
Like my parents were.Not to my parents.
 
Like most women my ex-wife was like that. She needed constant affirmation. She would say I love you, and if i didn't say it back, it was like my love for her was in question or something. It felt to me that that it was robotic and took away from the reality of it and took it to some sort of twisted contractual obligatory place instead of the heart.

Though I was mindful of her need to be reaffirmed, and didn't want to be confrontational about it, I attempted to strike a balance. I am of the mind that one can easily over-use compliments. Women are always being complimented, and so a lot of them slide off of them I think, sounding like a line or whatever. So what I tried was when she would say I love you, I would respond with thank you so much that makes me feel wonderful. And to, to a certain extent, restrain the over used compliments and not go blubbering along all day to her sounding like some sort of desperate puppy, but to choose my moments to compliment her or to say I love you. With the idea being that less frequent compliments do not sound fake or contractural and I would choose my compliments wisely and my wording. it is not hard to look for the good in people and see something worth complimenting other than their beauty, though at times this has to be mentioned also. Same thing with saying I love you...it had to be at a time of my choosing to not seem fake I think. Even if it was a mere 60 seconds later, still mine. Thank you honey, get up, go to the bathroom, come out i love you because...Boom, there you go.

Take that for what it's worth brother. It did work very well for me even though she did eventually become materialistic and wandered off :sad After 26 years too, dangit.
 
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Thank you so much for all the replies to my post. I enjoy the humorous ones to.."like my parents". As my daughter says "punctuation saves lives".
Let's eat grandma or Let's eat, grandma.....:lol.

Anyway, to the one that said "stop being such a man". This is good advice, however, I already cook all the meals, clean the house every week, clean the kitchen, make the kids lunches, and help with laundry. All this on top of changing the oil in the cars, cutting the lawn, shoveling the snow, fixing anything that breaks and taxi for the kids whenever they need to go anywhere or be picked up.

As you can see, my "love language would probably be acts of service.

The topic I originally posted on was an out of the blue "you don't think I'm attractive cause you brought meat up to thaw for supper and sat it on the counter and all you said was,,,, I got some chops out to thaw for supper... you didn't give me a hug or say anything as you walked by me.... therefore you don't think I'm attractive....tell me that you think I'm attractive and why".....

I agree, Kathi, women need to hear these things, a lot. But isn't it 100% better if I say it from my heart than parrot her if she demands it?

Is a gift really a gift if I tell someone to get it and give it to me? This is my question.

As men we will have to continually "learn" about our wife. It's just that some things make me uncomfortable. Sometimes it's like she has written the script and I have to follow it. Is that real love. Is that real affection, are they real compliments. Isn't this why God gave us free will in the first place? Because He didn't want robotic love and worship?

I guess it's because I am the total opposite. Don't tell me I look nice, you love me, are glad to see me or I did a good job if it is just lip service. Don't do something for me just because I told you to. Do it because you want to. If you don't want to do it... don't. (unless you my kid..then you better do it :salute:poke)

I know, Kathi, I will be intentional about telling her more often, from my heart so she doesn't have to ask... this is what I am taking from this. That's good advice.
 
Jack Spratt said:
Thank you so much for all the replies to my post. I enjoy the humorous ones to.."like my parents". As my daughter says "punctuation saves lives".
Let's eat grandma or Let's eat, grandma.....:lol.

Anyway, to the one that said "stop being such a man". This is good advice, however, I already cook all the meals, clean the house every week, clean the kitchen, make the kids lunches, and help with laundry. All this on top of changing the oil in the cars, cutting the lawn, shoveling the snow, fixing anything that breaks and taxi for the kids whenever they need to go anywhere or be picked up.

As you can see, my "love language would probably be acts of service.

The topic I originally posted on was an out of the blue "you don't think I'm attractive cause you brought meat up to thaw for supper and sat it on the counter and all you said was,,,, I got some chops out to thaw for supper... you didn't give me a hug or say anything as you walked by me.... therefore you don't think I'm attractive....tell me that you think I'm attractive and why".....

I agree, Kathi, women need to hear these things, a lot. But isn't it 100% better if I say it from my heart than parrot her if she demands it?

Is a gift really a gift if I tell someone to get it and give it to me? This is my question.

As men we will have to continually "learn" about our wife. It's just that some things make me uncomfortable. Sometimes it's like she has written the script and I have to follow it. Is that real love. Is that real affection, are they real compliments. Isn't this why God gave us free will in the first place? Because He didn't want robotic love and worship?

I guess it's because I am the total opposite. Don't tell me I look nice, you love me, are glad to see me or I did a good job if it is just lip service. Don't do something for me just because I told you to. Do it because you want to. If you don't want to do it... don't. (unless you my kid..then you better do it :salute:poke)

I know, Kathi, I will be intentional about telling her more often, from my heart so she doesn't have to ask... this is what I am taking from this. That's good advice.
Click to expand...
Yes,it needs to come from the heart.It is nice that you do so much around the house.
 
If the husband is out of alignment with God it will be reflected in his marriage, kids, and all areas in his life. Your wife is a reflection how God feels about your rebellion against Him. Every man must be under the divine authority of God or chaos will be the visible result of his rebellion against God. When you are in alignment with the Lord, He will expand your capacity to receive more from Him.

When they ate of the fruit, God came and said, "Adam where are you!" Not Adam and Eve where are y'all. Genesis 3:9 NKJV

Many men want to know why God is not listening to me when I pray - because you are not under authority. You handle your money your way, not God's way. You handle your time your way, not God's way. You raise your children your way not God's way. You relate to your mate your way, not God's way. You're not under my authority and you want to know why does it keep raining on my head...because the umbrella is not covering you!

Every woman should say to their husband, "If you would follow Christ, I will follow you. Because you are under authority, I will be under authority." This will encourage your Husband to take his biblical role. Now the good news is he is under authority. The bad news is, if you don't follow him you are now insubordinate. Therefore God removes His hands from you.

God wants to bring His power, presence, and blessings in our marriage.

http://www.openbible.info/topics/husbands_loving_their_wives
 
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