thanks. undoubtedly, God has been good to me, and I am increasingly thankful.
At this point, I'd like to make a way forward and just...work, live, be normal(ish) (by "normal," I mean more autonomous, engaged, etc.), but...
I don't think I can move anywhere. I shouldn't, really...I need my parents, and when they get older, they might need me. So...the -big- thing is that I Praise God, grow in godliness and grace, and somehow mature enough to be a prop to my parents when they hit old age. and...
along the way, I'd like to -not- be slathered in labels, but that seems impossible, around here. Jesus never promised us a rose garden. Its..odd...
when the shrinks had utterly and completely destroyed me, I was labeled as a "pathetic, low IQ weakling." A former psychiatrist -literally- laughed in my face, in public. and now...
well, I said "Jesus healed me!" before...you know...I got genuinely, truly saved...and that's apparently evidence of "Schizophrenia." blah. on the plus side...
The Lord has willed to recreate me. I was even sickly as a tween and teenager, before i got into bad stuff. It was all downhill from there, predictably. But now...
I'm remarkably healthy! One way I judge my health is by my skin. I know, sounds kinda...vain, I guess. But get this...when I was sickly, then sick, then patched up from having been deathly ill...
I had facial dandruff (severe when sick, not as bad once patched up). I had dry skin. I looked a good bit older than my age. My hair was visibly thinned and dry. I also had scalp probs, on occasion. And now...
the facial dandruff is basically a non-issue, except when I don't shave for a long long time (it -is- partly genetic and hormone driven, but its also affected by the immune system...AIDS patients, cancer patients, and I think some people with Parkinson's are prone to such skin problems). When it pops up, its so minor compared to the heavy duty outbreaks I Had in years past...I don't require major treatment (drug store cortisone is all I need on those rare occasions...I used to need to slather on Rx cortisone, which damages the skin over the long haul...). And...
I look a bit younger than my age. 34 is not old, especially in modern society, but my skin is healthy enough (which means I"m healthy enough...) for me to look 28-30. Not the fountain of youth, but...very good health, brought to me by Christ.
The hair is thick and healthy, my scalp is good to go with drugstore dandruff shampoos (for a while there, I was heavy duty user of a liquid cortisone product, for on the scalp use, available only by prescription...that, too, damages the skin, over time....). so...
yeah. again, kinda rambling, but its a -big- deal for me and for my family, and I'm thankful. Deal is...
I'm now physically healthy, on good terms with God in and thru Christ Jesus (YES!), not on drugs or drink, on good terms with my (loving, long suffering, kind) parents, and....
"Schizophrenia" is my label in this area. I Mean, with a "good family" (read: not middle-middle class, not rich) behind me, its not terrible...I get disability, I live in what basically amounts to a soft, genteel sort of poverty or somewhat above poverty....
and a lot of the "stuff" I go thru is God's work in my life not going along with "the way the world works," etc. its crazy...how when one is an outcast...--everyone-- has an opinion, --everyone-- thinks they know all about me, and it seems like lots of people, from all walks of life, want to "keep him in line," "put him in his place," etc. etc. etc. Oh, and..."teach him a lesson." that's a big one, too.
i guess this is part of 'be ye conformed not unto the ways of this world, but be ye transformed, by the renewal of your mind.' mental health, inc. seemed like a way forward when i was 16-18 or so...it proved to be a big death trap, as it has for many other people. thing is...
its just the way the world works. mental hospitals create mental patients, prisons create prisoners, noboby seems all that interested in helping people who end up on society's discard pile...
except for Jesus. In and thru Him, I now have a loving, kind family. Because of my loving, kind, and higher status family, I have a degree of freedom and safety that I enjoy, but that clearly does not sit well with a lot of people. oh well...
ALL good things come from The Lord. I am thankful, becoming ever more grateful as He moves in my heart and life ("attitude of gratitude"--I resisted at first because it sounded a bit corny, but it is important, however one phrases it...) and changes me...less me, more Jesus...more who I -really am-, in Christ Jesus.
God is good!
