Christian Forums

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

  • Focus on the Family

    Strengthening families through biblical principles.

    Focus on the Family addresses the use of biblical principles in parenting and marriage to strengthen the family.

  • Guest, Join Papa Zoom today for some uplifting biblical encouragement! --> Daily Verses
  • The Gospel of Jesus Christ

    Heard of "The Gospel"? Want to know more?

    There is salvation in no other, for there is not another name under heaven having been given among men, by which it behooves us to be saved."

Has God healed you of a mental illness?

2024 Website Hosting Fees

Total amount
$905.00
Goal
$1,038.00

Kelli

Member
The following is an excerpt from my journal on the day I was healed of depression and then I later wrote of it in my Bible study.

If you were hurt as a child physically and, or, emotionally, and likely you were, most people didn’t’ have a perfect childhood. Some of you, like me, may have an awful self image. I had a relentless bully living inside my head. If you have had some trauma in your life, It may stunt your emotional growth. I was over sensitive and very easily hurt even as an adult. I want to tell you how God began to heal me and get rid of the bully.

One day while at work I was listening to Christian radio. A therapist was the guest and he was speaking about one of his patients who had struggled for years with fear, because when she was a little girl a man broke into her home. Her dad chased the man all over the house, until the burglar finally ran into the little girls room and hid under her bed. Even though her father had rescued her all those years before, she still lived in fear.

The therapist had asked the woman to think back to the situation and pretend Jesus had been there. He asked her “how would the situation be different if Jesus would have been there?†He said “the woman thought for a moment and then started laughing. She said she imagined Jesus introducing her, and her dad to the burglar. She could see how frightened the burglar was, and the fear was gone for herâ€Â.

My father molested me when I was a child. It started when I was in second grade and even though I have been a Christian for almost thirty years, I lived with fear, continuous unrelenting fear, and self-hate. When I heard that broadcast, I asked God how I could have invited Him into my situation. I tried to think of scenarios that would make the circumstances funny like the woman in the story. I thought there is no way He could have helped my situation if He had been there. At the time, I was going through one of my dark depressions. On April 8, 2004 (Note: I wrote this day’s study on April 9,2004) I woke up and as usual looked in the mirror with morbid fascination looking at all the ugly parts of me. My big pores on my big nose I even had big pores on my chin. I hated my big soft dimply rolls of pasty fat, my big hanging stomach. I zeroed in on the ugly, and only the ugly, and found myself repulsive.

When I looked at myself, I thought about how much I looked like my dad. I also thought my dad was ugly. The thought of him, grossed me out. When I thought about him, I would think he had a big ugly nose with big pores, and a big fat hanging stomach. I thought he was lazy and spent too much money. I thought this way for years, even though I thought I had forgiven him.

That morning my spirit was so black, I was afraid to look in the Bible. Because I was fearful, God would confirm how ugly and vile I was. I had a constant self-hate dialog going on inside my head, but that morning the bully in me was particularly brutal. I tried to think of one thing, just one small little thing about myself that wasn’t grotesque or ugly. I couldn’t think of one thing.

I felt like a pile. I was sitting in our big chair and as I was praying and crying, thinking I just can’t be that ugly. People don’t point or walk on the other side of the street. I thought, my handsome husband loves me! I asked God “when did I get so ugly?†Was I ugly before my dad did that to me? I wrote in my journal “no little girls are ugly, unless someone makes them ugly.â€Â

That morning, God healed me of what I called my ugly. It was instantaneous, and amazing. A true miracle, only I can fully understand. While crying and praying, I asked God, how could You have been in that place with me? I thought about the first time my dad molested me.

I remembered my mom and dad were fighting and my mom slept with my sister and I slept with my dad. I remember my sister coming in to the room while my dad was molesting me. My memory of the incident is so vivid, my sister was wearing my brothers red pajamas they had white star burst on them. She said to my Dad, “Mom wants to know if you want to come in and sleep with her?†My little heart hoped and hoped because of what he had been doing to me. I hoped my big sister would rescue me. (I know now she was trying, because he had been doing the same thing to her) but my hope came crashing in on me when I heard him say, “no we are doing just fine here aren’t we†he turned and asked me. I remember my head screaming no, no, no we are not, please, please no! I don’t remember what I actually said or did. I just know he continued with the sickness.

While I was sitting in the chair, praying and crying, thinking back on that time. Still asking Jesus, “how could You have made anything good of that situation?†Suddenly I saw a vision of a road; it was a road of my life. It had an ugly, dark, heavy, oppressive, cloud full of shame and guilt over it. It was like a dark grey swirling tunnel of smoke, over the top of path, and Jesus and I were standing where I was, in the point of my life. Suddenly we started traveling back through my life and as we did the ugly flew upward and out of sight. Almost instantaneously we were at that point in my second grade life when I was beautiful, clean and innocent, before the ugly got there. All the ugly was gone! I immediately thought about my dad and the ugly in his life. He was severely abused by his mother and teachers when he was a child. I now hope with all my heart that my dad is in heaven with Jesus. Before I was healed, I didn’t care where he ended up. I remember him now as not just an abuser but also a funny, sad, and yes, sweet person.

I can’t tell you what a difference there has been in my life. Right after this happened I was thanking God for the ugly, because it is part of what made me who I am. I thanked God so much for making me, me. I had never done that. Never even come close to doing that.

The depression is completely gone, the relentless self-revulsion is mostly gone (body dysmorphic disorder). I used to hate social interaction because I would constantly use self-depreciating humor. I thought I would be tolerable to be around because it would make others feel better about themselves. It was self perpetuating, because when you do put yourself down, it gives others permission to put you down and it just confirmed what I thought of myself. I have heard it said, I felt like I had to be twice as good to be half as good as everyone else.

Now if you have made it all the way through that long post... I would love to hear of your healing experience. I have come to realize there are many people here who have difficulties, and it's helpful to hear how God has healed others.
 
Back
Top