[__ Prayer __] healing, spiritual warfare

[Christ_empowered]

me, yet again. LOL.

OK...slightly before I got saved, I said ((to a former shrink...it got spread all over the area...) that "God healed me," or...something like that. I was probably some degree of psychotic at the time, so its kinda hazy. And then...

I got saved while on bond for a serious charge...involving a former shrink. ugh. That was 5 years ago. And now...

By God's grace, I went from a serious felony (the paperwork they gave me at the jail indicated they were going for --15 years-- in prison!) down to a very serious misdemeanor. I was sentenced to a suspended sentence and lengthy probation (my state has weird laws...the "class a" misdemeanors are punishable by up to --3-- years in prison...weird, huh?). I ended up doing 3 years of probation, no probs, and then they released me early. I"ve been off probation for a bit over 1 year now, no legal trouble except for a seat belt violation (no...really...a -state trooper- pulled me over for that one, lol).

Anyway, now...I -do- believe in miracles! I'm now healthy, remarkably..."normal," even in ways that society values (more masculine, a bit taller, I even have crazy thick hair, even though I'd basically scarred my follicles, which is usually irreversible), and...somehow...my IQ estimate is a good bit higher now. I started with a 120 ("bright"), messed up, ended up with a 95, I was patched up, around 115 when I got saved (had obvious brain damage, etc., but a 115 IQ...drugs are bad, m'kay? so is electroshock, lol....), and now...

I don't know my IQ estimate, but its on the higher end of things. I'm not saying that to brag, far from it....I'm just really, really thankful. Thing is...

now, I get called a "Freak" and such, because I survived so much horrible stuff (cancer, AIDS, brain damage, etc.). Oh, yeah...the HIV. I tested + at age 20. Looking back, I had the beginnings of AIDS written all over me, already--skin problems, frequent bouts of minor illnesses, etc. Plus, I had all kinds of other physical probs going on....elevated liver enzymes, premature aging, probably the beginnings of cancer, obvious brain damage....it was...rough.

I'll soon be 34. 0 treatment for HIV/AIDS, 0 treatment for cancer and all the myriad other problems I must have had. True story. If Jesus hadn't moved so mightily in my life, my parents and I would -never- have reconciled, and I'd be in prison or maybe a group home, being drugged to the gills with high dose tranquilizers/antipsychotics. And so...

yeah. God is good! My parents are awesome, too. The world? Nope. My community, in particular, is...rough. Its The Bible Belt ("1,000 miles wide, 1 inch deep"). Lots of churches all over the place. Also...lots of poverty, crime, drugs, misery. I probably -should- have gone to the lovely state hospital (note the sarcasm), but...I had untreated HIV and everything else, so...not so much. "that's tax payer money," etc. Not to be too, too hard on southern culture....God made good of it for me! Most places, I'd be committed, especially now that I have the high(er) IQ (when one is a "mental patient," especially a "trouble maker..." its often darned if you do, darned if you don't....).

So...now...honestly, I'm -blown away- by God's goodness, and The Sweetness of The Lord. Seriously. On the one hand, I never got proper treatment for HIV, so...I got very sick, very quickly. That's...rough. On the other hand, The Lord spared me, even when I was deep in darkness, and now I"m remarkably healthy, so...

its looking like I've been spared a lifetime of antiretroviral treatment, which...btw...causes its own set of -serious- problems, especially over the long haul. Rambling...

point is, because my info has been shared from day 1, because I had AIDS, because I was so sick and messed up....I'm despised in the community. And now...

5 years or so after saying "God healed me" or whatever, its looking like I've been made whole, and healthy, and...a whole new person, a new creation in Christ Jesus, in a big, big way. I"m thankful. My parents are -clearly- thankful, too, and that's a huge blessing. Thing is...

well, this is the "spiritual warfare" component of the post, lol. I feel like every time The Lord wills good things for me, there's a backlash. Seriously. On the plus side, God is good (!!!), and He's blessed my parents and me throughout the whole thing. For instance...there were a couple times people tried to get my parents fired from their jobs, in part because of me, in part because they're upwardly mobile, so there's lots of small town nastiness going on. They're now "comfortable" and/or "well-to-do," which...is a huge blesing for all 3 of us. Because they have higher status, more resources, etc., I have a "buffer" against a harsh, unforgiving community. For them...well, they worked -very- hard their whole lives, went thru a lot, and now they've moved on up, like the Jeffersons, lol.

I just...well, I've repented of my fear and spirit of timidity. I"m beginning to "reframe" these things. It isn't "paranoia," it isn't even "an anxiety disorder;" its a sin pattern, and I need to repent and pray for what I need to do what Born Again Christians are called to do, fight the good fight, put on the mind of Christ, etc. God is good! I'm far less fearful, more rational about things, not a "weakling" or even a "loser," thanks to Christ....

but I'm stigmatized and labeled and picked on, and I'm just...trying to get over it, with Christ's help, as best I can. Its an ongoing thing. It certainly helps that The Lord has willed to make me so physically healthy, cuz...wow. Now that I'm healthy and all, I see how being sick, physically, can contribute to misery and straight up madness. I mean...its probably obvious to most people, but....being that deathly ill, then sickly, then burned out, then burned out but patched up...

no way to do much with life under those circumstances, not really. Now...I've been made whole, I've been made healthy, I've been blesed with a spirit of power, a spirit of love, and a spirit of a sound mind, and...

God is good! But, the small town pariah stuff continues. I'm getting better at dealing with it, I really am. The current label thrown at me in the community is "Schizophrenia." Thing is...I don't know if there really is such a thing as "Schizophrenia." I think sometimes people go crazy, some people end up recovering, other people need help getting thru life....and I don't think the pills and shock 'treatments' and everything else really helps the "patients," but it does give shrinks money and power, and then society as a whole can just dismiss some people as "Schizophrenic," instead of having to dig a little deeper and think on -why- some people can't make a go of things in modern society. Rambling, again...

OK. I know a lot of you pray for me, anyway, and I -am- thankful. I just ask that you remember my parents and me in your prayers, especially now that I've been transformed into someone who might--gasp--end up doing something constructive and good with his life, thanks to Christ.

Thanks.

 

[Tessa]

Your testimonies always amaze me CE. I will always pray for you and your parents.
And remember you are well loved here and even more so by God.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks!

I"m not trying to hog the prayer board, LOL, but...whoa! especially in my neighborhood, its rough. I get taunted, its weird, people yell about "warrants," "prison," etc., and I"m just like...stop! But I don't say anything, because clearly...what I say doesn't matter to people around here, and neither does the truth, either. ugh.

I think the deal is....my parents are fairly recently in the upper-middle class, "genteel," "comfortable," blah blah blah bracket. I mean, I'm thankful, I really am, but its not something I try to put too much faith in. I'm glad The Lord blessed them with more resources, higher status, but I"m trying to put my faith in Christ and not so much in "stuff." anyway...

because, when I got in trouble, I probably should not have been alive and I'd been thru a lot, and because my parents had recently "arrived," they sprang for a good lawyer. Mama got him for the bond hearing, then I bonded out, and dad agreed to retain him for the whole case. and now...

I got saved (for realsies) on bond, had to move back in with my parents. I was on bond for almost 1 year, before sentencing, then I ended up with the very serious misdemeanor, probation, etc. God is good!

point is...because I was considered a "working class loser" as a kid and teenager, -everything- about The Lord's work in my life and my parents' lives is rubbing people the wrong way. Seriously. It doesn't help that southern culture tends to be more anti-intellectual than American culture as a whole (and american culture as a whole has a -strong- anti-intellectual streak...), and my parents are now "well-to-do intellectuals," or as the locals like to say...."fat cat intellectuals," lol. ugh. it is what it is...

oh, and my new face. seriously. I was homely, sickly, short teenager, then ugly, at times hideous, and now I"m....aesthetically pleasing, in a pretty way, but not a feminine pretty, if that makes sense. its...great, and actually, my mother's father was a pretty dude, too, so thats kinda cool. I'm also tall enough now, healthy, etc., so....all around, The Lord has willed a way, where there really wasn't one, not by worldly means. I'm thankful.

but...man oh man...now, people say I get "laser peels," that my parents are shelling out to have my face fixed. they're even saying that I spend $$$ to get my hair highlighted, etc. Beats being in poverty, jail, prison, etc., but its like....seriously?!?! my dad did some contract-based work for a local plastic surgeon, and I think that business connection has fueled some speculation, too, so...yeah. there ya go, lol.

I -am- blessed beyond measure, and I -am- increasingly thankful. I just don't care for all the flack I get from people, that's all. But...

"He whom The Son has set free is set free, indeed," and I claim that one. Big time! I never went to prison, never went to the state hospital, but..man oh man, I lived in such bondage and oppression. ugly, sick, low IQ, stigmatized, labeled, dead eyed, etc....on and on it went, and now...

saved and set free. Praise God!

 

[Tessa]

Praise God indeed. He does set us all free!

 

[Christ_empowered]

yeah, that's the thing....its like what the Pentecostals taught me....God moves differently in different peoples' lives, but His work follows certain (beautiful) themese, such as restoration, reconciliation, healing, etc. God is good!

 

[Michael74]

Praise the Lord.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks

sorry to keep sharing my testimony over and over, its just...well, I was given heavy, involuntary shock 'treatments,' so until recently...everything was a big, painful blur. oh, and the lobotomy, or whatever operation that was....not good. i was apathetic, no social skills, easily exploited, no real personality, no initiative, etc. ugh. but now...

"you must die to be born again." that dude--thank God--is no longer with us. God is good! somehow, I have the high(er) IQ estimate. More importantly...I am -not- apathetic, I have social skills, I Have a new personality, I have initiative, etc. Oh, and I no longer have the horrible Thorazine shuffle (stiff gait and such, from antipsychotics) and tardive dyskinesia (facial tics...again, from antipsychotics).

Being taunted and such is rough, but....jail would be 100x worse, with no way out. state hospital? ugh. I don't want to think on that. even...living in that little apartment was miserable. I'm safe with my parents, I'm even comfortable and often surprisingly happy. God is good!

On the one hand, I -hate- being labeled as "Schizophrenic." Not that I"m "too good" to be "Schizophrenic," just...wow. Seriously?!?! Its a total and complete invalidation of a human being. On the other hand...

"play the hand you're dealt." Eugene taught me that, and I'm getting there, by God's grace. I -do- need help, (re)learning how to live in the world, how to grow up and do things, etc. Maybe "Schizophrenia" isn't real, in the sense of existing as a valid, biologically-rooted entity. Oh well. Its very real from a social standpoint, even from a legal standpoint. And...

thankfully, my official diagnosis is -still- (somehow...) Bipolar I. I'm guessing "Bipolar I, w/psychotic features." Its not ideal, but its less stigmatizing than Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective, and its far less likely to result in involuntary treatment, hospitalization, etc. Is it "really" Bipolar I? I don't know. My IQ estimate now is higher than what I started with. IQ estimate isn't that big a deal--I'm really just glad to not be obviously brain damaged, with a dull-average IQ--but it does show that God has honored a long-time wish: to be a completely different person. New personality, new IQ. Fun fact: my hair has grown back, and its actually thicker than when I was a kid...and its a different color, too. Not a radical change, but...I never could go back to being who I was, before my own sins+the shrinks did me in. No way. So, now, God has made me into a whole new person, and I've been blessed with things I never, ever had before.

OK. I'll cool it with the rambling, LOL...thanks again.

 

[Tessa]

I wouldn't worry whether bipolar or scizophrenia CE. Anyone can suffer from either at some point it all depends what happens in life. People have a different level of threshold, if trauma causes a person to reach their threshold they are in danger of either illness. As a doctor told my daughter "it can happen to anyone."

Look how far you've come. Tremendous! So glad you took God into your life.

 

[Christ_empowered]

yeah...my big thing is...I cannot -stand- stigma, labels, etc. ugh. I prefer the Bipolar I diagnosis because it isn't -as- stigmatizing as "Schizophrenia." Is it accurate? No idea, honestly.

meanwhile...I just took the little girl dog outside, and the redneck neighbors were talking about "warrants" and such. ugh. I don't get it. That's the other thing...maybe mental illness is real, in the sense that treatments can help, but...a lot of what I've seen of psychiatry and basically all of Mental Health, Inc. leads me to believe that is pretty much an evil industry. Seriously.