[__ Prayer __] "he'll never become a man"

[Christ_empowered]

That's what lots of dudes in my small town like to say about me. Without The Lord...whoa. "Flamers" pretty much don't matter. Don't let the media fool you, either; after age 25 or so, gay dudes don't treat "flamers" any better than the rest of society. And yet...

I was 28 whenI got saved, which qualified me as an "over the hill flamer." Now, I'm 33 years old, healthy, and...gasp...not a flamer. I'm not suddenly a red blooded, All American man's man, but I'm not "gender non-conforming" or...whatever. Again; God is good!

But, hey; "in the world, but not of it" means...well...I'm still in this world, even this zipcode, until God wills otherwise. "God's work in this world is always met with opposition." I remember that line from a book I read, once.

Point is...--now-- that I"m not a flamer, --now-- that I'm healthy and bright eyed and being made remarkably...whole...

well, -now- its something of a soft spot. Long story short...around here, I was treated like a lot of "uppity" women are treated, you know...when they "don't know their place," etc. The only difference I can think of is that people tried to send me to prison (if I'd been female, it probably would have been a mental hospital), and they often say that "he's too OLD." Again; I'm all of --33--.

OK. Part vent, part...piecing it together, the messed up world I live in ("wise as serpents, innocent as doves"-good to understand the dynamics of the world around you), part...

I guess yet another Prayer Request. Thanks, as always.

 

[eddif]

We chose not to sing Peter Pan
I won’t grow up.

Rather
Ephesians 4:11 KJV
And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers;
12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:
13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ:

Hang in there.

eddif

 

[Pegasus]

That's what lots of dudes in my small town like to say about me. Without The Lord...whoa. "Flamers" pretty much don't matter. Don't let the media fool you, either; after age 25 or so, gay dudes don't treat "flamers" any better than the rest of society. And yet...

I was 28 whenI got saved, which qualified me as an "over the hill flamer." Now, I'm 33 years old, healthy, and...gasp...not a flamer. I'm not suddenly a red blooded, All American man's man, but I'm not "gender non-conforming" or...whatever. Again; God is good!

But, hey; "in the world, but not of it" means...well...I'm still in this world, even this zipcode, until God wills otherwise. "God's work in this world is always met with opposition." I remember that line from a book I read, once.

Point is...--now-- that I"m not a flamer, --now-- that I'm healthy and bright eyed and being made remarkably...whole...

well, -now- its something of a soft spot. Long story short...around here, I was treated like a lot of "uppity" women are treated, you know...when they "don't know their place," etc. The only difference I can think of is that people tried to send me to prison (if I'd been female, it probably would have been a mental hospital), and they often say that "he's too OLD." Again; I'm all of --33--.

OK. Part vent, part...piecing it together, the messed up world I live in ("wise as serpents, innocent as doves"-good to understand the dynamics of the world around you), part...

I guess yet another Prayer Request. Thanks, as always.

It takes a lot to ignore cruel people. Even harder to forgive them. Yet as a born again Christian I encourage you to make the next step. Think of what it is to be them. They don't have the Lord guiding them. It's sad when we put on the shoes of our distractors and tormentors. This compassion or pity leads us to love our enemies and want them to have the Peace of Christ in their lives.

Take the next step brother. Love your enemies, pray for them, and ask God that their day of salvation come according to His Will.

 

[Tessa]

As Pegasus says. Pray for them. It's amazing how your own feelings change when you do. They lack understanding but you have a better thing, you have God. Hang in there for He will not forsake you.
Praying for you

 

[Christ_empowered]

me, again.

I do pray for my enemies, those who despitefully use me, and those who speak all matter of evil against me, falsely. That's The Lord's work in my life, because...whoa. I was an angry individual when I first got saved, and now...

I guess I just get tired of it, especially in the neighborhood. There have been a couple times I suspect people were in the yard, yelling. I sleep in a room on the other side of the house from where my parents sleep. I guess it could have been some drunk and/or stoned neighbors just being loud in their own space, but...whoa. Thankfully, its been months since that happened last. Last time, it was about 4 AM, I'd just woken up for a bit (rough time sleeping), and some dudes were yelling about "jail" and "warrants." Fun times.

But...yeah...

As I see it, now, what the world says about me doesn't matter ("fear of man shall prove to be a snare..." I've repented of my fear of man, and I"ve prayed for more and more of the "perfect love that casteth out all fear..."), but...ugh. "gender non-conforming" for most of my life (I guess? I've also been electroshocked, so its kinda hazy...), and now I"m remarkably...well, whole. "Normal" (I suppose...) in ways that really matter to my parents and to me, too. I'm thankful.

God is good! I think now that some of my "flamer" ways may have been -physically- rooted (Nutritional deficiencies leading to hormonal stuff, at a young age...), so I think+believe that a big part of The Lord's work in my life has been -physical- restoration, perhaps even healing (might explain the "high(er) IQ estimate," when I had obvious brain damage, tics, etc. for a while there...). So...yeah...God is good, clearly, but...people? They ain't no good, lol.

OK. Truth be told, this--the taunting, the cruel comments--is -nothing- compared to what I went thru, in years past. involuntary shock "treatments," brain operations, sexual exploitation after "treatment," jail....nope, this is very, very, very -mild-, I think it just gets to me more than I"d like because I just -now- have a solidy, healthy masculine identity, plus (by God' grace...) I've matured a good bit, at all levels.

Alright...as usual, I seem to have rambled a bit. oh well, lol. Thanks again.

 

[Anne Hartung]

Why have you been electroshocked?????
Because of beeing a "soft"man? Because of being considered as a flamer (had to look up that vocab...)??

 

[Christ_empowered]

horrible shrinks, basically. the 1st round of electroshock was at age 20, a private, for profit hospital. i don't know why. i guess they just thought it would make me "more managable," or...something. anyway, i came into that place sedated, so I didn't know about the shock until years later.

the 2nd time was a psych ward affiliated w/ a medical school+hospital in another city. again; I don't get it. I think this is how shrinks treat poor women (maybe poor people in general...).

thing is, i wonder now....were my shrinks really that terrible, or is this just....what shrinks do, you know?

 

[Honey]

Why would you ever give devils any attention? What they say about you is a reflection of what they are not. Redeemed.

You are what God says you are. What Christ died to make you to be according to the calling of God the Father's grace. God's gifts are irrevocable. You are redeemed in Christ, a new creation. The old you is dead and buried in the sins left in and washed away by the Baptismal waters the washed you clean of your old sinner self. And you arose from those waters as one renewed, repentant, and redeemed in the blood of the precious lamb of God, his only begotten son, Jesus Christ.
Who you are according to that Father, and that Son, is what matters.

You are not what fallen devils say about you. You are made in the image and likeness of God almighty! Cleave to that and praise Him.
Ignore the devils. They scream at others from the dark foulness of their own broken souls. Their destiny is assured unless they repent and are renewed in the Spirit.
Ignore them. They do not matter.
What they hope to do is to make you believe about yourself what they call you.

You're bigger than that because the God of all creation has your back.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks!

I was thinking on this post, by honey, and...wow. Its true, isn't it? Like any other Christian, I've been forgiven, washed and made clean. The old me is gone now, dead.

God's gone above and beyond for --me--, a low status, stigmatized individual. maybe that's one reason I "rub people the wrong way" ?