Apologies in advance for this rather long post. But I'm a bit of a situation with my marriage to be honest and I hope someone can point me in the right direction.
Me and my wife are married for close to 15 years now, I'm a Christian and she is not. We have two lovely daughters who are a real blessing from God. We met and we did marry very quickly, people who knew me and know how much being a Christian meant to me did advise against this marriage. But sadly I did not pay any heed. To be honest in our brief courtship there were quite a few instances (when I look back now) which were Gods way of telling me to end the relationship, but I was wrongly under the impression that since I had given her my word I should not let her down. And to be honest, i was always convinced I could bring to know our Lord Jesus.
The first few years, I was a Christian, spend time in prayer and being humble etc. My wife on the other hand is quite stubborn, arrogant and quite argumentative. Sorry if I sound judgemental but I feel she can go on for hours getting you to admit it was your fault. The first few years, I always felt I should apologize to keep the peace as I'm a Christian and should lead by example. But to her it seemed then that I've admitted to being wrong and her behaviour only grew worse.
Over the years, I've gone a different route. I've started fighting fire with fire and things have become a lot worse. I rarely spent time in prayer, become arrogant myself and my lifestyle went downhill nothing bad, but movies, late nights etc. I hated it and a voice always kept telling me how far I've gone from the Lord and I would cry inside.
Over the last two months a very close friend and devoted Christian pointed me to some commentaries on the bible which has radically changed my way of thinking. I can feel God working back in my life getting me to my former self. I no longer crave late nights, parties, movies etc. I just don't feel the need to. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of weeknesses which I really have to work on if I have to have any hope getting salvation. But I strongly believe now I can get there with some perseverance. I have some road blocks though to which I would really like some advice:
1. The biggest stumbling block is my marriage. To be honest, we hardly ever talk. She thinks I give her the silent treatment, but in my heart I know it isn't so. I keep quiet just because there is no reasoning with her. As I mentioned she can go on for hours arguing and can use foul language in front of the kids. She constantly undermines my position at home, calling me names like a bully etc and I feel it affects the kids perception of me. I don't know how to deal with this. I know I have no hope of salvation if I don't sort my marriage, but on the other hand I don't want to go back to my old style of just apologizing because she then thinks that it was my fault to begin with. If I tell her I don't agree with you but I forgive, it will only lead to further arguments as to why I'm wrong and she is right. I'm not sure if I'm making sense but I feel I'm in a bit of a predicament.
2. She is a late night person, she loves late nights, parties that end late, drinking, loud music, movies etc. And to be honest, I have no issues with her carrying on with her lifestyle. But since regaining my faith I've no urge for any of these. I strongly feel the evil in the night and I've turned my lifestyle around, sleeping early, waking up early etc. The problem is she feels the husband should be there to care of the wife and children while they are out late at night. Again I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I still attend them, but I feel really miserable like something eating me up inside, I can't stand the drinking, loud music etc. I've put my foot down saying I won't be there for any of those parties anymore and she needs to make arrangements if she goes out. But the kids are with her and I worry as she isn't best person to take care of them while she is out partying. So again I'm in a dilemma
3. Miraculously, my daughter almost at the same time as me started getting in touch with God and has been the biggest driver for bible reading and prayer at night. We would have none of it previously. She leads us into prayer and luckily because of the commentaries I can answer their questions on the bible. I'm convinced God is working in our lives. My other daughter has also turned from her ways around since we started praying together as a family. The problem is my wife now accuses me of brainwashing the kids as they do speak of salvation, the coming of the Lord and prepare our ways for the final days. She calls me a fanatic and considers Christianity a religion that is judgmental. Possibly because when I do reason with her I try to point out her actions that I don't think are correct. Possibly also it is my behaviour as a Christian that has caused her to have a such a low opinion of Christians and I feel I've let my other believing brothers and sisters down and I pray I can turn myself around.
Apologies again for such a long post and please do advise. any help will be greatly appreciated and please do pray for me. I'm scared of when I'm tested if I will stick to my new found ways
Me and my wife are married for close to 15 years now, I'm a Christian and she is not. We have two lovely daughters who are a real blessing from God. We met and we did marry very quickly, people who knew me and know how much being a Christian meant to me did advise against this marriage. But sadly I did not pay any heed. To be honest in our brief courtship there were quite a few instances (when I look back now) which were Gods way of telling me to end the relationship, but I was wrongly under the impression that since I had given her my word I should not let her down. And to be honest, i was always convinced I could bring to know our Lord Jesus.
The first few years, I was a Christian, spend time in prayer and being humble etc. My wife on the other hand is quite stubborn, arrogant and quite argumentative. Sorry if I sound judgemental but I feel she can go on for hours getting you to admit it was your fault. The first few years, I always felt I should apologize to keep the peace as I'm a Christian and should lead by example. But to her it seemed then that I've admitted to being wrong and her behaviour only grew worse.
Over the years, I've gone a different route. I've started fighting fire with fire and things have become a lot worse. I rarely spent time in prayer, become arrogant myself and my lifestyle went downhill nothing bad, but movies, late nights etc. I hated it and a voice always kept telling me how far I've gone from the Lord and I would cry inside.
Over the last two months a very close friend and devoted Christian pointed me to some commentaries on the bible which has radically changed my way of thinking. I can feel God working back in my life getting me to my former self. I no longer crave late nights, parties, movies etc. I just don't feel the need to. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of weeknesses which I really have to work on if I have to have any hope getting salvation. But I strongly believe now I can get there with some perseverance. I have some road blocks though to which I would really like some advice:
1. The biggest stumbling block is my marriage. To be honest, we hardly ever talk. She thinks I give her the silent treatment, but in my heart I know it isn't so. I keep quiet just because there is no reasoning with her. As I mentioned she can go on for hours arguing and can use foul language in front of the kids. She constantly undermines my position at home, calling me names like a bully etc and I feel it affects the kids perception of me. I don't know how to deal with this. I know I have no hope of salvation if I don't sort my marriage, but on the other hand I don't want to go back to my old style of just apologizing because she then thinks that it was my fault to begin with. If I tell her I don't agree with you but I forgive, it will only lead to further arguments as to why I'm wrong and she is right. I'm not sure if I'm making sense but I feel I'm in a bit of a predicament.
2. She is a late night person, she loves late nights, parties that end late, drinking, loud music, movies etc. And to be honest, I have no issues with her carrying on with her lifestyle. But since regaining my faith I've no urge for any of these. I strongly feel the evil in the night and I've turned my lifestyle around, sleeping early, waking up early etc. The problem is she feels the husband should be there to care of the wife and children while they are out late at night. Again I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I still attend them, but I feel really miserable like something eating me up inside, I can't stand the drinking, loud music etc. I've put my foot down saying I won't be there for any of those parties anymore and she needs to make arrangements if she goes out. But the kids are with her and I worry as she isn't best person to take care of them while she is out partying. So again I'm in a dilemma
3. Miraculously, my daughter almost at the same time as me started getting in touch with God and has been the biggest driver for bible reading and prayer at night. We would have none of it previously. She leads us into prayer and luckily because of the commentaries I can answer their questions on the bible. I'm convinced God is working in our lives. My other daughter has also turned from her ways around since we started praying together as a family. The problem is my wife now accuses me of brainwashing the kids as they do speak of salvation, the coming of the Lord and prepare our ways for the final days. She calls me a fanatic and considers Christianity a religion that is judgmental. Possibly because when I do reason with her I try to point out her actions that I don't think are correct. Possibly also it is my behaviour as a Christian that has caused her to have a such a low opinion of Christians and I feel I've let my other believing brothers and sisters down and I pray I can turn myself around.
Apologies again for such a long post and please do advise. any help will be greatly appreciated and please do pray for me. I'm scared of when I'm tested if I will stick to my new found ways