OneDayANewName
Member
Hello, new to the forum and a little uneasy about posting at all. But I'm sitting in my kitchen thinking, your prayers couldn't hurt. Gosh I'm stuck just on that line written...
Because right now I feel the most vulnerable with what seems to be the impossible road ahead. And I feel alone, not with God, but with everything else. So I humbly ask that you would read and pray rather than comment because the holy spirit will comfort more than any words on a screen. Just tired of words.
I've stumbled many times in my life. Became a christian in third grade by accepting Christ. My family wasn't involved in a church. It was lonely and hard. But the amazing thing was, I now had a father and the greatest one at that. But eventually fell away until I was a teenager. Started drinking and smoking pot and then turned back, quit everything and got involved in a church for a few years. I was scared to death at first, I felt like I was walking into a place where everyone was holy and here I am probably the worst one lol. It was good for awhile although I only made a few close connections but they left. And then something happened that really triggers me even today when I try to go back. Working on it but trust issues avail. Needless to say I've been a prodigal for a long time.
I've aways struggled with my sexuality. This is a sensitive topic for me because I've realized that all sides in the public outcry forget that there are people who are struggling, really struggling just to have hope and resolution.
Anyhow, I had found the one who really truly cared. She is kind, gentle, and loving in the practical applications of those words. When I was in the hospital and had almost died she nursed me back to health for seven months after I got out. She listened to heart, my mind, validated rather than criticized or judged. When I was out of work she worked extra for us to make it. We been together over ten years and I love her with all my heart. She was the person for me, my companion, my friend.
It breaks my heart so completely...but I had let her go.
I could not reconcile although I spent years trying. And I know that only God had the power to do that. I am weak, my faith is being hammered, my heart hurts, my head takes a long time to get clarity. And i just do not know how much more I can take. Everyday I could just break, crawling on hope. Some moments, he gives me peace. It's powerful. The next I'm moved to anxiety because I'm losing everything in a couple of months because of it (home, car, being able to live with my daughter, my animals) and I can't even write without just being broken. I got sick awhile ago and trying to return to the workforce. God was disciplining me. There are days I just want to go home. But asking God to keep me in faith and hold me up.
Asking for your prayers more than the words that you can write. Asking that you keep praying for me.
Thank you.
Because right now I feel the most vulnerable with what seems to be the impossible road ahead. And I feel alone, not with God, but with everything else. So I humbly ask that you would read and pray rather than comment because the holy spirit will comfort more than any words on a screen. Just tired of words.
I've stumbled many times in my life. Became a christian in third grade by accepting Christ. My family wasn't involved in a church. It was lonely and hard. But the amazing thing was, I now had a father and the greatest one at that. But eventually fell away until I was a teenager. Started drinking and smoking pot and then turned back, quit everything and got involved in a church for a few years. I was scared to death at first, I felt like I was walking into a place where everyone was holy and here I am probably the worst one lol. It was good for awhile although I only made a few close connections but they left. And then something happened that really triggers me even today when I try to go back. Working on it but trust issues avail. Needless to say I've been a prodigal for a long time.
I've aways struggled with my sexuality. This is a sensitive topic for me because I've realized that all sides in the public outcry forget that there are people who are struggling, really struggling just to have hope and resolution.
Anyhow, I had found the one who really truly cared. She is kind, gentle, and loving in the practical applications of those words. When I was in the hospital and had almost died she nursed me back to health for seven months after I got out. She listened to heart, my mind, validated rather than criticized or judged. When I was out of work she worked extra for us to make it. We been together over ten years and I love her with all my heart. She was the person for me, my companion, my friend.
It breaks my heart so completely...but I had let her go.
I could not reconcile although I spent years trying. And I know that only God had the power to do that. I am weak, my faith is being hammered, my heart hurts, my head takes a long time to get clarity. And i just do not know how much more I can take. Everyday I could just break, crawling on hope. Some moments, he gives me peace. It's powerful. The next I'm moved to anxiety because I'm losing everything in a couple of months because of it (home, car, being able to live with my daughter, my animals) and I can't even write without just being broken. I got sick awhile ago and trying to return to the workforce. God was disciplining me. There are days I just want to go home. But asking God to keep me in faith and hold me up.
Asking for your prayers more than the words that you can write. Asking that you keep praying for me.
Thank you.
ODANN
