How should parents dicipline their children ?

[Power^verwellming]

I personally agree with spanking, of course I wouldn't go to the extremes as other parents have. I also know for crazy wild teens theirs programs that can help the with their behavioral problems. What can one do to keep order and a fair dicipline at home with their children.

 

[LostSoul]

This may not be a thread for me technically to respond to seeing as I am at the present expecting my first child. Something though I have always liked that my mother strongly believes in, in terms of spankings is a designated room. The walk to the room is something that I can easily see helping an angered or disappointed parent's temper to simmer down so that way proper disciplinary action can be taken without things getting out of hand. May be old fashioned too, but time outs are always good and perhaps deprivation of sweets or parties if need be. As I said, I do not know much this is going to be my first time as a mother. So forgive me if I ramble or come off as offensive. I do not mean to be.

May God Bless You

Danielle

 

[LanceEh]

Well according to the Bible, spare the rod spoil the child (Prov. 23:13) I have found this to be very true in life.

God bless.

 

[Adullam]

We would send the children into a corner if they did something wrong. If they resisted that punishment, they got the wooden spoon as a further incentive to obey!

 

[Timf]

I posted some of this last week on another thread, but I think also applies here;

When our children were small we came up with a discipline technique that worked fairly well.

The overall objective was to get the children to see their behavior as something for which they were responsible (even three years old).

We used a paint stirrer for a swat on the back of the hand. The low mass means that no matter how hard you hit, you can't do any damage. We tried it on our own hands first. We would offer the child a choice between sitting on the chair (facing a wall) for five minutes or having three swats on the back of the hand. They almost always chose to have the swats because it would be over right away.

Prior to the punishment phase was the interrogation phase.

Did you hit your sister?
Yes.
Should you have hit your sister?
No.
What should you have done instead of hitting your sister?
Said, "Help please moma".
What do you want, three swats or five minutes on the chair?
They would almost always put their hand out.

Lying was always the most severely punished offense.

We wanted to establish a sort of template of confession, repentance, restitution, and consequence. Life is spent making mistakes and doing things wrong. It is helpful for the child to grow up learning the proper response to having sinned.

The whole object of raising a child is to teach the child how to be an adult. Some parents look at child rearing as making the child obey rules without question until they are 18 and then they turn them loose. This is a recipe for disaster. We found it is better to help the child first learn to obey rules, then understand the "why" of rules, and then set "rules" for themselves.

Our children are older now and we can see the results of putting the parental work in "upstream". It is a major investment because it is much easier to fail to address infractions. However, child "training" requires constant and iterative admonition.

I have also discovered that women have a great capacity to function in the here and now but are a little less able to "see" in the past and future. As a result, they can get pretty discouraged with children that never seem to learn. Here a husband has a function to encourage, seeing the progress that has already been made and providing assurance that the children will eventually turn out all right. My particular favorite was "Your the only thing between them and a ruined life".

 

[JoJo]

Unfortunately, I don't think there is any one real failproof method of disciplining children. I have four children and each of them responded to different methods of discipline. One common denominator, though, has been the effective use of praise. When I see one of my kids doing something good or productive, I'll praise him/her for it. Ever after that, I've noticed them repeating their good deed because they remember how proud it made them feel.

 

[Rocksolid]

If the child resists non-corporal punishment, don't yell, get corporal.

 

[Lewis]

You are to deal with your children like the Bible tells you to deal with them. And the book of Proverbs is a good start. If you have to tare their little tales up, tare their little tales up, in love and to save them from going wrong, but you have to do this in love. It is better you do it, than the cops, the jail guards or inmates doing it, when they become of age. If you listen to Dr Phill you are in trouble. The reason for the big jump in crime, is because people have moved away from dealing with their kids like the Bible tells you to. And as a matter of fact the Bible is not even talked about in the home. And also you don't wait until they are to big to start teaching them about right and wrong, you start at around 1 years of age. And yes they can grasp things at 1.

 

[Gabe]

As a child, my father beat us black-n-blue. We were punched, kicked, beat with metal bars, pieces of wood, whipped with curtain wire, he also had a habit of lifting us up above his head and throwing us against walls. I know it was done out of love, so how do you separate discipline from abuse?

 

[Lewis]

As a child, my father beat us black-n-blue. We were punched, kicked, beat with metal bars, pieces of wood, whipped with curtain wire, he also had a habit of lifting us up above his head and throwing us against walls. I know it was done out of love, so how do you separate discipline from abuse?

That was abuse not love, the Word of God does not say to abuse I our children, when I was coming up I got beat on my behind with a belt, by my pop, or I had to stand or sit in a corner. Also when I was coming up the teachers in school all across America, were allowed to use corporal punishment, and I had my share. We were hit on our hand palms with a ruler, or on the behind with a paddle from elementary school to junior high, but in junior high it was the paddle.

 

[Kelli]

Gabriel,

Were you being sarcastic when you said your father beat you out of love?

 

[Gabe]

Gabriel,

Were you being sarcastic when you said your father beat you out of love?

No, definitely not. I know my father did it out of love. I come from a completely different culture than most on this forum, and that is seen by most as disciplining your children. I'll admit that my father was known and respected for his particularly harsh treatment of us, but it is not uncommon; many of my old friends went through similar treatment as kids and the discipline was handed-out openly in front of guests.

I don't see a clear line between physically disciplining your children and child abuse. What constitutes child abuse differs between religions and cultures. What is discipline for one child is abuse to another, therefore if I ever have children in the future I would not discipline them physically.

 

[Kelli]

Don't you think it was rather dangerous to pick a child up over a man's head and through them against a wall.

 

[Lewis]

Don't you think it was rather dangerous to pick a child up over a man's head and through them against a wall.

Now that is bad, that is real bad.

 

[Gabe]

Don't you think it was rather dangerous to pick a child up over a man's head and through them against a wall.

Yes I think it was dangerous, but to him it was discipline and if it were not for the fact that I have lived the majority of my life here in the UK then I probably would not have viewed his actions as any different from how many on this board view spanking their kids. Of course there is a massive difference between those two actions, but culturally their both the same, they're both ways of disciplining children.

 

[Kelli]

May I ask, if it's not to personal, how do you view God/Jesus? I mean do you see Him as being a strict but loving Father? Or a harsh disciplinarian? Were you raised Christian?

Geez, if this is too personal, tell me to butt out! It's just that I find a lot of your post to be wise, and I am wondering if you still have the same views as your family and grew up Christian, or if you were saved out of a "religion/culture" as I was.

 

[Lewis]

I had a friend from Liberia who's father used to discipline them harshly and it was like about 15 of them, and they loved him, and they say he loved them

 

[Gabe]

May I ask, if it's not to personal, how do you view God/Jesus? I mean do you see Him as being a strict but loving Father? Or a harsh disciplinarian? Were you raised Christian?

Geez, if this is too personal, tell me to butt out! It's just that I find a lot of your post to be wise, and I am wondering if you still have the same views as your family and grew up Christian, or if you were saved out of a "religion/culture" as I was.

I was born in Bangladesh and raised Muslim, but converted a few years ago. I definitely see God as a loving Father. People who know me will know that I'm very critical of Islam, but one thing I admire about Muslims in general is that no matter what life throws at them, they do not blame Allah and that is something I feel that is in me too. Its strange to me when I hear of Christians losing their faith in God because life takes a turn for the worst.

I had a friend from Liberia who's father used to discipline them harshly and it was like about 15 of them, and they loved him, and they say he loved them

I can understand how your friend feels and I do not doubt that his father loved him. There are six of us, and we all still love our father and know that he loved us. His father did the same to him and so did his fathers father. I wont go into detail but our upbringing did affect most of us negatively and this began to show when we were in our late teens. I'm sure a lot of people will disagree but I think violence only causes more violence and this is one of the reasons why I'm against Corporal punishment for children. What my father did may sound like abuse to some reading my post, but then so does spanking to someone who does not spank their child.

 

[Relic]

As a child, my father beat us black-n-blue. We were punched, kicked, beat with metal bars, pieces of wood, whipped with curtain wire, he also had a habit of lifting us up above his head and throwing us against walls. I know it was done out of love, so how do you separate discipline from abuse?

Bruising (causing internal or external bleeding) is abusive. If you don't think causing someone to bleed isn't abusive then you truly need to re-evaluate the definition of abuse. People were more abusive in the past and they didn't consider it abuse because of ignorance. As time progresses abusive behavior is not tolerated as it was back then. And I thank God that is escalating. Hanging someone on a cross wasn't considered abusive, but only a means to punish a criminal back when the romans initiated that type of corporal punishment. Flogging people with spiked chains wasn't considered abusive back in those days, but was only considered a type of punishment. Just because they abused people back in those days and didn't say it was abuse but just a form of punishment doesn't mean is wasn't in actuality a form of abuse. Beating anyone to a pulp IS abuse. It was back then, in any culture, it was still an abusive means of punishment. As it would be these days. Abuse is abuse, you can't deny that in any cultura; divide. Just because a culture of people use one means of abuse and consider it okay doesn't in truth mean that it is okay by any means! Truth is truth and no cultural differences can change the truth. Abuse IS still abuse, drawing blood to punish is abuse.

Spanking a child, or even lifting them up to hold them against a wall at eye level to speak discipline to them without causing "bruising" would not be considered abuse. But truth is that beating someone black and blue to bruise them IS abuse.

Abuse came in many forms and it still does come in many forms. All we can do now is pray Father God to forgive those who are ignorant and have caused such harm so as to abuse their children or anyone else. All we can do is to forgive the past for all that was abusive. What's done is done. We must move forward in the present to take care as stewarts of His goodness and see to it that all get educated in that regard, and ask God Holy Spirit to guide everyone in His loving ways. To not cause harm to anyone so as to draw blood internally or externally. Again, I thank God that there are now stricter laws in that regard. Progress may seem slow but God is working through it all for the better. Praise God For that! Never allow anyone to abuse anyone else. If anyone sees any type of abuse, please report it so that the person who is abusive will be stopped and gotten help to learn to not be an abusive person, and that the victim will be helped so as to not have to be in that situation with that person anymore.
Please don't stand idle by if you know of any case of abuse! Report it and get help.

.

 

[Gabe]

No, that is simply your definition of abuse which has been shaped by your religious and cultural background. It is you who needs to re-evaluate the definition of abuse. I do now consider what my father did as abuse, but my opinion (just like yours) is subjective. It is not something that happened “back in those days†it happened to me not much more than ten years ago and it still happens to others today and is accepted as "discipline".

Spanking a child, or even lifting them up to hold them against a wall at eye level to speak discipline to them without causing "bruising" would not be considered abuse.

That's simply your opinion and nothing else.