How to become a submissive wife?

Discussion in 'Parenting & Marriage' started by Mrs. Submission, Jan 4, 2015.

  1. wwjd_kilden

    wwjd_kilden Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2016
    Messages:
    173
    Location:
    Norway
    Are you "Sirssubmissivewife"? If you are, the reason for the lack of welcome on the other forum was that you presented a BDSM relationship as biblical.

    Biblical submission works both ways: Submit to each other out of reverence for Christ (That goes for all christians: Wives, husbands, daughters, sons, brothers, friends) :) If we were all a bit more humble , the world would be a better place :)
     
    WalterandDebbie likes this.
  2. Mrs. Submission

    Mrs. Submission Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    76
    Christian:
    No
    Is your wife on any medication? If so, what is her medication compliance level? Does she exercise and eat a healthy diet? Does she maintain regular sleep patterns? I'm asking these questions because I know that mental health issues can be managed well with those steps. Of course severity of illness can be a factor.
     
  3. Mrs. Submission

    Mrs. Submission Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    76
    Christian:
    No
    No, I'm not that person. I'm not sure what you're referring to.
    Humility is certainly needed in this world. I do notice a distinct lack of humility in my personal experiences with Christians. They often feel entitled to harshly judge others as if they are God even when they are living a very unChristian existence. One of the reasons I do not refer to myself as a Christian is I don't want to be a hypocrite.
     
  4. Mrs. Submission

    Mrs. Submission Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    76
    Christian:
    No
    I've started the ritual of daily prayer and it has made a huge difference. I pray to give thanks, pray to improve my behavior and pray for my marriage and my husband. Showing gratitude towards God for all that I am blessed with fills me with joy.
    My husband has actually come to me and said that he is willing to move to the rural area if we find a home there in the future. It's amazing how submission can inspire a man to reconsider a decision made. I simply let my husband know that he is the authority in our household and dropped the subject. How wonderful it is that submission can lead a man to ponder the choices he makes for our marriage and reconsider.
    There have been a couple of times this week where my husband has reminded me to be submissive. I was obsessively questioning whether or not a goal was going to be achieved this year. The issue was that he promised me something important this year and we will have to postpone it to 2017 much to my disappointment. When my husband told me that he needs me to stop questioning whether or not he can provide something, I reminded him that submission requires trust and broken promises cripple my ability to have faith him. The questioning is an attempt to protect myself from disappointment. My husband tenderly while firmly repeating that I am to be submissive. I'm glad we had that discussion because I'm going to keep quiet from now on. I have taken my disappointment and anxiety to God.
    I'm very excited about new hobbies starting this fall and winter. I'm going to take up horseback riding and my husband will be teaching me how to ski. Can't wait!
     
  5. Mrs. Submission

    Mrs. Submission Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    76
    Christian:
    No
    Hey all. It's been a long time.

    I found out that I cannot take horseback riding lessons because we have to save for a trip to the UK next year.
    My cousin lives in England and she is ill. I want to see her while there's a chance that she might still remember me.
    Though I am disappointed, seeing my cousin is far more important than learning to ride horses.
    I've always wanted to travel more and I'll be able to see London, Paris and Glasgow.

    Daily prayer and keeping a journal has been very helpful. I've also become far more affectionate since that is what my husband has told me he needs to feel loved. When my husband notices that I am becoming irritated or anxious, he gives me a big hug and some kisses which usually help me calm down.
     
  6. Mrs. Submission

    Mrs. Submission Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    76
    Christian:
    No
    I don't know if my thread is still being followed since I started it two years ago. I didn't want to return and keep posting the same things either.

    My husband and I have been having some issues due to my recent rebellion. I went behind his back and ordered weight loss pills from the internet. My husband was against this because he was concerned about side effects and drug interaction. As usual, my husband was right. I became very irritable and started arguments with him. My husband and I agreed that I would stop taking the pills and he threw them away. He's also been great at helping me deal with the withdrawal symptoms. I should feel better by next Monday.

    Pray for me please. I need to remember that rebellion only causes division in our household.
    I'm naturally a stubborn person but that has no place in a marriage.
     
  7. reba

    reba Staff Member Administrator

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2010
    Messages:
    44,209
    Location:
    State of Jefferson
    Christian:
    Yes
    You are my sister .. :) We battle the same sin..

    1Sa_15:23 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king.
     
    WalterandDebbie likes this.
  8. Mrs. Submission

    Mrs. Submission Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2015
    Messages:
    76
    Christian:
    No
    Amen sis. I'm so ashamed of my behavior. My husband was spitting nails last night; he was very angry with me.Today he's just very concerned about how ill I feel and being very tender.

    My husband has grown very weary of the way I criticize my body. He tells me that I'm beautiful but I think I'm fat. I am obsessed with becoming as thin as a I was over 10 years ago.

    I have not been praying as often so I need to return to God and ask for guidance as well as forgiveness.
     
  9. Sparrowhawke

    Sparrowhawke Retired Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2009
    Messages:
    10,515
    Location:
    The Great Pacific Northwest
    It may be better for me to remain quiet here (but if you know me, you may suspect that I'm not typically the quiet type).
    Still... it's not really my place to answer and teach on these things, lacking direct experience.

    Titus 2:3-5 comes to mind.

    I will say though that you've taken a couple good steps already. Your choice for temperament(s) of your mate is well made.
    But even if I can not submit to a husband on earth, I can and need to submit to Jesus, our husbandman. In that way all Christians become aware of the issues and struggles involved with the desire to submit. I see it as yielding. Like a car on the entrance to the freeway.
    [​IMG] It's like passive allowing and giving deference and merging within an ordered procession. If we see ourselves as merging into the Bridal Train of the Church we automatically know the importance of decorum and peace. He provides. Submitting to our betrothed and/or 'heavenly husband' is something common to all those who follow The Way. In point of fact, if a Christian is not knowledgeable in this he/she is likely too new to know what's up.​

    Here's some general scriptures on the subject, found in the Topical Bible. You may also like to check out the 'Topical Bible: with a search topic of Submission'. It lists 32 General Scriptures on the subject to augment your understanding and help transform inwardly.

    Here's a copy-paste to whet the appetite(s).

    . o O (( Thought bubble says, <"I wanna be like Sarah"> ))
    My thought then is that Godly submission works best when applied toward those who are well versed in the language by virtue of their practicing submission themselves. Someone who hears the last verse from chapter 5 before they read chapter 6 in the letter to the Ephesians is on the right track.
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2017
  10. dirtfarmer

    dirtfarmer Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2016
    Messages:
    1,336
    Location:
    Loganville Ga
    hello Sparrowhawke, dirtfarmer here

    The submission of the wife to the husband is not a forced submission, but a submission of and through love to be pleasing to her husband. Christ never forces us to submit to him, it is from love of what he means to us that we willingly submit as you have highlighted in yellow.
     
  11. wondering

    wondering Member

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2015
    Messages:
    7,923
    Hi Dirtfarmer
    submit..what's that?
    pleasing to the other...what's that?
    willingly due to love...what's that?

    Everything is the opposite these days.
    Is it any wonder this thread is so long...or even necessary.
    we' ve lost tract.

    No response necessary.
    sometimes I'm just sad at all the change.
     
    WalterandDebbie likes this.
  12. reba

    reba Staff Member Administrator

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2010
    Messages:
    44,209
    Location:
    State of Jefferson
    Christian:
    Yes
    1Pe 3:5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
    1Pe 3:6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
    1Pe 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
    1Pe 3:8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:

    I am in submission to my husband not because he is always right, the greatest guy etc , he is not even Christian... I submit because it is right and proper unto the Lord..
     
    WalterandDebbie and wondering like this.
  13. wondering

    wondering Member

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2015
    Messages:
    7,923
    This is very beautiful.

    I would say that even for a secular couple it would be nice to attempt to be pleasing to the other person. This applies to both the husband and wife.

    what I see instead is the desire to please one's self at the expense of the other. This causes many problems.

    I have to say that we Christians Are fortunate to understand the concepts spoken of here.
     
    WalterandDebbie and reba like this.
  14. WalterandDebbie

    WalterandDebbie Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2013
    Messages:
    667
    Location:
    United States
    Christian:
    Yes
    Yea! If TWO Male and Female: Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Meaning that there is harmony and such a peace in this kind of agreement. Matthew 19:6

    http://biblehub.com/matthew/19-6.htm
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2017
    wondering likes this.
  15. WalterandDebbie

    WalterandDebbie Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2013
    Messages:
    667
    Location:
    United States
    Christian:
    Yes
    I'm in somewhat of an agreement with the above statement.
     
  16. FreedomInChrist

    FreedomInChrist Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2017
    Messages:
    15
    Funny how I'm reading this. After 2 failed marriages and I am in my 3rd, I am finally learning how to be a submissive wife. Actually, I started going to a Titus 2 Women's Bible study at my church last August. It has 18 chapters and we have finished 16 of the chapters of Lee Sumner's book, "The Intentional Woman". My marriage has changed so much. We are a little over 4 yrs of marriage with a short courtship. It is my 3rd marriage and his 2nd.

    I'm also new to CF.

    I suggest getting the book and taking your time going through the book. If you can find a Titus 2 Women's Bible study in your area or do this study with some other wives, it would be great. Submission has nothing to do with being a "doormat". It is a willing attitude to align yourself under the leadership of another. In this case, your husband.

    Sumner goes through A LOT of stuff regarding being an intentional woman, and she covers submission in marriage (the wife to the husband) really in a great manner that explains it so well, the best I've ever read.

    For me, I too have been stubborn, head-strong. I am the oldest of 5 children, growing up in a traditional Chinese home where girls are not valued as much as the boys (this is a cultural thing). I'm also by education a mechanical engineer and worked as a professional mechanical engineer for 15 yrs. I've been published, paved new ways for technology in my area of expertise, so definitely an educated and strong woman.

    My first 2 marriages failed because I blew off submitting to my husbands because I thought I was better than them, was more educated, smarter. But the Bible doesn't say only submit WHEN. It tells us wives to submit to our husbands, including if he is an unbeliever, which mine is.

    In the first year of this 3rd marriage, I wasn't submitting and things were going badly. Looked like another divorce, then God really showed me through stuff I was learning in my prayer walk and my walk with Him that what if I did submit to my husband? So I began to do that. My husband would have the final say and I just kept pouring our my grievances to the Lord and questions on submission. As I truly sought God's will, He began showing me gently how to submit. This was a GREAT battle to bring my will under submission to God and then in order to submit to God, I needed to submit to my non-Christian husband. As I did that, God did amazing things and began changing my husband.

    Our marriage now over 4 yrs, I've seen God provide and do all sorts of miraculous things in my marriage, my husband, kids, our finances, our family, everything. It hasn't been easy. But I've seen my walk with God grow like it's never had, and giving me power in my prayers, and changing other people's lives. Day by day I'm learning to be intentional in the right things. Sometimes I don't want to submit, but I've seen the devastation of that and the blessing of submitting.

    As I've done this, my husband shows love to me much better, listens to me, asks my opinion, we're a wonderful team. Yes, we still have issues, but my marriage is 10,000 better as I've been applying submitting to my husband. I've not had to be a doormat. Anyway, there is so much to write about this and I don't have time. Not easy, but well worth it.
     
    LovethroughDove and reba like this.
  17. FreedomInChrist

    FreedomInChrist Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2017
    Messages:
    15
    I forgot to add, submission isn't just for when my husband is right, but even for when you are right and he is wrong. Remember, I am married to an unbeliever for a husband and I asked God this. God still had me submit and He did honor me submitting to my husband. Case in point. My husband was looking for a job and was overwhelmed as to how many jobs he had to apply for (He's a software engineer). I wanted him to apply for all computer jobs, including help desk and hardware stuff, but his heart was for one type of programming and a job in that area.

    Eventually, my husband said he only wanted to apply only for Java jobs and I was fearful that he was giving up opportunity. The Lord told me to be quiet, encourage my husband and go along with him, be supportive. I had to bite my tongue so many times, but in the end, my husband did get a job as a contractor programming in Java. They never met him in person or put him through all this stuff other companies. My husband was also new to the U.S. and was still working on his English. It wasn't easy to encourage and be supportive of him, but I did it. He got the job and it's for a great company. After working there for 2-3 months, they decided to hire him at the end of the 6 month contract. Normally when you get hired by the company, you get paid less than a contractor because a contractor doesn't get benefits and a salaried employee does.

    Not only did my husband NOT get paid less, he got a 33% increase from the salary of his contracting job AND loaded with added benefits on top of that. The company has been great to him and my husband as his first job in the U.S., it's been a dream of his for many years when he was in Colombia to work for a company as good as the one he works for, and it suits his introverted, non-social personality. It's not too fast-paced, but challenging enough.

    In the past 2 yrs as a permanent employee, he makes over 50% of what he was making as a contractor with great benefits. They treat him so well and his management is great. I tossed my fears aside, encouraged and supported my husband through all those times and it was especially important when things weren't looking good and he felt like giving up.

    I've learned to treat my husband with respect, learning to have a consistently great attitude, communicate well. My husband is super happy, feels very respected and loved by me. He has some areas of his life I don't like, but I go before God with those, keep praying and asking God how He wants to change me. I am believing one day by my daily walk with God and in our marriage, that one day He will come to know Christ as His Savior, too.

    Last example, my husband can be a bit materialistic and loves to buy things. I am the saver and really don't like buying things. I've had to work through my issues about money (with a professional EMDR Christian therapist) and even though I may not like him buying all these things, rather than go against him, I am supportive and try to lend help. Lately he's been buying bonsai trees and weather station monitors. I'm not into these, but I try to be helpful. I know if he really wants these things, if I try to thwart it, he will be upset with me. But, if I don't and just set this buying situation with the Lord, I know that's better. Eventually I know God will turn my husband's heart around and help him to be wiser with spending.

    Loving my husband means not ME trying to change him, rather letting him want to change himself (or really, God changing him). I do let my husband have the final say or take the final decision on things even when I don't feel like it. I've seen how God greatly honors this.

    Lastly, the Lord told me He loves and values a "gentle and quiet spirit". I tend to have a lot of conversations in my head, especially when i'm offended or don't want to submit. The Lord says that I've been entertaining this "entitled" attitude too much and it's causing me to have the spirit in turmoil. When I relinquish all my thoughts to God, it allows me to have the gentle & quiet spirit of peace from the Lord.

    I am definitely not a doormat to my husband, but on my knees in prayer to the Lord every single day, that's how I battle my flesh to obey the Word of God. Made a lot of mistakes, but God keeps helping me get up and He rights all those wrongs.
     
    dirtfarmer and reba like this.

Share This Page