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)Oh wow. Sounds like she was watching too much housewives of OC. Maybe even a mid life crisis.No she left back in 2007. We were married for 26 years. But she got materialistic on me. I didn't make enough money for her, lol. She was 40 years old and wanted to go try to marry a millionaire, before she was too old to be marketable. (She actually said this, lol) (Well not the before she isn't marketable part). She dang near did it too, she was dating a millionaire lawyer for awhile. But when she demanded that he marry her, he showed her the door. So suddenly she still had a soft spot in her heart for me and called up wanting to come home...if I flew in her friends and threw a big wedding, and if I bought her a BMW (I'm not greedy she said, she'd settle for a 3 series lol).
You can't base a marriage on material objects so I wished her good luck and told her no.
Since I never cheated on her or beat her up, that's all she had was the money argument and had to be honest, lol. It's not like we were dirt poor either, we just weren't rich. I've been self employed with an HVAC company since 1994. We were doing ok.
Well to be quite honest he's basically right.
The love languages concept isn't something scientific or so. It's just some individual subjective observation combined with some common sense thinking that were cobbled together in a theoretical construct that gained popularity because it's an important issue and that construct makes sense on an intuitive level, and has probably helped lots of couples and individuals improve their communication. So it's not really a bad concept. It's some of the best stuff the Christian self-help market has to offer. (It's just not really science.)
Trying to understand how people communicate friendliness and affection and how different people do it in a different way (and thus may horribly misunderstand each other) is a very important thing to deal with in any meaningful relationship - marriage, friendship, co-workers, whatever, hence the popularity of the Love Languages concept.
But for anyone who is somehow involved in scientific psychology it's obvious that the Five Love Languages concept doesn't suffice to describe and analyse the real complexity of human behaviour communication. There aren't only five distinct ways. And we don't have only one or two of those five. Each of us can probably use a variety of complex and mixed ways to show love, and which we chose depends on situational factors (like who are we showing our love? and in what surroundings are we?) and which would be near imposible to classify in only five subgroups. You might some need some nasty multi-dimensional factor model to describe it... eh I'll spare you the details of that.
Why am I saying that?
Well the Love Languages thing isn't some absolute truth. It's not something that is carved in stone. It's a gross oversimplification - though a somewhat helpful one - of human behaviour. Don't be overly obsessed with feeding it to your husband. Take it for what it is - a crutch to help you understand yourself - but accept that others aren't as convinced of it as you are.
That being said, I think your husband is being a sexist douchebag if he thinks that women only regurgitate things other women say and thus things women say aren't important. And it's even more douche-y if that includes the needs of his own wife.
Leaving the Love Languages aside, you could say you feel disrespected because he's not treating you the way you'd want and he's not telling you any good reasons for why he doesn't do things you'd want him to, but still expects and demands respect and sexual gratification from you?
If it's really some men-women issue he has then maybe another man he respects could show him how poorly he treats you (like, some church elder or some male friend of his and yours?) That's a poor solution because he *should* be respecting you regardless of gender, so asking another male to talk to him shouldn't be necessary. But maybe he needs someone else that has some role model authority to tell him that he's doing you wrong.
Another way to deal with his sexism would be to remove him from the sole provider role. So unless you have little kids that need your attention all day you could find a job yourself. That'd give you more independence and would even out the inequality. You would then have to understand that you're not his house maid.
Now that sentence doesn't make sense to me.... your feelings are real, aren't they. Feelings may be irrational or even inappropriate, but they are real because you feel them?
Why would someone need a BMW?What is the point?I am. That was my first wife that wanted a BMW. Maybe I'll buy my 2nd wife a BMW just for the hey of it, lol.
Yep. Exactly brother. The wife works all day too at home, cleaning, children and all that stuff, and it's not so easy, I found that out after she left. And the thing is, when daddy gets home and his day is done...hers gets even harder because she's waiting on him and picking up his dirty socks and stuff that he dropped in the floor and all that. i didn't understand it when I was married and would ask her...why don't you ever stop and sit down? Geez, she worked all the way up until bedtime.
I get it now. My next wife, I'll cook dinner sometimes, and help her always cook or clean when I come home. it's only fair. Most guys may cook their girl breakfast in bed once a year on her birthday if she's lucky. i think I'll cook breakfast in bed for her once a week. This will touch her.
Yeah. Treat her the way I want to be treated. For real. And go to church together every Sunday. Be her spiritual example and leader. that's a responsibility. A might scary in a way but it will keep me on my spiritual toes. In order to be the spiritual leader, one must himself have a good relationship with God in order to be able to do it, and with confidence, no fear. everything is Spirit led.
God will honor that marriage, and bless it. Praise the Lord for God being there and being who he is, especially longsuffering.
Will your husband ever sit down and talk with you?Just ask you how your day went or ask you if anything is frustrating you?How is your communication?Are you happy working part-time?Would he ever be for just holding you at night instead of having sex?Sometimes that is what a woman needs and sometimes if a man loves his wife he will put her above himself and give her what she needs first.
