I am really having a hard time this Christmas Day. The devil has destroyed my life and marriage. My husband and I just got married a little over 4 months ago. However, we have been in a relationship for almost 15 years. We got together as teenagers so there has been problems with infidelity in the past. I knew before I married my husband that he was seeing another woman. It was destroying us and we almost called off the weddinf. He told me he didn't want to be that kind of person anymore and would stop the affair. However, after we got married he confessed to seeing the other woman again. I was devastated and didn't know what to do. We started marriage counseling and after 3 sessions the counselor recommended we seperate. We did as the counselor said and my husband left our home. He said it's best he leaves because he didn't want to continue living with me and still be cheating on me. He said he thought he could stop but realized he could not. He left and instead of staying with a family member he was seeing the other woman. He told me he missed me after 2 weeks and wanted to work on our marriage but wanted to be sure he was done playing games. 2 weeks after that he came home and told me the other woman texted a positive pregnancy test to his phone while he was a work. He went with the woman to a doctor who confirmed the pregnancy. The other woman told him she has been with no one else and the baby is his. I told him to gather the rest of his belongings and I told him I'm divorcing him. I have never been so heartbroken in my life. I am depressed and humiliated. I found this out a little over a month ago. I have had nothing but time to think and I'm ashamed to admit I still love him. I still want my marriage and he claims he wants our marriage too. He said he is ashamed and does not know how to face me or our family. No one knows but me and his mother. His mom is sick over what has happened. He said he feels bad for walking out on the other woman because he feels it's his responsibility to be there to take care of the child. He said he does not know what would be the right thing to do. Should he work on our marriage and leave the woman to be a single mom? And help her financially and have visitation rights? Or should he stay with the woman for the sake of the child? His mom told him he does not have to live with the other woman to help raise the child if he is indeed the father. She told him he can still be a good father without living in the home. He told me he is not in lovw with the other woman and could never love her like he loves me. Im not sure what to believe at this point. However, the other woman has ran a guilt trip on him and is upset with him because he has not filed for divorce yet. She knew he was married but decided to continue the affair. Now she tells him she is not comfortable with him still being legally married to me and wants him to divorce me. She also wants him to play step father to her first child from a previous relationship. I just can't believe people could be so heartless. I have no children because I wanted to wait until marriage. I feel so stupid and I don't know what to do. My husband said he told this woman he will not marry her and he will not file for divorce at this time. He is suffering from extreme guilt and will not face anyone. Not our pastor, his family, he can barely even can face me. I have to spend Christmas without him while he is with the other woman who is pregnant. I feel as if the other woman is being rewarded. She gets the man and the baby. I wake up alone and can't get outta bed. Why is she being blessed with this child? I know we are not to question God but I don't understand life right now. Am I crazy for possibly wanting to fight for my marriage?