I feel lonely, worthless, no friends or boyfriend?

[Natalie]

Hi, I'm new to these forums, so sorry if this isn't the right category. And sorry this is long, I'd appreciate anyone who bears through it and replies

I'm 20 years old and I have been kind of depressed for a while now.
I constantly feel painfully lonely. I have only one friend, - let's call her J - she is the only true friend I've ever had actually (known her since I was 10) and she recently has moved away so I cannot see her as often. Although I know I am an important friend to her, J is married now and has a baby and I know that I just am not as high up on her list of priorities as I once was.

Other than J, I have only had one other "close" friend but we were friends because we both didn't like our other classmates and we could complain about our teachers together. We never gave advice or anything like that, and she was a person who said she was Christian but would twist the bible to fit her personal taste (she would say that Jesus died for our sins, but then say other parts of the bible weren't "cool" or "right" ) so I never felt close to her as a spiritual friend.

As for other people, no one has ever wanted a friendship with me. I am shy so that is part of it, but even people who seemed to love sitting by me in class and worked on projects with me would avoid seeing me outside of school. Same with church, people would chat politely while I was around, but if I ever said "we should get together sometime" they always gave excuses later. So I just stayed alone, aside from hanging out with J.

But now that I'm out of high school, I just work part time, all my coworkers are over 40, so I don't really have any peers or friendships there. Haven't gone to college yet because I don't know what to study and I can't afford it anyhow. Now that J has moved, I realize how horribly lonely I am.

It's crushing. I feel like I am important to no one. People say "Oh well if you don't have friends, just go do new things and make some!" but I have tried and it always comes back to the same thing. People politely talking with me for a bit. And me ending up alone out 95% of the time. It makes me feel worthless. I don't feel loved by anyone. I don't feel important or wanted or needed. I've never had a boyfriend either, never even been on a date, so that adds to it. I've been praying about my loneliness, but I don't feel like I am getting anything from God about it. It's like I beg every night for God to guide me where I should go and bring people into my life, but I end up alone and crying on my bed day after day. Why has God not helped me with this? The bible says we were made for companionship, I know loneliness isn't a good thing, it's actually the VERY first thing God sees as not good, and that's why He made Eve for Adam. So why, no matter how hard I try, am I forever alone?

 

[Deshong]

Well first off God never puts anyone through situations that someone else before you didn't already experience and felt.

I understand exactly where you are coming from because it sounds similar to my own life, except God has finally revealed to me what I was blind to and didn't understand. Maybe the reason why He hasn't answered your prayers is because He wants you to put Him first your life before He even grants any desires from your heart. In itself it is a test...a test of faith, strength and even wisdom. God already knows the desires of our hearts and He also knows us better than we even know ourselves, therefore He knows exactly what He's doing.

As far as the lack of people not wanting to be friends or hang out with you is simple. Everywhere God's children go, their light will shine and remember most of the world is in darkness and hate with a passion the light and naturally would be against being around such a person. Like how two magnets repel against one another, they just won't come together because they're opposites in nature.

There are no weak children of God in His kingdom, so everything He does is always for a purpose and a reason. He knows best for each and every one of us, even when we think we know but really don't have clue.

If it makes you feel any better I am 26 years old, had very few friends let alone any close ones. Currently do not have any friends, I have never had a boyfriend or even so much as been on a date yet either. I currently reside in a house all by myself when once upon a time it used to be full with my mother, father, brother and two chihuahua's. But my mother passed away and my father eventually found someone else and moved out and my brother broke the law and went to jail. And I thought I would join the Navy so I put up for adoption the chihuahua's yet to my surprise I didn't get into the Navy. And I probably won't ever or any other branch since I feel in my heart that it has to do with my brothers criminal record even though I have nothing on mine. I don't have a job, so I don't even get to interact with people much at all.

Anyway to try to get to the point. I didn't realize I valued my family so much that I put them above God and so He corrected me because He loves me. It took me this long to realize that, now that I'm alone and they are not here. Right now I am much closer to God and I'm grateful for His guidance in my life. Like you I would love to have close friends with the same beliefs and morals and values but that's not as easy in this day and age. Blessed are you though, that you have at least one friend although she is busy with her married life.

Just keep praying but don't forget to thank Him for everything He has done for you and tell Him how much you love Him. Patience is virtue.

I wish you well. God Bless You. :angel3

 

[rp17]

Deshong gave you some good advice Natalie. Wanted you to know that you aren't the only person who is with few friends and never dated. I too, due to shyness and other reasons have few friends and very few dates in life, and I am 33. It can definitely be depressing, but we need to pray to God for help in those times of loneliness and depression and put the focus on him. It may be tough, but God has a plan for everyone, and right now, you being alone is his plan for you. But remember, what is said in Romans 8:28 (NKJV) http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%208:28&version=NKJV. It may not be pleasurable or seem good right now, but God is in control and his ways and timings are above our own.

Remember Joseph, thrown into a well and left for dead by his brothers, and then God blessed Joseph later on, with great things, and eventually saved his very brothers in their time of need. His brothers meant if for bad, but God used it for good, and the same it will be for you, in God's time.

God bless you, I will pray for you about this, I know that this kind of thing can be very tough.

 

[yudeniaregenboog]

Hi there Nathalie.

I've read your story and it really touched me. My english is not the best because i'm from the Netherlands but i'll do my best.

It is not cool to hear about your lonelyness. But you should not be lonely or depressed!
Because there is a god who cares about you. If you gave your heart to jesus, you are never alone!
I don't judge. I just give advice. Don't worry about not having a boyfriend. That is not so important. Because having a boyfriend is thinking about the flesh.
God wants you to choose the spiritual path of wisdom and the holy ghost will guide you trough your life.
You know there are a lot of people who go to church, who pray and stuff like that but they lose faith because they see no progress or joy in their lives.
That is because they have doubts of the power of god. They think god doesn't listen to them or that he doesn't want to help. If you think like this. You will not see changes in your life.
He doesn't like people who don't trust his plans or work. Faith is a very important key to see miracles in your lives. Because faith moves the hands of God. Even if its about having friends.

I hope you understand what i have said. Remember have faith and if you didn't gave your heart to Jesus do it.
And you wil feel the difference!

May god bless you in the name of Jesus Christ.
Yudenia Regenboog

 

[fishbreath]

hello precious,
It can be a bit of a rough road being alone. When I was your age (I'm 39) I was also a loner and wondered why I did not have many friends. Truth be told, I had some abuse in my upbringing which caused me to mistrust others. Also, sometimes God sets us apart from other people, even apart from other Christians because He has big plans for us.
My suggestion is that you begin asking God what His calling on your life is so you will know you are not alone and that He is with you. God speaks to us in a number of ways. One of those ways is through dreams. The bible has over 300 scriptures in it about dreams and visions. If you dream, you are free to contact me and tell me the dream and I will see if the Lord will give me an interpretation for you.
Hang in there, I know God has a great plan for your life. I think you may be set apart for His purposes.
Bless you

 

[Natalie]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Well I know it isn't really good to obsess about being in a romantic relationship. I could honestly be okay with being single if I had at least friends. But since I don't, I keep thinking if I had a boyfriend I would be happy, cause even if I still didn't have other friends at least I would be the most important person to someone for once :/ I know, I know, that is not good thinking but it's not easy to stop feeling that.

Anyways I've been trying to work through this loneliness, and I keep coming across the answer of just focusing on God and doing His purpose for you and then He will bring all those things you desire into your life. But how on earth do I find what my purpose is? I've been praying for God to lead me to what He wants me to do for ages now, and I never really feel like I'm getting a reply. I just don't know what to do In case anyone is wondering, I have started doing bible study on my own regularly and some devotionals about seeing yourself as God sees you. It's helped some but I just backtrack into being depressed cause I have no companionship. Literally, I have not had a conversation with anyone in a week and it hurts. The one friend I talked about is too busy and will ignore any texts I send her. I looked through my texts with her and no matter what kind of thing I sent her, all I got back was "sorry I was busy today" for everything. I went to work last night and I think I wasted like an hour trying not to sob (no one else was there).

But yeah, the questions still stands, how do you know what God wants you to do in your life? How do you find that purpose? If I knew what He wanted me to do, I would have done it already! But I just don't know.

 

[farouk]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Well I know it isn't really good to obsess about being in a romantic relationship. I could honestly be okay with being single if I had at least friends. But since I don't, I keep thinking if I had a boyfriend I would be happy, cause even if I still didn't have other friends at least I would be the most important person to someone for once :/ I know, I know, that is not good thinking but it's not easy to stop feeling that.

Anyways I've been trying to work through this loneliness, and I keep coming across the answer of just focusing on God and doing His purpose for you and then He will bring all those things you desire into your life. But how on earth do I find what my purpose is? I've been praying for God to lead me to what He wants me to do for ages now, and I never really feel like I'm getting a reply. I just don't know what to do In case anyone is wondering, I have started doing bible study on my own regularly and some devotionals about seeing yourself as God sees you. It's helped some but I just backtrack into being depressed cause I have no companionship. Literally, I have not had a conversation with anyone in a week and it hurts. The one friend I talked about is too busy and will ignore any texts I send her. I looked through my texts with her and no matter what kind of thing I sent her, all I got back was "sorry I was busy today" for everything. I went to work last night and I think I wasted like an hour trying not to sob (no one else was there).

But yeah, the questions still stands, how do you know what God wants you to do in your life? How do you find that purpose? If I knew what He wanted me to do, I would have done it already! But I just don't know.

Hi Natalie:

Good question about the will of God. Here's a good answer: 1 Thessalonians 4.3 (I was thinking particularly about the first part of the verse.)

It's really good that you're doing regular Bible study. Prayerful dependance on God's Word is a great and essential way to follow the Lord Jesus.

Blessings.

PS: A bf in some circumstances can be good, especially if he would make a fine Christian husband. (You know, some young women have also had bfs that have been anything but a help to them spiritually, and have become so involved with them that their lives have been harmed in many ways.)

So it's always good to count one's blessings.

 

[Deborah13]

But since I don't, I keep thinking if I had a boyfriend I would be happy, cause even if I still didn't have other friends at least I would be the most important person to someone for once :/ I know, I know, that is not good thinking but it's not easy to stop feeling that.

Hi Natalie, you sound like a nice young woman and are seeking God's help in your life. My name is Deb, I've raised a few kids (3 girls), they are all grown, youngest 27. I am very fond of young people and I remember quite well what your age was like.
Please take what @farouk said seriously, he's very wise in that it isn't always better to have a male friend in a woman's life, you could be better off alone.

I highlighted parts of what you wrote which is above. The reason I did this is that I want you to see how very normal a person you are and not so different than most of us at your age and that it is not such a bad thing all the time. But remember that most young men you would meet would be at the same place in their lives. "I want, I need, I would be....". Most of us go through stages in life and some repeat in a more mature stage but still repeat.
I believe the age you are at is a time for self growth, self realization, if you are involved with a man this is not so easy to do. It your tied to a man and the Lord shows you just what He wants you to do, where He wants you to go, etc. and they don't agree, which one will you choose, God or the man.
Frankly, the young men need to be thinking the same but woman are more likely to be happy following his lead than vise versa.
And that's enough about that.

I noticed you are talking about church in the past tense. If you are not in church get back in a good one, girl. Find one that has a young adults program and have fun. You haven't said anything about your background so just take this for what it could be worth. If you have had an unhappy childhood in any way it may be helpful to you if you were to consult with a good pastor or Christian woman's counselor. If you don't feel good about you, people feel that and think that there must be something wrong with you. There is not, you are God's child.

God loves you very much just the way you are and He will show you what He has for you to do. If you Really what to know, get going...at least stand up and start walking, go to church be with other Christians, no excuses.....

"If God is for you, who can be against you?"

May God Bless you and keep you

 

[Natalie]

I noticed you are talking about church in the past tense.

Yes, I haven't gone to church regularly in about 3-4 years. The church I grew up in as a child, I asked my parents if we could leave it because I had no friends there. The second church I joined I stayed in until I was about 16 cause I had my one friend there. But she stopped coming as often, and most of the Youth groups members were judgmental, cliques, said hi at church but completely ignored or made fun of me at school. So I just stopped going. I visited quite a few churches last year. I did find a good one that I liked, but my older sister has started going there regularly. I don't get along with my older sister, I really cannot feel comfortable going to church with her when she is constantly cussing me and everyone else out at home. My family is fairly large and everyone goes to different churches or has work, so I don't often have a ride to go to one Sundays or bible study during the week :/ Plus I am a total wuss and chicken out on going new places half the time when I am all alone. I know, I know, poor excuse, but it is a factor. I always have apprehensions and worry I will end up sitting by myself in a corner somewhere and it makes me to scared to go... assuming I have the means to get there.

 

[Deborah13]

I always have apprehensions and worry I will end up sitting by myself in a corner somewhere and it makes me to scared to go

I know exactly how that feels, I am the same way. Over my life I have not gone places, events, etc. because I didn't want to go alone, now I am very sorry for that. Please just take that step in going to church. We can't let our lives be governed by fear.
If you like the church where your sister goes, go. You don't have to sit with her. At home you have the perfect opportunity to show how a real Christian woman behaves . You may feel very much like a child inside but you are not.
The Lord will help you if you are sincere and going to church for the right reasons. First to learn about and worship Him. Second you will be doing just what He wants you to do, not forsake the church, by associating with other Christians. You will be pleasing God and He will honor that. Yes, our Lord honors us, too. When you go to church and worship Him you are blessing Him and will establish a relationship with Him.
When someone prays for God to do something for them, they are asking their Father. If the Father cannot recognize that person as His child they may not see their prays answered. Relationship is every thing. We don't trust strangers or love them much, God doesn't want to be a stranger to you.
Remember there is usually someone else that feels very much as you do about being alone or sitting alone. Ask the Lord to help you find that someone that you, can help them. Very often when we reach out to help others our own needs are met. Just the way God works most of the time.

May God's grace touch you and your faith in Him be established.

 

[DeaneRenata]

You're only 20? That is young to me, I'd do anything to rewind the clock and be at 20 again.

I guess at 26 I am not much older than you though...

I want to help you with your delimma.

For depression, go and see the doctor. I had depression once so I know what you are going through.

For the other problems -- there is a verse in the bible that says in order to have friends you must show yourself to be friendly.

I also know what it's like to be lonely without any friends. To deal with that problem my mom had me attend a social gathering where I got to talk to a bunch of new people, I must say it was very enlightening.

 

[Nathanael Chong]

Natalie, I may be able to relate to you as I have also been struggling with the aspect of loneliness. Deshong has already said all that I want to say. I know it's very hard and sometimes you do not know how to go about it, but focus on God and on doing His work. Why don't make friends with the elders? You might learn something from them.
Just remember: when you put God first and focus on pleasing him and surrender your struggles to Him, the blessings will come as a by-product.