I need advice

[Arye]

I knew this girl for about 10 months. We stayed friends and nothing more. Then we started dating.

She has cancer. She is agnostic. I cant but help feel like God has placed me in her life. She hates church, She hates christianity. She goes to church with me sometimes but acts like its torture to sit through. The devil has such a STRONG hold on her mind and way of thinking. She automatically rejects anything to do with the bible or Jesus.

I try to talk to her about it, we dont make any progress. Me being a christian has never been an issue with her, nor her lack of faith an issue with me until recently.


Sometimes I just want to love her from a distance and be romantically involved with a Christian girl. I feel like if I did that I would be giving up on her. I doubt she would stay my friend if we broke up and I certainly couldn't do any serious converting on her and she would die lost. She has a 40% chance to survive over the next 5 years.

I want to do what God wants me to do. I seek his path. but its hard to know what God wants sometimes. Even Abraham was so confused and lost when it came to his promised son.

Please pray for me, and for her. I need strength to endure this task God has placed infront of me. I love this person very deeply but its so conflicting and hard to deal with her bashing my church and religion.

 

[God's_gift]

It's very rare for me to say this but if you love her set her free. Hers is not only a physical sickness that leads to physical death but also spiritual sickness that leads to death of the spirit.
It cannot be handle by just " talk " sure it will take all your guts and your life if you want to risk in bringing her to faith in Christ. And you're struggling now coz a part of you think you can fix her and some part of you think you can't.
Have faith in God's supreme plan. You don't know what will happen yet once you make the move of letting her go. Sure you love her but God love her most. And God's plan are higher than ours. Isaiah 55: 8
Keep reading the word, live by the Word and you will be in the place where God wants you to be.
Comfort for you and welcome to Cf.net God bless

 

[Navigator]

My question to you is: What's your main motivation for breaking up with her? Her agnosticism or her cancer? You mentioned her lack of faith did not bother you before...I won't comment on whether I think it should or not (I'm not sure if I'd want to be in a relationship with a girl who isn't Christian). So why the change? Because she could die prematurely?

The only reason I ask is because my ex-girlfriend brought up a comment her Dad made that she was seriously thinking about and I don't have something as serious as cancer and that comment was basically: "Oh well since Justin's Dad died when he was 40...won't there be a chance he could die young too? You have to think about that..." (Dad had an enlarged heart...and i do too) The truth was..my Dad did die young, but he had other complications in addition to the enlarged heart. The possibility of someone who professed to love me leaving or reconsidering sticking around long term simply because of my health hurt...BAD. Please don't make that mistake.

If you love her, show her...that is if her health is the issue.

Your simple loving on her in this difficult time could bring her to know Christ. You praying for her could help.

If her faith truly is the reason, let her know that you will be praying for her, but you don't want to date if she isn't open to develop a deeper, spiritual relationship with you.

 

[Lorna21]

God is love and you don't want her to die lost. You don't have to talk about the word of God to share the word of God just live and love her as God does you. You say your interested in pursuing a relationship with someone more focused on their relationship with God than do that!

It's not like your married. You can on a friend basis see another person and see where things go with that person. Just be honest about it. When you hang out with the person that is in the faith let them know you only want to get to know them better before jumping into a relationship. As for the girl not in the faith maintain a good personal relationship with her until you feel it's in vain.

 

[Hammer]

Churches and parents should be teaching their children to not date people who are not Christians. It won't end well. She recovers, the two of you break up. Or, she recovers, you get married, and then she runs out of desire to try to accommodate your faith even to the small degree she does now. You divorce before kids. Or, you divorce after fights about how to raise the kids.

What you've got now is infatuation. That doesn't last.

Go ahead, be her friend and support her. But, make it clear that you're nothing more than that. She'll respect that.

 

[eduardo]

Sometimes I just want to love her from a distance and be romantically involved with a Christian girl. I feel like if I did that I would be giving up on her. I doubt she would stay my friend if we broke up and I certainly couldn't do any serious converting on her and she would die lost. She has a 40% chance to survive over the next 5 years.
Hammer Hammer Hammer, whats attracting you to her? Is she good looking with a nice body? I ask this because if shes so negative then she must have something that attracts you to her other then her personnality. I dug this chick once for physical reason more-so and she was a handful. I also tried to bring her to God without pulling but she was resitant. Attentative but resitant. After a while I ask myself why are you with her? It was sexual. So I had to make a decision for my sake. I put God inbetween us. Of course she didn't like it but she needed me out of the picture to listen to God. after separating I didn't hear from her for a couple years until I got a phone call. "Hi, baby its me. Did you miss me? I just wanted you to know you did help me more then you knew. I hated you for awhile because you dropped me but now I understand why. God has finally got my attention and I needed to stop relying on men to fill the gaps." I was floored and very happy and said, "Thats great! So are you married or with someone?" She said, "Yes, God is my boyfriend now. He's a great lover." We had the best laugh ever. Today we're cool but I still remian distant because her walk has only just begun. I planted the seed and God watered it but I had to get out of the way for it to happen. Check your heart and be true to what attracts you to her and your answers should be prevalent. You cannot do anything about her cancer because only God can deal with that. Don't be the boyfriend, its a pacifier.

 

[jwoods4290]

Churches and parents should be teaching their children to not date people who are not Christians. It won't end well. She recovers, the two of you break up. Or, she recovers, you get married, and then she runs out of desire to try to accommodate your faith even to the small degree she does now. You divorce before kids. Or, you divorce after fights about how to raise the kids.

What you've got now is infatuation. That doesn't last.

Go ahead, be her friend and support her. But, make it clear that you're nothing more than that. She'll respect that.

i'm sorry to say this but i 200% disagree with you. We should be trying more to help these people and show them the way of god, and help them change their wicked ways. In your comments, it makes it seem that "caucasians shouldn't date africans" kind of theory. If you call your self a true christian off of these beliefs then i worry for you. I honestly try to meet the most wicked eviliest of people, and try to show them the way. It's my way of paying the lord back for the life he has given me. He wants people to be saved, not people to be bios and push other's away. If it doesn't work out, then at least you tried, and made a full effort as only the person them selves can truely change their ways. As have i.

As christians, we should be more helping to people, instead of sticking as a colony.

 

[Hammer]

i'm sorry to say this but i 200% disagree with you. We should be trying more to help these people and show them the way of god, and help them change their wicked ways. In your comments, it makes it seem that "caucasians shouldn't date africans" kind of theory.

It seems like someone in Africa dating someone in the Caucasus is in for a difficult long-distance relationship. Your post is insanity. Religion isn't race. And, dating isn't a tool of evangelism.

 

[jwoods4290]

It seems like someone in Africa dating someone in the Caucasus is in for a difficult long-distance relationship. Your post is insanity. Religion isn't race. And, dating isn't a tool of evangelism.

LOL on the long distance one. you got one there. But even if, i still feel we should help that loved one become a christian. if it doesn't work, then eh, move on. but to teach kids "don't date anyone who isn't christian" is absurd.

 

[handy]

I don't think teaching kids not to date non-Christians is absurd at all.

Dating is far different from other relationships... I don't deny that kids should have friends of all different stripes and should be able to respect those differences, even when standing firm on what makes them different (ie, their faith)... This indeed is the best way to reach out other others.... since we claim that our faith is a relationship with Christ, then the best way to reach out with the gospel is to build up relationships with non-Christians.

However, dating is a specialized relationship in which two people are figuring out whether or not to join together in life in a permanent way.... or at least that is what the goal of dating should be.

I guess this is where my 15 year old daughter's language comes in handy... there is "dating" in which there is a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship that either moves forward and becomes more serious... or breaks up. And then there are "guy friends"... a friend who is a guy with whom one hangs out with, but without the idea of moving forward. My daughter has several "guy friends" and she would hotly deny that going to a movie with one of them was a "date". To her, it's only "dating" if you are romantically interested in the guy.

So, going by that criteria... no, it is never a good idea for Christians to date non-Christians. Because that "moving forward" for Christians should really have one and only one end in mind...marriage. And, it's never a good idea for Christians to marry non-Christians.

Building friendships and reaching out in a relational way to non-Christians... all good.

Dating leading to marriage... no way.

 

[jwoods4290]

I don't think teaching kids not to date non-Christians is absurd at all.

Dating is far different from other relationships... I don't deny that kids should have friends of all different stripes and should be able to respect those differences, even when standing firm on what makes them different (ie, their faith)... This indeed is the best way to reach out other others.... since we claim that our faith is a relationship with Christ, then the best way to reach out with the gospel is to build up relationships with non-Christians.

However, dating is a specialized relationship in which two people are figuring out whether or not to join together in life in a permanent way.... or at least that is what the goal of dating should be.

I guess this is where my 15 year old daughter's language comes in handy... there is "dating" in which there is a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship that either moves forward and becomes more serious... or breaks up. And then there are "guy friends"... a friend who is a guy with whom one hangs out with, but without the idea of moving forward. My daughter has several "guy friends" and she would hotly deny that going to a movie with one of them was a "date". To her, it's only "dating" if you are romantically interested in the guy.

So, going by that criteria... no, it is never a good idea for Christians to date non-Christians. Because that "moving forward" for Christians should really have one and only one end in mind...marriage. And, it's never a good idea for Christians to marry non-Christians.

Building friendships and reaching out in a relational way to non-Christians... all good.

Dating leading to marriage... no way.

hmm. after reading this from you and hammer, i guess i'm taking it the wrong way. Of course i would want my SON to marry a christian. of course that. But i guess where i'm going with this is, is the difference between dating and marriage.

For example, i'm not married yet, and that's only due to i want to make sure i'm being with the right one (only 22 years old, been together for 3 years). And when i first met her, she was crazy. getting high, non christian (to the max) etc. But, also digging in to know her more, she never had a example.

She never was tought about the word of god, her family we're alchy's, and attics, that's what she had to deal with everyday. and i can understand that.. how can you believe in any good when everything that's around you is terrible?

I made it clear, if we're going to stay together and get married one day, i refuse to if she didn't wish to believe. Now, i didn't force this upon her as preaching to her eveyday. Every now and then we would have a nice discussion, and i would share to her my experiences i have had. But again, i made it clear i would not marry if she didn't change her way's within believing.

I knew it was my job, to help her change her ways. god had put me in her life, to try and rid of the wickedness, and save a soul.

 

[Hammer]

i'm not married yet, and that's only due to i want to make sure i'm being with the right one (only 22 years old, been together for 3 years). And when i first met her, she was crazy. getting high, non christian (to the max) etc. ... I knew it was my job, to help her change her ways. god had put me in her life, to try and rid of the wickedness, and save a soul.

In other words, you've gambled three years of your life, and still lack the payoff.

God said do not be unequally yoked. That means God didn't put this woman in your life to be converted through dating.

Are the two of you having sex? Is that also part of God's plan?

 

[jwoods4290]

In other words, you've gambled three years of your life, and still lack the payoff.

God said do not be unequally yoked. That means God didn't put this woman in your life to be converted through dating.

Are the two of you having sex? Is that also part of God's plan?

i wouldn't consider it gambling. My physical body only lasts here for a certain period of time, and again, my job in life is to help others. now, if they don't wish to work with me on changing, then i can only do so much.

Also, for the record, we we're friends for long before dating. As of today, she has become to learn the lord more, be intersted, wish to attend church, wish to have our son baptized, she has become closer to god, which is a smile, i've helped one save their soul.

when it comes to "having sex". i never said i was perfect as temptation has overcome me before. But, a child is a gift from god that i've have long awaited.

 

[Blev]

I knew this girl for about 10 months. We stayed friends and nothing more. Then we started dating.

She has cancer. She is agnostic. I cant but help feel like God has placed me in her life. She hates church, She hates christianity. She goes to church with me sometimes but acts like its torture to sit through. The devil has such a STRONG hold on her mind and way of thinking. She automatically rejects anything to do with the bible or Jesus.

I try to talk to her about it, we dont make any progress. Me being a christian has never been an issue with her, nor her lack of faith an issue with me until recently.


Sometimes I just want to love her from a distance and be romantically involved with a Christian girl. I feel like if I did that I would be giving up on her. I doubt she would stay my friend if we broke up and I certainly couldn't do any serious converting on her and she would die lost. She has a 40% chance to survive over the next 5 years.

I want to do what God wants me to do. I seek his path. but its hard to know what God wants sometimes. Even Abraham was so confused and lost when it came to his promised son.

Please pray for me, and for her. I need strength to endure this task God has placed in front of me. I love this person very deeply but its so conflicting and hard to deal with her bashing my church and religion.

Hello Arye
This may sound a little old fashioned, but really dating is to see if a person is the right one to marry. Anyone you date you could fall in love with and marry. Since God said in the Bible do not be unequally yoked, He would not put you two together because He would not go against His own Word. You may feel like He did because you love her, feel sorry for, be afraid for her, or have compassion about her situation. Our own feelings many times get in the way of making a right decision according to the Word of God. Its good to help support someone in a life crisis but that does not mean you should to date them. You don't have to desert her just because you don't date. You can tell her about the Lord, be supportive and compassionate about her suffering, and be a good witness for God , but you cannot change her. You can only point her in the right direction. Only Jesus can change the heart of a person. She doesn't want anything to do with Jesus and is only doing it for you, so her heart is not in it. I have known to many marriages that were disasterous because they got into church for the man or woman they wanted, then quit after marriage. But the relationship or marriage didn't last, the commitment to God didn't last, because they were doing it in themselves and not really changed in their heart. It wont work. Jesus said you must be born again. The only way for her to be change is for her to truly want Jesus to be the Lord of her life, to repent and recieve Him. I'll be praying for you and for her.