Christ_empowered
Member
its...time, lol. When Jesus saved me, I was obviously brain damaged, limping along, etc. Now, only 4 1/2 years later, I'm remarkably...whole. Smart, somehow. "Normal" (whatever that really means, lol) in ways that mean I can have something of a life in society, at some level (that's --huge-- for me, btw).
Like a lot of people, I've had bad church experiences. I grew up in a little Presbyterian church (PCUSA). My mother was briefly an elder. I may have been "sick" ("mentally ill"--again, whatever that really means...definitely some odd physical problems....) from a very young age. At around 13 or so, my mom stopped going and stopped taking me, too. My dad never went. As best I can tell, a lot of the "church people" blame(d) me for a lot of things that happened from that point on.
I got saved thru the work of Pentecostals. I'm conflicted about some of their theology and such, but as people, a lot of them are top notch Christians, no doubt. My best friend is an older, wiser, Pentecostal woman. She's kind of a 2nd mother, a spiritual mentor, and a genuine, bona fide friend.
I got burned at a church in a nearby state, when I was living there. I was living off my people, trying to get things together. I overheard a young lady in her late teens talking about how I "don't have a job, he's living off welfare..." on and on it went. Ouch. Small, southern town Baptist churches...do things like that.
So, I've been back here for 6 years now. I went with my dad to the semilocal megachurch he pops in at, now and then. I got some hard stares (I'm a pariah around here). They're loosely affiliated with the SBC.
I...just...don't...know. Now, I'm physically healthy, smart, I have a light in my eyes. The Lord has even made me a little bit taller (I'm in the average height range...), taken away all my premature aging, and fixed...well, The Lord has fixed a lot of what ailed me, even up to recently. I'm blessed.
I also have a different way of being ("personality"). This is a big blessing for someone who was painfully socially awkward, socially isolated, etc. Now...I can be around people, and I'm able to function like any other normal person...except now, in this community, I'm labeled as "Schizophrenic."
The official "diagnosis" is Bipolar I, not that anyone cares. Or listens. The "experts" from back in the day have declared that I "recently developed Schizophrenia." It is...what it is. Oh, and they relate it to my sexuality (I was activley homogay) and other sins, so its sort of like "yeah, he got passed around, popped pills...now he's SCHIZOPHRENIC!" Personal advice? Try not to p!ss your shrinks off.
Ugh. I need to get into a church where I can be there and it won't be crazy awkward and tense. I also need to get into a church that will challenge me, guide me, etc. But...around here...where will I find such a place?
I don't work. I receive disability. Not ideal, but...it seems I had all kinds of problems, from a very young age. I may very well have had cancer (long story...."suspend your disbelief," I suppose...). Now, I'm healthy, I'm smart, etc., and no one will hire me. I'm blessed to have my parents. They love me, they're kind to me, they're protecting and supporting me...this despite my past sins, crimes, misdeeds, etc., and the very obvious fact that I need them, and they certainly do not need me.
Its not all doom and gloom. My parents are now "well-to-do." Shouldn't matter, but...let's be realistic; in my situation, coming from a "good family" (Bible Belt-speak for "they have money," apparently...) makes things easier. Not always "easy," but...easier. Actually, in my situation, my parents have been the only people who stood between me and utter and complete destruction, involuntary hospitalization, abject poverty, etc. Needless to say...I love mama and daddy, more and more, as Christ moves in my heart+life.
I'll cool it with the rambling, and say: Please pray that my parents and I can get into a good, solid church where we can learn, grow, contribute, challenge, be challenged, etc.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for the ongoing prayers, support, etc.
Like a lot of people, I've had bad church experiences. I grew up in a little Presbyterian church (PCUSA). My mother was briefly an elder. I may have been "sick" ("mentally ill"--again, whatever that really means...definitely some odd physical problems....) from a very young age. At around 13 or so, my mom stopped going and stopped taking me, too. My dad never went. As best I can tell, a lot of the "church people" blame(d) me for a lot of things that happened from that point on.
I got saved thru the work of Pentecostals. I'm conflicted about some of their theology and such, but as people, a lot of them are top notch Christians, no doubt. My best friend is an older, wiser, Pentecostal woman. She's kind of a 2nd mother, a spiritual mentor, and a genuine, bona fide friend.
I got burned at a church in a nearby state, when I was living there. I was living off my people, trying to get things together. I overheard a young lady in her late teens talking about how I "don't have a job, he's living off welfare..." on and on it went. Ouch. Small, southern town Baptist churches...do things like that.
So, I've been back here for 6 years now. I went with my dad to the semilocal megachurch he pops in at, now and then. I got some hard stares (I'm a pariah around here). They're loosely affiliated with the SBC.
I...just...don't...know. Now, I'm physically healthy, smart, I have a light in my eyes. The Lord has even made me a little bit taller (I'm in the average height range...), taken away all my premature aging, and fixed...well, The Lord has fixed a lot of what ailed me, even up to recently. I'm blessed.
I also have a different way of being ("personality"). This is a big blessing for someone who was painfully socially awkward, socially isolated, etc. Now...I can be around people, and I'm able to function like any other normal person...except now, in this community, I'm labeled as "Schizophrenic."
The official "diagnosis" is Bipolar I, not that anyone cares. Or listens. The "experts" from back in the day have declared that I "recently developed Schizophrenia." It is...what it is. Oh, and they relate it to my sexuality (I was activley homogay) and other sins, so its sort of like "yeah, he got passed around, popped pills...now he's SCHIZOPHRENIC!" Personal advice? Try not to p!ss your shrinks off.
Ugh. I need to get into a church where I can be there and it won't be crazy awkward and tense. I also need to get into a church that will challenge me, guide me, etc. But...around here...where will I find such a place?
I don't work. I receive disability. Not ideal, but...it seems I had all kinds of problems, from a very young age. I may very well have had cancer (long story...."suspend your disbelief," I suppose...). Now, I'm healthy, I'm smart, etc., and no one will hire me. I'm blessed to have my parents. They love me, they're kind to me, they're protecting and supporting me...this despite my past sins, crimes, misdeeds, etc., and the very obvious fact that I need them, and they certainly do not need me.
Its not all doom and gloom. My parents are now "well-to-do." Shouldn't matter, but...let's be realistic; in my situation, coming from a "good family" (Bible Belt-speak for "they have money," apparently...) makes things easier. Not always "easy," but...easier. Actually, in my situation, my parents have been the only people who stood between me and utter and complete destruction, involuntary hospitalization, abject poverty, etc. Needless to say...I love mama and daddy, more and more, as Christ moves in my heart+life.
I'll cool it with the rambling, and say: Please pray that my parents and I can get into a good, solid church where we can learn, grow, contribute, challenge, be challenged, etc.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for the ongoing prayers, support, etc.
