Christian Forums

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

  • Focus on the Family

    Strengthening families through biblical principles.

    Focus on the Family addresses the use of biblical principles in parenting and marriage to strengthen the family.

  • Guest, Join Papa Zoom today for some uplifting biblical encouragement! --> Daily Verses
  • The Gospel of Jesus Christ

    Heard of "The Gospel"? Want to know more?

    There is salvation in no other, for there is not another name under heaven having been given among men, by which it behooves us to be saved."

Let's Talk Christmas

2024 Website Hosting Fees

Total amount
$905.00
Goal
$1,038.00
Well that's about the same my mother said to me when I had my first period. :lol

Just in case you have to give her that kind of talk maybe it would help to provide some more information about why and how it happens, and that it's something healthy to be embraced. But chances are she will already know most about it by the time it happens.
a nine year old will not understand that. unless monica tells her or tammy. it wouldn't surpise me but my wife is open about that stuff. way too open. Karen whom I asked prayer about? well when she had her breast enlarged she was way to willing to show tammy, and If I asked I would have got a peep. she showed tammy in front of me.i didn't see them but I did see the back view and her hands pull her shirt to show my wife. yet when her dad showed up she covered her self in a shirt over that sports bra.

there is reason why monica and my wife don't want Karen around our kids. been there
 
besides its best explained from someone who lives it. am I afraid too? no I have more knowledge on that stuff then a lot of men. my wife had a partial hystertomy. the doctor was surprised when I knew how they would do it. of course, I learned of it when I took my mom to the hospital to have that surgery three years before. yet when a man says it just doesn't have that compassion.

if im sick, I don't want to talk nor reassurance. just leave me be.
my wife is the opposite, she worries and is so anxious that at times I will say have lana take you. she is that stressed. I don't have the fear of needles. I have my fears but I face them in my own way. asking my wife if I was going to war wouldn't be a wise thing to have her say. been there done that. she worried more then I DID.

I'm sure most humans can have a certain degree of compassion and understanding even with those things that they haven't experienced themselves. Just give it a try. Empathy is very manly.
 
I'm sure most humans can have a certain degree of compassion and understanding even with those things that they haven't experienced themselves. Just give it a try. Empathy is very manly.
which is better if given the opportunity. you have these:

1) a vet who has ptsd and is thinking of suicide. he doesn't want to go to the va. Im on a phone call away and or there in seconds, and you know that I have been there and have the training to deal with that. and I have talked to vets on this forum who have pondered that.
2) a man who self loathes and you have overcome that. on this do you get someone who has no experience to deal with that or do you open up?

I have never said nor implied a man shouldn't, just that let the women who understand girls better deal with them and vice versa if POSSIBLE! and vice versa.
 
a nine year old will not understand that. unless monica tells her or tammy. it wouldn't surpise me but my wife is open about that stuff. way too open. Karen whom I asked prayer about? well when she had her breast enlarged she was way to willing to show tammy, and If I asked I would have got a peep. she showed tammy in front of me.i didn't see them but I did see the back view and her hands pull her shirt to show my wife. yet when her dad showed up she covered her self in a shirt over that sports bra.

there is reason why monica and my wife don't want Karen around our kids. been there

Nine years old is quite early. I think average age of the first period for western cultures of our day and age is 11 or 12. And at that age almost all kids have learned something at school about human biology. Or told each other about the facts of life. Or seen something on the internet.
There are some very helpfull books for teenagers about adolescence, too. Heck, any of those books would have done better than my mother.
 
Nine years old is quite early. I think average age of the first period for western cultures of our day and age is 11 or 12. And at that age almost all kids have learned something at school about human biology. Or told each other about the facts of life. Or seen something on the internet.
There are some very helpfull books for teenagers about adolescence, too. Heck, any of those books would have done better than my mother.
its not uncommon for some. my wife seems to have the genes for that.
 
Why wouldn't you PM with someone of the opposite sex?
It's not a wise thing for married people to do...especially in troubled relationships. Besides that, it's out of courtesy and respect to my wife.


You scared that in private I will suddenly show my true nature, get red glowing eyes, grow claws and fangs and try to bite your head off? :biggrin
I'm scared you'll do that in public!


In all seriousness though. If your wife is like that, too, she might need professional help. I am seeking professional help because deep inside I know I can beat my personality disorder, although it's a long way to go and there will be many more setbacks and many more "unlikeable" moments.
As a Christian I know it's primarily a spiritual issue, not a physical one. My spiritual opinion about the matter is, I think professional help will only be like a band-aid, not a cure. IOW, a non-permanent, disingenuous, temporary solution. And band-aids can fall off at unexpected times. It's a false hope to me.

I'm convinced it's primarily a spiritual problem, not a physical or emotional one. Just controlling what makes us mad, proud, or impolite, envious, etc. is not the real answer. The real answer--the spiritual answer--is to learn from God, through trust in God, to not entertain fleshly impulses like pride, hatred, fear, etc. IOW, learn to have the faith to not have to be those things to protect ourselves.


I can understand that you got hurt by that kind of out of control behaviour. I have hurt many people, too. :-( And I know other people with similar issues and how hard they are to deal with. I hope you can forgive her?
Forgiveness is not an issue for me. It's just hoping that she can come to her senses and turn the tide of things.


Do you understand what's going on inside of her?
I think so. It's a defensive pride.


And what would you intuitively suggest what she'd need to do or to change in order to be more level headed and relaxed?
What should she do? Recognize that her reactions to life's offenses and discomforts are not right and can be overcome by faith--faith in God that she doesn't have to react the way she does to things to protect herself. We all have to learn to do that, but I'm sure it's a stiffer battle for some people. But it hasn't been a cake walk for me either in my own relationship with God and learning how to walk by faith.


Does she understand what's going on in her mind;
Truthfully, no.

I think if she could read what I just wrote above it would open up a world of health and healing for her if she wouldn't closer her eyes to it and perhaps consider it even a little.



...and is she willing to work on getting healed?
Yes, and no.

If there's an easy way that doesn't involve taking some personal responsibility for who and what she is, then, 'yes'. But, 'no', if it means taking honest ownership and responsibility for her reactions to things like we all have to do.


How about Santhro?
Though your real name pro'ly isn't Jethro.
You're right. It's Ralph Reginald Tubsley.
 
I found this web site a few years ago but never bring it out because every time i do its..:bricks

Who, REALLY, is this man we affectionately call Santa Claus?

What do we REALLY know about Santa?

Is Santa just a jolly, harmless, friendly fellow?

Or is there something or someone else hiding behind jolly ol’ St. Nick?

The Bible teaches Satan’s primary attack is the most vulnerable. In Luke 10:19, Jesus Christ compares Satan to lightning, "I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven". Lightning, like Satan, always travels the path of least resistance. The Bible also likens the devil to a "roaring lion" The lion is a predator of opportunity. The lion looks for the injured, the youngest, the smallest, or the weakest – the one with the least ability to run or fight. So it is with Satan. He is actively "seeking" those "whom he may devour".

The great German Reformer, Martin Luther writes in his Table Talks:

"The devil plagues and torments us in the place where we are most tender and weak. In Paradise, he fell not upon Adam, but upon Eve."
(The Table Talk of Martin Luther, #424)

The most vulnerable and least resistance are our children. It is no accident that the Lord Jesus Christ distinctively warns several times against harming or offending these "little ones".

1 At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?
2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.
6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Matthew 18:1-6

The Lord Jesus invites, and encourages little children to come unto him. The younger years are by far the most spiritually fruitful in the life-cycle of an individual.

13 And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them.
14 But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.
15 Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein. Mark 10:13-15
15 And they brought unto him also infants, that he would touch them: but when his disciples saw it, they rebuked them.
16 But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.
17 Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein. Luke 18:15-17
Without question the most fertile time in the average persons’ life for receiving and trusting the Lord Jesus is the pre-teen years. Any church bus worker or youth worker knows young children are very receptive to the gospel of Jesus Christ. For children that child-like faith is natural. It is what the Lord Jesus described in Matthew 10:15. As we get older; the sensual, youthful lusts and logical, carnal mind begin to dominate our lives. And as that happens, our heart becomes hardened and seared to the spiritual things of God.

http://www.av1611.org/othpubls/santa.html

tob​
 
Santa is actually a combination of things. Here is a list of some of his attributes and where he got them.

  • Chronos - Both the Greek god Chronos (Roman name: Saturn) and Santa Clause live at the North Pole and come from there back to civilization at the winter solstice and bring with them a time of peace and joy for all men.
  • Odin - The Norse god Odin had an eight-legged horse. Santa has eight reindeer. Odin had two ravens who went all over the world and reported back to him everything that was going on. Santa has elves to help him do his job and knows everything that goes on in the world.
  • Nicholas of Myra - Santa Clause gets his name from St. Nicholas. That's also where the story of gifts being put in stockings comes from.
  • Coca Cola - Santa Clause was usually pictured as being rather thin, until the Coca Cola Company used him in an advertising campaign (which they've done every year since). They were the first ones to depict him as fat. If you want to look like Santa, all you have to do is drink plenty of Coke and exercise only one day a year.
So remember, when you're telling your children about Santa, you're telling them about a guy who's a mixture of two pagan gods, one Catholic saint and an advertising campaign for a multi-national corporation.

The TOG​
 
I apologize if I seem overly argumentative sometimes. While I admit I am a bit opinionated about some subjects, overall I don't mean to make a big deal out of what I simply do not believe is a salvation issue.

At any rate, Santa is no longer a part of my holiday as I am in my 20s now and that'd be a little weird. xD
 
Jethro, thanks for opening up on that personal issue of your marriage.
I've been reading your words a few times now and it's quite some food for thought (and maybe a wake up call for myself....)
I was tempted to respond writing a PM to you.
Actually I was thinking about PMing you about another thing we were discussing the other week and then the thread was closed in the middle of the discussion. So I was going to PM you my reply. Good thing I didn't, huh? :biggrin2

It's not a wise thing for married people to do...especially in troubled relationships. Besides that, it's out of courtesy and respect to my wife.
That seems noble, but somewhat oldfashioned. Courtesy and respect to your wife are wonderful.
Maybe it's all different in my culture and my generation, but I wouldn't think a normal conversation (no flirtation) with a member of the opposite sex in a one-on-one situation could be a problem regardless if one or both of the people involved are married or not.
Can you avoid being alone with a woman other than your wife in real life all the time?

As a Christian I know it's primarily a spiritual issue, not a physical one. My spiritual opinion about the matter is, I think professional help will only be like a band-aid, not a cure. IOW, a non-permanent, disingenuous, temporary solution. And band-aids can fall off at unexpected times. It's a false hope to me.
I don't know what exactly is wrong with your wife and maybe she really needs spiritual help.
As for me, I tend to agree there is a big spiritual aspect in my personality order. But that doesn't mean that psychotherapy is useless. Psychotherapy will hopefully teach me methods of regulating and controling my thoughts and emotions so I can handle myself better. Only then I can hope to adress the spritual matters behind it without going aggro every five minutes.
There are promising therapy approaches to improving self control and dealing with negative emotions. I defintely need to feel more in control of myself before I dare adress the real issues. Also for the people around me a more controlled and less unpredictable me would be the best way to ease their lifes.

I'm convinced it's primarily a spiritual problem, not a physical or emotional one. Just controlling what makes us mad, proud, or impolite, envious, etc. is not the real answer. The real answer--the spiritual answer--is to learn from God, through trust in God, to not entertain fleshly impulses like pride, hatred, fear, etc. IOW, learn to have the faith to not have to be those things to protect ourselves.
See response above...
Self control of my emotions is what I most long for at this point. Although it wouldn't remove the real problem I guess in my case it would shrink the problem by quite a bit. When in some emotional distress focusing on God, reading scripture and having faith is barely possible at all.
But like I said that's me and things may be different considering your wife.
A very intersting aspect of your response is that you seem to consider those "fleshly impulses" or negative and destructive emotions as a misguided sort of self protection and faith in God as a way to overcome that.
It makes sense. I'll ponder that idea.

What should she do? Recognize that her reactions to life's offenses and discomforts are not right and can be overcome by faith--faith in God that she doesn't have to react the way she does to things to protect herself. We all have to learn to do that, but I'm sure it's a stiffer battle for some people. But it hasn't been a cake walk for me either in my own relationship with God and learning how to walk by faith.
For some people it's a life-long battle. :wall (On a side note, I'm wondering if disorders of that kind can be kept alive despite best efforts of healing because some people just enjoy fighting that battle? All those emotional ups and downs sure keep things exciting. I've bee wondering, if I ever beat my demons, wouldn't I miss fighting them? :lol)
One characteristic of personality disorders is that the people suffering from them seem to have very rigid behaviour patterns and are much less flexible in regards to finding the most approbriate behaviour in response to a certain situationn than "healthy" people. You wife may be in such a situation. Even if she wanted to change she might find herself unable to.
Would it help you considering your wife's personailty a mental illness rather than spiritual immaturity?


I think if she could read what I just wrote above it would open up a world of health and healing for her if she wouldn't closer her eyes to it and perhaps consider it even a little.
What'd happen if you showed her what you wrote? Or told her those things?


Yes, and no.

If there's an easy way that doesn't involve taking some personal responsibility for who and what she is, then, 'yes'. But, 'no', if it means taking honest ownership and responsibility for her reactions to things like we all have to do.
It's hard to recognise what trouble you're in unless your behaviour comes with serious consequences. Does your wife's behaviour have serious consequences for her? Did it ever cause her to lose something dear to her? If she's getting away with it most of the time then what motivation could she possibly have to go thorugh the pain of changing her ways?
 
I have done both channukah and Christmas. now then since one mentioned that Christmas is of the devil. ok so if as a Christian place the star of david on my home as a wind chime, and have a mezuzah and also place the channukah menorah on my window or in sight when light then how will the world not know im not a jew but a Christian?
 
Jethro, thanks for opening up on that personal issue of your marriage.
I've been reading your words a few times now and it's quite some food for thought (and maybe a wake up call for myself....)
I was tempted to respond writing a PM to you.
Actually I was thinking about PMing you about another thing we were discussing the other week and then the thread was closed in the middle of the discussion. So I was going to PM you my reply. Good thing I didn't, huh? :biggrin2
I'm shocked at your humble response. It's refreshing, thank you. I'm not used to that as I will explain later. I'm back to work today, but I will address the remainder of your post as I can today, and/or tomorrow.

I'm not against one or two quick, non-personal PM's. That's okay. But a friendly, private relationship with a woman--even just a casual one--in PM's is where I don't think I should go. That kind of attention, even though she won't have it, belongs to her exclusively, IMO.

I'll be back later.
 
I have done both channukah and Christmas. now then since one mentioned that Christmas is of the devil. ok so if as a Christian place the star of david on my home as a wind chime, and have a mezuzah and also place the channukah menorah on my window or in sight when light then how will the world not know im not a jew but a Christian?

All kinds of people decorate their homes and yards at Christmas, not only born-again believers, but also nominal Christians and even atheists. And although atheists are less likely to put up specifically Christian themed decorations, they will often do so, for example if they grew up in a nominally Christian home and are just following family traditions. So, if your decorations are no different from anybody else's, how are people going to know you're a Christian? The answer is simple. It has nothing to do with how you decorate your home, but with the way you live. Not celebrating Christmas can even give you an opportunity to witness to people. It happens to me every year. Someone will ask me whether I've put up my tree yet or whether I've finished decorating or buying Christmas presents, and I'll tell them that I don't do those things. People are always surprised and ask why. Then I tell them that it's because I'm a Christian and I want to obey God's commandment, where He tells us that we shouldn't learn the ways of the Heathen and do them for Him. I get the same opportunity when people find out I don't eat pork or other unclean meats (I had a really long conversation with a co-worker about this once) or that I follow various other biblical commandments and traditions.

The TOG​
 
Back
Top