Need some biblical help.

Discussion in 'Young Adults' started by LPTSTR, Aug 24, 2015.

  1. LPTSTR

    LPTSTR Member

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    Hello,

    I need some help with few questions.

    1) Bible says that children are to obey they're parents. I would like to know how long do I have to obey. I am 23 and will turn 24 soon. I am the only child and live with my mom therefore she is over-worried about me. All my life is infinite list of dos and donts. Living according to 10 commandments is way easier than living according to every her command. Basically she keeps telling me even things like what to eat, how much and what clothes to put on, when I am sweating and water heater haven't been turned on she doesnt allow me to have cool shower because the thinks I might get serious illness. But when I am in dormitory I often have coldest possible shower and never ended up being sick. I am just curious to know how long do I have to obey my mom? The bible does not say anything about it. It doesnt say "children, obey your parents till you get 18+".

    2) Does the Bible have any verses that would protect me from being punished more than I deserve? I know I am not perfect and I may do more things wrong than I ever imagine. My issue is that I get punished (by my mom) for every little thing I do. Well that's ok but she's doing it over and over again. If I do something as little as putting package to wrong pile of trash then instead of telling me once that I did wrong she would shout on my at explain over and over again how great mistake it was. When I do something else wrong, she would come back to this over and over again asking and wondering how could I be such idiot. Even if I do something wrong unintentionally I first get to hear how bad I am and then she would come back to it over and over again telling me how I could have done it better. I am not saying that I am a good person but I am also not doing mistakes intentionally. I wonder if there are any Bible verses I could use to protect/comfort myself.

    PS! Please support your thoughts opinions with bible verses. Suggestions that are not biblical will be ignored. Thank you.
     
  2. Knotical

    Knotical Staff Member Moderator

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    The reason the bible does say anything about a limit to how long you should (honor) your parents is because there is no limit. You should always "honor your father and mother." However, there comes a point where if they are requiring you to do something that is unbiblical you do have the choice of not obeying.

    I should back up a bit to point out that there is a huge difference between obeying someone and honoring them. There is a way, if your parent is telling you to do something unbiblical, to not obey them but still honor them. This is tricky, but it is possible. Of course pride does get in the way during this kind of situation and additional sins will come to bear, but as long as your motivation is to honor God first, then your parent, then your heart is in the right place.
     
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  3. LPTSTR

    LPTSTR Member

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    Well I dont think that it's unbiblical if she tells me how much salad shall I eat or what clothes shall I wear and how hot shower shall I take because bible tells nothing against it. So I ask it plainly and expect yes/no answer this time. If I am 35 and she still tells me in detail how to live. For example if I am 35 and she still denies me to take too cold shower do I have to do what she tells me or not? If I am 35 and she still tells me what and what not and how much shall I eat, do I have to do as she says or not?

    I mean I still respect her forever but does that also mean that even tough I am adult I still have to carefully follow the list of do's and don'ts?

    This is made up example but:
    What if she would tell me I must not get wife? Bible isn't specific about it. Apostle Paul tells us that being married is good but staying single is even better. So here forbidding me to take wife is not unbiblical. Therefore if she would tell me not to take wife for my entire life would I have to do what she (mom) tells me and restrain myself from marriage or no (yes/no answer expected).
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2015
  4. smaller

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    I am 61 years old and my mother still treats me like I'm a 12 year old boy who needs to be punished by his mother, and she basically can not be pleased for any reason.

    I learned to go on. I don't wish any ill will upon the woman, but it's very hard to deal with, or impossible in my case.

    Grow up. Put your own big boy or girl pants on and move on. The best lessons in life you'll have to learn the hard way regardless of parental advice to avoid that from happening.
     
  5. Knotical

    Knotical Staff Member Moderator

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    Quite honestly, if you are 35 and still living at home you have other things to consider than just what your mother is telling to you to do. Of course there could be legitimate reasons as to why you might still be living at home at 35, but by that point you should sit down with your mother and respectfully identify to her that you are an adult and are completely capable of handling these small choices on your own.

    She could be just not wanting to let go of control, since it appears you are her only child, but she will have to let go eventually. Especially if and when you move out and get married.
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2015
  6. Edward

    Edward Member

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    I guess I was about 40 before I realized that all the crap that my mom & dad (and grandmother!) gave me when I was young...was because they were trying to do the right thing and teach me, best they knew how.

    Cut your mom some slack by realizing this. She doesn't mean any harm brother. Another thing is to realize that when she yells at you, the emotion that she feels is indicative of how much she loves you (so is trying to correct you)

    There's no loophole or time limit brother. You're supposed to bite your tongue and give her the respect and honor that she deserves. She's trying to help!

    Ephesians 6:1-3
    6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
    2 Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;
    3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth./
     
  7. Not_Now.Soon

    Not_Now.Soon Member

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    Talk to her. If it's an adult conversation (not the kind that children have with regard to obeying their parents, just because they say so and know more then you) then as an adult bringing the things your concerned about will be listened to, and considered.

    Just talk to her. Communication solves so many issues that didn't need to build up into something else. If you want consider what you'll say, how to say it, and how to be respectful while approaching the topic.
     
  8. Knotical

    Knotical Staff Member Moderator

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    So, I think the consensus on this one is you should obviously respect/honor your mother, but also be honest with her and let her know, or show her, you are no longer a child and handle many of the things she is "controlling" on your own. But first, as smaller indicated, but your big boy pants on and have a open conversation with her.
     
  9. LPTSTR

    LPTSTR Member

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    I can deal with punishments.

    But if she would tell you to do something that you dont want to do would you have to do it?
    Or if she would tell you that you are not allowed to go out with friends just because she doesnt want to, would you then say "no" to your friends with cost of your friendship(s) even if there's nothing wrong with friends?

    But you still didnt answer the question. Respecting an honoring her is not the same as obeying her every single commandment. I can still be nice to her, respect her as a mother.

    So my question remains, do I (as adult) have to obey every single command or no. Do I have freedom to choose what food I eat and what clothes I wear or no. From now on I'll skip to next reply as soon as I see first occurrence of words "respect" or "honor"...
     
  10. Edward

    Edward Member

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    Hey brother you asked a question. If you wont hear the responses, then it makes you sound sort of like you're looking for a loophole or permission to...stand up to her? Defy her? I think you should ponder these responses that you're getting and don't be so hasty...

    Do you live with her in her house?
     
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  11. Edward

    Edward Member

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    Is it really that hard to find a peaceful middle ground with your mom? Do you have to be right and "win"?

    She may be wrong in some of the things she says, but the mature man with a good heart will bridle his tongue and be big about it. She's your mom, dude!

    I miss my mom. If it's really that bad... then rather than have a distasteful incident, just move and get your own place.
     
  12. Not_Now.Soon

    Not_Now.Soon Member

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    Do you have to obey her? I kind of find it hard to believe that she'd tell you what to wear, or what to eat. At least I hope that wouldn't be the case. I can see a mother saying don't wear that, or don't eat that. Or maybe if she cooked the meal and said you should eat it because she cooked it for both of you. Outside of that though I have doubts. Sorry. As to friends, I can see that being a more complex sitution. If she thinks your friends are the wrong crowd or something, or that you are more irresponsible when your around them, or perhaps a very select other reasons, I can see how a mother would be legitimate in her complaint of you being with your friends. Without hearing her side, no one can really say if there's a decent reason or not for her demands.

    That said, what your asking is not if it's justified or not, but whether you should obey her. To that aspect, I'd have to say, as long as you're living in her house, you have her rules that are above your own. If it's your house, or it's owned equally by both of you that's a bit different. But not much. If you live with your mom and she says to do something, by not doing it you are being disrespectful. If she is as controlling as you portray, then it's likely that you'll have to at one time or another disobey her, because she's too restrictive.

    Which goes back to the suggestion I gave earlier. It's not an answer to your question is it ok to disobey your mom, but it is hopefully a solution so she doesn't remain as restrictive to you, and you don't end up not obeying her or disrespecting her. Just talk to her. If she loves you and trusts your input communication is all that is needed. If you love her and trust her, communication is the better solution then to just disregard what she says or demands.
     
  13. smaller

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    My flesh mother doesn't tell me what to do, nor do I listen to "her." I move with Mother Wisdom in all Her Ways.
     
  14. reba

    reba Staff Member Administrator

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    As long as you live in your mothers house she has the right and responsibility to be mom. You have the responsibility to be son.
    Exo 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
    I am mom my kids are parents them selfs ... Some times us moms dont want to 'loose' our kids so we hang on too tight...
    The other side of the coin

    Col 3:20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
    Col 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

    Mothers should not provoke the kids either...
    Set your goal to be on your own.... doing your best to hold your temper you will not be sorry you have not crushed her...
     
  15. Brother Mike

    Brother Mike Member

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    First, your confused. Even if I gave you bible scripture that says you don't have to listen and do what your Mother says, that won't change her mind any. Is it suppose to make you feel better by telling her NO, go jump in a lake, here is your scripture?

    Just the other day at my Grandma's house, I got to hear about how horrible a father I have been, How my dad was Horrible for leaving my mom, not to rise that out in the sink, How I need to be in a Mental home, and she just kept at it. She is still my elder, and I was in her home, so it's Yes Grandma, I understand Grandma, I am trying to do better Grandma. She says some of the most unkind and crazy things to me, but it's not about Her, I respect the Lord, and I am in her house visiting and helping her out. None of it bothers me at all, and I never get an attitude toward her. She is just like that, not all the time, but she has moments she gets frustrated about things.

    I had a deal with my own son (20) he seems to think He can do what he wants at times. I let him know real quick who's house He is living in and who's food He is still eating. Telling me NO is not an option for him. Now it's not because He is my son, it's because I am the boss in my own home. I don't even let other adults disrespect me or my wife in my house.

    When visiting someone else, I eat what is put in front of me, and I never complain. It's their home.

    Now when my nice Grandma visits, I put up with her comments, she is my elder and did help raise me. There is a snowball's chance I would let her live with me. Not a option.

    If your living with your mom, you should show her respect and do what she says do as long as nobody dies, or it ends you up in jail. It don't matter how unreasonable she is, or what fears she has over you, you do it out of respect for the Lord. Nobody is keeping you at home, you can leave if you want. If your living with her though, you need to respect her and put up with her very kindly and understanding.

    My own son says something disrespectful to His mother, then He deals with me, and I don't play games. Your mom sounds like she does not have another man to put you in your place. So you be the man, honour the Lord. There is reward, and the first is a promise of long life.

    Mike.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 26, 2016
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  16. Particular Baptist

    Particular Baptist Member

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    Here is a novel idea: move out and honor her from afar. I Corinthians 13.11
    That is precisely what I did with my quite foolish but loving mother, and though it is a life of poverty, it is worth it to serve God fearfully and trembling without the War Department's input.

    Jeremy 6.16-7
    Proverbs 8.5, 3.35, 10.4-18, 11.29.
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2016

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