SHINY4UJESUS
Member
-Part Three: Growing Pains-
Imagine the sight: a 20 year old guy with an unruly beard, hair past my shoulders, wearing a thoroughly blood covered t-shirt and jogging pants. It's likely that I looked close to what Charles Manson looked like in his darkest hours. So I'm dancing down the sidewalk in unbridled worship and appreciation of who God is and what He has done-I'm belting out "Your love O Lord," in song, spirit of worship and of praise, and I'm almost completely lost in His presence. Meanwhile; folks a block down round the corner, take one look at me and almost literally run back the way they came. They probably thought they were seeing a mass murderer, given the blood on my clothing and generally rough appearance. They may have thought I was the devil himself...all the while I'm carried away in a spirit of praise and adoration, just in love with Jesus! Irony at its greatest. After a few blocks I saw this place called "Oasis," which is an outreach center to aid those with no place to go, no food to eat, and generally there to serve those in crisis. So of course I went in, and of course the entire room went dead silent as everyone stared openly at this blood covered stranger. I was about to attempt to explain when a man came from another room and told me he was expecting me. Apparently he was also told to help me in any way he could.
When I asked how he knew I was coming; if someone to the jail told him, he looked baffled. " Jail?? " he asked. " No not at all, I've no clue about that. God has been preparing me for days and insisting I'm to help the one he sends. He is now confirming to me that YOU are the one He has been telling me about." Keep in mind that I'm still new to the kingdom at this stage, and didn't even yet realize that the things I had learned, the things I knew, the scriptural insight I'd developed-were all God talking to me. I guess I took it as simply having come by these things based on bible study and prayer alone. So I didn't really believe what the man was saying, and a part of me even thought, " Well this guy is certainly off his rocker, but I do need help so I'd best just go with it." In short order the man had secured shelter, promise of clothing, a potential job for me and a home church; and I began my early days of kingdom living.
The following Sunday I attended the first church service I had since about the age of 7. All I recalled from the childhood experience was a dusty methodist church and a pastor that could bore rocks to death. Truly, watching mold grow was a preferable enterprise. (Mind you, this is not to say that the pastor from my childhood wasn't a good man, or dedicated leader; it was simply all I recalled from a limited child's perspective.) I had no idea at all what it was to be in a truly vibrant, Spirit filled and living Body; but that is exactly what this church was. To add to the special and powerful experience, there was a special service this week; a famous violinist, known for the powerful anointing in her music was there. She had played for Popes, Prime Ministers, the Queen of England, former presidents, the Dalhi Lhama...among others, and we will revisit her role in just a moment. Anyhow, I cannot even tell you what the Pastor's sermon was on, because I wasn't there at all. To me, it was like the clouds had rolled back and all I saw was heaven; many, many angels; the cross, and a smiling Father. I heard His voice as though a loudspeaker were attached to my ear, saying: "Son I have always been here, and I will never...EVER leave you. " I could even feel His warm, loving embrace as He simply held me.
At some point, I came back down to earth enough to hear an altar call for those who truly wished to accept Jesus as Lord and Savior. Though I'd already taken this step in heart, I was moved-and literally ran down the aisle, skidding to halt on my knees already in complete surrender. I prayed as directed, and meant it with a steel resolve that even death could not break; was prayed over, then we were sent back to our seats. I had barely sat down and wiped away the tears of joy from the beautiful and incomparable experience when another altar call was offered. This one was for those who were committed to living the life of discipleship, surrendering all in a willingness to serve and be a light to the lost; to help others find joy and peace in Christ.
Without a moment's hesitation; I again returned to the altar, closed my eyes and just let God minister. Eyes closed, hands raised, tears flowing freely; I felt a hand grab my arm gently and lead me. I didn't know then, but nobody saw anyone grab my arm; nor did they know why I was led directly to center stage. However, once there the violinist played an entire set directly over me. I know now that God was imparting a tremendous anointing and calling upon me, and the violinist did as she had never done before; but out of obedience to the movement of the Spirit played specifically over me. With each note, each moment; the Spirit of God hummed into me-more, and more.
I have no clue how long in earthly terms I stood there receiving of God,a nd my eyes remained shut tight. Regardless what others saw, I was communing directly and intimately with Father in the throneroom. At some point a man,(an actual man, in the flesh this time,) came onstage and put a hand on my shoulder saying, " Son, you have never met your father, and it has long troubled you. But don't lose heart, for you will meet him someday." He could not have possibly known of the absence of my father, I'd told nobody in the entire state of Arkansas. But when he said I'd meet my father some day, I opened my eyes, looked over, and smiling; said simply, " I just did."
When that first service for me finally ended, I found myself surrounded by believers with a sincere and desperate plea in their eyes. They told me that the light shining from me was all but blinding and they just knew if I were to pray for them; God would hear me. The sheep were looking to ME of all people to intercede for them with God! Here I was, barely 2 months into my walk; just released from jail, with little clue what was going on. Yet, here I was being asked to pray for them as though I had some great station or miraculous power.
(Again, please note: I did not ask for these things, I did not deserve these things, and I was scared to death at what was happening. Not one single movement was of any trait, ability or power of mine; but of God. Believe me; I was quite at a loss as to why God chose me.)
I was greatly disturbed, concerned that their faith in my faith and ability was far misguided; that if I prayed and no deliverance came, it could be a detriment to their faith. However, their desperate pleas, and the fragile hope in each pair of eyes caused me to try anyhow. I could not simply leave them empty and disheartened, so I prayed. Until the next Sunday I kept praying those prayers; I begged of God to work wonders, because it crushed my heart to think they might be deterred if my lack of faith prevented the receipt of fulfilled prayer.
I came to find the following week, that every person prayed for had experienced an almost immediate and miraculous movement of God in response! This was much to my surprise. I was humbled beyond measure, and yet guarded; because this now gave cause for others to similarly petition me to petition God. I was constantly reminded by the situation to completely be surrendered to God; even a single moments lapse could prevent these souls in need from receiving of God, andI didn't want to be the cause of that.
The next few months were a season of unrivaled growth, incomparable blessing, divine favor, and perpetually answered prayer. Testimony after testimony was birthed by God as He ministered to me and through me. I always gave God the glory and He always gave me more opporunity. Folks, again I must adamantly assert this: not a single redeemable or miraculous outcome was from any power or quality of mine. Nothing I did was the catalyst to the outcome. The only part I played was having a sincere, willing heart, and a sober recognition of the significance and gravity of what was occurring.
Every morning I'd awake about 5 AM, I'd pray; then I'd read my daily bread, I'd read my daily Oswald Chambers, I'd read my daily proverb, my daily psalm, and I'd study at least one chapter in both the old and new testament. Then I'd pray some more, I'd listen to worship music and pour my own praise out to God; all the while meditating on everything I read. I didn't merely read the bible, or simply memorize verses, but constantly hungered for depth of understanding and constantly applied the principles to my life. After that, I'd grab my bible, put my headphones on and remain in a spirit of praise and worship everywhere I went. It's never about what we do but the intention and passion with which we do those things.
