[__ Prayer __] play the hand you're dealt

[Christ_empowered]

wise as serpents, innocent as doves. in the world, but not of it.

OK. If you're reading this, odds are pretty good that you've read any number of my (many, many, many) previous posts about...everything. God is good! At this point, I'm remarkably healthy, intelligent enough for...life, bright eyed, normal in ways that matter, reconciled to my (loving, kind, long-suffering) parents, receiving disability, and...above all else: forgiven. Washed+made clean. A New Creation in Christ Jesus.

I just...well, I get confused. The Mental Health, Inc. people now say I have either "Bipolar I" (w/ psychosis at times) or "Schizophrenia" (w/mood problems). Keep in mind; for a long, long time there, I was labeled as hopelessly, incurably, impossibly, --severely-- narcissistic (NPD), and basically punished for my very existence. My records from back then apparently contain a lot of glaring inaccuracies, there have been confidentiality violations, questionable billing (from when I was on my parents' insurance...), all kindsa stuff. Not cool...but, from what I've read and heard, this sort of thing happens in the wild world of Mental Health (Inc).

OK. So, clearly, I'm skeptical, now about the whole "mental illness" thing. I --am-- blessed to be on disability. No one will hire me around here. I strongly suspect that some of my psych info. followed me (somehow...) when I briefly lived in another state. Fun times. Stigma...it seems as if I'm expected to "know my place," etc., and even when I've moved...the stigma follows me. Awesome.

Skeptical, yes...and yet: at times, I do better --on-- my tranquilizer than I do not on a tranquilizer. I'm blessed. I respond to and tolerate a newer tranquilizer ("atypical") that may actually be different enough from many other drugs to have some benefits...fewer problems over the long haul, less weight gain, etc. I'm also blessed because I was given disability once a doctor at the clinic found out I'd been ordering a foreign generic version of this drug w/o a prescription and importing it.

So...yeah. "Play the hand you're dealt." At a bigger level, its also about accepting the world around me as it is, even when I'd rather retreat into some kind of Pollyanna-vision. Am I "really" Schizophrenic? I dunno. Honestly, I don't know if there is such a thing in the sense of an actual, biologically-rooted entity. And yet...

...I took a tranquilizer today, and I felt significantly calmer, less moody and such within about 45 minutes. Boom. Those babies work fast. Again, I'm blessed; even when multiple "experts" agree that a given person has a diagnosis that should respond to tranquilizers, a --lot-- of people do not experience much, if any, benefit from tranquilizers. Some do, but the adverse effects outweigh the benefits, especially when dealing with the older drugs and/or the more sedating ones.

OK. So, psych horror stories aside (and I had plenty of them, LOL), I do --now-- benefit from "standard treatment" for...this "malady." My other "issue" is that now that my parents talk about my "mental illness" and "Schizophrenia," etc., they're a lot more tolerant of me and kind to me. That's great--I need some warmth, some tolerance, some leeway, some understanding--but...do I really need such a horrible label to get some compassion? Ugh. Bothers me...

I know...yet --another-- prayer request. Ugh. This is just kinda weighing on my mind, that's all. It gets extra rough w/ the rednecks in my neighborhood forever taunting me, on top of the "symptoms" or what have you.

Thanks for your prayers+support+replies.

 

[Pegasus]

From reading your posts I have to say God has worked miracles in your life. It is those times though where we just want "deliverance now!" and when it does not work the way we think it should we sometimes lose some heart.

However, we should know our God is awesome, He hears all our prayers and answers them according to His Will.

When we feel low and think our dear savior is far away, He is not. I've learned we must be like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego when confronted with the "bad hand" dealt as you allude to. They had a pair of twos in Daniel chapter 3. They were caught not worshipping the kings idols. They boldly proclaimed that God would deliver them. However, not tempting or speaking for God, they proclaimed even if God did not deliver them, they would not bow to the idols.

Daniel 3: NKJV

13 Then Nebuchadnezzar, in rage and fury, gave the command to bring Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego. So they brought these men before the king. 14 Nebuchadnezzar spoke, saying to them, “Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the gold image which I have set up? 15 Now if you are ready at the time you hear the sound of the horn, flute, harp, lyre, and psaltery, in symphony with all kinds of music, and you fall down and worship the image which I have made, good! But if you do not worship, you shall be cast immediately into the midst of a burning fiery furnace. And who is the god who will deliver you from my hands?”

16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. 17 If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. 18 But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.”

As I was thinking on this passage two weeks ago when I received bad news, a Christian couple two doors down rang the doorbell, told me they were praying for me and family and handed me a CD from their favorite Christian group. The 5th track spoke to me as I hope it will for you. It's called "Even If."

 

[Watching Thomas]

You are certainly an open honest guy, Christ_empowered. I have not been on this forum that long but very quickly I had noticed that you have a very good way with words. You are expressive, articulate and your posts have a nice readable flow to them. How that helps you I don't know but it shows a thoughtful mind ticking away there as well as gifts with writing. A God-given thoughtful mind and God-given gifts with expression.

With mental illness, over the years I have heard all sorts of things about it in Christian circles, from reasonable stuff to weird. The problem is, the science of it all is still developing, lots is changing, huge leaps forward are being made which makes the knowledge it is replacing seem profoundly primitive. I do believe the science of mental illness is advanced enough to provide help of a sort in many cases, even to enable changes which in some situations seem almost miraculous.

Some of the cutting edge stuff with mental illness now relates to the gut microbiome. Just briefly, new technology is enabling the microbes in the human gut to be better understood. Previously very little was known about the range of microbes and how they interacted, what they did.

Now, it is realised that we have an amazing diversity of gut microbes (think rain-forest type ecosystem) and that ecosystem is so closely linked to how the body and brain works that some researchers are calling the gut-microbe system another organ of the body. For example, new research is showing that certain types of microbes produce the chemicals which help us regulate mood. The body is somehow designed to have those microbes and make use of the chemicals they produce. In some cases the right microbes are essential and poor health happens if they are not there in the gut.

Modern Western diet is now being shown to be seriously detrimental to many types of gut microbes which are beneficial for us. Experiments with changing diet and having specific microbe supplements (probiotics) has been going on long enough now that it is very strong science showing how for many people diagnosed with depression, they can get improvement from probiotics and diet change and go off anti-depressant medication. (Not recommended without medical advice.) While it does not 'work' for everybody, neither does anti-depressant medication. Enough people do experience change that a whole new market is opening up (which includes rip-off products but then that is the free market economy). And that is only a small aspect of the gutmicrobes-brain-body interaction.

I could go on and on about gut microbes. The range of problems caused by the gut microbes becoming unhealthy or not having the right types in your gut is expanding incredibly as research continues. Such as the links between immune problems like allergies which have increased manifold and how babies get their gut microbe ecosystem set up. Research is showing how the human body's immune system starts getting set up from before birth and requires a certain type of gut microbe system to be set up properly.

So, what I am saying Christ-empowered, they are still finding out about how human health, including mental health works. One area which is advancing is to do with gut microbes. You may find it advantageous to do a little reading about it while avoiding the 'marketing' material which is trying to sell product. Personally, over the past maybe 5 years, I have changed my diet to include more unprocessed foods and less highly processed stuff. There is no "best" diet as the research has not found one but guidelines have emerged. I still eat dairy, wheat, meat and vegetables. Overall, my health has improved including my feeling of positive well being. With family circumstances, I was on anti-depressants last year but by focussing on diet and exercise and thinking patterns I went off them. In your case I am not suggesting you will find a miracle cure with this gut microbe thing but if you can get any improvement out of it then I think it worthwhile.

I feel I have waffled on enough. Hardly scratched the surface of the topic of managing with health issues which affect brain function and how we feel.

You have an awesome day.

Watching Thomas

 

[Christ_empowered]