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Premarital Sex in H.S., Thoughts?

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I hope this is appropriate...Sorry if it's not!

With kids today, it's hard to not hear about it or to not feel pressured to do it. It's become the norm to loose it as young as 12! In my opinion, I think that's too young and I don't agree with sex before marriage.

I'm just curious; what are other teens opinions and thoughts? What problems did other teens have to endure because of their promise to God to wait (loosing a bf/gf, getting teased by friends, etc.)?

I, myself, got a lot of jokes. But they were from friends. And when they found out I was engaged with my then boyfriend of two years, they told us we'd better wait another year for the set wedding date. So in the long run, they supported me. Some of my girlfriends even told me they wished they'd done the same thing as me!

So, thoughts?


Sarah
 
Well I'm 17 and in my circle of friends, I have Christians and non-Christians. The Christians, like myself believe in no sex before marragie. The non-Christians would have a mixture of beliefts but mostly that sex is OK before marragie. I'm not particilary pressured by my freinds at this point to engage in sex, but I'm sure my freinds respect my beliefts, whether they are for or against them.

If you're married in High School....well IMO I think that's too young to be married....but if you are married then I think sex is OK - God blesses marraige and encourages sex inside it, so why should a maraige of a 16 or 17 year old be any different?

When the issue of sex comes up in people generally below 14, I don't think that is right, and most people's bodies haven't developed by then anyway.
 
No I was engaged for my last year (& half of my junior/11th year) in high school. I graduated. I got married three months after graduating. :) My husband and I were both virgins and together for three years and went to H.S. together. He graduated two years before me.

I have had a friend who told me she lost it at 11. That's insane, IMHO. I agree, though, under 14 is too young. Under 16, is still too young, in my opinion. I'm 18 now. If I wasn't married, I'd think I was too young. Heh.
 
Yeah, under 16 is still pretty young. Here in Australia the legal age for sex is 16, and I'd agree with that, although I think that that's too young to get married, but it's not for me to judge anyone else's marraige.
 
In America, it varies from state to state. But in New York, the age of consent is 17. And you have to be 18 to get married (which I wouldn't recommend anyone doing without having great communication skills, knowing what you're "getting yourself into", talking to a pastor, etc. Being married isn't easy and it's not temporary.)
 
SarahFuchs said:
In America, it varies from state to state. But in New York, the age of consent is 17. And you have to be 18 to get married (which I wouldn't recommend anyone doing without having great communication skills, knowing what you're "getting yourself into", talking to a pastor, etc. Being married isn't easy and it's not temporary.)
Yes, I agree. I'm not sure what the age for getting married here is, I'm guessing it's 18, becasue that's the legal age to drink, vote and generally become an adult. That's very young to be married, but I know a couple at our church that got married when they were both 19. That was last year, and they're still growing strong. But IMO it's still very risky.
 
Nick_29 said:
SarahFuchs said:
In America, it varies from state to state. But in New York, the age of consent is 17. And you have to be 18 to get married (which I wouldn't recommend anyone doing without having great communication skills, knowing what you're "getting yourself into", talking to a pastor, etc. Being married isn't easy and it's not temporary.)
Yes, I agree. I'm not sure what the age for getting married here is, I'm guessing it's 18, becasue that's the legal age to drink, vote and generally become an adult. That's very young to be married, but I know a couple at our church that got married when they were both 19. That was last year, and they're still growing strong. But IMO it's still very risky.

It is indeed risky. But if the two put their relationship with God, everything should be okay with the proper hard work and determination.
 
(just a note from an old fogey here) Saw this topic and read it because I was interested. I won't chime in on the subject because I'm not a teen, but as for being married at 18, just for some encouragement Sarah, one of my sisters married two weeks out of high school when she was still 17, my other sister married a month after she turned 19 and my brother married when he was 18. Both sisters were married in the summer of 1975 and my brother married in 1979. They are all still happily married to the same person they married 30 years ago. And, believe me, it was just as hard back in the 70's to remain sexually pure as it is now. I don't think the pressure started until one was in high school, but there was a lot of pressure to "lose it" in HS.
 
For me it was 17 to my highschool girlfriend. She was not a virgin but she made sure it was up to me and didn't pressure me. I say there's nothing wrong with it (again, I'm not religious). If both parties are ready and what not. Educated, protected etc. Sex is a scary thing. There's diseases and kids. It's serious business.
 
Ok, becasue this is really an important issue, I"m going to open up this topic for adults as well. Thanks all for your input.
 
AskTheA said:
For me it was 17 to my highschool girlfriend. She was not a virgin but she made sure it was up to me and didn't pressure me. I say there's nothing wrong with it (again, I'm not religious). If both parties are ready and what not. Educated, protected etc. Sex is a scary thing. There's diseases and kids. It's serious business.
i regret that decision as it was to a stripper, what a fool i was. condems break,or it the heat of things arent used. it's simply best to wait, i wish i did, if a person really cares for you they will wait, if not then let them leave. being a virgin till pleases the lord and if one wants a good lasting marriage you will need the love of god in you to do it. as in the later yrs, the honeymoon wears off, and sometimes you hurt the other half or vice versa,or the temptation comes in.

the world with the tv shows like desperate housewives make the act of adultery sound and look like its ok to do, no one is the worse.

my 2 cents

jason
 
Well, since you opened it up Nick, I will share a few thoughts.

There are a couple of misconceptions about sex when one is young that need to be cleared up. One misconception has grown over the time since I was in high school to now and that is the idea that "kids are going to do it anyway".

This is said as if there is some overwhelming biological urge for kids to have sex by the time they are teens. Are there biological urges? Of course there are. Are they overwhelming? No. There hasn't been some kind of huge evolutionary leap in teens in the past 50 years when most kids did not have sex to today when most kids do. Teens are biologically just as capable of remaining abstinent now as they were when grandma was younger. The difference is adults are not maintaining the expectation that the kids will not engage in sexual activity. Since most adults are saying things like "Well, we know that you'll probably do it even though we don't want you to, so make sure you protect yourself." We all are intelligent enough to know that this is a tacit permission to go on ahead with sex. This implied permission combined with the fact that there is so much peer pressure for teens to have sex, makes it very likely that they certainly will.

And I have to say that it was my generation that capitulated on the sex issue. I went to school in the 1970's. Ten years prior to that we had had the great societal revolution of the late 1960. What had happened in that 10 years was that the generation just ahead of us were still selling the idea of "free love" and "make love, not war" and "sex, drugs and rock n roll" even while parents were dealing with the upheavals in society, were totally confused and not giving a lot of clear direction. So, kids I went to high school with were having sex, but were feeling pretty guilty about it. I always remained abstinent, but boy do I remember waiting in fear and anxiety with several of my girlfriends for her to have her period so that she would know she wasn't pregnant.

This brings me to the other misconception about sex: That it's just about sex. That it's just about having fun and doing something that feels really good.

It's not. And it never has been.

Before the Summer of Love (1967, ancient history I know) kids by and large didn't have sex because everyone in society expected that one would wait until marriage and if one didn't one's reputation truly suffered. There was some sexist hypocrisy going on as boys were apt to be more sexually active than girls in the generations prior to the late 60's, but if a girl had sex outside of marriage, her reputation, not only among adults but among her peers truly suffered. But most kids, boys and girls both, waited until marriage.

The thing was, being abstinent because of society pressure didn't teach the real reason why one should remain abstinent. Therefore, when society pressure was lifted, then everyone had the idea of "if it feels good, do it".

Now we've had 40 years to understand why just feeling good isn't enough. We can see that there is a lot more to sex than just the act. And I'm not talking about just diseases or teen pregnancies, although these are major concerns.

Sex is far more than just an act that "feels good". Sex is a way for two humans to connect on a most intimate level. The King James Version of the Bibles word for sex is "to know". That is a pretty good word, because it equates sex with an intimacy so great that two people can be together in true knowledge of each other. When two people create this kind of intimacy with each other, via making love (as opposed to just having sex), their bonds to each other become a firm foundation for a lifetime together.

Take that intimacy out of sex, make sex just be about the act, the ability to truly "know" a partner becomes diminished.

It is not coincidence that the rise in pre-marital sexual activity among teens and young adult has occurred right along with the astronomical rise in divorce rates. By reducing sex to a fun but relatively unimportant part of life, humans are losing their ability to truly connect emotionally and mentally with one another. When teens make sex an important part of transient relationships (because be honest, most, not all, but most teen relationships are not going to last) they lose the foundation of what builds a truly lasting relationship with another. By joining together with several partners, then leaving and moving on to yet another partner, the idea of leaving a relationship becomes easier and easier and hence divorce is now rampant. And, with divorce comes the problem of kids having to visit their parents rather than truly live with them, which causes disruption in their developing the most basic foundational relationship and because they lack a strong parental relationship, they are far more likely to fill the gap with...you guessed it...sexual relationships and the whole thing spirals out of control.

The main reason why high school kids should (and can) wait until marriage before having sex is that it will strengthen your ability to have a firm lasting marriage, intimately connected with a life partner, rather than spinning through life, leaving one relationship after another and leaving an ever widening wake of people whose capacity to intimately connect is more and more diminished.
 
dora, that's so true there a book on that written by a pediatrists, where the brain is altered after the first act of sex,essentialy rewired and the ability to make long lasting relationships last is very hard.

just look at the hookup culture, and i will throw this in. i think we rob our teens when tell them they dont have the ability to say, no, when they can and do. if they dont have the strenght to then jesus is more than willing to step in. and a parent should be teaching them not the school.

we dont that to them with drugs or anyother areas of life, why should we "permissive" there. imagine if we did that to them with alcohol,cigarettes or say well we know you are going to steal so if you do drive the car this way so that you wont killed.

sorry to rant,
jason
 
:waving

How about a lesson from the bible about what Premarital sex is, and how it can affect us? In order to be clear as to where we stand about ANY sexual act, we must get God’s clear instruction about what sex was intended for. :nod So we start at the beginning~ there is a great deal of foundational teaching in the book of Genesis did you know that?

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 :twolove

This passage forms the foundation for the Bible and the Lord’s understanding of marriage and the sexual union granted in it. Both Jesus (Matthew 19: 5) and Paul (Ephesians 5:31) quoted it in reference to marriage.

Many want to believe that the monogamous, two-parent marriage made up of one man and one woman was invented in the 1950’s by American television icons Ozzie and Harriet. :lol But Adam and Eve are the original marriage icons… This is God’s ideal marriage. :yes

This is not polygamy (more than one partner). This does not tell us that adultery is okay if we call it an affair. And it is not homosexual co-habitation either. But foremost for this discussion it is ALSO not promiscuity. It certainly is NOT living together outside the marriage bond. No. This is God’s ideal for marriage even when we don’t live up to it. Still~ it is important to set it forward as God’s ideal for all people who have been created in His image. <In other words the entire human race>

Whether we accept God’s word as truth or not it still remains true. :thumb

The idea of “one flesh†is taken by many to be mainly a way of expressing sexual union. While sexual union is certainly related to the idea of one flesh, it is only one part of what it means to be one flesh.

There are also important spiritual dimensions to the idea of becoming one flesh...

Paul makes it clear the sexual union implies a joining into “one flesh†even when we do not intend it to. A husband and wife become “one flesh†under God’s blessing alone. In any extramarital sex <any sex not within the marital bond> the partners become “one flesh†under God’s curse. :o

There are consequences to every sin, but especially to the sins that are committed in our bodies, because the consequences of casual sex are actualized in our bodies. STD’s are a prime example of these consequences as well as unwanted children and abortion. :sad
So~ there really is no such thing as “casual sex†~especially for we who are Christians. For we have Christ living inside us, Who is being “grieved†by the sins we commit in our flesh through the Holy Spirit. :tongueuppydogeyes

Therefore, every sexual relationship at least begins a one-flesh bond. The bond will either be something beautiful (like the beautiful dancing of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers) or it will be something grotesque (like Siamese twins).

What it depends on is whether the bonding takes place in a relationship with the right conditions here are two simple and straight forward ones:

* A committed love which is demonstrated by the marriage commitment.

We cannot say we are committed if we never marry legally, regardless of how strong our feelings of love which we may have for another person. Because there is a lack of responsible love, an unwillingness to do whatever it takes to let everyone ( both God and humankind) know that this person is our committed partner for life, and no other person may ever intrude on that commitment which has been made. This makes us accountable to our promises. God is always responsible in His love toward us, and expects us (as His children) to grow into people who love like He does.

*A pursuit of true intimacy which is committed to, and worked toward, daily.
Just because sex is taking place even in marriage does not necessarily mean it is truly fulfilling God’s purpose of bonding together in a one-flesh relationship. :shrug

Though an initial bond in a one flesh relationship can be formed at the first sexual relationship a couple has… The fullness of what God wants to do in the one flesh relationship takes time…

OH NO don’t say that word Bonnie! Not time! That is TOO difficult to bear! :grumpy

Today, this is one of the main barriers to marital unions in Christ lasting and revealing to the world that He exists within the lives of His children on earth today! Few Christians want to give a relationship the TIME it needs to grow, to become all that God desires it to be, most Christians just give up on their marriages, before they even get started. They say; “I TRIED for FIVE WHOLE YEARSâ€Â. Sorry, but that was no commitment at all! My teens had to hear this from me after several failed relationships made me a better candidate to QUIT early... :crying

:heart God commits to us for eternal life, how short a time of commitment is one lifetime? About 60 years max? No, again, the FULLNESS of what God wants to accomplish between married couples takes precious time. Why? Because the relationship has to become… The two will grow through time and commitment into ONE. :heart

What about living together, BEFORE we are married? Some may say, “How can we KNOW we will “be happy†if we do not TRY OUT my partner first�

Number one, where is your FAITH? Aren’t we, as Christians, supposed to be trusting God to find us a mate that will be just the right fit for us? If we take this measurement into our own hands we bring great harm on ourselves in many ways, here are a few.

First, we are fornicating, having sex outside God’s blessed marriage bed.

Second, fornication is sin.

Third, sin separates us from God. I tend to think that most young Christians who make LIFE LONG decisions really want God to guide them! However, He cannot even talk to us, if we are separated from Him ~by sin!

Fourth, how much do you LOVE the other person? Are you willing to keep them separated from God while they fornicate with you? Is that love? Or isn’t it more rightly called~ lust?

1 Corinthians 6:13-14 gives us a principle for sexual purity among Christians ~~ Sex is a natural urge of the human body, yes I am human and I agree. Also~ some say THEIR urge is greater~ therefore THEY require greater leniency in dealing with it. :screwloose OR they say, I cannot help the urges I was born with, I naturally want to have sex with people who are the same gender as me, just like I get hungry, I need to have sex, it’s the same urge... :chin Is it?

I differ with those ideas that are manmade. Why? Because the bible says it is a lie, bodily appetites for food and sex are NOT the same! :nono

Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God both raised up the Lord and will also raise us up by His power.
Some Christians today may say to us~ just as the Corinthians did in the Apostle Paul’s time: “My body wants food, so I eat. My body wants sex, so I hire a prostitute. What’s the problem?â€Â

But, Paul will not let us take that idea, which applies to meaningless food restrictions, and apply it to sexual immorality, because the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

Because of our lustful sexual appetites, it may seem that God did make our bodies for sexual immorality. But God did not make our bodies that way. Who did? Sinful Adam did.

We see the wisdom in God’s design for the body and for sexual purity when we look at the problems of unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. These are the price one pays in the body for using the body in a way the Lord never intended ~ again ~ the body is not for sexual immorality.

One day God will destroy our stomachs~ in the sense of being dependent on food and affected by hunger / no one will be hungry in heaven, even though we will eat there. :yes Still, our bodies themselves ~ in their moral character, will be raised up by the Lord at the resurrection. So, what we do with our bodies in regard to food or sexual conduct “morally†will affect us eternally.

Gluttony as a lifestyle~ or sexual immorality AKA fornication followed as a lifestyle~ which remains unrepentant~ will surely keep us from heaven! The bible tells us plainly, Fornicators, meaning those who have made it their unrepentant lifestyle… that is why they are labeled with this name~ along with a LIST of other possible sins; * will not enter the Kingdom of heaven…

As Christians, our bodies are part of the body of Christ, and so our bodies should never be joined to a prostitute.

Wait a minute Bonnie, none of us goes and hires a prostitute to sleep with, we are just kids, especially not us girls!!! Well, what about the subtle unsaid agreements between couples who are having “friendly sex†or “hooking up†? What about the sex that goes on between so many who are caught by this Web of deceit we are discussing this topic on? What about visual prostitutes guys (AKA pornography)? What about verbal prostitutes gals (AKA he ‘said’ he loves me …and then we kind of… but no one has “touched†me)?
These are real ungodly unions taking place as I write!

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,†He says, “shall become one flesh.†But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. 1 Corinthians 6:17-18

It is apparent that many Corinthian believers DID NOT KNOW! They thought their sexual conduct with prostitutes was not connected with their relationship with Jesus at all. :shrug How could they be SO dense?

Wait a minute, Bonnie~ I do not even TOUCH anyone, my sin may be sin, but it never affects anyone else! Oh, is that true? It is still true~ the old lyric that says, no man is an island? :shame

Your bodies are members of Christ Paul did not say your body singular… no, he said your bodies plural, because we are all partakers of the Lord together, we are a single working unit, one body in Jesus Christ. When an individual Christian commits sexual immorality, it disgraces the entire body of Christ, linking the whole body of Christ to immorality. :yes

Before, during, or after a casual sexual encounter we may not want to become one flesh with our partner; but in some spiritual sense, we do anyway. The bible clearly says so. Part of our being is given to that person, and this means there is LESS to give to the Lord AND to the partner God intends for us to have! WHOA! OH yeah, you are definitely stealing from your future happiness! Ripping your own self off! AND ripping off your future mate too! :verysad

In the Biblical understanding of sex, there is no such thing as “casual sex.â€Â
There are two ways to decide, and two consequences singled out for our choices.

“Sex outside of marriage is like a man robbing a bank: he gets something, but it is not his and he will one day pay for it. Sex within marriage can be like a person putting money into a bank: there is safety, security, and he will collect dividends.†(Warren W. Wiersbe)

In the heat of lust-filled passion, spiritual things may seem far away… But think, at the root of most lustful passion is the desire for love, for being accepted, and for adventure. All of these desires are far better fulfilled, and more completely so, in a “one spirit relationship†with our Lord Jesus Christ within the safe and moral plan God the Father has purposed for each one of us, individually. :clap

Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18

FLEE does NOT mean bravely RESIST the passions heated up by sexually immoral: talk, or body language, or visual stimulations! OH NO! Flee, means get out of it’s very presence~ and do so immediately! Some think it is a FUN idea to “test†themselves, just to see how much they can take… But~ the end of that path most often leads to dangerous addictions!
Will you test the very edge of your endurance in the faith? Will you tempt the devil to snare you, and trap you into a destructive and evil end?

Certain sins may be reasoned with… yet the Bible resoundingly tells us with THIS one ~ reason NOT! Only FLY! Run and do not care about what you may lose in your running, for your destiny may easily be at stake! Be like Joseph who is a beautiful example to every Christian. Genesis 39: 7-21

A final example:

Augustine was a Christian who had a lot of trouble with keeping sexually pure. For a long time, it kept him from really following God. He used to pray: “God, make me pure - but not just yet.†But there came a point where he really turned everything over to God. He stopped hanging around with his companions in sexual immorality, and stopped going to the neighborhood where he used to meet them. But once, he had to go there on business, and on the street he met an old flame. She was glad to see him, and started running to him with arms outstretched, saying “Augustine! Where have you been for so long? We have missed you so!†Augustine did the only thing he could do: he started running the other way. She called out to him: “Augustine, why are you running? Its only me!†He looked back, while still running, and said “I’m running because I’m not me!†He was a different man because of Jesus, living a different way. If we have had our lives changed by Jesus, it will show in the desire to flee sexual immorality.

And a final word of warning to those who may say; I am trying~ and one day~ maybe later ~ I will obey…

Have you been made new, a new creation in Christ? Then why do you still hang around those video games filled with sexual innuendo, and constantly barrage your newly created heart with temptation? Why do you continue to associate with the people who are entrenched in these sins? Why aren’t you running for your life in Christ? Will you be any witness to them if you never really divorce your sin and those who still cause you to meditate on it? Or is it not true that bad company corrupts good character ? Or is God a liar? Will one day come and go without your knowing it?

A grandmother in Christ~ sheshisown~
 
I apologize for replying to this...whereas I am not a teenager anymore. But as a woman who married young and had a teenage spouse....I thought I might share some thoughts briefly here.

Sex is something sometimes, that perhaps is not truly discussed as it should be from parent to child. Sometimes...perhaps youth learns from other influences...be it friends, society, school, or otherwise. Needless to say, it is nothing to be taken lightly. It is more than any physicial bond, it is also an emotional experience. A very emotional experience. Sometimes, that is something I feel that is not taught. Let alone the responsibilities that can result from engaging in such acts...regardless of one's age.

My husband and I lived together for a time before we were married. We also...were intimately active before saying I do. Which is not something I would encourage amongst any youth today. For there are so many consequences out there that people tend to assume will never happen to them like these:

Unexpected or unplanned pregnancy
STDS

There are others to that can occur on a more emotional level that I will not mention. I will say this though...I have watched loved ones make poor choices, and reap what was sown out of those choices....in the end....it hurt not only her, but those she was in a relationship with, as well as her two little boys.

So when contemplating taking the step into a serious relationship by consumating it physically....the consequences....should be something taken into consideration.
 
I know that God wants us to wait until marriage, and therefore that's what I'm doing. I think in our society though that it's just better to wait until marriage all religion aside. You don't want to get involved with pregnancy or STD's, and you don't want to be taken advantage of or get a 'reputation.'
 
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