Answers from the various sects:
Generic citizen: I thought only the government did stuff like that.
Arminian: Yes, but man can help Him lift it.
Calvinist: The question is irrational, counterintuitive, and absurd. I like it.
Baptist: Well, the rock would probably be lighter if it were totally immersed . . .
Word-faith teacher: Yes, but when God started positively confessing, the force of faith would pop that thing 300 feet in the air!
Wesleyan: He could lift it, but there's always the possibility it could fall away.
Catholic priest: The rock is held down by weight alone, but not by gravity alone. Rather it's held down by gravity plus mass; gravity without mass is dead. And that's why it's important not to miss mass without a good reason.
Catholic lay person: It's a mystery.
Seventh Day Adventist: As long as He didn't do it on the Sabbath, I don't have a problem with that.
Church of Christ member: As long as there were no musical instruments involved, I don't have a problem with that.
Reformed Presbyterian: He better not do it on the Sabbath OR involve musical instruments.
Five-year-old: What would He want to do that for, Daddy?
Blonde: Huh?
5th grader: I don't know; the dog ate my R.C. Sproul book.
Private civil attorney: At the time He created the rock, God knew, or should have known, that it would be too heavy for Him to lift. Seven angels had advised Him previously not to make it that big.
Corporate civil attorney: God was well within established standards for divine creativity when He made the rock . . .
Missionary: I don't know about that, but I do know that rocks can be demon possessed. I remember this time in Brazil . . .
OSHA: If the rock is over 50 lbs., He can't legally be required to lift it without help. Over 100 lbs. He's supposed to use a hoist or a forklift.
EPA: Both the creation of a rock that large, and its subsequent elevation, could have significant environmental impact. We can't approve the project without extensive studies.
MBA graduate: This is a good example of what happens when a manager fails to delegate and tries to do everything himself. God should have assigned all the lifting to angels, leaving Him free to do what He does best, the creative stuff -- like creating.
Psychotherapist: What are the rocks you've made in your life that are too heavy for you to lift?
Hindu: The rock IS God.
Engineering dept. manager: He could make it out of magnesite over chicken wire, hollow inside. That way it could be really big and impressive looking and still light enough for Him to lift.
Logician: Like the One who created gravity in the first place couldn't turn it off if it got to be a problem?
90-year-old Christian: Well, throughout my long life God has always enabled me to carry burdens that were too heavy for me; I don't think that should be a problem for Him.
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