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[__ Praise __] saw mah counselor

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he's a good man. competent, too. always a good thing. they do this thing at the clinic...1 time yearly, they review where you are, where you wanna go. I"m doing OK, but I need to engage more. Paranoia and the past have stood in the way, but...I'm getting there, by God's grace. There was stuff in there about reducing conflict with my parents, which...ugh. We don't have major conflict, they just want to see progress. But, based on my history from years past...I see where he's coming from.

The goal is medication management...no counseling, shrink visits and periodic talks with a nurse on staff. Sounds...good, I think. Although I'm kinda wondering...if I'm just going in for prescriptions and such, why not go to a family doctor? but, whatevah...

life goes on, by God's grace. I have a ways to go, but I've made a lot of progress. I told him how I didn't want to stretch the truth to get a job, and I didn't think I was really ready yet, either. Now that I've moved, there's a large, public library here that might take me on as a regular volunteer (his idea). I think that'd be awesome. Then, once I'm in the groove of scheduling my day, doing stuff, etc...maybe a j-o-b? Even then...

from talking with mama, the deal is that my work will be part time until and unless I make major strides and full time work, ditch the disability, becomes a -real- possibility. I'm blessed, of course. "Life with limits."

OK. I Praise God for His goodness and mercy and love and...for helping me make some -progress- in life. :)
 
hey, Tessa.

that's pretty much what I'm thinking. I don't think I'm ready to jump into paid, competitive employment right now. Plus...I explained to my counselor that I don't want to lie to get a job. I wasn't trying to bad mouth the jobs lady, but...now that I'm a Christian, different rules apply, clearly. :)

I'm excited! I just saw a neighbor person lady again (younger one). She has a small dog. My parents' little dog, Miranda, has become the world's most finicky eater in her old age (she's 15 now). So...mama had mentioned offering them some of Miranda's treats and such...not to be snotty, but its high quality stuff, and I mean...why not? The young neighbor lady seemed genuinely pleased that I'd offered! :)

Life is...good, and getting better, by God's grace. Jesus saves! Why not me? Or...anyone?

thanks for your ongoing support+prayers+replies, Tessa. :)
 
thanks for your support and prayers over the years, Pegasus. Its...well...crazy, how the mental health establishment that destroyed me (before Jesus saved me....) is now part of building a new life, as a Born Again Christian. Forgive 70x7. I was once a burn out with a 95 IQ (if that...), all kinds of health problems, etc. And now...

God is good! I'm not gung ho about IQ (i think its a flawed concept), but mine is "high(er)" now, so...hey, beats being dull and obviously brain damaged. I dunno. When I stop to think about it, I"m thankful, because The Lord has put -good- people in my life, and He's changed me, so now I'm getting quality care...at a public/community clinic, so my parents aren't having to lose all kindsa $$$ on damaging, ineffective "treatment," etc.

I do hope my parents will one day fully forgive me. I don't know that they ever will, honestly. One day a time, I suppose. I think...I think I was wretched and should probably have been in a state hospital, long term. Part my own sins, part...hey, turns out...lobotomies are -not- the greatest idea, ever. Ugh. :-(

but now The Lord has saved and changed me, and...I dunno...with or without frontal lobes, I have social skills, a new personality, good health, intelligence, and...Jesus, of course. I'm just now to the point where I can really begin to grasp that The Cross is...the core of Christianity, and where anyone's hope lies, especially mine.

anyway...thanks again. and thanks for listening. after being silenced by my own sins+psychiatry, its nice to have a voice, and awesome to have other Christians who take the time to -listen-, if only for a moment. :)
 
At the cross, at the cross where I first saw the light
And the burden of my heart rolled away
It was there by faith I received my sight
And now I am happy all the day

(I don't find that last line of the chorus necessarily follows, but I can overlook that part)

Alas! and did my Savior bleed
And did my Sov’reign die?
Would He devote that sacred head
For such a worm as I?

(chorus)

Thy body slain, sweet Jesus, Thine
And bathed in its own blood
While the firm mark of wrath divine
His soul in anguish stood

(chorus)

Was it for crimes that I had done
He groaned upon the tree?
Amazing pity! grace unknown!
And love beyond degree!


Well might the sun in darkness hide
And shut his glories in
When Christ, the mighty Maker died
For man the creature’s sin


Thus might I hide my blushing face
While His dear cross appears
Dissolve my heart in thankfulness
And melt my eyes to tears


But drops of grief can ne’er repay
The debt of love I owe
Here, Lord, I give myself away
’Tis all that I can do
 
and...life goes on, by God's grace. Tomorrow is my Birthday! Yay, B-day!

LOL. My parents are getting me steak house take out. -awesome- Seriously. I actually...appreciate Jesus, my life, my parents...-stuff-, in general, now. I didn't before, not really...I mean, to be fair, I had too much electroshock, but...yeah. God is good! :)

Then, I'll see the jobs placement lady next week. I hope something develops. She is -on it-. I mean, I was with the local branch of vocational rehab, and I think they just figured...nothing we can do for him, "good family" plus disability...-shrug-. can't say I blame them. Besides, I think they mostly get people into factor jobs and such. Anyway...

this jobs lady at the clinic is all about book-related jobs. book stores, libraries...I don't think I'll be able to work at a grocery store (pressure...not to sound wimpy, but I'm really not there yet...). And so...

yeah. Tomorrow, I'll be --34--. Youngish, not crazy in youth young and....as Verna pointed out last night, saved and set free, and...well, Verna just started praying last night, over the phone, and....I slept reasonably well, and today I feel as if I weight has been lifted. A neighbor waved. I waved back. Life goes on...

seriously, God is good! :) I see my counselor again in a bit over 1 month, which is fairly standard. I like him as a person and respect him as a professional, but...

especially in a public/community clinic setting, ongoing counseling is -not- the name of the game. in the 21st century, its all about the Miracle Meds, LOL. :) when it comes time to go to just seeing a shrink, I'll miss him, but...

life really does go on, by God's grace. once was blind, now I see...'twas grace that saved a wretch like me...

:)
 
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