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Scary Laughs

Dec 23, 2010
A New Sign at Wal-Mart

Our society is doomed.............

I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please".

She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her.

This was at a Bank of America in New York, NY

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were

told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a

mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the

passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know, I already got that side. '
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have

a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that

time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded

that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used Sears repair since.

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know,
but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do

that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Kansas City

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone

put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what

the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'

our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less.

STAY ALERT! They walk among us......and they VOTE, and have babies.
Jul 9, 2017
This is a true story (or as Wendy Bagwell used to say "That's a fact with my hand up!" ) :
I used to drive an 18 wheeler for a farm chemical company here in the mid-west. The Freightliner I was driving was having some problems with the alternator so my boss told me to take it to a truck-stop here in Lincoln that had a repair shop. I pulled it into the repair bay and went to get something to eat. I was gone for about 15 minutes and went back into the shop. The alternator was on a brace in the engine compartment and the mechanic had his socket on it from the front side and he was standing behind the bracket pulling UP on his ratchet, going to his left. I knew instantly what he was doing wasn't going to work. I asked him "How's it going?" "I can't get this bolt to break loose!"
I quietly said "You're going the wrong way." "Oh, no I'm not! Haven't you ever heard "Righty tighty, lefty loosey?" I said "Yes, but that only works if you're facing the fastener. You're behind it. You're going the wrong way. Humor me here, just try going the other way." He switched the knob on his ratchet, pushed down on it, and the bolt came loose.
"Well, who put a @#$%& left hand thread bolt on there?!"
Southeast Community College here in southeast Nebraska has a nationally recognized diesel mechanics program. This guy went somewhere else.

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