Discussion in 'The Foyer' started by Jesus121, Aug 5, 2017.
Should I forgive someone that does not know that I know he has had an affair with my wife?
Hi Jesus121 and welcome. I reckon the thing I think of is if God forgives us that were responsible for Jesus having to go to the cross. How many times are we to forgive others in one day?
Mat 18:21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Mat 18:22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
Did I miss Jesus' stipulations on who we were to forgive, and who we were not to forgive?
Let me start by saying I think that is a seriously heart-breaking experience. It indicates a family crisis. Clearly, the Bible instructs us to forgive. But just reading it in Scripture and praying "I forgive" is unlikely to immediately resolve the crisis or heal all the hurts. Forgiving is a big part of the process with healing but the full effects of it may not emerge until you have 'soaked' in God for some times, drawing on his strength. And forgiving does not mean 'sweeping problems under the carpet'. Issues may still need resolving.
You ask about forgiving the man, however you make no mention of your wife. You have sorted things out with her and demonstrated forgiveness?
Yes you need to forgive forgive him and also pray for him and your wife as you are the Spiritual head of your house.
Mark 11:25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. 26 But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.
It's time for you to expose his adultery by speaking with him (and the sin of your wife), call on him to repent, and forgive him. When you confront him, make sure you take another man along with you as a support.
'Be kind and tender to one another. Forgive one another, just as God forgave you because of what Christ has done' (Eph 4:32 NIRV).
Get them in the same room and let them both know that you know, and have always known, and though you are not alright with it and you are ashamed of them, you forgive them both (not for their sake but for your's). It is the love and kindness of God that makes a person repent. Then you must decide whether or not you are going to stay with her, I would, but you are under no obligation. Have nothing further to do with that man unless he shows real contrition and repentance. Forgiveness and further association are two different things. Jesus says "If he repents forgive him".
You can forgive him (and her) or let it eat you guts out.
Forgiving does not mean trusting, You, as a Christian must forgive him and her but your trust must be earned by both of them.
Have you forgiven your wife?
That is the clincher, right there! You can and should be careful of him but you must forgive and forget with the wife. That is particularly difficult, I know. I did not forgive my first wife, her indiscretions, for over twenty years and that stuff eats at your heart.
Forgive her and try hard to get God to take the bitterness away.
Remember that forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting to the point of trusting that person again. Forgiveness is just as good for the one that has been wronged, as it is for the forgiven.
I don't think Jesus gave any exceptions to that "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us". In a nutshell, if you expect the Lord to forgive your sins, you must forgive those who have sinned against you. There's no "should I" here. You must.
I don't know what you have decided, but may I recommend the book, "The Bait of Satan" by John Bevere. It's all about giving offense and being offended and what the Bible says.
Yes, you must forgive him. It's just a choice. It doent mean that hurt goes away, it just means you no longer require something from him.
Yes, as difficult as it may be, you must forgive. It's not only for the other person, but it'll give you peace in this matter. That said, one thing forgiveness doesn't include is necessarily trusting that person. Your forgiveness says who you are. That doesn't mean the other person is going to change in the least ... they may, but you cannot control their future actions. If you do not trust that person, & you have good reason not to, then don't think trust is part of forgiving.
The point at which I struggle is when the sin of the OP is committed, in the light of 1 Cor 13:5 (NIV): 'It [Love] does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs'.
On the surface, 'it keeps no record of wrongs' sounds like I'm supposed to forget the memory of that adultery.
Greek exegete, A T Robertson, puts that idea to rest with his explanation of the Greek of 1 Cor 13:5, 'Taketh not account of evil [ou logizetai to kakon]. Old verb from [logos], to count up, to take account of as in a ledger or note-book, “the evil” [to kakon] done to love with a view to settling the account (A T Robertson, 1 Cor 13:5).
So the idea is of making up a list of wrongs of evil done to oneself with a view to taking out revenge on someone. That's what we must not do as Christians, even if one's spouse has committed adultery.
See also: What does it mean that love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5)?
The ball is in your court, you have a legit reason to kick her out or leave but forgiveness is willingness to forgive and it's much better than living in personal torment imo but true repentance and forgiveness come from God .. Time heals all wounds but some scars may remain .. I may forgive but probably move on anyway and that is why I advise folks to never give your whole heart to anyone but Jesus . Drop their drawers and stand them on their head and they all look the same ..
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. What a horrible ordeal. I agree with those above that we have to forgive people who wronged us, not because they deserve it, but because we didn't deserve God's forgiveness. We forgive because we are forgiven. Forgiveness is about letting go of the offense and not carrying it on your shoulders. Forgiveness is different than reconciliation though, and whether you chose to trust this person again is a separate issue.
it might help to know what the bible word forgive really means
it does not mean saying "that's ok i forgive you" - because what was done is not ok
the Bible word forgive actually means "drop it"
when you drop it you are leaving it in God's hands - especially if you say "God i'm dropping this and leaving it in Your hands"
so each time the thought of this "crime/offense" comes to your mind you can say "i drop this and leave it in God's hands"
this will help you not to be tormented and twisted and harmed further by this situation - giving you a chance to heal from this terrible situation
it will also keep this issue before God for God to deal with
so the command to forgive is really the command to drop it and leave/put it in God's hands
imo that makes far more sense than thinking forgive means "that's ok - i forgive you"
if you find peace and help "dropping it" God may give you something further to do - but for starters this "dropping it" is for your benefit/peace/healing
God Bless you - praying for you in this difficult time
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