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Should women continue the job after marraige?

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#1
I want variety of opinion about this question, should a woman continue her job after marraige? I am not yet getting married or even close to it , but i will really appreciate your answers and opinion . This will help me in case for future reference;).
 
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#2
I want variety of opinion about this question, should a woman continue her job after marraige? I am not yet getting married or even close to it , but i will really appreciate your answers and opinion . This will help me in case for future reference;).
What kind of job?
Soccer? Of course!
Acting? Maybe: if she's not acting the romantic part.
Work that takes all her day? Not wise (Both should plan this. Our family friends, the man and his wife, are bankers. They leave at 7am and come back home around 9pm:shocked. You can see how that affects the children. In this case it will be better for a woman to take a job that does not completely kick her out of her house)

etc
 
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#3
Does she work in Gaza while they live in Germany? Bad advice! She can go for another job...probably she will find a similar job in Germany, or completely choose any available one in Germany. Couples should not be far away from each other.


-----
You can see your question is multidingandigal. (You could have at least given us an idea of what you want)
 

Tina

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#4
You are asking the wrong question, Gg ...

This is not question of should or shouldn't, but rather want or do not want.

It really depends on the financial situation of the couple, children and/or other dependents like parents, grandparents, mortgage and other needs.

If the husband is burdened with too many of these financial obligations, the wife should try to help out with a job. But even if the husband is financially rich, the wife may work if she so desires. The extra income can be used to bless the church or other needy people.

I would love to continue working after marriage, either out there in the corporate world or in church serving God and people. :biggrin
 

Mike

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#5
I don't think this is a big question at the time of marriage, but it should be when children come into the picture. It's tougher in today's financial climate, but almost anyone can scale back on their lifestyle and make it work. It's a matter of prioritizing. We were very blessed by having Julie quit working to stay home with our son and then our two daughters that followed. We did without many things we would have afforded if she hadn't, but we wouldn't change a thing! :)

Thing is, unless she has a very marketable skill or degree, she might find that a return to the workforce is not all that easy. My wife didn't earn a very marketable degree in college, and all this time off has left her in less demand. Still worth it.

But upon getting married???
 
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#7
Multidingandigal: thought-provoking, equivocal, confusing, sophisticated, convoluted...
 
F

felix

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#8
I want variety of opinion about this question, should a woman continue her job after marraige? I am not yet getting married or even close to it , but i will really appreciate your answers and opinion . This will help me in case for future reference;).
(1Pet 3:1-2) Wives, likewise, [be] submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct [accompanied] by fear.

It is technically a joint discussion as a family but the decision is your husband's. Pray that you get a husband who honor your wishes and loves you.
 
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#10
I agree with Mike that when children come, this shouldn't even be a discussion...the woman should stay home with the kids.

As for that period of time between the wedding and the first baby...I agree with Felix that it should be up to the husband. With all the modern conveniences of life, very often a woman's role as helpmeet can be better fulfilled through employment rather than staying at home. I certainly worked up to the time we got Viola.

One piece of advice though... Between the time of the wedding and the first baby's arrival, if the wife works, her paycheck should be handled very specifically. What I mean is, it shouldn't become income that is necessary in order to live.

After we married, but prior to me staying home, we were careful to use my paycheck as money that went towards paying specific things. There was a period of time when Steve lost his job (fired the day after we closed on this ranch of all things) that we lived on my paycheck, but that was only temporary. As soon as he got a job, my paycheck went back to being either put in savings or used to purchase things.

It makes it a lot harder to readjust the lifestyle if a couple remains childless for a few years and lives on the two paychecks. As it was, when Viola first came to us, I was easily able to quit my job and stay home with her.

Yes, it's meant a lot of sacrifices. We've had to make a lot of readjustments to goals and to lifestyle (Steve more than me). There have been times when, financially, it's been very difficult. But, it's really important for children to be raised at home and not via a progression of babysitters, day cares, and schools.

There are a variety of ways that a woman can fulfill the role of helpmeet for her husband. But, there aren't that many ways a woman can fulfill her role as a mother.

I say all this knowing that some women don't even have a choice in the matter...due to extenuating circumstances many women are forced into the workplace and must have someone else care for their kids. And, hopefully, prayerfully, God will work through this situation for them. But, that isn't God's primary will. God intends that family be the father being the provider and the wife being the homemaker and the primary care giver of the children. God can work through any situation, but we will find the most blessings by doing our best to stick to His will.

I also acknowledge that there are some men who, due to disabilites or whatever, are unable to be the provider and instead be stay-at-home dad's while the woman is the primary wage earner. These situation are best left to the couple and to God. I'm not going to judge any couple who make this decision...if it works for them and their conscience is clear before God, then so be it.

But, I worked in day care for 14 years. For 14 years I was able to see the long term impact of kids who were raised by baby sitters and day care workers as opposed to being raised by mom and dad. I also saw the impact on marriages, when the two paychecks resulted in a couple who were determined to maintain control over 'my' money. Seriously, I've watched marriages crash and burn due to, mainly the woman but yes even the man, having the attitude of "It's my money, I earned it, so I'll do whatever I want!!!!" I think part of God's plan is that a couple lean on each other and need each other. That the wife be dependent upon the husband to be her provider and the husband be dependent upon the wife to make his home. When both partners are financially independent of each other, and have the attitude of "it's none of his/her business what I do with my money"...the marriage is very weak indeed. I've yet to see a marriage where these attitudes are present that didn't end in divorce. (And yes, these were couples who professed Christ as their Lord.)

I've also seen marriages that have crashed and burned when the husband, instead of looking at his wife as his helpmeet, looks at her instead as a cash cow. I distinctly remember this one couple bringing in their new baby girl born via caesarean (we were already taking care of their 3 year old son from 7:00am to 5:30pm Monday through Friday) and the father saying of the mother, "Yep, she has six weeks to get over this and get back to work! Can't afford to have her sit around on her butt playing with a baby all day." Pretty much his exact words. The reason why he couldn't "afford" her to stay home was because he wanted to have a large house in an upscale neighborhood, a swimming pool, his big, tricked out truck, snowmobiles (in the Central Valley of California where it doesn't snow), sea-doos, ATV's, and all kinds of toys which he couldn't afford on his paycheck alone. Not surprisingly, that marriage ended in divorce as well. (I will add that this wasn't a Christian couple.)

It wasn't long after I started working in day care that I was determined to never work when my children were young. I praise God that, even through all the financial hardships and sacrifices, He has always provided for us a way to make this possible.
 
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#12
An important point needs to be addressed here: What happens when the mother (say of three heavy eaters) is the breadwinner and the husband doesn't have a good job? I doubt if it's wise for her to quit her job. Maybe the husband should.
 

Pard

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#13
My cousins are stay at home mothers and they love it. They both had jobs before marriage. They got married, had kids, and left the military to pursue the raising of their children.

If we were to talk ideals, in my book, then ideally my wife would want to stay at home, but if not that's fine by me. I can relate, there is no way I could not work. Now I know staying at home is a job, but I don't think I could do that without going crazy. My cousin must have felt the same way because she just got a bunch of chickens and they are going to be getting some 4 legged live stock soon.

Finances may be an issue, but if you live in the right place and in the right way there shouldn't be a problem really.
 
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#14
Fact is, many women have no other choice, but to go out to work when married. Otherwise, the domestic budget arithmetic simply doesn't add up. (And you might as well enjoy the work, if you can!)
 
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#15
Fact is, many women have no other choice, but to go out to work when married. Otherwise, the domestic budget arithmetic simply doesn't add up. (And you might as well enjoy the work, if you can!)
I'm not going to argue this...

...but I will say that on a personal level, I've never yet met a couple who was determined that the wife would stay home with the children that didn't make it happen (through God's provision!)

The key is, as I mentioned before, is to never begin to rely on the woman's wages for living. If the couple doesn't have the financial discipline to do this, perhaps it is best for a woman not to work after marriage. As long as from the moment the couple returns from the honeymoon, the wife's wages go into savings or into purchasing items for the home (not mortgage/rent, utilities, necessary expenses and groceries) then there should be no financial struggle once the woman quits when the babies arrive. This is what I did, what my sisters did, what my sister-in-law did, what my nieces and nieces-in-law do...I have a big family and not one of the women in our family has ever worked outside the home when the kids were young.

I was thinking of one other thing in regards to this thread and this is with women who have children, who, for whatever reason: death of her husband, abandonment by her husband... if she is a Christian woman, and has to leave her children and go find work to support them...SHAME ON HER CHURCH!!!! And if she has a Christian father and Christian brothers, shame on them as well.

In the case where a woman is left without the support of a husband and has children, then the Christian men of her family and her church should do whatever it can to support her.

This happened to one woman I went to church with. Her husband abandoned her and her three young boys ages 3.5, 2 and 8 months. Her family background wasn't Christian, so no help from any of them. But, our church stepped in. I was able to get her a job at the day care I worked at, a job that she could bring her boys and have them there while she worked. She was our cook and cleaning lady, she worked from 11:00 to 1:00 and came back and worked from 6:00 to 7:30. Her wages were a little over minimum wage, plus she and her boys were able to eat a hot lunch, M-F for free. Now, her wages from this job wasn't going to support her and three boys, but the church paid her rent, her utilities, car insurance and provided all her groceries. People from the church always made sure that the growing boys had plenty of clothing, mainly by families with boys of their own giving the kids out-grown clothing. One older couple sort of "adopted" this struggling family and always gave gifts of new clothing, toys, etc. With all this help, her wages from the job were enough to cover her gas and the minor expenses that come up in life.

(I should add here that I was privy to this information because we were close friends and she voluntarily told me...otherwise I wouldn't have known the extent of her help.)

At any rate, she was able to stay home with her kids the majority of the day and have them with her while she worked. She later remarried and her new husband adopted her boys as his own and the church ceased helping her. I believe this was very honoring to God and an example of how the Church should work in situations like this.
 
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#16
handy: I see what you mean to some extent, but also there are cases of people such as in an interracial marriage or where the husband may be an immigrant and he is unlikely ever to earn as much as his professional wife. I think it's hard to be dogmatic; I'm not suggesting that you are being dogmatic. Blessings.
 

Mike

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#17
Fact is, many women have no other choice, but to go out to work when married. Otherwise, the domestic budget arithmetic simply doesn't add up. (And you might as well enjoy the work, if you can!)
Oh, my... Dr. Laura would have a field day on you. If you never listened to her show, my humor will be lost on you, but I'm cracking myself up. :lol

I will stand by this statement: Every married couple in a free society has this choice. Now, to some, this will mean tightening the budget. To others, it could mean selling their home and moving into an apartment. They each have to weigh the pros and cons. They have to decide what their priorities are and if those priorities are important enough to make the sacrifices required to do this. But, the fact is, unless there is forced labor, they DO have a choice.

I hate to take this further into the area of parenting when the OP mentioned nothing about it, but IMO, the consequences deserve much more consideration. I believe many of the problems we have today are the result of priorities gone awry. Too many children don't have parents around. We simply don't "need" all the luxuries that the world convinces us we do. We create our own corners to back into and then claim we have no options.

When we became parents, I believe we would have lived in a cardboard box rather than hand our child over to other people every day. To say other people were equally fit to raise him while we were at work would have been to say there was nothing special about their mother. No one could fully replace her. I don't condemn those who make the other decision. They need to make this on their own, and I don't pretend to know their circumstances. But, it IS a decision.
 

Pard

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#18
Got to agree with Mike. Having someone there for the kids is really important. I didn't have that luxury when I was growing up, and I wished I did have it. As a 20 year old I can pretty easily recollect when I would come home from school to either a neighbor or an empty house. It stunk. I didn't like it one bit. I also feel that I have missed out on a lot of time with my parents because they are both professionals in their fields and have long days. My dad would leave every morning at 0600 and he'd be back around 1800, without traffic. My mother would be gone from around 0800 until after I went to bed at night, as she works 12 hour shifts.

I can honestly say I missed out on a lot of experiences and had to do a bit of learning by myself when I probably should have had a parent teaching me. I also am pretty clueless in a lot of areas, especially household chore-type things because there was no one to show me how or to make me do it.

I think I can say that I'd have rather had a parent stay home and have less. I actually can speak to that a little as my dad retired when I was in 10th grade, so I had two years of a parent at home, and it was always better.
 
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#19
Oh, my... Dr. Laura would have a field day on you. If you never listened to her show, my humor will be lost on you, but I'm cracking myself up. :lol

I will stand by this statement: Every married couple in a free society has this choice. Now, to some, this will mean tightening the budget. To others, it could mean selling their home and moving into an apartment. They each have to weigh the pros and cons. They have to decide what their priorities are and if those priorities are important enough to make the sacrifices required to do this. But, the fact is, unless there is forced labor, they DO have a choice.

I hate to take this further into the area of parenting when the OP mentioned nothing about it, but IMO, the consequences deserve much more consideration. I believe many of the problems we have today are the result of priorities gone awry. Too many children don't have parents around. We simply don't "need" all the luxuries that the world convinces us we do. We create our own corners to back into and then claim we have no options.

When we became parents, I believe we would have lived in a cardboard box rather than hand our child over to other people every day. To say other people were equally fit to raise him while we were at work would have been to say there was nothing special about their mother. No one could fully replace her. I don't condemn those who make the other decision. They need to make this on their own, and I don't pretend to know their circumstances. But, it IS a decision.
Mike:

Up to a point I would agree. Maybe in a big place like the US there is more of a choice.

But in some countries where couples, both working, are paying for mortgages up to 8 or 10 times their salaries, there is in fact little choice.

And I don't think God is leading everyone to believe that there is no room for Christians in cities where the cost of living is hugely expensive. (Mind you, I would probably prefer to live in the country, with more space, a slower pace of life, better churches, etc.) but sometimes preference and reality are different.

Blessings.
 
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#20
I'm not going to speak to the issue of other nations, because I don't know enough about them...

But, as for here in the states, I don't think there is ever a reason why a couple cannot manage it that at least one parent is home with the kids...it might take creative scheduling, and it most certainly will take some sacrificing, but it can be done. Are we not Christians...do we not believe that with God all things are possible!?!

As far as whether or not it's the mom or the dad who is the primary breadwinner or the stay at home parent, I think I addressed that....there are times when it does work within the will of the Lord that the dad be home and the mom works. I don't think it's the normal will of God, but I can see where it can happen. It came very close to happening with our own family when we wondered if Steve could keep up on his full time job with the seizure issues...so far he has though...again all praises to God on that!


Pard, my parents both worked as well. My mom was home with my older sibs when they were young, but she went back to work full time when I went to school at age 6. By the time I was in 4th grade, I was coming home to either my brother and his friends or (much more preferable) an empty house. I hated it as well. My mom is 75 years old and to this day, she regrets making that decision. It came about far more because mom and dad both stunk at money management. Instead of disciplining themselves and learning to live in a budget, they just tried to work even more. Then they got into deep debt and after that there was no way for mom to stay home.

Again... it all comes down to choices.
 

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