Soulmates

[Jethro Bodine]

hello Jethro Bodine, dirtfarmer here

Abide is correct. The love(agape) that men are commanded toward their wife is the sacrificing type. Just as Christ bears with us in our weakness and frailty, we are to be likewise toward our wife. Christ brings us alone with love and gives himself up for us, a willingness of self sacrifice, but no where are wives instructed to reciprocate that type of love to her husband.

Titus 2:4 the word love is translated from the Greek word "philandrous " which is similar to love for a friend type, not a self-sacrificing agape type love as is required from the husband.

But don't you think that's love, nonetheless? I sure do. I wonder which 'love' abide had in mind when she said wives are not commanded to love their husbands. I'd bet she was thinking in the emotional sense, not the obedient sense. Perhaps she'll tell us.

But the valuable point here is the 'phileo' love that wives are commanded to have toward their husbands is an emotional love, whereas 'agape' love may not be, and by definition, does not have to be, and often is not. I would settle for 'phileo' kind of love in my relationship with my wife at this present time. At least I'd be in a successful worldly marriage if my wife loved me that way.

I cringe every time I hear the suggestion that wives do not have to love their husbands. Wives are going to use that to rationalize just being there in the relationship and not providing more than just respect for their husbands. Nothing wrong with a wife respecting her husband and only loving him that way, of course, but I can't think of any man I know that would settle for that alone. After all, the union of a man and his wife models the relationship Christ has with the church, and the church is indeed commanded to love her husband, Christ, with heart, mind, body, and soul. That's why it seems so inconsistent to me for people to say wives do not have to love their husbands. It doesn't model the kind of relationship Christ and his bride have.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

I think I do now believe in soulmates. But I also think it's actually just a romantic term for finding the person who satisfies all of your emotional, physical, and spiritual desires in a relationship. Which, as 'agape' love defines, is actually a self focused desire for your own well being, not necessarily a noble spiritual desire. But, hey, if you can find that kind of a relationship in this life I say good for you!

 

[JohnDB]

I think I do now believe in soulmates. But I also think it's actually just a romantic term for finding the person who satisfies all of your emotional, physical, and spiritual desires in a relationship. Which, as 'agape' love defines, is actually a self focused desire for your own well being, not necessarily a noble spiritual desire. But, hey, if you can find that kind of a relationship in this life I say good for you!

It exists...and it's a selfless love that goes beyond understanding. It's growing and alive... meaning that every year a measurable increase in love is discovered....and in ways that are unpredictable.

The reason why wives were told to respect their husbands is going to be something of a shock.
The average good man of Ephesus had a wife that he had children by...and the marriage was for business/political advancement...not because he liked her. (Although he may have led her to believe otherwise) He then also had a consort. (Girlfriend) whom he actually loved (for a while at least) he may have had children with a girlfriend...but his obligation to them was limited to his own desires. Consorts and children by consorts weren't the taboo our societies place on them today. (Paul refers to them as wives in his letter to Timothy)

So any woman who was married likely resented her husband and disparaged him at every opportunity. (Hell hath no fury Like a woman spurned/scorned/)
Women naturally love their husbands...they are hard wired by God to. But they can short-circuit that natural love by disrespect in a variety of ways.

We are called to be different. We are called to be better than the norm.
And if you are chasing after God wholeheartedly and so is your spouse...there can't be any problem.

 

[IncredibleTransformation]

Hi Sandy,
You're one lucky girl.
Thank God every day.

I find that the love of your life may or may not be also a soul mate.
I find that a soul mate may or may not be of a romantic interest.
Anything under God's blue sky is possible, but it sounds like you have it all!

Yes, I do. I realize that we have the relationship that few ever find. I cherish it and will until death do us part.

 

[IncredibleTransformation]

I think I do now believe in soulmates. But I also think it's actually just a romantic term for finding the person who satisfies all of your emotional, physical, and spiritual desires in a relationship. Which, as 'agape' love defines, is actually a self focused desire for your own well being, not necessarily a noble spiritual desire. But, hey, if you can find that kind of a relationship in this life I say good for you!

Don't think that one person will ever satisfy all of you desires. First and foremost, Jesus satisfies your desires. If you get a good mate, that is just icing on the cake.

 

[GodsGrace]

It exists...and it's a selfless love that goes beyond understanding. It's growing and alive... meaning that every year a measurable increase in love is discovered....and in ways that are unpredictable.

The reason why wives were told to respect their husbands is going to be something of a shock.
The average good man of Ephesus had a wife that he had children by...and the marriage was for business/political advancement...not because he liked her. (Although he may have led her to believe otherwise) He then also had a consort. (Girlfriend) whom he actually loved (for a while at least) he may have had children with a girlfriend...but his obligation to them was limited to his own desires. Consorts and children by consorts weren't the taboo our societies place on them today. (Paul refers to them as wives in his letter to Timothy)

So any woman who was married likely resented her husband and disparaged him at every opportunity. (Hell hath no fury Like a woman spurned/scorned/)
Women naturally love their husbands...they are hard wired by God to. But they can short-circuit that natural love by disrespect in a variety of ways.

We are called to be different. We are called to be better than the norm.
And if you are chasing after God wholeheartedly and so is your spouse...there can't be any problem.

Hi John,
You know I respect your knowledge of human nature.
Could you share how a wife could disrespect a husband in a variety of ways?
Thanks.

Wondering

 

[JohnDB]

Hi John,
You know I respect your knowledge of human nature.
Could you share how a wife could disrespect a husband in a variety of ways?
Thanks.

Wondering

The use of infinitives in a negative way....ie nagging.
" You never take out the trash till it's overflowing"

Making small their accomplishments... like the income they bring. (Overspending on a consistent basis or belittling their contributions of household chores) or "He burns everything on the Bar B que grill"

Over emphasizing their shortcomings or various vices. "He got so drunk he..." When in reality he had one drink to be social.
"He tries but absolutely can't fix anything" when an attempt to fix a toilet goes wrong.

"He just treats me like a slave" when asked for simple tasks like "Turn off the light" or "Lock the door".

Then there is betraying his confidence in sharing his "secrets" that where you may not think that they are embarrassing but he does.

Not caring about his desires or feelings. (Including physical intimacy). Treating him like a child, or like he is an ogre you are being abused by.

All these sorts of things show a lack of respect for a husband. Usually done in a passive aggressive fashion.

 

[GodsGrace]

The use of infinitives in a negative way....ie nagging.
" You never take out the trash till it's overflowing"

Making small their accomplishments... like the income they bring. (Overspending on a consistent basis or belittling their contributions of household chores) or "He burns everything on the Bar B que grill"

Over emphasizing their shortcomings or various vices. "He got so drunk he..." When in reality he had one drink to be social.
"He tries but absolutely can't fix anything" when an attempt to fix a toilet goes wrong.

"He just treats me like a slave" when asked for simple tasks like "Turn off the light" or "Lock the door".

Then there is betraying his confidence in sharing his "secrets" that where you may not think that they are embarrassing but he does.

Not caring about his desires or feelings. (Including physical intimacy). Treating him like a child, or like he is an ogre you are being abused by.

All these sorts of things show a lack of respect for a husband. Usually done in a passive aggressive fashion.

Great. Thanks John.

It's a great post because it can help all women to know what they are to avoid.
I think that if you love someone and have respect for them, all of the above can be avoided naturally.
And if something is lacking and two people still want to stay together - as they should, especially with children to raise - then a DO or DO NOT DO list is a good thing to have around.

Wondering

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Women naturally love their husbands...

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Don't think that one person will ever satisfy all of you desires. First and foremost, Jesus satisfies your desires.

I would be more inclined to say he quiets them.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Could you share how a wife could disrespect a husband in a variety of ways?

Yes, JohnDB , please share. She hasn't a clue.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

then a DO or DO NOT DO list is a good thing to have around.

Been there, done that.
Then God sent the Holy Spirit instead.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

The use of infinitives in a negative way....ie nagging.
" You never take out the trash till it's overflowing"

Making small their accomplishments... like the income they bring. (Overspending on a consistent basis or belittling their contributions of household chores) or "He burns everything on the Bar B que grill"

Over emphasizing their shortcomings or various vices. "He got so drunk he..." When in reality he had one drink to be social.
"He tries but absolutely can't fix anything" when an attempt to fix a toilet goes wrong.

"He just treats me like a slave" when asked for simple tasks like "Turn off the light" or "Lock the door".

Then there is betraying his confidence in sharing his "secrets" that where you may not think that they are embarrassing but he does.

Not caring about his desires or feelings. (Including physical intimacy). Treating him like a child, or like he is an ogre you are being abused by.

All these sorts of things show a lack of respect for a husband. Usually done in a passive aggressive fashion.

Uh oh, look out. I see my wife's playbook has been stolen. ............................

 

[GodsGrace]

Yes, JohnDB , please share. She hasn't a clue.

Jethro, I have a clue, but not every woman does.
It's good to know the bad habits John spoke of.
It could be of help coming from an outside source.

Wondering

 

[JohnDB]

When I was single...
I was happily independent... meaning that I was self supporting and had a ministry of my own that I worked to praise God with...and happy being single.

So was my wife. She supported herself, she had her own ministry.

We joined ministries to form a bigger, stronger one that became more than the sum of its parts. Our vows reflected and explained this. And it began there...at the ceremony. How God is the focus and center of our new ministry. The old vows by Sir Francis Bacon (usually said at most weddings) actually in the Olde English say the same...but are largely misunderstood because of the changes over time in the English language.

And today we celebrate each and every life we affect. We are responsible for warping straight many attitudes and behaviors. Some find the price of paradise too high...and we feel bad for them. Others find it worth the cost but have trouble with faith. But a precious few find paradise.

 

[Edward]

It would be interesting to know what you think Soulmate means.

Oh, I do believe that I missed answering this before.

Well, a soulmate would be, your one and only love. There is no other person that you could love enough to marry them. A divine appointment of a mate.

She would never lie to me. Never cheat, never leave...loves me so much that everything is worked out rather than dumped in the trash.

One of those proverbs 31 girls...

 

[IncredibleTransformation]

Women naturally love their husbands. I don't think so. But if this is true and husbands don't naturally love their wives then women are setup for a lot of abuse.

 

[JohnDB]

Women naturally love their husbands. I don't think so. But if this is true and husbands don't naturally love their wives then women are setup for a lot of abuse.

It can be abusive.
But to deny the natural love a woman has for a husband is to deny Genesis chapter 3:16b.

A man can choose more easily to love or not to love... it's part of the difference between a man and a woman. But this sort of hard wiring tends makes the man a better decision maker. (Not always but generally speaking) which is why God wants the men to be leaders in a family.

In the Old Covenant If a man was found to be abusing his wife (a daughter of Abraham's) he would be beaten by the men of the village...and if he didn't learn the first time they didn't bother to teach him a second time and promptly stoned him to death.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

But to deny the natural love a woman has for a husband is to deny Genesis chapter 3:16b.

Ah, yes. The great debate over what the woman's desire is for the husband.
I think the result of the fall is women will desire the authority that God gave the husband.

Thousands of years of evidence is way against it meaning that the woman will have longing and loving desire for the man. But there is an abundance of evidence that what woman was doomed to desire about her husband was his position of authority. That follows in the analogy of the bride and husband being a picture of Christ and the church. The 'woman's' curse is to be in contempt of the 'husband' that the Father of the groom ordained he be over. In salvation, that curse is removed and the bride (the church) loses the attitude of contempt for the husband (Jesus) that she has as a result of the fall and now submits to Him.

 

[Rollo Tamasi]

It can be abusive.
But to deny the natural love a woman has for a husband is to deny Genesis chapter 3:16b.

A man can choose more easily to love or not to love... it's part of the difference between a man and a woman. But this sort of hard wiring tends makes the man a better decision maker. (Not always but generally speaking) which is why God wants the men to be leaders in a family.

In the Old Covenant If a man was found to be abusing his wife (a daughter of Abraham's) he would be beaten by the men of the village...and if he didn't learn the first time they didn't bother to teach him a second time and promptly stoned him to death.

Then who took care of the woman?