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My parents and I are getting along well. Mama's biopsy came back OK, but she has to get some kind of special mammograms every 6 months for a while. Mama and I are going out of town on Friday. She's got professional stuff to do...I'm along for the ride. Clearly, The Lord was willed mega-reconciliation, here. I remembered that she was going to this beach place for professional stuff, so I asked her, and then she asked "should I get you a room, too?" I mean...whoa. I was floored! I was really just curious and trying to make conversation.

Sebastian the dog is gone, but Miranda the dog is still doing well, all things considered (she's tiny, and almost 14 now). Dad was planning on going with mama and me, but now he's staying here, in part to spare Miranda the kennel, and in part to do stuff around the house and also...I imagine...just to have the place to himself for a little while.

My class is going well. We have to do discussion boards...you post an initial reply to a prompt, then reply to 2 other classmate's posts. I've gotten -perfect- scores on both of the discussion boards so far, which is...a huge blessing. I've even gotten some brief, positive, written feedback from the instructor, which is unexpected and (honestly...) makes me feel better about stuff, in general.

My parents are kind to me. Because of Christ's work in my life, I'm increasingly kind to them, and I appreciate them, too. The small town pariah stuff continues, but it beats jail, prison, poverty, state hospital, group home, etc. Don't get me wrong; I'm not "living large" or anything (LOL), but I don't consider my life right now bona fide poverty...I have what I need and then some, by God's grace.

Tonight, its chinese take out. Delicious, once in a blue moon treat kinda thing. Small things...often make all the difference in the world.


I Praise God for His goodness! :)
 
Hi Christ_empowered . Nice to have sn update. Sounds like things are going well. Glad the classes are too, I've been wondering about that. Congrats on your perfect scores,:thumbsup
It will be nice for you and Mama to be together oon the trip.
Enjoy the chinese takeaway .

Tessa
 
thanks, tessa. :)

yeah....it does help, being able to write well enough to get good feedback. God is good! There were times, not so long ago, when I could barely communicate, I wasn't articulate, etc. Not good, not good at all.

I'll soon be at the beach, Praise God! You know, I 've noticed something kind of odd...when good stuff is around the corner, things heat up around me. Really. About 1 year ago, people were screaming about "probation violations," and then I was released from probation 2 years early, because of good behavior. A lot of time my parents have taken me on small trips here and there, things around town seemed to get a bit more intense, and then slacked off a bit.

I dunno. Truth is, I gotta get over it. Better put...I have to work with The Lord to move beyond all this stuff. I -was- wretched, I got saved 5 years ago, now...by some sort of miralce...I'm a work-in-progress, but The Lord has brought me a long, long way.

OK. I think I'm also kind of...tense...because I have a shrink appointment coming up. I get "bad vibes" (I don't like that expression, but I don't know how else to phrase it...) off the clinic. Honestly, when I look around in the waiting room, I think....are they actually helping anybody? I mean...seriously?!?! There was a nurse there, maybe 4 years ago, who gave me a hard time. I take good care of my skin, cuz I once had premature aging. Anyway, she walked by, while I was in the waiting room, and made a comment about me "getting chemical peels," stuff like that. Not good. I haven't liked the place ever since, but...its covered fully on disability, and my counselor is competent, professional, etc.

And...I've rambled, lol. Thanks again. :)
 
thanks, tessa. :)

yeah....it does help, being able to write well enough to get good feedback. God is good! There were times, not so long ago, when I could barely communicate, I wasn't articulate, etc. Not good, not good at all.

I'll soon be at the beach, Praise God! You know, I 've noticed something kind of odd...when good stuff is around the corner, things heat up around me. Really. About 1 year ago, people were screaming about "probation violations," and then I was released from probation 2 years early, because of good behavior. A lot of time my parents have taken me on small trips here and there, things around town seemed to get a bit more intense, and then slacked off a bit.

I dunno. Truth is, I gotta get over it. Better put...I have to work with The Lord to move beyond all this stuff. I -was- wretched, I got saved 5 years ago, now...by some sort of miralce...I'm a work-in-progress, but The Lord has brought me a long, long way.

OK. I think I'm also kind of...tense...because I have a shrink appointment coming up. I get "bad vibes" (I don't like that expression, but I don't know how else to phrase it...) off the clinic. Honestly, when I look around in the waiting room, I think....are they actually helping anybody? I mean...seriously?!?! There was a nurse there, maybe 4 years ago, who gave me a hard time. I take good care of my skin, cuz I once had premature aging. Anyway, she walked by, while I was in the waiting room, and made a comment about me "getting chemical peels," stuff like that. Not good. I haven't liked the place ever since, but...its covered fully on disability, and my counselor is competent, professional, etc.

And...I've rambled, lol. Thanks again. :)
Talking about life stuff is helpful to healing and all that. I've done a lot of that recently in some of my posts here. I ramble too. We're rambling kind of guys! Ramble on! (this time I'm pithy!)
 
hey man. thanks, btw.

God is so good! I'll soon be off to the beach for a couple days w/ mama, while dad gets the house to himself for a short, glorious period of time. Meanwhile...

I think maybe I just rub a lot of people the wrong way. I was once short, homely, prematurely aged, sickly, flamboyantly gay to the max, and I had premature hair loss. That was -before- the drugs, shock 'treatments,' operations, etc., and now...

OK height, not homely, surprisingly -not- prematurely aged, healthy, not flamboyantly gay, and "his hair's too thick," LOL. Oh well. I gues I gotta just...toughen up, lol. That 1st hospital apparently wanted to send me off to a homeless shelter, but my parents refused. Can you imagine? I'd just barely survived a sleeping pill OD, I'd just tested positive for HIV, I'd been heavily electroshocked, blah blah blah...

basically, sometimes I think a lot of "mental health professionals" just enjoy inflicting pain on people/patients, especially so-called "trouble makers." Not to get too, too Marxist, but...now that my parents and i Have reconciled and they're more "well-to-do," that stuff doesn't happen now. "Don't do this to people from 'good families' ," something like that. "Nothin' personal," I guess.

A j-o-b seemed like a good idea. My assumption was that God spared me and then poured things into me in part so I could get one of those j-o-b things I keep hearing about. I'm not so sure, now. What if God spared me--as He has so many other wretched people--out of love, both for me and for my parents, too? And what if He's blessed me so that I--the pariah of a small, southern town--can have things I always wanted, always dreamed of (good health, intelligence, better face, good family relationships, etc.), not necessarily so I can get employed and join the rat race?

Cuz...when I thought i was mentally ill, I was pumped full of all kinda pills (by prescription), but they put me down for "severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder." True story. Now, I have the higher IQ estimate, the good health, etc...and I'm a completely different person, w/o the NPD (Praise God!), but somehow...

I've ended up with what looks like either (severe) Bipolar I or (relatively high functioning) Schizoaffective, manic type. Schizoaffective is a murky diagnosis...is it more mood disorder or psychotic disorder? The long term outlook is not as good as Bipolar I, better than Schizophrenia. Back in the day, it was called "good prognosis Schizophrenia," apparently.

Then I think about it.....at least -with- "severe mental illness," I get disability, my parents are kind to me, and...I dunno. I don't remember a whole lot, but I do realize that I don't struggle with Self-everything as much as I did in my late teens and early 20s. mood issues, agitation, now and then some (relatively mild, thank goodness) psychotic stuff, sure, yeah. definitely. but I'm not imprisoned within Self, crippled by pride, etc.

these days...well, as "mental patients" go, I live quite comfortably. 0 drinking, 0 drugs. I pray daily, sometimes a couple times per day. I'm looking into a church here, locally, and my dad said he'll go with me. They've fallen out of love w/ the semi-local megachurch, since head pastor man got fired and he's getting a divorce from the wife.

so...yeah. 33, completely different person, inside and out. I've gone from wretched "weakling" to a New Creation in Christ Jesus. I kinda hope my parents and I will move, once dad retires. A lot of who I was--and this is true of anyone, everyone, until Jesus intervenes--was shaped (in bad ways) by this community. working class queer kid who "didn't know his PLACE," etc. Now, I'm back here, but I'm completely different, my parents are supporting me and they're now "genteel," and...

ugh. "this world is not our home." along those lines...neither is this zipcode, lol. I pray The Lord' perfect will comes to pass in my life.

:)
 
speaking of mama....we're about to have dinner together. she had a busy day of professional stuff. im thankful that we've reconciled enough (by God's grace) for her to bring me here, with her.

God is good! Plus, thanks to all that shock treatment....there's a whole lot I'll never remember. Probably a good thing...just accept that the past is just that--past--and move forward, I guess.

OK. Thanks again. :)
 
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