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What you said to felix and how you are going to keep reading. Lol. I like your personality and your short replies. Good luck with your parents expectations. Wonder if you are the oldest child or an only child. I'm oldest and know what that's like.
 
I am completely stressed out. I need to find God's will for my life, whether it be to remain single on this earth or get married. I don't want to marry but people I'm around, including my family, say I have to. I just don't know what to do. By the way, I'm 20 going on 21.

Take your time. You will eventually find God's will because you are very young yet; younger than my two sons, and one is in his mid-20's with a GF and are not in any hurry yet to marry (to my knowledge anyway) :lol

Respectfully, tell your family you're just a puppy yet with lots of time and that they should let up on you a little.
 
Saying you will die alone and a stranger will get your money is crazy.

If you're involved in a church and have close friends those people will be there when you pass.

And you can leave your money to your church or any charity.

I think we've all agreed now that marriage isn't for everyone, and at 20 years old there is no reason for anyone to pressure you about marriage. Maybe your mom is kind of freaking out because you're saying you definitely don't want to get married ever. Maybe if you said something along the lines of "I don't think I want to get married and I definitely don't want to do it any time soon" she might back off about it. Is she wanting you to hurry up and get married, or just wants you to have a family one day?

I think it would be good to keep an open mind about it. After all, you never know what He will need you for. When I was 18 I met my husband who had grown up in a Christian home but he was hanging out with the wrong crowds, including one I was hanging out with. I wasn't raised in the church and we started going just to make his mom happy. I ended up finding the Lord one Sunday morning and we went to church for a while but slowly stopped going. Now we are 26 with three little ones and I'm the one who keeps the Bible out and reads him verses and such. Im sure someone else could have done this for him, but I have a feeling (after lots of praying over our relationship and asking God at times why he wanted me to be with him) that God used my husband to bring me to Him and he is using me to keep my husband from going astray.
 
I am definitely not asexual. I get turned on so easily which is hard when you have no sex outlet. I don't believe in masturbation since God created sex to be a gift for married couples to bond and become one with each other, also procreation. I also have crushed on a million guys since I was little. I don't want to become emotional with a guy because I have made marriage an idol in the past. Its a gift from God, even God and Jesus are engaged to Israel and the Church, but I craved it badly. Then when the Lord revealed to me that He loves me more than anyone could, it wasnt an idol anymore. Now my sex drive is insane and I know I need marriage but I don't want to live for it like I did before. I don't want it to become an idol anymore.

I think you've discovered your true reasoning. Your true heart's intent is to get married, but since God said that you made it an idol in the past, you are now too afraid to want it again. Like I said, the issue is deeper than marriage
 
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Thanks for the insight. I know marriage is from God so I guess I do want it. Don't know how to go about getting to that point though.
 
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