Struggling with 'feelings??' for somebody

[ITGLG]

Hi everyone,

I appreciate this might sound a bit silly and childish but I really need advice and to sort myself out.

I have just reached the age were I have graduated from uni and come back to my church in my home town. We have a very young youth leader here who is a lovely and genuine guy, for some reason I have always felt like there's a bit of tension between us (and I don't mean that as in a negative tension it's kinda intriguing :-/ ) - dunno if that even makes sense.

so in the past I've had to battle with thinking about him and stuff which was very inappropriate while I was part of the youth that he led! but now that I am not - and here's why I'm worried:
I've been asked to serve in the youth and will shortly be starting meaning I will be spending more time with him than before - I am worried because I think I might do something stupid and un-sophisticated and mess it up or worse be so worried that I end up making it awkward for no reason!

Please help - I have experience of making things awkward for no reason and seem to be very good at that :-(

tbh I have thought about the possibilities of me ever marrying him and in some ways I can totally see it but in other ways we're so different I don't know if we'll have much in common?! for one thing he's atleast 5-7 years older than me!

And I cant talk to anybody at my church about this obviously :-(
advice is much appreciated!

 

[Eugene]

Hi ITGLG and welcome to CF.net. I hope you find an acceptable answer to your query.
Blessings in Christ Jesus. :waving

 

[Obadiah]

All I can do is tell you what happened to me on the other side of the same situation. When I was young and had only been a youth pastor for a few years a girl just past college age started working with me, and I started dating her. There was nothing technically wrong with that, except that it was very bad for my ministry. Many of the youth group members (especially in the college group) resented my dating her and felt that I gave her special privileges. Looking back, it was true. They had reason to resent what I was doing (unintentionally, I DID give her special privileges), and I shouldn't have done it. If both of us had been many years more removed in age from the college group it wouldn't have been an issue. That's one of the big drawbacks when so many churches hire young youth workers who are stepping along to bigger and better things instead of hiring a more mature person who actually has a call to youth ministry in particular.

It doesn't sound like you are planning on doing anything technically wrong. Just keep in mind it could hurt members of the youth group and could hurt and maybe even end his ministry there. If he runs a college age group as part of his ministry, with you still being in or so close to that age range it could also raise questions among church elders about his motives. In my opinion (and it's only opinion based on my own experience) you are treading on dangerous ground for his ministry in that church.

 

[ITGLG]

Hi ITGLG and welcome to CF.net. I hope you find an acceptable answer to your query.
Blessings in Christ Jesus. :waving

Thank you

 

[ITGLG]

All I can do is tell you what happened to me on the other side of the same situation. When I was young and had only been a youth pastor for a few years a girl just past college age started working with me, and I started dating her. There was nothing technically wrong with that, except that it was very bad for my ministry. Many of the youth group members (especially in the college group) resented my dating her and felt that I gave her special privileges. Looking back, it was true. They had reason to resent what I was doing (unintentionally, I DID give her special privileges), and I shouldn't have done it. If both of us had been many years more removed in age from the college group it wouldn't have been an issue. That's one of the big drawbacks when so many churches hire young youth workers who are stepping along to bigger and better things instead of hiring a more mature person who actually has a call to youth ministry in particular.

It doesn't sound like you are planning on doing anything technically wrong. Just keep in mind it could hurt members of the youth group and could hurt and maybe even end his ministry there. If he runs a college age group as part of his ministry, with you still being in or so close to that age range it could also raise questions among church elders about his motives. In my opinion (and it's only opinion based on my own experience) you are treading on dangerous ground for his ministry in that church.

Thank you for sharing that I know that the age issue is a big issue and I can see how it might hurt his work and so I would never even mention anything to him, and I know for a fact that my parents would completely flip if they even suspected anything let alone something actually happen with us. I guess I'm just trying to get it out of my system before I start working with him because I know that if I keep thinking about it I'll start acting awkward around him and I don't want to do that, cuz I don't want him to know any of this. In a sense I just want to move past it I guess but its difficult not being able to talk to my Christian friends about it!

 

[Blazin Bones]

I know this may not be the the most enjoyable thing, but as a Pastor, if I had a Student Minister and a young worker in this position, I would want your honesty up front. I would not want either of your efforts called into question. The worst possible thing from my standpoint would be what happens if you stumble together or a rift occurs when expressed feelings are not mutual. Is there any reason you have to serve in this particular ministry, or would it just be a voluntary thing?

Instead of mentioning it directly to the Pastor, have a heart to heart with his wife. As a Christian woman who is quite experienced in sharing a woman's PoV and heart with her husband, she would be able to candidly share your heart without creating an awkward situation for the pastor as well.