tempted to walk away.

[renee]

I'm a 22 year old female (been a Christian for about 3 years). I need advice or wisdom because lately I've been having an incredibly hard time with my faith. Bear with me here, there's a lot of writing, but I really could use some feedback. :help

1.) Several months ago I left everything/everyone I knew to move to a new town, where I truly felt called. (I realize that is all experiential and that "feelings" aren't always the most valid stuff, but the work I was going to do here seemed like great service to God, and I felt led, so bear with me guys.) Ever since I got here I've been consistently disappointed. The work I thought I was "called" to do made me so miserable to the point where it started to take a real unhealthy toll on me and I had to leave that position. It's been about 6mos since that point and I still feel "tricked" by God and bitter towards Him. Like He led me here with the intention to pull the rug out from under me..I feel like I trusted God with a really big leap of faith and got majorly let down. I don't want to trust him again and I don't want to pray much either.

2.) I have very little Christian community here. I'm in academia, and it's very liberal & hostile to Christianity. I've made some great friends, but most of them are not Christians.. and even the ones who are still aren't friendships where we would talk about spiritual stuff. Plus, a lot of the people I've met here who are Christian are sort of.... mean/judgmental. So I've had a MUCH easier time meeting friendly non-Christians, which brings up a whole other set of questions in my head.

3.) I had a hard time finding a solid church that preached real Biblical truth and not watered-down pop psychology. I finally found one a few months ago after church-hopping for a long time, but I am beginning to get frustrated with the long, over-my-head sermons and the fact that almost everyone there is married except for me which makes it hard to connect. I have no small group/accountability group and have had a heck of a time trying to find a nice group like that so I gave up, even though I feel I desperately need that. I don't want to leave my church because the theology is solid and the people are very friendly, but I wonder if I'd be better off going somewhere where I can find a small group or Bible study that is just girls and not couple-y. I want to find someone to disciple me but I don't know how the heck to find that.

4.) I'm trying to read the Bible in a year and I'm reading through some pretty dry OT stuff right now which is making me dislike reading the Bible. (sad but true)

Any words of wisdom? I don't know what to do, I miss the relationship that I used to have with God and don't know how to get back to that point. I realize this post sounds bitter and like I hate everyone (I don't). But, I constantly feel tempted to "give up" the Christian life because of this stuff.

 

[reba]

Wow you spit out a mouth full ! Your honesty is noted... The valleys are not pleasant places to be. I wish I had words of wisdom I don't. Hold to Him He has not let you down.... Looking back over my life I see His hand didn't know it was there tell years later ... You are dry He is the Living Water...

Some one will show up here with some comfort for you.... reba

 

[AirDancer]

welcome to CFnet, Renee Sorry to hear of the many challenges you face currently. Trust completely in our Lord's continued working in your life. He doesn't play games or trick us with His actions. Just trust completely there is a reason why you are facing these various levels of challenges. And as for the dry chapters of OT you're reading: leave a page marker where you leave off, and jump to Ecclesiastes or Psalms. When you have been revived with encouragement, you will find it much easier to read other chapters within the Bible.

Like reba said, sometimes we don't see the His reasons until years later. This is very true. You just cannot give up; you're not alone as our Lord never abandons us!

You're in my prayers, Renee!

Blessings!

 

[YosefHayim]

sometimes we don't see His reasons until years later

This is true.

We will be led through much tribulation. And have you read Job? Job has given me much spiritual direction. I've only read it once hitherto, and it is still with me.

I know what it's like to want to give up. I've had no friends for practically 20 years. I've done close to literally nothing for 20 years. I smoked weed for 2 years, and did psychedelics for a year. During that 2 year drug period I began fasting and praying to the LORD in prayer. One day I did a 2 day fast. The second day in I smoked with a friend after 3 months of C.D. The next day, smoking from the same stash I had the worst experience. Thought I would die after 2 hours of insanity. When it seems like one thing after another after another, then finally you ask for direction, and then you get backhanded; you want to give everything up. However, there are times where you got to ask to see the fault in yourself, as my fault was indulging in drugs. God let it happen. He let me see what drugs can do. And brought me out of it. This past year has been a lot of spiritual growth for me.

He may take a while, but he has his reasons. He's showed me the wickedness of the world, and even of myself.

Remember that God does not do evil. He can cause calamity, and use stern discipline. He may harden the hearts of the wicked, returning their iniquity, but he will heal the righteous.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. Psalm 34:17-20

You must also realize that there are times where the Devil can set a thought to lead you in the wrong direction to make you fail.

As you follow the LORD, pray for truth and love, and profess his promises from the scriptures.

The LORD will give angels charge over those who take refuge in him.
Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

And sometimes, the best you can do is simply wait.

Pray, be still, and wait.

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles;
they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31

May Yeshua be with you,
May his blessings fall upon you,
Shalom!

[P.s. Don't let the wicked in a christian guise lead you astray]
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[Danus]

Lately I've been reading more threads in this section because of two themes that have been popping up, not only in this forum, but in my own dealings in life. Loneliness, and Test of faith.

These are two themes in the Christian life that I am very familiar with and able to look both back on and forward to. Not to say that I'm looking forward to being lonely, but that I know I will face them again.

I'm often surprised to hear Christians say they are lonely, or feel lonely. I understand it, and I get that. I've been there also, but one thing I tell young adults on their own is that it is important to establish a relationship "HOME BASE".

Often when we are in the safety and comfort of a loving family, we see our Home Base as that relationship. This is true of many physical relationships we establish in life. But as we mature that changes. We become less dependent, more independent, and often left trying to reestablish that home base. This is where God comes in the most.

Several months ago I left everything/everyone I knew to move to a new town, where I truly felt called. (I realize that is all experiential and that "feelings" aren't always the most valid stuff, but the work I was going to do here seemed like great service to God, and I felt led, so bear with me guys.) Ever since I got here I've been consistently disappointed. The work I thought I was "called" to do made me so miserable to the point where it started to take a real unhealthy toll on me and I had to leave that position. It's been about 6mos since that point and I still feel "tricked" by God and bitter towards Him. Like He led me here with the intention to pull the rug out from under me..I feel like I trusted God with a really big leap of faith and got majorly let down. I don't want to trust him again and I don't want to pray much either.

I have no doubt that you Renee, have been called by God to be where you are. However, I don't think it's all together for the reason you think you are called to be where you are.

recently I mentioned to another member on this forum about being tested. How our faith is made stronger by the test God puts us through. Our faith is tested by God, not to break us, but to make us.

Have you ever heard someone say; "be careful what you pray for, you just might get it". This is often followed by a chuckle. It's meant to express how we don't welcome the test God puts on us to build us into the person He needs us to be, or we ask to be. For example; you might pray for patience and find yourself surrounded by difficult people. Or, you may just be an impatient person and find yourself in the same situation. (not speaking of you specifically understand)

God knows we struggle. I'd argue that He uses our situations by sometimes either allowing things or pulling back from us, so that we can have these struggles. So, that we can be tested, seek Him, and be made stronger. This is obvious to you now, or if it's not it will be.

If you are in the Grace of God; you have a faith in Jesus Christ, you must be tested; Not to see if you will walk away or not, because if your faith is real, you ain't going no where. You're not allowed to simply walk away from it. You will turn to God in these times, and He is there for you. He may not be there the way you want Him to be, but you're not here to change Him, He's changing you. Constantly.

In Matthew 9:29 it says, "According to your faith it will be done unto you." This is a spiritual principle that is just plain true. Many faith preachers use this verse a lot and actually use it correctly, but for different reasons. But, what Christ is saying is that our healing, our spiritual growth, our Christian life is found in our faith. There is a direct coloration between our faith in Christ and our expectations of this life.

Do people who have faith in God turn and walk away from God when they get lonely or things get a little tough? No they do not. They draw closer to Him.

Open your own bible and look up James 1:3, it says this "The testing of your faith [circle this] develops perseverance [circle "develops perseverance"] so that you may be mature and complete." Heck just circle the whole thing. He says the purpose of these tests is that our faith, our perseverance will grow and will be mature and complete.

Job says the same thing speaking from experience in Job 7:17-18 "What is man that You make so much of him and that You give him so much attention and that You examine him every morning and test him every moment." Circle "test him."

God uses your sin, and the difficulties you face to test your faith. 1 Peter 1:6-7 "For a little while you have had to suffer great and all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Here is a big one. Isaiah 48:10 "I have refined you though not as silver. I have tested you in the furnace of affliction."

Or this one; James 1:2-3 "Consider it pure joy... whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

You are in the midst of something great in your life and you don't even see it. You feel lonely, maybe a little afraid, little unsure of the place your in. That's fine. That's understandable, but your best HOPE in the midst of your place is GOD and you're saying you can take Him or leave Him? For what? The world? Seriously? ;) Who are you in the presents of your God? Do you know what's best for you? If you do, then leave God alone. Walk away and seek your own path. Let the world guide you. But, if you want God to do something great with you then LET HIM WORK in you. Let Him build you into the person He needs to you to be.

Where is your faith? What are your doing with it? I know what God is doing with it. He's trying to build it. Is your will trying to get in His way?

Look at what God said to Job.

38 Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:
2 “Who is this that obscures my plans
with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.

4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
6 On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone—
7 while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels[a] shouted for joy?

8 “Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,
9 when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
10 when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
11 when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt’?

12 “Have you ever given orders to the morning,
or shown the dawn its place,
13 that it might take the earth by the edges
and shake the wicked out of it?
14 The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
its features stand out like those of a garment.
15 The wicked are denied their light,
and their upraised arm is broken.

16 “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea
or walked in the recesses of the deep?
17 Have the gates of death been shown to you?
Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness?
18 Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?
Tell me, if you know all this.

19 “What is the way to the abode of light?
And where does darkness reside?
20 Can you take them to their places?
Do you know the paths to their dwellings?
21 Surely you know, for you were already born!
You have lived so many years!

22 “Have you entered the storehouses of the snow
or seen the storehouses of the hail,
23 which I reserve for times of trouble,
for days of war and battle?
24 What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed,
or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?
25 Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain,
and a path for the thunderstorm,
26 to water a land where no one lives,
an uninhabited desert,
27 to satisfy a desolate wasteland
and make it sprout with grass?
28 Does the rain have a father?
Who fathers the drops of dew?
29 From whose womb comes the ice?
Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens
30 when the waters become hard as stone,
when the surface of the deep is frozen?

31 “Can you bind the chains[b] of the Pleiades?
Can you loosen Orion’s belt?
32 Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons[c]
or lead out the Bear[d] with its cubs?
33 Do you know the laws of the heavens?
Can you set up God’s[e] dominion over the earth?

34 “Can you raise your voice to the clouds
and cover yourself with a flood of water?
35 Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?
Do they report to you, ‘Here we are’?
36 Who gives the ibis wisdom[f]
or gives the rooster understanding?[g]
37 Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?
Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens
38 when the dust becomes hard
and the clods of earth stick together?

39 “Do you hunt the prey for the lioness
and satisfy the hunger of the lions
40 when they crouch in their dens
or lie in wait in a thicket?

Your best council is God, not the world, not this forum, or your friends. Job knew this.

You're in a great place Renee. God is your Home Base. He is building you, not you building you. Let Him. Seek Him. Trust in Him. His plans for you are not to harm you but to give you a great future; one you can't even imagine. Jeremiah 29:11 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 

[JDG]

I've found that reading the Psalms daily helps alot. For about 6 years our family has been reading through the Psalms as a devotional like this:
1st Jan - Psalm 1/31/61/91/121
2nd Jan - Psalm 2/32/62/92/122

See where this is going? Every day of the month you read the corresponding Psalm and add 30 until you've read 5 psalms with the exception of the 31st, where we read Ps. 119. That way, every month you read the whole book of Psalms! I know what you're thinking, that it's going to be really dry after a few months, let alone 6 years! On the contrary, I have found them to be refreshing. My church has been doing this as well, and we have many testimonies of the Psalms being helpful in their everyday decision making or problems they may face.

Most of the Psalms were written by David, and there are many Psalms that talk about crying out to God in distress, and God heard him, and delivered him. Most notably is that he always praised God, no matter what he felt - whether God answered him or not, he praised God. I hope this is helpful to you!

 

[Whiteshield]

Hey, I'm having a hard time myself this year. I found non-Christian friends to be better companions sometimes. Mostly because, they don't feel compelled to lie to your face about what they really feel. Anyway, remember that there's a friend that sticks closer than a brother.