What is the right way to interpret Jesus' teachings regarding divorce?

[Edward]

She must have had a very bad attorney to make it that costly. Or, he/she was a very greedy attorney.
A spouse can't refuse a divorce in America. If they run, that says everything to the court. When they are served at their local known address and they're not there, there is a time frame for respondent to answer the cause of action; divorce.
Not that long a time either.
After that, the spouse seeking divorce is granted one based on the running spouse being a non-respondent.
My sister gained her divorce that way. He didn't run, he just watched the process server through the peephole in his door each time the man knocked with the papers.
Then after about two weeks I think it was, being they had no children my sister proceeded pro-say, he received a registered letter in the mail that he did sign for at the post office. It informed him he was now single.
All in all it cost her less than $200.00.

No, it wasn't like that, I didn't "run" (I just got lucky that I was going to Ohio to visit family at the time she was rtying to have me served). She had already left and was in Florida and decided that...she wanted to stay.

Process servers only give you so many tries before you pay more or give up. I knew that she could get the divorce and I didn't want to get divorced. She does usually always get what she wants so I figured, might as well make it cost her. So they tried to serve me a few times in Colorado and I dodged them, then went to Ohio to visit. She heard through the grapevine where I was, so sent Sheriffs, which I dodged. Then a server, dodged them too. Then back home to Colorado, where she tried servers again. I dodged them a few times and then...she got smart and told them to pretend to be a customer and call me to "come fix their unit"...and I would come right to them...which I did.

She turned materialistic on me, said she wanted to try to marry a millionaire...(!!), which she almost did, but she showed her *ss to him by writing him a letter demanding that he marry her...to which he laughed and showed her the door. (He sent it to me to read and begged me to call her and tell her to come home...) I said, hey no tag backs buddy.

Suddenly she had a soft spot in her heart for me, loved me still, and wanted to come home...with conditions! If I threw a giant wedding and party, flew in her ho friends (round trip to Florida), and buy her a BMW...(wow).

I did love her and did want her back...but dangit, you can't base a marriage on a car. I asked if she was serious and she sure was. So I told her no. It was the principle of the matter. How stupid could I be?!

She was the sweetest little Polish girl in the world when I met her. But over the years, she got materialistic on me. Spurts of big money over the years whetted her appetite for more I guess. The economy was doing it's slow spiral down and...she jumped ship over it.

Whatever happened to, for better or for worse? She regrets it now I hear through the grapevine. Now she's 51, fading looks, still single, in an apartment and working...I wish her well, but I do believe that scripture is clear to me...do not re-marry her. So I wont.

 

[blessedsmithereens]

Amen. My Wife cited "irreconcilable differences" as a reason to divorce me, being as I never cheated on her nor was rough on her. It's all she had to go on was the vague modern cliche for a reason.

I didn't agree and made them chase me across several states (just luckily worked out that way, lol) and two different process servers and one sheriffs office. It cost her plenty to have me served, lol.

And yet your wife still won.

 

[Edward]

And yet your wife still won.

You call that winning?! You must be a Sister, lol. There is a little bit more to this than I have shared, but take my word for it...she didn't win anything. She has reaped what she has sown.

...and yet, it's so peaceful here now. No more contentious woman. Soo peaceful! Ahh...

 

[JohnDB]

Ahem...
Let's get back to the discussion at hand with reasoned points and scriptures.

 

[Edward]

Yeah, let's. I studied this divorce issue out pret-ty good back right after I was divorced, so I have a pretty good handle on it. I wanted to know if God was going to honor my marriage if I got married again.

Scripture says that because of the hardness of their hearts, a concession of divorce being made ok was given to them. But it is not God's first choice that any of us should do that. The Lord would rather that we honor the Marriage Covenant above the circumstance. Put God above the man (or woman) and stick to your word (Covenant)...it's that important.

Make no mistake about it, the few females which have acknowledged that in this thread, are your Proverbs 31 Wives. A far cry above your hard hearted youngsters who may not have learned that yet.

It goes like this; Love God first and with your whole heart, One can't say they honestly love God without loving they're brethern, and if they're not doing that, it may be because of pride...hey you should treat me better...?? Love can not be offended, ok? so that would be ego and pride slipping in. We must learn to humble ourselves before our Lord and before mankind. (Will God not repay?!)

So to honor the Covenant above the circumstance is the apex in marriage for us. The girls who have been trained to demand good treatment are being short sighted and they should know that there is a level above that.

Everything here on earth is training for us to prepare us for God's kingdom and we are to follow his example. Let's all ask ourselves, How good have we treated God in our lives? We have Covenant with God. How would it be, if God listened to our whining and said ok, I'll leave you alone then?! We would die. In my younger more stupider days, I have yelled at God. Boy am I glad He didn't listen to me and hand me a divorce. He was just patient and longsuffering with me. Thank you Lord!!

Our temporary marriage's here on earth is a dry run training exercise for living in Covenant with God. One, perhaps a very few, females on this board get that.

But no, they don't have to stay home and be beat on. God will let it slide if you can't handle it and divorce. He's really cool like that, and merciful, but that's not being a Proverbs 31 Wife either. And it doesn't make the real Proverbs 31 Wives wrong just because the entire world is behind the po defensless girl.

Or so it seems to me

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

I just wanted to make one last point here. For anybody who has ever or will ever get a divorce, it isn't a unforgivable sin so please don't hate yourself for it. God will forgive you if you simply just ask Him as the same goes with all of your sins. The only unforgivable sin is not repenting for them at all.

 

[WinterPuma]

I just wanted to make one last point here. For anybody who has ever or will ever get a divorce, it isn't a unforgivable sin so please don't hate yourself for it. God will forgive you if you simply just ask Him as the same goes with all of your sins. The only unforgivable sin is not repenting for them at all.

Well said, and on time too.
I think in Christian circles that is exactly what many hope to impart. It is unforgivable to God that you divorced. And as a punishment you'll not be able to remarry and at the same time please him.

That's not true. God permits divorce. Imagine a god that would insist you endure a living hell because while he tells you he is all about love he isn't saying that you should know love once you say, I do. If you find you're married to the wrong person.

I've known people who were miserable in their marriage. A woman wants a divorce , her husband flees to avoid the inevitable, and in the end when the divorce is final she is the bad one according to the ex-husband.
I've known people who hated their marriage but stayed for whatever reason and when they grew old they were resigned to the fact they were old, life was over, and they just didn't care anymore. They waited to die. And they did. Very often hating their spouse.

I think there are people who live like that and argue God makes them because they're resigned to the fact they're too tired, too old, too lazy, or too beat down to take their own power back and leave.
And each and every person I knew in those type relationships were mean. And mad. They would snap at young women who were happy, optimistic, and didn't agree marriage should be like that. Those women hated the young girls who had the life ahead of them that the older bitter ones had passed through while excusing why they were miserable on the journey was because ..... kids, no job, no money, nowhere to go to start over, and even God.

God is love. I think if we remember that as married people we do everything we can to make a marriage work. But if we're being opposed by someone who likes dysfunctional life just the way it is on their side of the swamp what hope do we have to make for a peaceful lake of calm together?
Get out if you wish you could die to make that happen if you're in a bad marriage.
God permits divorce. We've read enough proofs here to prove that.

God bless and inspire anyone who lives miserable in a relationship.That he lead them to love themselves enough to know they're worth more than living, "I do" ,as if it is a prison God built. And may they absorb the courage and the holy spirit leading to break free!

 

[WinterPuma]

And yet your wife still won.

Yes. She was the one that filed. He was the one that fled.
There's nothing like freedom from a bad relationship.
I was dating my now husband when one of his work mates who had a gorgeous live-in girlfriend who was an RN. What she didn't know is her boyfriend, who was a professional in the hospitality industry, was having an affair with a workmate.
They'd been together for 10 years at that point.

Long story short. The girlfriend found out and kicked the bf out. She moved, paid the last months lease on the apartment just to get out early since it had been in her name and so ex-bf would have to now either find his way or move in with his trollop.
She bought a new car, because bf had driven her to work and they had only one car at the time. His. And she started a whole new life in a different part of the state.

I remember seeing her and we talked about the changes. I could feel the fresh newness , the joy , coming off her. She was glowing and happy and we'd not seen her like that ever since we first met her. I was so happy for her. And I never saw her ex-bf again. He was a coke head turns out. Lost his job, lost the trollop who wanted him for the position he had with the corporation$ and basically fell apart. Last we heard he was working for Holiday Inn in Alabama as an events coordinator.
Huge demotion in lifestyle to say the least in that before he worked for a private corporation that catered exclusively to the rich.

Life is an adventure. Enjoy.

 

[Edward]

I've known people who were miserable in their marriage. A woman wants a divorce , her husband flees to avoid the inevitable, and in the end when the divorce is final she is the bad one according to the ex-husband.
I've known people who hated their marriage but stayed for whatever reason and when they grew old they were resigned to the fact they were old, life was over, and they just didn't care anymore. They waited to die. And they did. Very often hating their spouse.

Hey now Sister, please don't twist my words. I have maintained throughout this thread that divorce is ok on one level and it is not unforgivable. I also never said my wife was bad. She had no legal grounds for divorce, I never cheated and not once in 26 years were the police dispatched for domestic violence to our home. I'm not a drinker and I never roughed her up. That I didn't go into more detail airing her dirty laundry was the respectful thing for me to do. I'm not out to make her look bad, we were talking about what's the right way to divorce, not how bad is my exwife.

I think there are people who live like that and argue God makes them because they're resigned to the fact they're too tired, too old, too lazy, or too beat down to take their own power back and leave.

And may they absorb the courage and the holy spirit leading to break free!

Are you contradicting yourself here Sister? Which one is it, your power or the Holy Spirit? Let me remind you my dear Christian Sister, that your life is not your own. You have been bought with a price by our Lord, paid for in blood.

Your words lead me to believe that you really understand very little about the Marriage Covenant. It has been well proven in this thread that divorce is ok, and yet you continue to defend it as if someone has told you that you are not allowed to divorce, and that is just not so. May I ask how many times you've been married? How long did it last?
When you have been married for as long as I was (26 years) then perhaps you can come teach me something about marriage covenant. If it was so bad as you presume, then why did she stay for 26 years? I had a good marriage and it ended through no fault of my own (beside not being a millionaire).

 

[Edward]

Yes. She was the one that filed. He was the one that fled.
There's nothing like freedom from a bad relationship.
I was dating my now husband when one of his work mates who had a gorgeous live-in girlfriend who was an RN. What she didn't know is her boyfriend, who was a professional in the hospitality industry, was having an affair with a workmate.
They'd been together for 10 years at that point.

Long story short. The girlfriend found out and kicked the bf out. She moved, paid the last months lease on the apartment just to get out early since it had been in her name and so ex-bf would have to now either find his way or move in with his trollop.
She bought a new car, because bf had driven her to work and they had only one car at the time. His. And she started a whole new life in a different part of the state.

I remember seeing her and we talked about the changes. I could feel the fresh newness , the joy , coming off her. She was glowing and happy and we'd not seen her like that ever since we first met her. I was so happy for her. And I never saw her ex-bf again. He was a coke head turns out. Lost his job, lost the trollop who wanted him for the position he had with the corporation$ and basically fell apart. Last we heard he was working for Holiday Inn in Alabama as an events coordinator.
Huge demotion in lifestyle to say the least in that before he worked for a private corporation that catered exclusively to the rich.

Life is an adventure. Enjoy.

How can you honestly presume that I was bad in the relationship, and she is faultless? Do you know what is in her heart?
Those are some mighty big presumptions there Sister.

So you're on at least number two Husband. Huh. How long did that last? Who filed for what reason (<rhetorical)? I can't help but feel your hostility towards men. God bless you Sister, I hope you can get past that. Wow.

 

[Edward]

Yes. She was the one that filed. He was the one that fled.
There's nothing like freedom from a bad relationship.

I didn't flee. I was going anyway. I got lucky that it was going down like that. ok so I was hurting some about it and woooo, I wanted to make it hard for her to divorce me and maybe cost her a little money in doing it. The worst thing I ever did to her. I'm so evil!!! Lol! You're being hard hearted and prideful Sister and I shall pray for you about this. I promise.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

I'm sorry about your wife Edward I didn't know honestly I didn't. But if she left you than she probably wasn't good enough for you anyways. Her loss on a great man. Love you although we don't always agree. God bless you brother.

 

[Edward]

I'm sorry about your wife Edward I didn't know honestly I didn't. But if she left you than she probably wasn't good enough for you anyways. Her loss on a great man. Love you although we don't always agree. God bless you brother.

Thank you. I do have to take the blame. (That is how I stopped myself from going insane, to make it a learning experience...at least!)
I was the spiritual leader of the home. I failed her in that I did not lead. She was raised Catholic and we did not see eye to eye about God. Stupidly on my part, I was more, yes honey than a leader. I was trying to keep the peace I thought. SO I spoke to her mighty differently than...I talk now. I've come to realize that it is not good to acquiesce the truth away in the name of peace.

Next time (if there is one, lol) I will also help her more. I was under the impression that if I didn't cheat on her, and I worked every day, that my job was done. (Wrong!). Work to support the family is a means to an end and not the end. When I came from work, I thought my day was over. But she worked all day too! And when daddy comes home, her day got harder, fixing dinner, picking up after me, all that stuff. No...the day was to begin when I got home, it wasn't over at all!

Most wives are lucky if the Husband cooks for them once a year on their Birthday. If I ever get married again, I will help her cook generally, and cook for her (while she sits down and relaxes)...at least once a week. Still prolly not fair, but a lot better than once a year!
Blessings to you!

 

[UberMink]

Well said, and on time too.
I think in Christian circles that is exactly what many hope to impart. It is unforgivable to God that you divorced. And as a punishment you'll not be able to remarry and at the same time please him.

That's not true. God permits divorce. Imagine a god that would insist you endure a living hell because while he tells you he is all about love he isn't saying that you should know love once you say, I do. If you find you're married to the wrong person.

I've known people who were miserable in their marriage. A woman wants a divorce , her husband flees to avoid the inevitable, and in the end when the divorce is final she is the bad one according to the ex-husband.
I've known people who hated their marriage but stayed for whatever reason and when they grew old they were resigned to the fact they were old, life was over, and they just didn't care anymore. They waited to die. And they did. Very often hating their spouse.

I think there are people who live like that and argue God makes them because they're resigned to the fact they're too tired, too old, too lazy, or too beat down to take their own power back and leave.
And each and every person I knew in those type relationships were mean. And mad. They would snap at young women who were happy, optimistic, and didn't agree marriage should be like that. Those women hated the young girls who had the life ahead of them that the older bitter ones had passed through while excusing why they were miserable on the journey was because ..... kids, no job, no money, nowhere to go to start over, and even God.

God is love. I think if we remember that as married people we do everything we can to make a marriage work. But if we're being opposed by someone who likes dysfunctional life just the way it is on their side of the swamp what hope do we have to make for a peaceful lake of calm together?
Get out if you wish you could die to make that happen if you're in a bad marriage.
God permits divorce. We've read enough proofs here to prove that.

God bless and inspire anyone who lives miserable in a relationship.That he lead them to love themselves enough to know they're worth more than living, "I do" ,as if it is a prison God built. And may they absorb the courage and the holy spirit leading to break free!

Amen!

I think any married person has in their circles of other couples met some among them who are as you describe. Cast in darkness, sad, depressed. There's a look.
And they do seem to have reasons for staying that way. But that is what depression does isn't it? Depresses the joy, the happiness, the self-identity, the will to live in some cases.
It does take the leading of the holy spirit to bring such people back to who God intended them to be. We can become so overcome in our own misery that we think we're destined to stay there.
I join you in that prayer for God's blessings and inspiration for anyone who is in a miserable relationship. Don't give up. Love yourself and overcome.

This can help as a tool for sisters introspection. A fine article in my view and for this thread in particular possibly a positive resource as it is dedicated to the Christian working woman.

DEALING WITH FOOLISH PEOPLE

 

[WinterPuma]

Hey now Sister, please don't twist my words.

I didn't twist your words. That which you quoted were my words.

I have maintained throughout this thread that divorce is ok on one level and it is not unforgivable. I also never said my wife was bad. She had no legal grounds for divorce, I never cheated and not once in 26 years were the police dispatched for domestic violence to our home. I'm not a drinker and I never roughed her up. That I didn't go into more detail airing her dirty laundry was the respectful thing for me to do. I'm not out to make her look bad, we were talking about what's the right way to divorce, not how bad is my exwife.

I never talked about how bad your ex-wife is/was.
You're the one that bragged, laughed in a post of your own making, that when she tried to divorce you she had to chase you and that it cost her.
You freely shared that dirty laundry. I didn't ask you for that info. That's your free sharing. As you keep doing of that which is no one's business. But when you share that you ran when she tried to serve you don't be surprised when people remark on what you shared. When they reply. It is a discussion forum. That's what happens here.

Are you contradicting yourself here Sister?

No, I did not.Read it again. If you still think that, you're still wrong.

Your words lead me to believe that you really understand very little about the Marriage Covenant.

I consider the source behind that judgment.
I'm married to my first husband going on 30 years this autumn.

 

[Edward]

I never talked about how bad your ex-wife is/was.
You're the one that bragged, laughed in a post of your own making, that when she tried to divorce you she had to chase you and that it cost her.

Oh I know. But you implied that I was bad, because she filed on me. As if she was the good one in it. So I made the point that, I didn't share the dirty laundry part in an effort to not make her look bad, I could have made her look pretty bad real easy, but I'm not into that. Scripture is clear to us, don't gossip and put people down. Honestly it's prolly like doing it to Jesus Himself. (based on Matthew 25:44-45) Besides, let's face it, I love her and don't want to hurt her (Or Jesus!). I pray for her.

That I quipped that she had to chase me...I was being facetious, lol. I was going to Ohio anyway, it had been a long time since I had visited family. That was small consolation for me to be able slip out of town when she was trying to have me served. Idid feel good at the time and is still funny now. The worst thing I ever did to her I think, cost her a few bucks.


She still isn't bad. Maybe not as good as some, but better than most. Polish girls! They have such a sweet accent. That girl was raised on a farm and can whip up a good dinner from the gravel in the driveway, lol! She can cook!

No, I did not.Read it again. If you still think that, you're still wrong.

Ok with all due respect so you don't get angry, yes you did. IS it your power, or the Holy Spirit's? You said both. In our weakness is His strength, so it can't be both. Either it's your power like you said, or it's in your weakness and the Holy Spirit's strength. Right?

I consider the source behind that judgment.
I'm married to my first husband going on 30 years this autumn.

Really! I wouldn't have guessed from how you talk. You sound a lot younger, lol. I'll stand down now. I only made it 26 years and it's over, you're at 30 and still married?!! I dug myself a deep one that time, huh?
My apologies M'lady, that's seriously respectable.



walks away hanging head...

 

[WIP]

How about we get this discussion back on the topic and off each other's personal lives? Thank you.

 

[Edward]

 

[Edward]

It all is kinda sorta related to the topic. What it amounts to is it is perfectly ok for anyone to divorce anyone, and that is in scripture, but I have learned that, to God, He would be more pleased if no one ever got divorced, and accept their station in life for better or for worse, a covenant just like the covenant that God has with His people. To teach us how to honor it and Him. Who in the heck would smack their Wife?! That's one of God's children too, and I hear He loves her a lot....I don't want to have to answer that question in front of God! Yes honey! Happy Wife Happy Life.

 

[HeIsRisen2018]

It all is kinda sorta related to the topic. What it amounts to is it is perfectly ok for anyone to divorce anyone, and that is in scripture, but I have learned that, to God, He would be more pleased if no one ever got divorced, and accept their station in life for better or for worse, a covenant just like the covenant that God has with His people. To teach us how to honor it and Him. Who in the heck would smack their Wife?! That's one of God's children too, and I hear He loves her a lot....I don't want to have to answer that question in front of God! Yes honey! Happy Wife Happy Life.

Actually, it's not perfectly alright to divorce anyone. It just isn't an unforgiveable sin. As for the happy wife happy life, that may very well be true but you have to make sure that you're really both happy about your marriage. Otherwise, what's the point?