Why do people get angry at me being single?

[darktipper]

I have had people cast stones at me for wanted to be single. I keep on getting chewed out by people from time to time. I took the advice or a relative and started to date. At first it was okay but over the long haul I was becoming stressed out and unhappy. Then I get that "you are rebelling against God" statements. Then I tell them perhaps but it is better than me self destructing. I don't think that I could deal with being a single parent etc... I know that lust will be an issue for me though but God would have to forgive me for me slowly becoming a hardened person over time when it comes to a relationship. I guess I just have to prepare myself for life long heckling and talking to walls.....

 

[grovenored]

Hi, Darktipper, it sounds like you're having a rough time.

Can I just ask, why is it that you feel you want to remain single? And when saying you want to remain single, do you mean indefinitely or just for a time?

As for saying people are chewing you out about it not being God's will... Well, these people obviously aren't reading their Bibles too much. Go to 1 Corinthians 7:7-9 with them, as Paul writes -
" But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.
8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9 But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust."
Maybe this will stop them accusing you of not doing God's will. They don't know what God's call on your life is, and if you feel it's singleness then be content with that.
Philippians 4:11b -
"I have learned how to be content with whatever I have."

I hope this helps, buddy.

 

[darktipper]

It will most likely be permanent. I don't feel like putting up with stetting up dates and all of that other stuff and looking for red flags etc.... Some christian said that I am rebelling. I think that even if I am rebelling, I think that I would be for my own good. I don't have to worry about what a mate would think of me or what I should be doing in life. I can just be myself and use time others would use for outings to lift weights.....

 

[Danus]

It will most likely be permanent. I don't feel like putting up with stetting up dates and all of that other stuff and looking for red flags etc.... Some christian said that I am rebelling. I think that even if I am rebelling, I think that I would be for my own good. I don't have to worry about what a mate would think of me or what I should be doing in life. I can just be myself and use time others would use for outings to lift weights.....

Hi darktipper. :waving

I don't normally respond in the singles area, but I'm board today.

After reading your post, I'm wondering how honest it is? I'm not saying your lying....But I think your holding back something. What is it?

Don't you want a relationship? I mean, don't you want to get married and have kids? Have a partner in life to walk through life with you and share the experiences? or....are you afraid of it?


A lot of people try to map out their lives. "I this", and "me that"....I think that's a natural thing to do given what we know of the nature of man as told to us from God himself. However, Christianity is not about us is it? It's about the giving up of ourselves (Our self nature) to serve, to be a servant, to a grater cause; something BIGGER than ourselves.

Have you given up? That's a dirty little phrase in our modern world isn't it? To give up. But, that's not what we mean in the Christian life. To give up is to give up ones self and to be lead by God in all we do, and when we have areas we hold on to and do not give over .....we are rebelling. Are you holding on to being single? Because it sounds like you are.

We have to trust God in our lives. We have to trust that not only does he know what's best for us, but that our fulfillment and total joy will come of it.

If you think you will be happier being single, know that, that's your own plan. There will come a day when God scrambles your plan. Be ready and willing when that day comes, or you will miss a blessing.

 

[felix]

After reading your post, I'm wondering how honest it is? I'm not saying your lying....But I think your holding back something. What is it?

I sort of agree with Danus . No one gets angry just for being single unless you do something that makes them angry.

 

[tim-from-pa]

It will most likely be permanent. I don't feel like putting up with stetting up dates and all of that other stuff and looking for red flags etc.... Some christian said that I am rebelling. I think that even if I am rebelling, I think that I would be for my own good. I don't have to worry about what a mate would think of me or what I should be doing in life. I can just be myself and use time others would use for outings to lift weights.....

Well, if more Christians were like me, I say your position does not bother me. I am married and have 2 grown kids. Others may decide to remain single. The Apostle Paul actually recommended it if one could do it considering the end times.

Now, if your stance bothers other Christians, then that's their problem if they invent some sort of unbiblical standard to say that you are "rebelling' or whatever. After all, if you find a mate, you have to deal with them and they don't, but the same ones would probably be the first to criticize if something between you and your mate went wrong after they pushed you into it.

Geeeez. You'd think people would mind their own business and not worry about you. If they are not going to marry and sleep with you, then it's none of their business and should shut up.

 

[darktipper]

I think it is because they have a yearning to be with someone. As for me. I am suppressing it because I do not want to go through the same song and dance all over again. I do not feel like wanting to know what divorce is like. Even if god gives you someone, that person can turn on you still.

If you think you will be happier being single, know that, that's your own plan. There will come a day when God scrambles your plan. Be ready and willing when that day comes, or you will miss a blessing.

Nope. None of my plans came true even if I prayed for them. I doubt me meeting a super single mega attractive woman who is kind to others is not in the cards lol. Perhaps only prayer that comes true for me is to remain single lol.

 

[felix]

Nope. None of my plans came true even if I prayed for them. I doubt me meeting a super single mega attractive woman who is kind to others is not in the cards lol. Perhaps only prayer that comes true for me is to remain single lol.

Every man wants a 'mega attractive woman' in his heart. However, scripture does not say that.

Prov 31:30 Charm [is] deceitful and beauty [is] passing, But a woman [who] fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

If you ask for a charming and beautiful 'mega attractive woman' as your wife, it looks like as if you are asking for something deceitful and a temporary thing to God.

• .. let us make for him a help suitable to him .." (LXXE, Gen 2:18).
• .. a prudent wife [is] from the LORD (Prov 19:14).

Ask God for a 'suitable helper' not a 'beautiful helper'. God gives a suitable and a prudent wife who will take care of you in every walk of your life, who may not necessarily be beautiful.

In Prov 31:10-31, it is said how a virtuous wife should be. Not once, it is said that she will be mega attractive woman.

 

[Christ_empowered]

As I understand the Bible, being single isn't a problem as long as you're celibate. If you can't handle celibacy, find a suitable mate and get married.

 

[felix]

As I understand the Bible, being single isn't a problem as long as you're celibate. If you can't handle celibacy, find a suitable mate and get married.

If you read 1Cor 7:6-9 carefully, Paul is just giving his personal view about 'not marrying', which is obviously wrong.

• Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, "[It is] not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."
• Prov 18:22 [He who] finds a wife finds a good [thing,] And obtains favor from the LORD.

If God finds it is not good for a man to be alone, who is any man to advise or override God?

Further,
1Tim 4:1-3 Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron, forbidding to marry, [and commanding] to abstain from foods which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth.

So, those who are not marrying, are not taking God's advise and will not have favor from God. It's even possible that they may be giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons.

• Heavenly Father is married (Isa 54:5) (but it ended in divorce, Isa 50:1)
• Jesus Christ, Son of God is getting married (Rev 19:7).

So, getting married is God's plan and not getting married is devil's plan.

 

[darktipper]

I would not want to put myself through divorce lol. If that happens then you might as well have been alone to begin with. This day and age marriages fall apart or that man or woman you get with is unruly. I saw a woman the other day hounds and pounding on her husband for no reason. I think that guy is going to leave her in the future or cheat.....

After seeing that I thought to myself that I am lucky to be single. Being single in my opinion is not the devils plan. I think his plan is to ruin relationships and to tempt them or have you get with the wrong person etc...... But being single.... nope. You can be single and not alone. That is what I am right now. I still have some people around me. I think that it is the best way to go for me. No pressures to "preform" or having that family worries and house school etc....

 

[Pizzaguy]

I would not want to put myself through divorce lol.

So, you have learned from other's experiences. Wise man.

If that happens then you might as well have been alone to begin with. This day and age marriages fall apart or that man or woman you get with is unruly. I saw a woman the other day hounds and pounding on her husband for no reason. I think that guy is going to leave her in the future or cheat.....

Any man who has remained married for very long, has put up with such behavior. I do not believe there is a woman on this planet who is never unreasonable, demanding, self-centered or illogical. The secret is to find a women who is such a blessing and 'fit' for you, that you can love her thru all of this. My dad found two such women, the first was killed in the 50's. The second was my mother.

After seeing that I thought to myself that I am lucky to be single. Being single in my opinion is not the devils plan. I think his plan is to ruin relationships and to tempt them or have you get with the wrong person etc...... But being single.... nope. You can be single and not alone. That is what I am right now. I still have some people around me. I think that it is the best way to go for me. No pressures to "preform" or having that family worries and house school etc....

I enjoyed raising my boys, even when my wife left us when they were 3 and 4 years old. But I never re-married, because melting two families (like in the "Brady Bunch") only works out in fantasy.

I have tried and tried to find "her". I am convinced that I don't have it in my "mental furniture" to tolerate the abuse a woman can dish out. I have not found a woman who is "worth it" to me.

You have peace at being single, I think this is all we need to know about you. You belong alone! Now, if God has a plan for you to share your life with "her", fine. She will come along and (if you are not too closed-minded) she will win you over. If fact, you will probably be emotionally defenseless! But it will take time - and all good relationships take time.



Back to the original question: "Why do people get angry at me being single?" Well, are they ANGRY or do they think you are lonely/isolated/missing something/etc? Could it be that they know that THEY cannot be happy alone and therefore assume you can't be, either? I question the idea that they are angry at all.

But life would be easier if people would mind their own business.

 

[Danus]

I would not want to put myself through divorce lol. If that happens then you might as well have been alone to begin with. This day and age marriages fall apart or that man or woman you get with is unruly. I saw a woman the other day hounds and pounding on her husband for no reason. I think that guy is going to leave her in the future or cheat.....

After seeing that I thought to myself that I am lucky to be single. Being single in my opinion is not the devils plan. I think his plan is to ruin relationships and to tempt them or have you get with the wrong person etc...... But being single.... nope. You can be single and not alone. That is what I am right now. I still have some people around me. I think that it is the best way to go for me. No pressures to "preform" or having that family worries and house school etc....

The difference between fear and stupidity is courage.
If you think your avoiding a problem by avoiding a righteous path, that's fear. If you want to stay single then stay single. Marriage is not for everyone, but if you do get married, you'll be wise to know your strength in that marriage comes from God only.

There are great blessings for those who have courage. Who face this life with God. They are rewarded in many ways.

 

[WIP]

Darktipper, it sounds as though people around you are pressuring you to get hitched and you on the other hand are getting so stressed out about it that remaining single is beginning to turn into an obsession or perhaps even a challenge to spite those around you. Either situation is a recipe for trouble I think. Perhaps it would be best for you to just take a step back, take a deep breath, and just not worry about it so much. Don't let the opinion of those around you bother you. Let the chips fall where they may as it were. If marriage is part of God's plan for you, it will happen in His time. As Jesus said, "Don't worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worry of its own." or something like that.

Around here one of our local bachelors finally tied the knot after 53 years. Who'd a thunk.

 

[Christ_empowered]

I can't imagine marriage being for everyone. Yes, God created Eve to be with Adam, and that's great. For the majority--maybe even the vast majority--marriage is the way to go. For some people though, its just not in the cards. I'll probably never get married. Between the mental illness and the ex-gay thing, I just don't see it happening.

I will say, though, that I don't think a fear of relationships or divorce should be the motivating factor. Marriage certainly isn't easy, and I don't think its for everyone, but it can be great for people. If you find the right woman and follow Christ, you can become a better man through your godly relationship with your wife. Plus, you never say never--just because right now things don't look like they're pointing towards marriage doesn't mean that 5, 10 years down the road you won't be married or working towards it.

My personal advice would be to focus on God, less on these people who are upset with you for being single and less on your fears of a bad marriage and/or divorce. That's what I'm trying to do in my own life, and it seems to paying off.

 

[darktipper]

Also Marriage is for guys who have money and can provide for multiple people lol. I can barely provide for myself. People will say God has a plan for people's lives but in my case, I learned that "plans" just do not happen and it is a lot of times based on luck or skill to make plans happen. My plans never came true no matter how hard I tried to work towards them.I know they say the single person will worry about things of the lord but I think that I would worry more about how am I going to eat lol or which wall to talk to. Plus my experiences dating women were like bleh no thanks. I have yet to meet a woman that liked me for me and or would not lie to me or wanted to cheat on me. The last one took me for granted so I walked. Best choice ever made for my sanity. I need to be more like Tony Stark or Bruce Wayne. Rich and carefree while being able to help people. Plus I am always too tired due to trying to do what I due while other needing me to help them then looking after younger relatives from time to time along with working out. I would not have the energy to have a family lol. I barely get 5 hours of sleep being single. I know somewhere a woman want a decent guy but I pulled out of the market years ago. Doing that, some of the females I know got mad at me for wanting to be single. I think they wanted to see me thrive or they wanted to get with me but who knows lol. One day I will have to invest in getting a dog when I become rich (that will never happen)

 

[Classik]

I could not be the best on the matter. I think Pizzaguy has spoken out of maturity - and has said the truth:

The secret is to find a women who is such a blessing and 'fit' for you, that you can love her thru all of this..

God has a way of directing the ways of his beloved ones.
One of my sunday school teachers was like you. He said he would never get married. I figured out he was not courageous enough to enter into a relationship. (I do not mean you are running away from one).
Maybe you are serious about this or Maybe YOU are yet to be sincere to your spirit.

The church tried to encourag him to get married. He is happily married today.

Maybe the right woman has not come your way. When she comes (and I wish you What you sincerely wish yourself), those scales would fall from your eyes.

King Solomon saw something and married 700 wives and had 300 female friends.
Don't go that way!!!!!!!!!!

 

[BobbyKing]

After seeing that I thought to myself that I am lucky to be single.

Hi darktipper

Single or married, we all know that problems exist.

My only approach is to live a Christ-centered life of joy, faith, hope and love. In due time, people around you will see that you LACK nothing because you allow Christ in you to take charge. After a while, most of them will go away because they can't fault you anymore.

 

[Tidus]

If someone tells you it's wrong to be unmarried and a Christian, I don't think that's right. What God commanded people to do in the Old Testament doesn't necessarily apply to us.

In fact, to say that it's wrong to not be married doesn't make sense in a world with slight gender imbalance- meaning it would be impossible for every living person to have a mate and get married.

Also Paul said it was better to be single, but that it wasn't wrong to be married either. I wouldn't necessarily call that "wrong", it's God-inspired scripture.

To the OP, I would just ask, is there any chance you subconsciously feel as though you can't find someone to marry, so you pre-preemptively strike down the idea with your long list of reasons you don't want someone in your life?

I mean, "not getting enough sleep" isn't a truly rational reason not to want a partner in life. If you follow God and let Him mold you into the man He wants to make you, then He can also provide a wife for you who is the "right" match for you. His timing in this area will be literally perfect.

You won't have to worry about a divorce if you follow the commandment to be "equally yoked." Any true Christian girl will believe that divorce is wrong except on the grounds of adultery- which means as long as you never cheat you are safe from divorce.

I can testify that God provides. Just put your trust in Him my friend.

 

[dhoenisch]

Darktipper, I am also a single man, and I get a lot of flack for being single. I feel that God want's me to remain single. I am truly happy being this way too. In the past, even knowing that I should remain single, I did try dating, and it never worked. I would be the one aggravated with the other and I would be the one to end the relationship. Why did I even bother dating? Because of the stress from others around me who convinced me it was wrong to be single. When I attempted dating, my life was miserable.

Also, people don't seem to understand that being alone is NOT the same as being lonely. I am absolutely NOT lonely. In fact, I would like to be alone more often. I do have family and Christian brothers and sisters who regularly put up with me

Also, you keep pointing out the complications and stress of being married, but as you may have already found out that there are also complications and stress of being single as well. Yes, I am single, but because I am single, I am singled out and begged to do things a married person isn't. I won't go into any details here, but those struggles and stresses to exist.

My advice to you is, if you truly feel that God wants you to be single, then follow the path He has laid out for you, and keep your eyes on Him.

Dan