Would you risk your marriage for this?

[Nikki]

Thanks for the kind words Relic. Yeah, sometimes I with I cuold save the world, but I know that's impossible.

The deal with the baby: As of now, I'm staying out of it. I personally don't want to get in with my sister-in-law and her drinking problems. Right now, the baby won't even remember me. I'm just hoping and praying that eventually things will get better. I still plan to be part of the baby's life as she gets older.


My niece: I told my sister what I thought she could find on her own. She is NOT going to tell my niece that I told her anything or do anything that will make my niece suspect me. My sister said that she has always trusted Chelsea, but maybe too much. She's also found out a lot about the friends my niece has by the IM's that I've read and told her about. The one friend lives across the street, my sister can't stand the kid (she's a wild kid...has a 17 year old boyfriend that she makes out with in the front yard, cusses and even drinks). My sister now has reasons to limit my niece's time at the girls house.

 

[Nikki]

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[prayerfullyyours]

I am sure that you have,.... But keep praying

Hello,...

I am sure that you have been praying over this situation!

But this is my 2 cents,... no matter what situation we are in and who we are involved with... we are still accountable to God for our own sin,.... be it in the form of actions, thoughts, or words.

As spouses, we are expected by God to submit to one another.

Being not a witness to the situation, or knowing the people involved, it is hard to give advice .... But as I was reading this thread, the thing that came to my mind, was the number of times I had prayed to God to change my husband's heart or mind on some issue, and the number of times that it had actually happened! God does have the ability to change hearts!
I also remember, that the times that God did change my husband's heart on issues,.... God was more successful faster when I backed down and stopped talking to my husband about the issue. I had to back away and let God do the work.
I remember there were times that God put my husband in certain situations, had him hear something moving on the radio, etc....
God knows each of us as individuals, and he knows the best way to reach our hearts to change them.

My suggestion is to not mention the situation to your husband, and not show your negative feelings about him ... to him.
God's will is teach and turn all of us from sin, and he will do this with your husband as well.

Simply,... my advice is to pray with all of your heart and ask God to change your husband's heart on the issue. Trust God, and treat your husband with respect!

Have a lovely day!

prayerfullyyours

 

[Nikki]

Prayerfullyours,

Thank you SO MUCH for your kind words. I really appreciated that and you know what? You're so right. I sometimes forget that all that's really needed is prayer. God DOES make it easy for us, we just make things harder by trying to take problems into our own hands.

My mother in law has seen the baby. She hasn't held her though. She said she would allow my sister in law to bring the baby into her home, but my father in law forbids it. I don't think he'll ever come around. My mil and fil came over today and my fil was making racial remarks when he was coming into the house, but once he got in, he shut up. He did make a comment about how he wanted to hit some guy upside the head the other day because the guy was white with a black woman. Ignorant comments like that make me absolutely sick. UGH!!!!!! I just want to scream!

I just stay out of it all anymore.

 

[RJD Servant]

Hi Niki

How is it going with your little niece. Have you see her yet and what is the situation in giving to that broken family in life's journey.
Did you ever think that you might be the link to teach that family to love some one other then them selves and there color.
Wars are made to Win and this is something to war over for the Child and the Sister in Laws Soul.
Is you husband a Christian?
Then the ought that he has towards her will hinder his prayers in Christ till he go to her and asks forgiveness for his Sin in all this of Hate and anger and resentment.
You go and Love that child and Love that Sister in Law to Christ by the Love with in you. Resentment and Rejection will not help her get upon her feet and live with in this world loved.
Christ Love would draw this women and make amends for this family you are around and use ALL the women that you can get together to do it.
You have a Baby Shower for this Sister in Law and invite those that will come and those that are friends with her around her life. Make healing come and bring this to your husband that you choose to do this and it is not against our marriage or our love for one another.
It is for the Love of two Souls which we are responcible for because they are apart of us because she lives and has a soul to save whether your family or mine likes it or not. God Likes it!!!
This will not be a war between us because you are in belief of it one way and I another.
I love you Husband but God knows you are wrong here in not helping maybe you do not want to see this child or have a say in her life but I would appreciate it if you would back me on this one till God changes your heart to Gold in Loving everyone around you because they are souls in need of saving.
What if God sent you to Africa to be a Missionary What Love would you give those people? What could you give them that you can not give this sister in law and her Baby? What would you have to change in your heart that you could deal with the Red and Yellow Black and White people of the world?
You go in and help and Love and Share and give and hold and bring about acceptance and caring and Joy and Peace for her termoil is great with in her with out having help. You take pictures and make a book for her to love and charish from you. You become the Light with in your Sister in laws life and the Childs.
No she might not know you now but that single mother will know whether you loved her in her time of need of bearing the burden and carring a load that the world will put upon her and the all she needs the the Christian people to do the same.
Forsake father mother brother sister and husband and children and friends to do the Right thing according to the Will of God for a Soul.
Fight this war and I in Jesus Name will Fight this war with you and know that God and his Joy in it will Win a Victory over the Bigotry and the hatred and the selfishness of this family that is around you.
You step out of the boat and walk on the Water and the Faith In Looking to Jesus will help you walk with your head high and he will give you the wisdom and knowledge and understanding and Love to carry this through.
Don't forget it is a war for two souls so expect some conflict but expect some Victories also. Go in the Love of God and with the Joy of the Lord to be your Strength and I will Hold you up in Prayer that is what I do best.
But I tell you I have had my share of wars and fighting for what is right and just in this world and every war was a Victory for Christ. I have lost family and friends and foes but God is always with me and Right still raines upon the path that I walk everyday. 32 years of marriage I go with the right of the word of God and God always brings the victory in our fights. My husband when we fight will go with the word of God and it always brings the victory. Were still together because we use the Word of God to fight our battles upon even when we do not want to listen the Word of the Almighty wins out in the end.
Go with God and My Prayers before you and win those souls for Christ in the LOVE of the Savior.
RJD Servant

 

[follower of Christ]

To be a part of your bi-racial niece's life? NOBODY on my hubby's side of the family will accept my sister in laws new baby. She's a bi-racial baby born out of wedlock. IN fact my sister in law cheated on her hubby.

I told my hubby (Steve) today that I was going to be part of the babys life. He is NOT happy. I don't want to be part of Denise's (his sister) life, but this baby needs SOMEONE from this side of the family in her life. I still haven't seen her, but I plan to soon. Steve's mom is on the verge of breaking down. She wants to see the baby I think. But Steve's dad has completely disowned Denise. Him and Steve are too much alike. At least Steve DOES have black friends. He just doesn't agree with the whole bi-racial thing.

He said it's my decision, but that I can be sure that he won't be part of her life. That was like a smack in the face to me and a real reality check as to how full of hate he is over this. I keep trying to get him to understand that it's not the babys fault. He said that he knows that, but that doesn't mean he has to accept her and that he never wants to see her or have anything part of her life. When he talks like that, I really am ashamed to be married to him. I got so mad that I left the house without him for a while( he was wanting to go shopping with me). I haven't done that in a long time. How can someone be so full of hate though? I honestly am so ashamed that I'm married to him.

I'm worried that this will affect my marriage. We've already been arguing over it. But, I want to be part of the babys life. I feel so torn. Do I risk fighting with Steve all the time to be part of her life? Or do I do what I've been doing and stay out of it?

Right now, I want to take the risk for the sake of the baby. Maybe I'm not making a wise decision....I just don't know.....

Mine wouldnt be at risk.
My wife would be very upset with me if I shunned the child at all.
Shed most likely lose all respect for me if I did.

But yes, Id risk it.

 

[follower of Christ]

To be a part of your bi-racial niece's life? NOBODY on my hubby's side of the family will accept my sister in laws new baby. She's a bi-racial baby born out of wedlock. IN fact my sister in law cheated on her hubby.

I told my hubby (Steve) today that I was going to be part of the babys life. He is NOT happy. I don't want to be part of Denise's (his sister) life, but this baby needs SOMEONE from this side of the family in her life. I still haven't seen her, but I plan to soon. Steve's mom is on the verge of breaking down. She wants to see the baby I think. But Steve's dad has completely disowned Denise. Him and Steve are too much alike. At least Steve DOES have black friends. He just doesn't agree with the whole bi-racial thing.

He said it's my decision, but that I can be sure that he won't be part of her life. That was like a smack in the face to me and a real reality check as to how full of hate he is over this. I keep trying to get him to understand that it's not the babys fault. He said that he knows that, but that doesn't mean he has to accept her and that he never wants to see her or have anything part of her life. When he talks like that, I really am ashamed to be married to him. I got so mad that I left the house without him for a while( he was wanting to go shopping with me). I haven't done that in a long time. How can someone be so full of hate though? I honestly am so ashamed that I'm married to him.

I'm worried that this will affect my marriage. We've already been arguing over it. But, I want to be part of the babys life. I feel so torn. Do I risk fighting with Steve all the time to be part of her life? Or do I do what I've been doing and stay out of it?

Right now, I want to take the risk for the sake of the baby. Maybe I'm not making a wise decision....I just don't know.....

Mine wouldnt be at risk.
My wife would be very upset with me if I shunned the child at all.
Shed most likely lose all respect for me if I did.

But yes, Id risk it.

 

[Lyric's Dad]

To be a part of your bi-racial niece's life? NOBODY on my hubby's side of the family will accept my sister in laws new baby. She's a bi-racial baby born out of wedlock. IN fact my sister in law cheated on her hubby.

I told my hubby (Steve) today that I was going to be part of the babys life. He is NOT happy. I don't want to be part of Denise's (his sister) life, but this baby needs SOMEONE from this side of the family in her life. I still haven't seen her, but I plan to soon. Steve's mom is on the verge of breaking down. She wants to see the baby I think. But Steve's dad has completely disowned Denise. Him and Steve are too much alike. At least Steve DOES have black friends. He just doesn't agree with the whole bi-racial thing.

He said it's my decision, but that I can be sure that he won't be part of her life. That was like a smack in the face to me and a real reality check as to how full of hate he is over this. I keep trying to get him to understand that it's not the babys fault. He said that he knows that, but that doesn't mean he has to accept her and that he never wants to see her or have anything part of her life. When he talks like that, I really am ashamed to be married to him. I got so mad that I left the house without him for a while( he was wanting to go shopping with me). I haven't done that in a long time. How can someone be so full of hate though? I honestly am so ashamed that I'm married to him.

I'm worried that this will affect my marriage. We've already been arguing over it. But, I want to be part of the babys life. I feel so torn. Do I risk fighting with Steve all the time to be part of her life? Or do I do what I've been doing and stay out of it?

Right now, I want to take the risk for the sake of the baby. Maybe I'm not making a wise decision....I just don't know.....

Wow, Nikki. Seems like a predicament. I am sorry you are in it.

The thing that comes to mind here is that we are talking about a group of adults who are opposing an infant. That baby needs you. Jesus was very clear on how important these little ones are to Him. I support your decision to be part of this child's life completely. Little ones need good people in their life today more then ever and this one is going to need it bad. The child is going to grow up with enough stigma already without having to know the entire family is against it. I cannot believe that people would disown an innocent child who made none of the bad decisions that were made and only wants to be loved.

Good for you Nikki.

 

[Klee shay]

You're not as powerless as you think you are Nikki. When you do right you have God on your side.

If you pray for this child with all your heart - you need not fear for it's future. God WILL take care of it even if you can't be in it's life. He will send the right angels to intervene. Say heaps of prayers for the baby in exchange for throwing away a good marriage.

I know the pressure it can put on a relationship when the feelings for your partner, are altered by a situation and their reaction to it. Many a marriage has fallen by the way-side due to division. But you're not on your own, Nikki, you have God. Would he have you throw away his union to defend something righteous; or would he stand up for your marriage and the baby's future because he IS God and can do both?

You see, it's not you against the world Nikki. You have your Father watching over you from heaven, and it is he who defends the defenceless and sustains the union in marriage. When in doubt next time, call upon your Father and let him provide an answer. Division is of the enemy and you are a daughter of the Lord. Trust in him next time.

Husband's have been known to fail and so have wives...but the Lord does not fail. It is His union, let him seal it for you. Say as many prayers as you can about this and you'll be surprised with what the Lord delivers.

 

[Delicate]

You're not as powerless as you think you are Nikki. When you do right you have God on your side.

If you pray for this child with all your heart - you need not fear for it's future. God WILL take care of it even if you can't be in it's life. He will send the right angels to intervene. Say heaps of prayers for the baby in exchange for throwing away a good marriage.

I know the pressure it can put on a relationship when the feelings for your partner, are altered by a situation and their reaction to it. Many a marriage has fallen by the way-side due to division. But you're not on your own, Nikki, you have God. Would he have you throw away his union to defend something righteous; or would he stand up for your marriage and the baby's future because he IS God and can do both?

You see, it's not you against the world Nikki. You have your Father watching over you from heaven, and it is he who defends the defenceless and sustains the union in marriage. When in doubt next time, call upon your Father and let him provide an answer. Division is of the enemy and you are a daughter of the Lord. Trust in him next time.

Husband's have been known to fail and so have wives...but the Lord does not fail. It is His union, let him seal it for you. Say as many prayers as you can about this and you'll be surprised with what the Lord delivers.

Very wise counsel Klee Shay. It's amazing the things that can be accomplished through the fervent prayers of a righteous person.

 

[Nikki]

UPDATE:

This is long overdue!


My mother in law has seen the baby. Said she's beautiful! She still won't hold her though. My father in law hasn't changed at all. He refuses to see the baby, calls the baby names and hasn't spoken to his daughter since they found out she was seeing the guy.

She divorced her hubby (we all knew that would happen after she cheated on him and got pregnant with this baby). The divorce is final and her ex has already remarried.
:-?

Neither she nor her ex see their children that they gave up. My in-laws have custody of Ashley and Allison (the kids from her previous marriage). The 4 year old thinks she has no mommy and daddy. It's so sad.

Denise (my sister in law) and the new baby's daddy got kicked out of their apartment. They are now living with his mom. His mom made them sign a contract and everything! Denise has called me a few times, but won't tell me where her boyfriends mom lives and won't give me a phone number. So, there's really no way that I can be involved in the babys life since I don't even know where they're living now.

I'm just glad that my mother in laws heart has softened up some.

 

[Klee shay]

A very disheartening situation for everyone - given the background information. I suppose it shows the value of forgiveness and how a lack of it can sometimes create greater divisions.

 

[Nikki]

A very disheartening situation for everyone - given the background information. I suppose it shows the value of forgiveness and how a lack of it can sometimes create greater divisions.

This is really weird. I posted this when??? Day before yesterday? Yesterday?
Well, Denise called me today and gave me a cell phone number.

She also informed me that her boyfriend (the babys father) totaled her car. His fault. He's fine and thankfully the baby wasn't with him. He was alone.

Her life has gone so far downhill since she cheated on her husband with this guy.
:-?

 

[Julian Pyke]

I just realised how horrible this situation is. One mistake and bam her life was destroyed. And noone is accepting her really, helping her out. And she doesnt want anyone to help. I will be praying about this now, we can't make it through this world alone, we ened jesus, and sometimes the only Jesus people see is us!