Christ_empowered
Member
Let me first Praise God for His goodness, especially towards my family and me. I had a rough life...sin, satan, self, death, and the world. I got saved 5 years ago, by a miracle. I"m now different (in good ways) inside and out.
OK. I have a serious ("Class A") misdemeanor on my record. It started as a felony, but God moved on my parents' hearts, and they sprang for a good lawyer. I've been off probation for 1 year now.
So...I don't talk to anyone in this town, my former "Friends" of yesteryear are gone, and its pretty much...my parents and me. Boom. My parents are now "well-to-do," which is a -huge- blessing, because they dealt with a whole, whole lot on their way "up the ladder."
Anyway...a lot of my "confidential" psych stuff has been shared with people. Sounds paranoid, I know, but....its true. I was diagnosed as "severely narcissistic," and electroshocked, eventually lobotomized. This is also going to sound crazy, but...I Had a brain scan, 10 years ago, after I was bashed on the head during an attack...and "you're supposed to be a vegetable!" is what one nurse told me. Fun times.
So...there's more talk of "warrants," "jail," etc. Ugh. I don't get it, honestly. I think they're telling people that I have a felony and a judge "took pity" on me. I mean, I don't care that much, but...people can be -so- aggressive towards me sometimes, I Just don't want anyone to think "oh, he's got a felony; I can do whatever I want to him!" Already, I went thru about 4 or 5 tires a while back, because somehow mine kept getting nails in them. Made me a little paranoid. And the other day, a piece of mail addressed to me had clearly been cut open. My mom checks the mail, and she told me about it...she said she's going to talk to the postal worker about it.
I not only completed probation sucessfully, I actually was released early, based on "compliance credits." That's a huge blessing, of course. My point there is that I"m not some sort of career criminal. My crime was sending emails to a former shrink, many of which dealt with my perspective on "Treatment." I didn't get it then, but I do now...a lot of what they did was simply the deliberate destruction of a human being, and some shrinks do that to people (especially poor people).
By some miracle, the lawyer was able to get a felony reduced to a -very- serious misdemeanor (still not a felony, praise God!), I got probation, and...now....I"m free, have been for a bit over 1 year now. And yet...
ugh. Now that The Lord has willed to make me healthy, bright eyed, smart, whole and even--gasp--"normal," in important ways....I see that the world expects lobotomized "mental patients" to know their/our place in society. I matter to my parents (Praise God!), maybe to some of the people in their social circles. Other than that, I"m not a member of this community, and its a miracle that I've even lived this long.
Ohhhh.....I should probably also mention the HIV+ issue. I tested+ 12 years ago, age 20. No treatment whatsoever, now I"m remarkably healthy. My once thin, brittle hair has given way to thick, wavy hair. I Had premature aging, now I look a bit younger than 33. I'm also a couple inches taller (somehow...) than I was back then, and my face is a lot more...aesthetically pleasing. I know, sounds like I"m making stuff up, doesn't it? My face started changing during my nervous breakdown, 10 years ago. True story: at 23, I looked 16. Kind of..other-worldly, possibly even freakish, now that I think about it....
Anyway, point is; until Jesus saved me, I was all sortsa tore up from the floor up. I think now He had His hand on me for a while, and then He dealt with my heart, I got saved, and...
God is good! People...not so much. I"m slathered in stigma and labels, and its..."darned if you do, darned if you don't," honestly. IF I'd gotten treatment for HIV, everyone would have known and I wouldn't have lived much longer, anyway (the HIV drugs are toxic and I was in a weakened state). I've never been treated and I"m healthy, so now and then I"ll hear people say "he can get treatment in prison, hahaha!"
The mental health stuff is...well, it is what it is. I"m treated much better now. I fill my prescriptions at the local pharmacy, disability provides a low copay, life goes on. People say "yeah, they've got him on Haldol shots" (that's where they inject people with Haldol on a monthly basis, sometimes with an order signed by a judge to enforce "treatment"), which makes me stop and wonder sometimes...is all this mental health, inc. stuff really about control? I mean, especially if you're poor?
As is...-because- my parents were able and willing to get me a good lawyer, and -because- of God's work in my life, my "mental problems" were part of what got the charge reduced down to the (serious) misdemeanor. Like I keep writing; I"m blessed, God is good, but people...man oh man.
I know a lot of you pray for me anyway, and I thank you all for it, I Really do. I ask that you keep my family and me up in prayer, because...whoa. This gets rough, sometimes I don't know what to do....
on the plus side, I"ll be going out of town for a couple days, with the parents, in about 1 week. God is good!
Thanks again.
OK. I have a serious ("Class A") misdemeanor on my record. It started as a felony, but God moved on my parents' hearts, and they sprang for a good lawyer. I've been off probation for 1 year now.
So...I don't talk to anyone in this town, my former "Friends" of yesteryear are gone, and its pretty much...my parents and me. Boom. My parents are now "well-to-do," which is a -huge- blessing, because they dealt with a whole, whole lot on their way "up the ladder."
Anyway...a lot of my "confidential" psych stuff has been shared with people. Sounds paranoid, I know, but....its true. I was diagnosed as "severely narcissistic," and electroshocked, eventually lobotomized. This is also going to sound crazy, but...I Had a brain scan, 10 years ago, after I was bashed on the head during an attack...and "you're supposed to be a vegetable!" is what one nurse told me. Fun times.
So...there's more talk of "warrants," "jail," etc. Ugh. I don't get it, honestly. I think they're telling people that I have a felony and a judge "took pity" on me. I mean, I don't care that much, but...people can be -so- aggressive towards me sometimes, I Just don't want anyone to think "oh, he's got a felony; I can do whatever I want to him!" Already, I went thru about 4 or 5 tires a while back, because somehow mine kept getting nails in them. Made me a little paranoid. And the other day, a piece of mail addressed to me had clearly been cut open. My mom checks the mail, and she told me about it...she said she's going to talk to the postal worker about it.
I not only completed probation sucessfully, I actually was released early, based on "compliance credits." That's a huge blessing, of course. My point there is that I"m not some sort of career criminal. My crime was sending emails to a former shrink, many of which dealt with my perspective on "Treatment." I didn't get it then, but I do now...a lot of what they did was simply the deliberate destruction of a human being, and some shrinks do that to people (especially poor people).
By some miracle, the lawyer was able to get a felony reduced to a -very- serious misdemeanor (still not a felony, praise God!), I got probation, and...now....I"m free, have been for a bit over 1 year now. And yet...
ugh. Now that The Lord has willed to make me healthy, bright eyed, smart, whole and even--gasp--"normal," in important ways....I see that the world expects lobotomized "mental patients" to know their/our place in society. I matter to my parents (Praise God!), maybe to some of the people in their social circles. Other than that, I"m not a member of this community, and its a miracle that I've even lived this long.
Ohhhh.....I should probably also mention the HIV+ issue. I tested+ 12 years ago, age 20. No treatment whatsoever, now I"m remarkably healthy. My once thin, brittle hair has given way to thick, wavy hair. I Had premature aging, now I look a bit younger than 33. I'm also a couple inches taller (somehow...) than I was back then, and my face is a lot more...aesthetically pleasing. I know, sounds like I"m making stuff up, doesn't it? My face started changing during my nervous breakdown, 10 years ago. True story: at 23, I looked 16. Kind of..other-worldly, possibly even freakish, now that I think about it....
Anyway, point is; until Jesus saved me, I was all sortsa tore up from the floor up. I think now He had His hand on me for a while, and then He dealt with my heart, I got saved, and...
God is good! People...not so much. I"m slathered in stigma and labels, and its..."darned if you do, darned if you don't," honestly. IF I'd gotten treatment for HIV, everyone would have known and I wouldn't have lived much longer, anyway (the HIV drugs are toxic and I was in a weakened state). I've never been treated and I"m healthy, so now and then I"ll hear people say "he can get treatment in prison, hahaha!"
The mental health stuff is...well, it is what it is. I"m treated much better now. I fill my prescriptions at the local pharmacy, disability provides a low copay, life goes on. People say "yeah, they've got him on Haldol shots" (that's where they inject people with Haldol on a monthly basis, sometimes with an order signed by a judge to enforce "treatment"), which makes me stop and wonder sometimes...is all this mental health, inc. stuff really about control? I mean, especially if you're poor?
As is...-because- my parents were able and willing to get me a good lawyer, and -because- of God's work in my life, my "mental problems" were part of what got the charge reduced down to the (serious) misdemeanor. Like I keep writing; I"m blessed, God is good, but people...man oh man.
I know a lot of you pray for me anyway, and I thank you all for it, I Really do. I ask that you keep my family and me up in prayer, because...whoa. This gets rough, sometimes I don't know what to do....
on the plus side, I"ll be going out of town for a couple days, with the parents, in about 1 week. God is good!
Thanks again.
