I've got a question for posters here, females in particular.
A while back, one of my wife's friends was staying with us for a few days. She's from another country. So's my wife, but different countries.
This woman is a massage therapist. That's fine with me. For me personally, I don't like getting massages. I got one once when my back was really hurting, but I didn't like it. I was overseas, and massages were cheap at the time. I hired a man to massage the pain out. I'm uncomfortable with the whole thing. I like it if my wife massages me. I don't like some guy massaging me. I mean, what if he enjoys it or something. It would bother me less on one level if a woman massaged me, but that's not good, because what if she enjoyed it, or what if I were tempted to enjoy it in the wrong way. The massage chair or one of those big thumper back massager thingies are good. My wife just doesn't rub hard enough with her little hands if she massages me. I can give her really good massages because I have strong hands and keep going until the lactic acid is out.
Back to the story. This friend that was staying with us, who also has little hands, is a massage therapist. She's an attractive lady, several years younger than my wife and I. So we were in the car, and she was sitting behind me. She got the impression that I was worn out, so she starts digging her fingers into pressure points in my shoulder. It did feel pretty good, on the one hand, but I was just a little uncomfortable with the situation. My wife was in the driver's seat (unusual, but I think I was going to be dropped off somewhere.)
Then our friend said to my wife, "Oh, I'm sorry, is it okay with you if I do this." I thought that was weird. Why didn't she ask me? But I know enough about her culture to know that the social rules are strange, alien, and foreign to people from my country and my wife's. What's appropriate and polite can be very different in their culture. I don't think my wife said anything against it, but she stopped.
Anyway, I said to my wife, she has really strong fingers. Maybe you can ask her what she does with her fingers to make them so strong. I said that because my wife's hands aren't strong when she massages, and this woman has little hands and her fingers felt like wooden pegs, and it felt good. My wife got a little snippy. I can't remember what she said, but later I commented to her on it. I think she apologized eventually. But she was upset because I was comparing her in a negative way to this other woman by implying she wasn't as good as massaging, and didn't like it. I apologized if I hurt her feelings. For me, objectively, the trained massage therapist was good at it, and I didn't see any shame in that or asking to learn how she did that with her fingers. My wife said wives didn't like to be compared to other women like that, especially in front of the other woman.
It's not really a big deal as far as our marriage is concerned. It's not a lingering issue or anything like that.
But what I am wondering is if other wives out there would have been upset if you were in this situation and your husband made the same comment?
A while back, one of my wife's friends was staying with us for a few days. She's from another country. So's my wife, but different countries.
This woman is a massage therapist. That's fine with me. For me personally, I don't like getting massages. I got one once when my back was really hurting, but I didn't like it. I was overseas, and massages were cheap at the time. I hired a man to massage the pain out. I'm uncomfortable with the whole thing. I like it if my wife massages me. I don't like some guy massaging me. I mean, what if he enjoys it or something. It would bother me less on one level if a woman massaged me, but that's not good, because what if she enjoyed it, or what if I were tempted to enjoy it in the wrong way. The massage chair or one of those big thumper back massager thingies are good. My wife just doesn't rub hard enough with her little hands if she massages me. I can give her really good massages because I have strong hands and keep going until the lactic acid is out.
Back to the story. This friend that was staying with us, who also has little hands, is a massage therapist. She's an attractive lady, several years younger than my wife and I. So we were in the car, and she was sitting behind me. She got the impression that I was worn out, so she starts digging her fingers into pressure points in my shoulder. It did feel pretty good, on the one hand, but I was just a little uncomfortable with the situation. My wife was in the driver's seat (unusual, but I think I was going to be dropped off somewhere.)
Then our friend said to my wife, "Oh, I'm sorry, is it okay with you if I do this." I thought that was weird. Why didn't she ask me? But I know enough about her culture to know that the social rules are strange, alien, and foreign to people from my country and my wife's. What's appropriate and polite can be very different in their culture. I don't think my wife said anything against it, but she stopped.
Anyway, I said to my wife, she has really strong fingers. Maybe you can ask her what she does with her fingers to make them so strong. I said that because my wife's hands aren't strong when she massages, and this woman has little hands and her fingers felt like wooden pegs, and it felt good. My wife got a little snippy. I can't remember what she said, but later I commented to her on it. I think she apologized eventually. But she was upset because I was comparing her in a negative way to this other woman by implying she wasn't as good as massaging, and didn't like it. I apologized if I hurt her feelings. For me, objectively, the trained massage therapist was good at it, and I didn't see any shame in that or asking to learn how she did that with her fingers. My wife said wives didn't like to be compared to other women like that, especially in front of the other woman.
It's not really a big deal as far as our marriage is concerned. It's not a lingering issue or anything like that.
But what I am wondering is if other wives out there would have been upset if you were in this situation and your husband made the same comment?
